flight E Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 It's not impossible like it's made out to be. Infact you are in a better position to get back with her as there is sometin that forces both of you to contact. The only thing required is to get over her. Once you reach that point, I can assure u that you can get back with her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 It's impossible when you are in the state of mind you are in, overanalyzing everything and trying to manipulate her into feeling what you want her to feel. Once you let go and actually move forward and get your mind and attitude right then it can happen, but you actually have to let go instead of playing puppetmaster. You can't go NC because you have kids together, but what you can do is keep your conversations with her purely on the children and you can let her do her thing. Not to try to make her miss you, but so you can stop all this goofiness and get yourself back. Instead of pathetically poring the site for stories that give you hope (especially when you don't actually read them and put them in the proper perspective) it's time to let go and work on yourself. Let life take its course from there. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 I have read his post plus countless others. I started my own thread so that I can what would be the best apprknown achieving a reconciliation. II am aware of how slim the chances are of getting back together after a break up and how it is much easier to just move on and find someone better. Ive been on this site for two years now (actually signed up in December 2012) and I've seen it all in two short years. With that, you know how many reconcilation stories I see? A handful. You know how many Ive seen that dont? A galaxy full. You want to know the one trend I see every time (and in my own life as well)? Successful reconcilations ONLY happen when both parties have seperated themselves for a LONG time, and esentially become two different people. The pain has gone away, the situations are different, and everyone is in almost different places in life....and the big one: BOTH parties want to get back together. The big difference between your story and successful ones is no one really changed...in fact, your ex HAS a boyfriend. She can cry the blues or whatever, but if she wanted to be with you, she would be. She clearly doesnt since she isn't. Sure, you've changed with your work and stuff, but you haven't moved on from the past relationship. Hence why you're posting here trying to use NC to get someone to miss you. This isnt some voodoo thing. She'll only miss you if she wants to. Clearly, since she isnt with you, thats not what she wants. You need not worry about what she does. Take care of the kids. That's your concern. Link to post Share on other sites
Author frankvega Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 The problem is and the reason I have hope and what confuses me so much is that she is the one constantly calling and texting me everyday. I don't know if its just breadcrumbs but she does it relentlessly. Every single day she ask me if I want to see the kids knowing I will never say no. And evey single day when we meet she says " oh you look nice today , oh I went out last night to a club and all I can think about was you. To bad we had to end this ect..." Also most of the time when I help her load the kids in the car towards the ends she starts crying, or she will have a jealousy fit and start asking me where I am going after this and stuff like that. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 The problem is and think reason I have hope and what confuses me so much is that she is the one constantlwouldn'tg and texting me everyday. I don't know if its just breadcrumbs but she does it relentlessly. Every single day she ask me if I want to see the kids knowing I will never say no. And evey single day when we meet she says " oh you look nice today , oh I went out last night to a club and all I can think about was you. To bad we had to end this ect..." Also most of the time when I help her load the kids in the car towards the ends she starts crying, or she will have a jealousy fit and start asking me where I am going after this and stuff like that. Well, in my experiences, she's an idiot. She can spare me all of this crap of "all I think about is you" and "tpp bad we had to end this" crap. If she felt like that, she wouldn't have left. Such a cope-out move. Wah is me type crap.... Again, all words and no action. Granted, I get it she is the mom of your children yada yada...but she is acting like a damn teenager. She wants to be so much better off, but doesnt want you doing better than her. That's why I'm saying nothing has changed. You guys could get back together and the same crap will happen I assure you. Honestly man, you're better off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frankvega Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 You are right she does things sometimes that only a high schooler would do. Like the other day she posted on FB something that totally devastated me. She went to the place where we first kissed 10 years ago. A place so insignificant to other people yet so important for us that only me and her would know the significance then has the audacity to post a pick of her kissing the guy in the cheek. Why the Hell would she post something like just to provoke a reaction out of me? Since then I closed my account and have not looked at her FB because its just to much for me to see that. Link to post Share on other sites
