Not working does my head in

[LuckyLady13]

I don't know how to stay still, sit and relax. Years ago my doctor informed me my high fever was from pneumonia and told me I had to stay home in bed for 2 weeks. I actually cried right there on the spot! And I didn't even like my job!

 

I come from a long line of people who worked until they died and just plain didn't retire and no, this isn't a sad thing because they were happy people (who were living to ripe old ages)! I admire these people to this day because the people I know who retired swore before retirement they'd love it and were going to play golf all day only to turn around months and years into it and deteriorate and get severely depressed and mentally slow.

 

My problem is I've had an infection running around in my sinuses the doc couldn't clear up for anything and it's just returned with a vengeance with a fever and I don't want to kick the bucket over something like this because I never learned to rest when sick.

 

How do you do this? I know this question is going to sound so unbelievably stupid to some people but I'm serious.

 

I own a successful business (still amazed by that every day) and I learned early on it won't fall apart if I'm not there. Things go great, actually so I'm not worried about that.

 

Do you watch movies or something? All I want to do is work. It's just about all I can think about. I love my job now but apparently I had an issue with this even when I nearly hated my job. I know back then I felt useless and I think I might still be having that issue right now. Like my self worth is tied to me working.

 

This may be genetic, seeing how it ran rampant through my family to be happy as long as they were working. I'm the first to run a business though but it seems that made no difference.

 

When I had pneumonia, it was because I worked for 2 months with bronchitis. I kept brushing it off thinking it would clear up. My uncle just died last year...from this exact thing.

 

For the people who stay in bed and rest when they're supposed to, how do you do it exactly? What's your mindset? What goes through your mind all day?

[learning_slowly]

We get tired. Maybe your genetics allow you to keep going without rest? If so, then you need to learn to have a better work life balance. What do you enjoy apart from work?

 

I have noticed generally Americans are much more of a slave to their employer than Europeans. Why is that? Do you not question the reasons behind political decisions as much? Are you just happy to work yourself to death and buy the next material object of desire, so that the really rich can happily spend their life in leisurely pursuits?

 

I think you need to question the point of why you exist? If you were not here, does it just mean there would be 1 less provider of the item that you produce?

 

Reading the above, it seems like I'm attacking you, but I'm just trying to wake you up, so that you can see there is much more to life than just work.

[LuckyLady13]

You get tired? I remember one of my last jobs before starting a business where my boss was sick with a high fever, wrapped a scarf around his neck, worked looking completely confused and disoriented and said he was taking multivitamins. A whole bunch of us got sick with the same exact thing and we all worked as if that's just a part of life. No one stayed home. He handed out vitamins. Because we brought thousands into that place in just a few short hours every single day, it was as if every hour counted and we couldn't miss one. We continuously made as much money as possible to expand the business and just a few weeks ago I saw their new building and was happy for them. They aren't staying stagnant at all. We got paid for our work so the harder we worked, the more money we made.

 

Getting tired just isn't an option. Coffee, energy drinks, whatever you have to do.

 

Americans do like material things but many of us own a house, a few cars (it's not typical to have one car here) but also sport bikes and Harleys, pools, multiple large screen TV's the size of movie theater screens these days, a bunch of computers...$500 phones. You name it, we've got 3 or more of it.

 

I got the biggest pool I could get and you might wonder why? Because I'm a trained swimmer and need a pool big enough to do laps in to get exhausted. And I find myself doing laps in the pool and building my stamina higher...to work more.

 

Every time I get exercise, in my mind I'm only doing it to get stronger to work harder to make more money but not for the material things. That's all said and done already. I want a fat bank account with money in it just in case something ever happens to me that leaves me disabled and unable to work. I'm working for the security of my future.

 

I just moved over the winter to this house and it's all new inside and very nice but needed the pool and some other minor things to finish it off. I've got a Harley in the garage and a 6 car driveway with a truck and a car in it.

 

Americans aren't a slave to any political agenda or their boss. They're a slave to material possessions. My old neighbor before I moved has 7 cars! Gorgeous cars too! Almost every single one of my neighbors right now has a minimum of 2 cars and one is a brand spankin' new 2014 SUV or truck averaging $35,000. This is just normal here. And I nearly live in a poor neighborhood compared to a lot of other places!

 

So we work to have a bunch of fun vehicles, pools, big houses, brand new everything...only to find that we don't have a quarter of the fun with this stuff we've got that we could be because we're always working!

 

To some people, I have it all. To me, I have no future security other than selling my possessions if something happens and I can't work. I'm nervous about it.

 

What do I enjoy apart from work? I honestly don't know anymore. I remember what I used to do in spare time but even that is sparse and foggy in my memory anymore.

