Pleasant Surprise Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 (edited) Today I was at my friend's house, just hanging out, enjoying myself. I've been seeing my friends lately a lot to keep my mind off of my ex. My friend and I worked out for a while and we were just relaxing after. My phone buzzed because I had a text. Look at the text, just my mom. Look below the text...missed Facetime call from ex. 4:45 PM or so, basically the middle of the day. The girl left me because she wasn't as into the relationship as I was and she didn't have the same feelings for me...didn't want a relationship. Seemed a lot like GIGS to me. She offered friendship and was borderline begging for it which I thought rather odd. When we dated we used to Facetime a lot for hours on end. At first I thought that she wanted to just catch up. Then the thought that it could've been an accident slipped into my mind. Or maybe she's with another dude and wants to show off...maybe it's someone else on her phone. Could be anything. More than anything else, I found myself asking "why does she not text or call? why something we always used to do? why does she want to see me?" I'm going insane over it. Anyway, I've been in NC for a bit over a month. She told me she wanted to hang out and be friends. I told her to give me some time to cool off. I haven't contacted her since. Didn't plan to. If anything, I was prepared for a text or MAYBE a call. Didn't expect video chat, something we always did. Which makes me think it may have been accidental or something. I've put some thought to texting her to just ask her what she wants, but I don't know if it's a good idea. What do you guys think I should do? Ignoring seems impossible. What she did seemed too personal. I would be lying if I said I didn't want her back... Edited July 28, 2014 by Pleasant Surprise Link to post Share on other sites
music_and_poetry Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I'd play it cool, wait this out for a bit and see if she continues trying to contact you. See if she tries to keep this up, sends you a message or something. Right now she might be testing you and you don't want to jump the gun early. In others, give her more time to come to you. After all, she ended it. Do you want to admit to people that you took her back after one FaceTime call? No way. You want this chick to be desperate to have you back in her life. Accept nothing less than what you deserve. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pleasant Surprise Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 I'd play it cool, wait this out for a bit and see if she continues trying to contact you. See if she tries to keep this up, sends you a message or something. Right now she might be testing you and you don't want to jump the gun early. In others, give her more time to come to you. After all, she ended it. Do you want to admit to people that you took her back after one FaceTime call? No way. You want this chick to be desperate to have you back in her life. Accept nothing less than what you deserve. Good luck. I don't think I would take her back. I do at one point want to be friends with her, though, and I think it's kinda rude not to respond in some way. I want her back and I miss her a lot, but I can't deal with indecisiveness in my life and if she isn't sure that she wants to be with me, then I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship with her. It's not right to put myself in a situation where I am at a disadvantage. I don't want her to think that I only exist to make her feel good about herself. If anything, I want a mutualistic relationship with her, and she has proven that she is incapable of giving me that. On the flipside, I miss her so much and wish we could have salvaged what we had before this break up... Link to post Share on other sites
Mary Oak Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 If you do not want her back don't respond. If you do want her back, wait. She will continue to reach out again and again. If you want to be friends, don't respond. You are not ready to be friends yet. So, you call on your terms when you are ready. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pleasant Surprise Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 If you do not want her back don't respond. If you do want her back, wait. She will continue to reach out again and again. If you want to be friends, don't respond. You are not ready to be friends yet. So, you call on your terms when you are ready. Initially, I planned to reach out on my own terms as a friend and start up a friendship. That's why I told her to give me time. I was really making some progress in moving on. I felt good about the future. Now, even though it's stupid, I feel that I'm faced with that hope that I got rid of before...that she wants me back. I know I want her back too, but I don't know. I'm confused, I suppose. It seems like a huge assumption to draw from a call, but I can't help but feel like that may be the case. I'm headed down a bad road and I can see it. Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Mary Oak took the words right out of my mind. Be cool. Wait until she reaches out again. Then...still wait. Like a day or so before getting back with her. It's not a game. You have to seem as if you are hesitant and wary or just plain busy. You don't want to seem eager and desperate to talk to her. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Could have been an accident. I've accidentally hit the FaceTime button. Wait and see if there's another one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pleasant Surprise Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 I'm going to wait and see if she calls or texts again, then. I definitely thought it could've been accidental but I doubt she opened up FaceTime and scrolled all the way down to my name. I wouldn't be in her recent calls either because we haven't facetimed for a while. Regardless, you're all right in saying I should wait. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I got a missed FaceTime call from my ex about 8 months ago at 2:30 am. It was right before I went NC, I emailed her the next day to ask why she Facetimed me(which was unusual), she claimed she had no idea that she did and her phone was dead in the morning? I still don't know what to think... Link to post Share on other sites