Lalasita Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 You are right she does things sometimes that only a high schooler would do. Like the other day she posted on FB something that totally devastated me. She went to the place where we first kissed 10 years ago. A place so insignificant to other people yet so important for us that only me and her would know the significance then has the audacity to post a pick of her kissing the guy in the cheek. Why the Hell would she post something like just to provoke a reaction out of me? Since then I closed my account and have not looked at her FB because its just to much for me to see that. Well thats what happens when you stalk your ex. Use NC to move on not to get her back. Link to post Share on other sites
OK_computer Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 No Contact' and 'get an ex back' is an oxymoron and the two phrases cannot be used in the same sentence, together. I trust that covers your query? I like this. NC is permanent. Just like the way i quit smoking, there's no going back. There's not light at the end of the tunnel. It's over. It's gone. It's been sucked into a black hole to a parallel universe. You will NEVER again exchange a single word, message, text, email. It's a type of death if you ask me, and at this point, 6 months in, I'm past the half way mark of going back to her. I'm passed the point of no return, the event horizon, towards the end hole which signifies complete oblivion of the RS. A. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
flight E Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 first whether we agree or not women and indeed men too are very fickle. There is hardly anything like real love and if there is most women don't want that. Real love is about accepting familiarity, a decision borne out of a clear mind. Most women want to feel strong passion and they rarely feel much if they are the ones that dumped you. There is a lot that can be learned from pickup artist etc about women. It's not an insult to women its more about genetical programming. For a guy, if a girl dumps you the first thing is get over her. You can never get her back if u don't. Period. If you don't you can never get her back. After that and with good time lapse. It's all about creating attraction all over again. The time lapse will create the mystery needed for successful seduction. Then you play the game right and don't show the weaknesses that lead to dumping. Women forgive everything apart from neediness, grovelling, begging, submissiveness from a man. So for the OP you lucky she has to talk to you. Now get over her completely. I can almost guarantee u can get her back 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frankvega Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 first whether we agree or not women and indeed men too are very fickle. There is hardly anything like real love and if there is most women don't want that. Real love is about accepting familiarity, a decision borne out of a clear mind. Most women want to feel strong passion and they rarely feel much if they are the ones that dumped you. There is a lot that can be learned from pickup artist etc about women. It's not an insult to women its more about genetical programming. For a guy, if a girl dumps you the first thing is get over her. You can never get her back if u don't. Period. If you don't you can never get her back. After that and with good time lapse. It's all about creating attraction all over again. The time lapse will create the mystery needed for successful seduction. Then you play the game right and don't show the weaknesses that lead to dumping. Women forgive everything apart from neediness, grovelling, begging, submissiveness from a man. So for the OP you lucky she has to talk to you. Now get over her completely. I can almost guarantee u can get her back Thank you for your answer. It makes a lot of sense about letting go if I ever want to get back with her. I don't think that me being in the mind set that I am right now could ever make me get back with her, or any other women for that mater. Thank you flight E Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Just for you to know, I've done no contact 4 times already, each one for periods of one month to 4 months, and never worked. He felt the same for me, meaning, he couldn't care less about me. He didn't miss me, nor he fell in love with me on that no contact periods. I'd say, no contact to make her coming back ONLY AND ONLY if she loved you at some point, and if there's no one else involved, between other requisites. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Just for you to know, I've done no contact 4 times already, each one for periods of one month to 4 months, and never worked. He felt the same for me, meaning, he couldn't care less about me. He didn't miss me, nor he fell in love with me on that no contact periods. I'd say, no contact to make her coming back ONLY AND ONLY if she loved you at some point, and if there's no one else involved, between other requisites. No contact is for you and you alone. No other reason. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frankvega Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 Just for you to know, I've done no contact 4 times already, each one for periods of one month to 4 months, and never worked. He felt the same for me, meaning, he couldn't care less about me. He didn't miss me, nor he fell in love with me on that no contact periods. I'd say, no contact to make her coming back ONLY AND ONLY if she loved you at some point, and if there's no one else involved, between other requisites. Thanks for your answer, I know she loved me at one point in the past. But since you mentioned that it only works if there is no one else involved I guess my only option left would be to let go, not chase, not beg, go to the gym, better my self, be a good father, and not show her that my happiness depends solely upon her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author frankvega Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 I like this. NC is permanent. Just like the way i quit smoking, there's no going back. There's not light at the end of the tunnel. It's over. It's gone. It's been sucked into a black hole to a parallel universe. You will NEVER again exchange a single word, message, text, email. It's a type of death if you ask me, and at this point, 6 months in, I'm past the half way mark of going back to her. I'm passed the point of no return, the event horizon, towards the end hole which signifies complete oblivion of the RS. A. Lol, sorry but according to Black hole information paradox not even if you cross over the event horizon of a black hole will information become and oblivion. Gosh I love particle physics. