Absinthe Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I guess this is more of a ramble, but 'd like to hear from anyone on these boards who can share this experience. Or maybe provide some positive stories, I don't know! I moved to Singapore 8 months ago for work, after a long-term relationship ended and I was tired of working part-time in Europe. For a while I've been focusing on settling in and moving on from the ex, but now I'm ready to date. The thing is...I feel invisible, old (I just turned 26) and ugly since I moved out here, and among my peers it would appear that I'm not alone. Seems if you're not a white dude or a Chinese/Filipino gal, dating here is A NIGHTMARE. I'm also staggered by the number of white guys who wouldn't get a first glance, let alone a second, back in their homelands and who just looove to tell me how fat/hideous/awful Western women are in general. Of course the Asian ladies are welcome to these charmers (though if you ask me it's a waste of gorgeous woman), it's just depressing to hear that on a regular basis. I do know a few Western girls paired up with Filipino men, so it's not hopeless and I do think a bit more single time is in order for me, but it's a strange feeling to be sure. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Perhaps this is similar to the experience Asian men have in the western world... I think it just is what it is... Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs Carter Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I don't know. My experience as a white/Western woman has been the exact opposite. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 OP, are you sure the problem isn't just that you're not ready to date again after your breakup, that has nothing to do with the cultural differences there in Singapore? Why is dating a nightmare for you? What exactly is happening? Are men not asking you out? I had no problem dating a guy from Thailand, as a Western woman, when I lived in China for a year. We met when he and his teaching colleague asked myself and a fellow visiting instructor to co-host a weekend radio show with them. I even met his family and friends. Since you've been there for 8 months, have you not dated any guys at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 I moved to Singapore 8 months ago for work, after a long-term relationship ended and I was tired of working part-time in Europe. For a while I've been focusing on settling in and moving on from the ex, but now I'm ready to date. The thing is...I feel invisible, old (I just turned 26) and ugly since I moved out here, and among my peers it would appear that I'm not alone. Seems if you're not a white dude or a Chinese/Filipino gal, dating here is A NIGHTMARE. I grew up in Asia, and while I'm Asian - yes, I've noticed that there are (rather unfair, IMO) stereotypes about Caucasian women in Asia. It won't be difficult for you to get attention, especially in a bar, but a decent guy wanting a LTR will be difficult to find, unless you stumble upon an exceptionally open-minded and non-conformist one. That being said, bear in mind that 'dating' in Asian countries (even the cities) works differently as well - it might be possible that you're not understanding the subtle nuances of the way it works there. I'm also staggered by the number of white guys who wouldn't get a first glance, let alone a second, back in their homelands and who just looove to tell me how fat/hideous/awful Western women are in general. Of course the Asian ladies are welcome to these charmers (though if you ask me it's a waste of gorgeous woman), it's just depressing to hear that on a regular basis. Why wouldn't they 'get a first glance'? If it's their appearance - yes, appearance for men counts for less in Asia. But my guess is that their careers are going well. If their personalities are good, then that combination would probably lead to a good chance at a happy R for them. If their personalities are also hideous, they're probably being used for money, so I wouldn't be too envious of them. I do know a few Western girls paired up with Filipino men, so it's not hopeless and I do think a bit more single time is in order for me, but it's a strange feeling to be sure. It IS going to be more difficult for you in Singapore than in Europe. Are you intent on staying in Singapore for the long term? Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 I loved living in Hong Kong as an American. Pretty good size expat community and the expat women were a lot of fun and so easy to get along with. And so many choices. They'd be like, "American :)" and I'd be like "Yep :cool:" I always got the feeling that women around the world loved American men. I've been to Singapore a few times, but never stayed long. Is there no area like WanChai there (lotta bars and stuff heavily filled with mostly expats)? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Absinthe Posted August 2, 2014 Author Share Posted August 2, 2014 Thanks for the feedback, guys. It's refreshing to see that some people have had a different experience. I guess I was just getting down, and yeah, I do think I have some subconscious barriers up from my last LTR. I must admit, the fellow Western girls who that I hang out with and who have a similar complaint about the dating scene are unwilling to date non-white men. I myself have been dating, and not one of those men was white. (I didn't click with any of them, but I don't think that has anything to do with race). Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 I thought white people were pretty popular in general around the world, especially blondes. Maybe you just don't look western/white enough. Well, at least you're not black...because then you would be from Africa, and everyone is poor from Africa and steals. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Absinthe Posted August 3, 2014 Author Share Posted August 3, 2014 I thought white people were pretty popular in general around the world, especially blondes. Maybe you just don't look western/white enough. Well, at least you're not black...because then you would be from Africa, and everyone is poor from Africa and steals. Ahaha...I'm fair skinned, and red haired...could not be more Caucasian if I tried Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs Carter Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Thanks for the feedback, guys. It's refreshing to see that some people have had a different experience. I guess I was just getting down, and yeah, I do think I have some subconscious barriers up from my last LTR. I must admit, the fellow Western girls who that I hang out with and who have a similar complaint about the dating scene are unwilling to date non-white men. I myself have been dating, and not one of those men was white. (I didn't click with any of them, but I don't think that has anything to do with race). No, it was to do with ethnicity I'd assume: cultural differences. I lived in places where I didn't like the local men and it was a pain to date from a small ex-patriot pool. You often find that expats are a lot that aren't wanted at home for a very good reason.... Maybe this location isn't the best for you. Perhaps this is a sign to reconsider. Link to post Share on other sites
AnneT1985 Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I am really sorry to hear you are experiencing this. It's not you! Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 I lived in places where I didn't like the local men and it was a pain to date from a small ex-patriot pool. You often find that expats are a lot that aren't wanted at home for a very good reason..... It's expat or "expatriate" not "ex-patriot". I never stopped being a patriot of my country. Most of the expats I knew were overseas to do jobs their employers back in their home country either didn't want locals doing or didn't want to train them for. Usually you get paid very well to do this. It's not like we got kicked out. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs Carter Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 It's expat or "expatriate" not "ex-patriot". I never stopped being a patriot of my country. Most of the expats I knew were overseas to do jobs their employers back in their home country either didn't want locals doing or didn't want to train them for. Usually you get paid very well to do this. It's not like we got kicked out. Jeeeez apologies for the typo. Maybe you want to report my post as well Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Jeeeez apologies for the typo. Maybe you want to report my post as well It's just your post is making like expats are some low-lifes that couldn't hack it in their home country..."You often find that expats are a lot that aren't wanted at home for a very good reason". Where as, in my experience most are very skilled and well paid to represent their business in a different country. Hippies/grungy looking people that hate their home country and spend their last pennies to move to a different country with no job offers and then end up being bums are not expats. They're just stupid. Assuming they went from a "first world country" to a "third world country". I saw those over there too. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 I dated a British woman living in Hong Kong, and she had the same problems as you, OP. The Western men were uninterested in her as they had many local options and didn't have to put in much effort there, most of the local men weren't interested, and those who were had cultural differences that were not compatible (they were rarely okay with independent, opinionated women, it seems). She eventually moved to Dubai, where there's a different set of issues, but mostly cultural. Western men are more open to dating there, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs Carter Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 It's just your post is making like expats are some low-lifes that couldn't hack it in their home country..."You often find that expats are a lot that aren't wanted at home for a very good reason". Where as, in my experience most are very skilled and well paid to represent their business in a different country. Hippies/grungy looking people that hate their home country and spend their last pennies to move to a different country with no job offers and then end up being bums are not expats. They're just stupid. Assuming they went from a "first world country" to a "third world country". I saw those over there too. Well it's my opinion. If it's not applicable to you then it's not applicable to you. Western expats in the developing world are not viewed that favourably by many because social misfits tend to take up those jobs for extended periods of time. I think the environment you pick to live in long term says a lot about you. It's not just a job at any random company, people choose to spend time working where they feel most comfortable for extended periods of time. Nothing to do with hippies, you won't find them in Singapore anyway since it's too expensive for them. Link to post Share on other sites
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