 

Why do I exist? Not a clue, really. I just work. I get things done, I expand the company and do my best to make sure everybody is okay. It's like being the captain of a ship and there are people depending on me, including myself, so I've done everything I can to take care of us. Make sure we have a job lined up for years to come.

 

I've been on both sides now. I've been the employee helping my boss grow his company into something bigger and now I've been the one making the decisions to grow a company for other people. I have to say the position I'm in right now is more rewarding - 10 fold. I thought I'd be a nervous wreck and fall apart long before this worrying about someone besides me at work but it turned out to be so rewarding to "take care of things".

 

I'm not the one and only business owner in America who cares. My old boss would've bent over backwards to make sure I could put food on the table. Some of the best times of my life have been at jobs. Joking around with either my boss or fellow employees, playing tricks on each other to keep things fun. Shutting the doors early and playing football with most of the lights off (with our boss because it was his idea to keep morale up) and now? We just helped a new restaurant open 2 doors down from us and I can go over there and grab gourmet food, I'm friends with the guy who owns the auto repair shop across the street (he's fixing my car right now for me for free) and we get free stuff from the business next door to that so we run around all day to each others businesses and goof around and do each other favors. Makes our days great to feel surrounded by friends!

 

Americans working all day isn't terrible by any means unless the person got themselves into a horrible job they don't belong in. Americans have a tendency to do what they LOVE all day which is what I do. I feel in some ways I never worked a day in my life!

 

You were right (even if it came off a bit blunt but that's okay) that I needed to question why I exist and what do I do for fun? It took me an hour sitting here to realize that I have a ball at work! I do something I love doing, I'm surrounded by business owners all day who I get along great with and we are there for each other at a moments notice like good friends so really I can't ask for more than that all day! No wonder I work so much. For the past 20 years I've been doing things I love to do and getting paid for it. Now, I have had people BEG to work at my company when they find out who I am in public places (like a gas station getting gas for my truck) and I had to say no because the company isn't big enough to take on more people. They are so enthusiastic so it killed me to say no. I want to expand the company so more people can experience what we do all day and we have FUN. My old bosses taught me well! Keep morale up, keep people having fun and make sure they want to show up and most of all, take care of them.

 

I need to take a break and step back and figure out what I like in life besides my job all day. Yes, I'm happy at work because it's a great job to have and I'm surrounded by good people all day who make it fun to be there. But I'm going to burn out and kick the bucket if I don't step back and do some other things.

 

Great questions, Learning!

[learning_slowly]

But do you love work or have you adopted that situation because the media tells you that's what you should be doing?

 

And as you haven't had time to develop meaningful interests, you get pleasure from owning vehicles which by design should exist to facilitate you to get out to places to do exciting things?

 

You're worried about being disabled, but I think you should be more worried about dying and not had any meaningful interactions apart from work related.

 

You say you care about your workers, but I'm sure you're you employ them because they make you money. Could you do a day volunteering where you would actually be giving, to see if it helped fill your void?

[whichwayisup]

You need to learn how to shut it off. Learn to meditate or something. You're too hard on yourself and running yourself to the ground, hence getting so sick and not recovering in a healthy way.

 

Once you are on the mend, try a yoga class and learn how to relax...

 

Stop and smell the roses! Really, there is more to life than work.

[Els]

Can't you use your laptop or read in bed?

 

If your concern is not being productive then there are heaps of productive things you can do in bed. There is so much that you can learn from books or the internet - wikipedia in its current state far surpasses the knowledge content of encyclopedias even 20 years ago. I spent a good part of my last illness reading scientific articles about the origins of the universe, and the current space expeditions and research. Plus there are skills that you can cultivate in bed (no, I don't mean THAT) - graphic design, art, music, coding, writing, the sky's the limit.

 

Use your imagination. If you don't have one, now's the time to cultivate it.

[LuckyLady13]

But do you love work or have you adopted that situation because the media tells you that's what you should be doing?

 

I'm very unusual as far as I can tell when it comes to this. I only watch TV if it's something I've recorded on my DVR and have not seen a single solitary TV commercial in years because I fast forward through them and watching TV at all for me is rare. I haven't picked up a newspaper in about 10 years and the same for magazines. The only way I ever know what's trendy or important news is someone else has to tell me. I'm a bit OCD about avoiding the media. Last time I did pick up a magazine was when our company's work was featured in one and I just wanted to make sure we were presented well by that magazine. Everything looked great, I was happy and put it down.

 

And as you haven't had time to develop meaningful interests, you get pleasure from owning vehicles which by design should exist to facilitate you to get out to places to do exciting things?