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frankvega Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 (edited) Sorry double post Edited August 1, 2014 by frankvega Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Tell her new boyfriend to tell her to leave you alone. How would he like it if he knew she was sending you "miss you" texts with links to songs that remind her of you???? She is emotionally cheating on him and stringing you along at the same time. Time for her to shyte or get off the pot. Link to post Share on other sites
Tbisb74 Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Sorry double post There must be a scientific joke in there somewhere.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flight E Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Irresolute why it never worked is that you obviously never got over him. And 1 month to 4 months is not good enuf. Secondly, men falling in love mostly starts physically for women, it's attitudinal. That's why, a woman can be deeply in love with a very ugly guy. You shouldn't have to deliberately no contact anyone 4 times and go back. All you are telling the person is that no matter how long, you are always waiting for them. Hope you don't consider my comments harsh Link to post Share on other sites
Author frankvega Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 Tell her new boyfriend to tell her to leave you alone. How would he like it if he knew she was sending you "miss you" texts with links to songs that remind her of you???? She is emotionally cheating on him and stringing you along at the same time. Time for her to shyte or get off the pot. Yes believe me this crossed my mind many times but I am guessing if I do that that it will kill any chances of reconciliation in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Yes believe me this crossed my mind many times but I am guessing if I do that that it will kill any chances of reconciliation in the future. Dude, I'm telling you. If you do NC correctly and stick to it, you're going to heal from this. And you'll start to get to a point of indifference towards her. You stick to a strict NC policy and make positive changes in your life you are going to be better than you were before. I've been on here a while now and I've seen folks in the same boat as you (wanting to use NC to get their Ex's back). But, a funny thing happens. They heal, they get better and sometimes the Ex starts sniffing around again. And these folks tell their Ex's "No thanks! My life is great now! No need to revisit the past!" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tbisb74 Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Yes believe me this crossed my mind many times but I am guessing if I do that that it will kill any chances of reconciliation in the future. Good. because that's not what you want. If she can be this fickle, this two-faced and this disloyal - you really want someone like that in your ball-park? Please... if she behaves like this with him, she will think nothing of perpetuating that behaviour elsewhere....whoever she cheats with, she cheats on. At the time, and later down the line. Link to post Share on other sites
Author frankvega Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 Good. because that's not what you want. If she can be this fickle, this two-faced and this disloyal - you really want someone like that in your ball-park? Please... if she behaves like this with him, she will think nothing of perpetuating that behaviour elsewhere....whoever she cheats with, she cheats on. At the time, and later down the line. We had been together for almost 10 and have 2 children together. She has only known this guy for 3 months. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Yes believe me this crossed my mind mahappens but I continue ing if I do that that it will kill any chances of reconciliation in the future. This is TERRIBLE mentality and it will kill you in the end. Basically, you are wanting to be her b****, until she "decides" to come back later. A chance of reconciliation is small. VERY small. It will never happen if you continue to do what you're doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author frankvega Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 This is TERRIBLE mentality and it will kill you in the end. Basically, you are wanting to be her b****, until she "decides" to come back later. A chance of reconciliation is small. VERY small. It will never happen if you continue to do what you're doing. I didn't do anything like that someone here suggested I do that and I pointed out that why I wouldn't do that Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 I didn't do anything itike that someone here suggested I do that and I pointed out that why I wouldn't do that You saying "I dont want to do _______ because it hurts my chances at reconcilation" IS doing that. You are pretty much saying "I dont want to upset her because if I do, she wont come back" is awful. She already left AND is dating another guy. She also acts like a drama queen and is doing very immature things....yet YOU'RE concerned about not making her upset just in case she wants you back later.... Do you see nothing wrong with this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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