Using NC to get back with EX

[frankvega]

Update: Please help i need some advice.

 

Ok so its been like 3 days that she has not texted me. And today out of the blue she just texted me that she needed to say something very important about 1 of our babies the smallest one.

 

I got scared because I thought it was something serious and I was driving home and she sounded like something happened to him that it was very important.

 

I responded what is it ???

 

and she said well what I need to say is that I want to take pictures with our smallest one but I want to take them like a family together with me and you, You know like a family with his mom and dad.

 

I really don't get it? she has a boyfriend already and supposedly she does not want to get back together. Why would she want to take pictures together like a family like if we are still together?

 

Also 4 days ago one of our mutual friends said that she completely erased her FB account were she used to post all the pics of her and her new BF saying how happy she is only after meeting him 3 months ago.

 

What should i do and what should i say? Yes , No ? i said i would let her know.

[Simon Phoenix]

Update: Please help i need some advice.

 

Ok so its been like 3 days that she has not texted me. And today out of the blue she just texted me that she needed to say something very important about 1 of our babies the smallest one.

 

I got scared because I thought it was something serious and I was driving home and she sounded like something happened to him that it was very important.

 

I responded what is it ???

 

and she said well what I need to say is that I want to take pictures with our smallest one but I want to take them like a family together with me and you, You know like a family with his mom and dad.

 

I really don't get it? she has a boyfriend already and supposedly she does not want to get back together. Why would she want to take pictures together like a family like if we are still together?

 

Also 4 days ago one of our mutual friends said that she completely erased her FB account were she used to post all the pics of her and her new BF saying how happy she is only after meeting him 3 months ago.

 

What should i do and what should i say? Yes , No ? i said i would let her know.

 

Say no. You aren't a family right now, so why the hell would that happen? My parents are divorced and don't get together to take pictures together with my sister and I, so why the hell would you?

[frankvega]

Say no. You aren't a family right now, so why the hell would that happen? My parents are divorced and don't get together to take pictures together with my sister and I, so why the hell would you?

 

Hi Simon thanks a lot for responding. I was really thinking the same, Even though I really want to get back together with her I don't want to seem weak and I don't want to be available all the time. I really want to get back with her but I don't want to be a fool about it. I want to get together with my dignity and make it seem like its her choice. Like barky2 says I want her to move a freaking mountain and to bang my door down.

 

I was thinking of answering back saying in a sarcastic way that I have no problems taking the pictures, but wouldn't your current boyfriend have a problem that me and you are playing house for a day?

 

I asked my family to see what they think and they all say yes take the picture because she is trying to reconnect and that I probably wont have another chance again if I say no and that that could make her feel even more connected with her new boyfriend.

 

But I know from the experience that you guys have that can seem weak and clingy If I say yes all the time.

 

Like I said before I want to get back with her and my family back not move on. If saying no is going to better my chance of getting back together I will say no,

 

Anymore suggestions from women with kids? Thank you so much guys

[Simon Phoenix]

Hi Simon thanks a lot for responding. I was really thinking the same, Even though I really want to get back together with her I don't want to seem weak and I don't want to be available all the time. I really want to get back with her but I don't want to be a fool about it. I want to get together with my dignity and make it seem like its her choice. Like barky2 says I want her to move a freaking mountain and to bang my door down.

 

I was thinking of answering back saying in a sarcastic way that I have no problems taking the pictures, but wouldn't your current boyfriend have a problem that me and you are playing house for a day?

 

I asked my family to see what they think and they all say yes take the picture because she is trying to reconnect and that I probably wont have another chance again if I say no and that that could make her feel even more connected with her new boyfriend.

 

But I know from the experience that you guys have that can seem weak and clingy If I say yes all the time.

 

Like I said before I want to get back with her and my family back not move on. If saying no is going to better my chance of getting back together I will say no,

 

Anymore suggestions from women with kids? Thank you so much guys

 

I mean, not only this, but it's going to confuse the f--k out of the kid. And I think your family is way off on this. If she's trying to reconnect, it's up to her to dump the boyfriend first and then tell you she wants to reconnect.

[frankvega]

I mean, not only this, but it's going to confuse the f--k out of the kid. And I think your family is way off on this. If she's trying to reconnect, it's up to her to dump the boyfriend first and then tell you she wants to reconnect.

 

you are right the kid is 1 years old. He is not going to remember about the pics anyways. i thinks she is doing it for breadcrumbs.

 

I was thinking of answering back with something like:

 

" well if we were still a family yes definitely i would take the pictures, but since you decided it was better to lead me and then get into a relationship and have our kids grow up in a broken family i see no point in playing house for one day just to have a family pic together. plus i really don't think your new boyfriend would appreciate that. I know i wouldn't, I doubt this would happen but if ever you decide to have our family together again then yes I am all up for taking pics and playing house. Till then, no thanks."

 

please tell me your opinions, and suggestions on what i should write back to her.

[frankvega]

I posted this also on my other thread.

 

Ok so its been like 3 days that she has not texted me. And today out of the blue she just texted me that she needed to say something very important about 1 of our babies the smallest one.