Exactly! This has to seem like such a no-brainer but do you know how sometimes when you're in the middle of a situation, you can't see the forest through the trees? I feel like I was about ready to grab a chainsaw to cut down the trees so I can finally see this forest everyone talks about!

 

You're worried about being disabled, but I think you should be more worried about dying and not had any meaningful interactions apart from work related.

This really hit home for me and you're right. What did a lot of people say about my uncle after he died? All he did was work, work, work. That guy worked so hard. It's such a shame. They seemed to think he missed out on a lot in his life.

 

You say you care about your workers, but I'm sure you're you employ them because they make you money. Could you do a day volunteering where you would actually be giving, to see if it helped fill your void?

 

I actually want to create more jobs so that they can make money for themselves. I couldn't live authentically and honestly if I only wanted them there to make me money. I know there are bosses like that in this world but I'm not one of them and my old bosses weren't either, thankfully. The whole idea of expansion of a company is to create jobs people need to get on their feet and put food on the table. It's for all of us.

 

I volunteered once a few years ago, thought I was going to be among a few rare individuals only to find out there were so many of us volunteering we were tripping all over each other. I felt that I was in the way being the new person and backed out to give them more space to work efficiently. I felt, especially in a situation helping the less fortunate, it's imperative that they get the help they need as swiftly and efficiently as possible. I was creating a problem instead of a solution so I removed myself.

 

I think it wouldn't hurt to try to find a place to volunteer where people are actually desperately needed so I can get something accomplished. I think my only experience with volunteering managed to scare me off quite a bit.

 

Just so you know, some of your questions have brought me to things I never would've realized. I actually forgot what some people said about my uncle and how they seemed to think he was missing a lot in his life. I have no idea what they think he missed. They didn't say! Apparently it's something they have that he didn't though.

 

Also, because of some of the things you said, I took some time thinking about these things and realized two important things from it:

 

1-If I run myself into the ground, how am I going to create more jobs for people? How am I helping anyone? Including myself?

 

2-If I don't learn how to have a life outside of work, I have no chance of being a well rounded person so what exactly am I really bringing to the table at work other than a great example of how to be a workaholic?

[LuckyLady13]

You need to learn how to shut it off. Learn to meditate or something. You're too hard on yourself and running yourself to the ground, hence getting so sick and not recovering in a healthy way.

 

Okay, I thought this might be the case but I think I needed to hear someone else say it because I didn't trust my judgement on this. I wasn't sure.

 

Once you are on the mend, try a yoga class and learn how to relax...

 

Can you please tell me why people go to yoga classes? Please? Because from the little I've gathered from people who have done this, they just say you show up, do some poses and I don't understand exactly what the attraction is because no one really told me. Why are people so into yoga??

 

Stop and smell the roses! Really, there is more to life than work.

 

(...this is going to sound so stupid) Like what?!?!? I hung out on the beach with my dog one day last week for a few hours late at night which was pretty cool, I have to say but can you talk to me like I'm 5?

 

I guess I really am a workaholic and never actually thought that but at least one positive thing here is I realize there's a problem and I want to change. I'm not somebody showing up on LS saying I want help with something only to shoot down everything anyone tells me or ignore what people say.

 

This, in the end, is going to be a major life-changing event for me. It's going to be the milestone I look back at...being so glad you guys were there to straighten my head out when I knew something is seriously wrong.

[Els]

 

(...this is going to sound so stupid) Like what?!?!? I hung out on the beach with my dog one day last week for a few hours late at night which was pretty cool, I have to say but can you talk to me like I'm 5?

 

Don't you have friends? Family? Hobbies? New things you want to learn? Do you enjoy nature and the outdoors? Exercising? Food?

 

What are your goals in life aside from work?

[LuckyLady13]

Can't you use your laptop or read in bed?

 

If your concern is not being productive then there are heaps of productive things you can do in bed. There is so much that you can learn from books or the internet - wikipedia in its current state far surpasses the knowledge content of encyclopedias even 20 years ago. I spent a good part of my last illness reading scientific articles about the origins of the universe, and the current space expeditions and research. Plus there are skills that you can cultivate in bed (no, I don't mean THAT) - graphic design, art, music, coding, writing, the sky's the limit.

 

Use your imagination. If you don't have one, now's the time to cultivate it.

 

"Use your imagination. If you don't have one, now's the time to cultivate it." Mind if I put that on my refrigerator?

 

You spoke my language! Oh, the universe. It's so unbelievably AWESOME. I love nubula's and pulsars and magnetars (magnetars are extra awesome - one of my very favorite things in the whole universe!) and contemplating the theories on the 'multiverse' and wormholes, how messed up time travel actually is and how astronauts have already experienced time travel and...I could go on and on! I just so love this stuff.