Mary Oak Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I don't even use FaceTime and I have accidentally facetimed people on ten occasions. Nothing to even think about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pleasant Surprise Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 (edited) I made a mistake. I've been making mistakes. Ever since I started no contact, I've still been looking at my ex's twitter page. Pretty much everyday, to be honest with you. It's been a month of this fake NC and fake proudness since I haven't truly started NC yet. I saw that she favorited a tweet with a picture with the words "I still got love for a few people I will never talk to again." This seriously got to me. She called me the other day on FaceTime and I ignored it. Dismissed it as an accident. Now I'm starting to think it wasn't an accident. I miss her so much. I miss not feeling lonely and feeling understood. I miss the fact that she brightened my day when I saw her, and the way she laughed at my stupid jokes. I miss how passionate she was about everything. I miss her smile. I miss her ****ing eyes, I always thought she had the prettiest eyes. I miss her intelligence and the fact that she was always so caring. I could even tell it broke her heart to break mine. I miss her beautiful personality and the fact that I could carry on a conversation forever with her and not get bored. I don't know if "we won't ever talk again" because of her or me or if it's even about me but I still love this girl and it hurts me to know that something stupid split us up...she said I was more into her than she was into me and that her feelings faded. I feel lonely and pathetic. I thought I would feel better after a month. I miss her more. Words can't even express how ****ed up I am. Epiphany. I don't want to let go. Come back. Edited July 31, 2014 by Pleasant Surprise Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Well if she did do it on purpose then she will make another move, you sit tight honey! x Link to post Share on other sites
Pendragon Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 You're hurting and it's completely natural, especially if you're not following through with NC by constantly checking her social media. She will let it be known to you if she wanted to reconcile even though that doesn't seem to be the case. Her feelings are gone and the relationship is dead. You're missing the familiarity and being in a relationship. It doesn't matter how long it's been since you two have broken up if you're not going through with full NC. This is pain that you're bringing to yourself by checking her Twitter and keeping open sources of contact. You should embrace your hurt but not following through with NC is just going to prolong it longer and longer. It's something you don't want to hear but you have to let go of her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pleasant Surprise Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 (edited) I'm so sick of caring. No offense, but I'm sick of being on this site. It all seems counter productive. I'm thinking and writing about her when I should be doing things to push her out of my mind. I wish things hadn't ended the way they did between us. She offered to be friends and see where things went. I pushed her too much and definitely scared her away. We had a great relationship with no fighting and I treated her so well. I'll never forget some of the things we did together. Not because they were all that memorable, but because it was time spent with her. I refuse to delete the pictures...I don't look at them but I will when I'm past this and I know I'll kinda always have a soft spot for her. This hurts me so much. It was a short relationship of 4 months and she didn't even give it a real shot. I don't know if this is the last hump until I get over her, but this is easily the most depression I have faced thus far...it's hard to let go because she never really gave it a real chance. I felt that we were just beginning and she ended it. Edited July 31, 2014 by Pleasant Surprise Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 It's good you're being honest about the "fake no contact". You recognize a very powerful source of your enduring misery. And as you've identified, you're suffering more as a result of your continued obsession with her. So you know what you need to do. And you need to find the courage to do it. There's more muck to wade through on this one. I'm sorry, but you'll have to go through a bit more hurt while you heal. And proper no contact is only one part of that process. That will help to remove some very powerful triggers. There's no way of removing all of them, but you can at least get rid of the strongest ones. You don't envision it now because you simply can't feel it. But you will move on. You will heal. Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 I had a relatively brief but intense relationship as well. Getting the boot during the falling in love stage. It's excruciating and ungodly painful. Definitely a shock to the heart and soul. I know how you feel. I feel cheated out of something wonderful because he didn't give it a fair chance. Like you, we never fought, got along great, no cheating, no abuse etc. Everything seemed perfect. (I know nothing is perfect. hence the falling in love stage) EVERYTHING seems perfect during that. Even my mother's overbearing and critical nature never bothered me. It was almost cute and funny. Anyway, I'm getting off topic. The.point is, THEY GAVE UP ON US! Screw them! We deserve BETTER!! I know, easier said than done. I still struggle. I'm sorry for your pain and hope you heal quicker than I am. Btw, I would be much farther along had I not responded to his stupid breadcrumbs. Beware of those!!! Major setback for me. I would more than likely be over this by now. (sigh) Best of luck to you!! ((hugs!)) Link to post Share on other sites
BridgetGrey Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Man I'm in the same page as you been active no contact for a month now , yet I kept looking at my ex FB and twitter but from today no more as I know I won't forget if I keep resorting to doing that. I unfollowed him on FB and muted him on twitter this way it should be easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pleasant Surprise Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 (edited) Yeah, I have gotten some minor breadcrumbs. I'm so frustrated with this whole situation. The fact that she gave up on me isn't enough for me to honestly want to give up on her. I'm heartbroken and nothing seems to satisfy me because deep down I still long for my ex. It seems impossible for me to completely cut her off. I feel like at this point the only thing that can help me move on is another person. I won't find that person for a while. I'm not looking either. What I'm looking for is to finally be done with this. And it seems like the only solutions seem completely unattainable. I know I owe it to myself to comply with the rules of NC but I can't bring myself to follow through. I feel like **** because I guess I'm prioritizing my ex over myself. The worst part is knowing what you have to do to heal and being unable to bring yourself to do it because of some stupid one in a million shot of things working out. I'm disappointed in myself and I'm depressed about my loss. Ugh... Anyway I did mute her on twitter which is a step in the right direction. Edited August 1, 2014 by Pleasant Surprise Link to post Share on other sites