 

I got scared because I thought it was something serious and I was driving home and she sounded like something happened to him that it was very important.

 

I responded what is it ???

 

and she said well what I need to say is that I want to take pictures with our 1 year old but I want to take them like a family together with me and you, You know like a family with his mom and dad.

 

I really don't get it? she has a boyfriend already and supposedly she does not want to get back together. Why would she want to take pictures together like a family like if we are still together?

 

Also 4 days ago one of our mutual friends said that she completely erased her FB account were she used to post all the pics of her and her new BF saying how happy she is only after meeting him 3 months ago.

 

What should i do and what should i say? Yes , No ? i said i would let her know.

 

Is this another breadcrumb ???

 

More info here:https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/487048-i-want-get-back-ex-wife-11-month-breakup-9-year-relationship

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/487700-using-nc-get-back-ex

[CarrieT]

Definitely a breadcrumb.

 

Politely decline.

[Simon Phoenix]

you are right the kid is 1 years old. He is not going to remember about the pics anyways. i thinks she is doing it for breadcrumbs.

 

I was thinking of answering back with something like:

 

" well if we were still a family yes definitely i would take the pictures, but since you decided it was better to lead me and then get into a relationship and have our kids grow up in a broken family i see no point in playing house for one day just to have a family pic together. plus i really don't think your new boyfriend would appreciate that. I know i wouldn't, I doubt this would happen but if ever you decide to have our family together again then yes I am all up for taking pics and playing house. Till then, no thanks."

 

please tell me your opinions, and suggestions on what i should write back to her.

 

Way too long. I wouldn't respond at all personally, but if you had to respond, I'd just say "No, I don't think it would be appropriate." That's it. And no more discussion after that.

[music_and_poetry]

Gonna take the unpopular vote.

 

Take the pictures, but not for her - for your child.

 

When that kid grows up, they're not going to care about break-ups/fights, they're going to want pictures of their family.

 

My parents are separated and all I've ever wanted was a picture with my Mom and Dad. I got them to agree once but my Mom deleted it before I even got to see it.

 

Don't deny family memories to your kid because your ex is a turd.

 

That being said... Don't text her back being like, "where, when, why, how??"

 

Just nonchalant, not too eager. Don't open up your schedule for it either. Give her two dates/times that are convenient for you and if it doesn't work for her then you can't schedule it for another two weeks.

 

She is not a priority anymore.

[frankvega]

Gonna take the unpopular vote.

 

Take the pictures, but not for her - for your child.

 

When that kid grows up, they're not going to care about break-ups/fights, they're going to want pictures of their family.

 

My parents are separated and all I've ever wanted was a picture with my Mom and Dad. I got them to agree once but my Mom deleted it before I even got to see it.

 

Don't deny family memories to your kid because your ex is a turd.

 

That being said... Don't text her back being like, "where, when, why, how??"

 

Just nonchalant, not too eager. Don't open up your schedule for it either. Give her two dates/times that are convenient for you and if it doesn't work for her then you can't schedule it for another two weeks.

 

She is not a priority anymore.

 

Thanks for your reply

 

I really want to get back with her. I want to reunite my family. And I know that the only way for me to even have a chance at a reconciliation is for me not to be available all time or being needy or clingy.

 

that being said, do you think i have a better chance of getting back with her if I decline or if i accept.

 

Also i think in the long run my 1 and 2 year old would appreciate it more if they grew up in a nuclear family instead of a broken one.

 

I want the end result to be a reconciliation with her and my kids. And if me not giving her not even 1 freaking inch is going to help my cause I will do it. if not then i wont.

 

P.S. i already have more than 500 pictures of me and her and the babies, even professional pics of the 4 of us.

[Simon Phoenix]

Gonna take the unpopular vote.

 

Take the pictures, but not for her - for your child.

 

When that kid grows up, they're not going to care about break-ups/fights, they're going to want pictures of their family.

 

My parents are separated and all I've ever wanted was a picture with my Mom and Dad. I got them to agree once but my Mom deleted it before I even got to see it.

 

Don't deny family memories to your kid because your ex is a turd.

 

That being said... Don't text her back being like, "where, when, why, how??"

 

Just nonchalant, not too eager. Don't open up your schedule for it either. Give her two dates/times that are convenient for you and if it doesn't work for her then you can't schedule it for another two weeks.

 

She is not a priority anymore.

 

Unequivocally disagree. As a child of divorce I couldn't care less if my parents are in the same picture with me, especially if I was one year old. The kid is too young to remember and a "fake" picture of a family that doesn't exist isn't going to evoke great memories. I couldn't disagree with this more.

[A.Moscote]

" well if we were still a family yes definitely i would take the pictures, but since you decided it was better to lead me and then get into a relationship and have our kids grow up in a broken family i see no point in playing house for one day just to have a family pic together. plus i really don't think your new boyfriend would appreciate that. I know i wouldn't, I doubt this would happen but if ever you decide to have our family together again then yes I am all up for taking pics and playing house. Till then, no thanks."

Gosh, such insecure...what a turn off.

 

Just say ok and go take the picture, then part way politely, that's all.