 

So basically, I could just hang out all couch potatoed and find out what the latest theories are and check out the newest experiments in quantum mechanics to see what cool things have gone on lately and...well, just hang out!

 

I remember those big old clunky encyclopedia's and how much room they took up! And they tended to start smelling like a musty basement for some reason too. I'm pretty sure Stephen Hawking has a website and I read through all his writings on it one day and forgot about it. Would be nice to catch up and see what he's up to lately.

 

The only question this leaves me with is how do you know it's over? I've jumped the gun every time and say had a fever break and gave it a few hours and considered myself better only to go running off thinking the flu is gone or whatever and go right back to the fever and being sick again. Like how do you really know when to go back to your regular life? I feel guilty at the thought of staying home a whole extra day to try to make sure I'm better. But, apparently this has backfired on me.

[LuckyLady13]

Don't you have friends? Family? Hobbies? New things you want to learn? Do you enjoy nature and the outdoors? Exercising? Food?

 

What are your goals in life aside from work?

 

 

I do have friends and we talk almost every single day and I manage to text them at work every spare minute I get to stay in touch as much as I can with pictures of what's going on that day and stuff but as you can see from what I'm saying...we're not doing anything together.

 

I get overwhelmed by keeping in touch with my closest friends (who I adore) because I work so hard and they got so used to how things are that I think the only reason we're friends these days is because I bring them into my life and include them every way I can but I guess...I've become the workaholic they know. I think they just accepted it. They're so used to it. It just doesn't phase them anymore. I even knew something is going wrong with how, sure, I'm always there in a sense but I ask them how they are, show genuine interest in their lives (they're interesting people) but what comes out of my mouth after that? "Work today was _______ and we got a lot done, thankfully, when I wasn't sure we'd pull this off" and "I'm exhausted so I have to get some sleep".

 

All I talk to them about when it comes to my own life is work but my work is interesting and constantly evolving and growing so I know that's what keeps them around. As much as I find them interesting, they find me interesting too but all I talk about is stupid work all the time! If I had a dead boring job, they probably would've said something a long time ago...

 

I have no family. My family died with my uncle. He was the last. My parents are alive, as far as I know, but they are highly abusive and the last contact I had with my mother I had to get the police involved to stop her before she escalated again. My parents are violent people who have struggled my entire life with addiction issues. I had to sever all contact for not only my own safety but to also protect the people in my life.

 

I had great aunts, my uncle treated me so well and my grandmother was one of the coolest people ever but all these people are gone.

 

I don't have any hobbies anymore. The last hobby I had ended because I was incapable of doing anything with it after the surgery I had late last year. Before that, I kind of had hobbies as a teenager but I started working at 14 to buy myself school clothes and my hobbies started going out the window back then.

 

I am realizing a lot of things right now...

 

I didn't start working for school clothes as a kid as a choice. My parents, strange as they are, told me if I want clothes to wear to school, I have to work for them and got a job illegally because I wasn't old enough to work. Then, my mother forced me to put my money in a bank account and wouldn't allow me to buy the clothes I was working for. I wasn't a spoiled child by any means. I didn't want expensive clothes. I just didn't want the other kids making fun of me because my clothes were so old and worn out. For 3 years before this, my aunt (thankfully) bought me school clothes.

 

I think the intention of me working was to show me how hard life is and if I accomplished the goal (getting school clothes), my mother thought I'd get a reward for my hard work and not understand how hard it's supposed to be. The courts moved me into a friends house from school, her parents took custody of me after I showed up at school with knuckle marks on me and noticed I had no clothes. Somehow, a week or so later I mentioned that I had a bank account from work and she immediately took me to get school clothes. We went on a shopping spree...with my own money. It was confusing to finally be doing something with that money I earned.

 

I spoke in length with my therapist about how to this day, I walk into a store to buy clothes with my own money and feel like I have to sneak out quickly because if my mother should happen to be there by some unbelievable coincidence, she'd have a fit seeing me buy clothes for myself. I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

 

There are days I get very nervous if I obtain a new possession of any kind and want to somehow hide it just in case my mother tracks me down. She spoiled herself, got a house with an acre of land, giant pool, brand new truck off the lot but I was not allowed to have anything, just her.

 

It got so bad in my adulthood she harassed me at my jobs and I lost one because of this. After 2 weeks of searching for a job half as good as what I had and failing...I walked in the door of my old job, all my fellow employees stopped what they were doing to see me sobbing and begging my boss to take me back and I apologized up and down for not gaining control of the situation much sooner. It was one of the most embarrassing days of my life.