BridgetGrey Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Yeah, I have gotten some minor breadcrumbs. I'm so frustrated with this whole situation. The fact that she gave up on me isn't enough for me to honestly want to give up on her. I'm heartbroken and nothing seems to satisfy me because deep down I still long for my ex. It seems impossible for me to completely cut her off. I feel like at this point the only thing that can help me move on is another person. I won't find that person for a while. I'm not looking either. What I'm looking for is to finally be done with this. And it seems like the only solutions seem completely unattainable. I know I owe it to myself to comply with the rules of NC but I can't bring myself to follow through. I feel like **** because I guess I'm prioritizing my ex over myself. The worst part is knowing what you have to do to heal and being unable to bring yourself to do it because of some stupid one in a million shot of things working out. I'm disappointed in myself and I'm depressed about my loss. Ugh... Anyway I did mute her on twitter which is a step in the right direction. I feel your pain. I did not want to cut off my ex 100% out of my life, but I guess as they say it's a breakup for a reason. They are not part of our lives anymore and we need to forget them. I had a close friendship with my ex for 2 years before we dated so trust me it's painful I know. However, by unfollowing them on FB and muting them on twitter we are on the right track and time may heal the wounds. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pleasant Surprise Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 I feel your pain. I did not want to cut off my ex 100% out of my life, but I guess as they say it's a breakup for a reason. They are not part of our lives anymore and we need to forget them. I had a close friendship with my ex for 2 years before we dated so trust me it's painful I know. However, by unfollowing them on FB and muting them on twitter we are on the right track and time may heal the wounds. I'm going to be forced to see her everyday once winter starts because we're on the same sports team (guys and girls on the same team) and we even do the same stuff so I'll be practicing with her everyday. I have no choice but to see her eventually and I refuse to stop being an athlete because of an ex. I feel so trapped by this. I feel almost like there's a time constraint. If I'm not over her by football season is over I'm royally screwed. I don't know what to do... Link to post Share on other sites
BridgetGrey Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 I'm going to be forced to see her everyday once winter starts because we're on the same sports team (guys and girls on the same team) and we even do the same stuff so I'll be practicing with her everyday. I have no choice but to see her eventually and I refuse to stop being an athlete because of an ex. I feel so trapped by this. I feel almost like there's a time constraint. If I'm not over her by football season is over I'm royally screwed. I don't know what to do... ahh man now I feel lucky because long distance for me. Why don't you try dating someone else ? Well if you see just act indifferent toward her I would advise you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pleasant Surprise Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 (edited) ahh man now I feel lucky because long distance for me. Why don't you try dating someone else ? Well if you see just act indifferent toward her I would advise you. I'm not really interested in anyone else at the moment. I'm picky and I don't wanna rely on another person to pull me out of heartbreak. I don't know if I can act indifferent to her...seems impossible. I had always planned on being friends with her by that time rolled around. I think it's best to let go of that notion for a while. The notion of the future, that is. I think it's time to start living in the now. Edited August 1, 2014 by Pleasant Surprise Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pleasant Surprise Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 I know how difficult it is for some people to go cold turkey on their ex. Personally, it's not too difficult for me not to talk to her. However, I still look for hope in her social media accounts and pages. The biggest problem for me in NC is not checking up on these things and just letting go. My solution to this came to me last night while I was posting in a few threads. At this time, it seems almost impossible for me to stop checking her social media altogether. I decided that I would start by giving myself a limit. Today is the first day of this plan and I'm only allowing myself to look at her social media one time. After that, I have to go two days. I haven't even gotten through the first day so I haven't given much else a lot of thought lol. The idea is to do it in increments. Sure, it would be easier and better to completely stop fixating on her and to stop checking this accounts. If you're the type of person who can just cut your ex off completely, that's great. I commend you for that. However, that is not me, and I suppose healing will take longer. I advise others to try to make NC work for them in the way that they are most comfortable. We all end up stopping checking these accounts and whatnot, so I suppose it will take me a little longer. Thoughts? I'm embarking on my real NC journey today despite not having spoken to my ex in 5 weeks. Wish me luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Sounds dangerous. What if you see something that can't be "unseen"?? But then again, I'm a chicken #!+= Haha! I would never have the guts to look. Best of luck in your healing no matter what though. ((hugs)) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pleasant Surprise Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 Sounds dangerous. What if you see something that can't be "unseen"?? But then again, I'm a chicken #!+= Haha! I would never have the guts to look. Best of luck in your healing no matter what though. ((hugs)) You're right, that could happen. If I'm looking already, though, and I'm looking to reduce the amount of times I look, it would reduce the chances of me seeing something like that. Also, I'm not convinced that it would be a bad thing for me to see something like that. Maybe knowing she has moved on can help me. She still seems to be trying to get my attention a little bit, though. Link to post Share on other sites
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