 

This is your chance to show your assured, composed, and understanding side. Not that emotional heartbroken teenager anymore.

 

Do it right, and five years later she'll come back.

[frankvega]

Gosh, such insecure...what a turn off.

 

Just say ok and go take the picture, then part way politely, that's all.

 

This is your chance to show your assured, composed, and understanding side. Not that emotional heartbroken teenager anymore.

 

Do it right, and five years later she'll come back.

 

I have over 500 pics with the 4 of us together. I even paid for professional pics of the 4 of us together.

 

If you read my post you will see that for me this is just another breadcrumb. And what I want is a reconciliation not a breadcrumb.

If putting my foot down and kicking her off the pedestal is going to help me get her back than by I means I would do it.

If not than I guess it won't hurt to have 501 pics that just 500.

 

She strung me along all this time just so that she can secure her relationship with her new man. And now I feel like a fool about it because before I would beg chase send gift and I would get in return was nothing but her posting pics of her and her me bf in FB and humiliating me in front of my whole family and friends because I was loyal to her and hoping for a reconciliation,

 

Please read my thread for more info. Thanks.

[A.Moscote]

Sorry, that post is a bit harsh, I will read yours properly after this, and yes she's giving you breadcrumbs. I just hope you won't reply her the way you wrote it in your previous post.

 

Again, I suggest you show your assured and composed self during any interactions with her. Appear detached but still approachable and warm.

 

It's not wrong wanting a reconciliation, but let it be natural. Don't let yourself be miserable chasing that, keep on improving your life (yes, you are doing great job already), and open your heart and mind for other possibilities too.

[frankvega]

UPDATE:

Ok please help I need some advice on what to do and say.

 

Today this morning I get 2 missed calls and 3 text from the ex saying that she needs to talk to me about something. I completely ignore them and then about 8 hours later she text me a photo of our 2 year old daughter. And says " oh btw yesterday your daughter was looking at pictures of you and she was saying daddy daddy daddy daddy, and she really wants to see you"

 

And then she said to please call me because I need to talk to you.

 

Now I don't know what to say I really want to get back with her but I don't want this to be another breadcrumb. What should I respond. Also I don't understand how my 2 year old is looking at pictures of me unless my ex is going thru old pictures of us together and what not.

 

Please advice me on what I should say, I want to get back with her but I don't want to seem needy.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

UPDATE:

Ok please help I need some advice on what to do and say.

 

Today this morning I get 2 missed calls and 3 text from the ex saying that she needs to talk to me about something. I completely ignore them and then about 8 hours later she text me a photo of our 2 year old daughter. And says " oh btw yesterday your daughter was looking at pictures of you and she was saying daddy daddy daddy daddy, and she really wants to see you"

 

And then she said to please call me because I need to talk to you.

 

Now I don't know what to say I really want to get back with her but I don't want this to be another breadcrumb. What should I respond. Also I don't understand how my 2 year old is looking at pictures of me unless my ex is going thru old pictures of us together and what not.

 

Please advice me on what I should say, I want to get back with her but I don't want to seem needy.

 

You already answered your own question....

 

Your 2 year old is probably not screaming daddy every other minute. Its to get you to respond.

 

Its very crappy what she is pulling...you guys have played this silly rodeo before. She needs help....and sadly, you aren't that much better at the moment.

 

You're going to do what you feel is right...my advice is to stop dealing with this immature horses*** and find someone who respects you. She CLEARLY doesnt. You are obsessed with feeling better, that you associate happiness with being with her, which is wrong.

[sly_fly1]

yea, no contact works. but its more for relationships when the children are blended , one kid is yours n one is theres.

 

in this case you cant go no contact. your best chance is become someone new and awsome that you are not now. look in the mirror, what happend to you. those teeth are probably yellow , maybe youve gained or lost too much wieght. maybe you sit on your ass all day n watch tv. maybe you became a baby or girly man.

 

go to the gym. work out like crazy. become attractive. let your ex know that you didnt want to break up and if shes ever willing to give you a shot then you can talk. but get over it first. smile. jog, show your self off. people can see right through you, they can tell if you are shattered inside. pain is like a demon. once it leaves your body. it takes over theirs

[flight E]

I think you truly need to stop this drama. You can't just live your life finding what to say or do everytime she yanks your chain. I said you had a good chance of reconciliation because you can't reconcile with someone who you don't communicate with. In this case you are forced to communicate so it creats that oppurtunity but it can't happen if you don't get over her. I don't know you arrangements with this lady but I am sure you have arrangements to see your kids. She can't call or text you everytime one of them says daddy. When she broke up with you she knew that the kids won't have their dad around always but she did it anyway.

 

If you are capable of doing this which I doubt, call her and calmly tell her that this intrusion into your life is not healthy and not good for you kids. You are not together anymore so why decieve them. Plead with her to be reasonable and only reach you when there is something serious to attend to in respect of the children.

 

If you can't send this in a text. You said you want her back, that you want her to respect you, then don't blow your chance. First do the above and work on yourself to get over her. This is your only chance

[flight E]

That aside sometime shld pass. No time has passed. You are still in the same desperate position. This is not healthy or attractive