 

My mother had a lot of good things in her life and I wasn't able to put food on the table and my phone got shut off except for emergency calls to 911 only.

 

 

It's amazing how asking a person a question can open up so many answers. I think, from what I just explained, maybe I'm not 100% at fault for my way of thinking. I didn't realize it but maybe I was holding on so tight to my job because I had this (and money) ripped right out of my hands most of my life by an abusive lunatic.

 

...I don't know what to say right now.

[learning_slowly]

Don't worry, I'm not saying don't try to provide yourself with some security. But my dad is 65 and has saved a lot of money, but only survived and not lived.

 

He never took risks and just made sure he had his retirement sorted.

 

I would rather I have lived, had nothing and committed suicide. I think the ideal is somewhere in between. There are so many people just existing or surviving in the hope their children can have a better life.

 

If you're in a wealthy position, why not try to start help break the ignorance of the US rich poor divide. I can never work out why people are happy to live in such a unequal society: people in L.A. will drive around in cars that most people cannot afford while thousands are homeless and starving.

 

My hope is to 1 day start a political party in the UK to help redress the following of the US selfish society. Can you do anything to change your country for the better?

 

Also what about your own family? Is it too late for you to have children and pass on beneficial ideas? A good work ethic is a good thing to pass on, but also they may help you play more?

[LuckyLady13]

Don't worry, I'm not saying don't try to provide yourself with some security. But my dad is 65 and has saved a lot of money, but only survived and not lived.

 

He never took risks and just made sure he had his retirement sorted.

 

I would rather I have lived, had nothing and committed suicide. I think the ideal is somewhere in between. There are so many people just existing or surviving in the hope their children can have a better life.

 

If you're in a wealthy position, why not try to start help break the ignorance of the US rich poor divide. I can never work out why people are happy to live in such a unequal society: people in L.A. will drive around in cars that most people cannot afford while thousands are homeless and starving.

 

My hope is to 1 day start a political party in the UK to help redress the following of the US selfish society. Can you do anything to change your country for the better?

 

Also what about your own family? Is it too late for you to have children and pass on beneficial ideas? A good work ethic is a good thing to pass on, but also they may help you play more?

 

Like I said, this is going to be a major turning point and milestone in my life. I'm dying to change (maybe literally) so I will update this one day with everything I did and how I managed it in case somebody else ends up in this situation.

 

I see what you're saying about your dad. Years ago I used to say that I wouldn't care if I lived in a cardboard box as long as I'm happy but slowly that mentality changed on me without me realizing it...

 

The US rich/poor divide. I keep running into this personally lately and I do want to do something about this! About a month ago I was walking down the street right in town here and a lady got angry as she was walking by me and said under her breath "too good to say hello to me" and I thought it was a one-off and she's a weirdo. It just happened again right after I posted last. 3 people walked by this person right before I did. Not a word. Then when I walk by, the same reaction as the previous lady. I don't wear mink coats or something but I have noticed how confused these people are. They have no direction, no idea what they're supposed to be doing and I want to put together a class to teach them so they get on their feet!

 

These people are poor but the reason to me seems to be that they are just lost and no one ever explained to them what they need to do to get un-lost.

 

These people are sitting around at bus stops and wearing very ratty old clothes, women wear no makeup at all, have no jewelery, they are thin and weak looking. I have been there. Coming from an abusive family, I know what it's like to be homeless, scared and confused with no money. Washing my only clothes on my back at friends houses, borrowing their shower, they'd give me food and I was back out the door on my feet walking everywhere trying to get a break from someone (a job) to take care of myself. But nobody hires the homeless with no car. I was trapped.

 

I think a lot of people are born into a better situation and look at these people as if they are just lazy but that's just not what I see. Nobody would choose to be thin as a rail sitting at a bus stop in ratty clothes looking close to homeless.

 

I'm going to start stopping these people on the street and asking them questions to get a good grasp on what they need. I think this is volunteer work where I really can help. I've taught classes before so this I know I can do.

 

I think this is something that can help start balancing my life out. I learned a lot from my old managers and bosses and keeping morale up is like the most important thing to do ever!

 

I thought it was too late for me to have kids, then I bumped into a thread at another forum and found out apparently not. So I've just changed my mind about that. And kids just rock! They are so fun to be around. And I want to change the unbelievably stupid notion in this country that kids = minivan. I'm taking those guys to school in a Mustang or a Dodge Challenger. Or a '69 Chevelle with a 454. No minivan for this family. I want to teach my kids what cars with big motors are for. Fun! (The thing I forgot how to have.)