somedude81 Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 It sounds like the men need to step up their game so that the women re-evaluate being single! True dat! Yeah, it's my goal to be appealing enough to convince women who are happy single that they're better off with me. And yes, it's a very lofty goal but I'm working on it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 (edited) Life is way too good with a woman to go without one. Plus sex. True dat! Yeah, it's my goal to be appealing enough to convince women who are happy single that they're better off with me. And yes, it's a very lofty goal but I'm working on it. "Facepalm" You should do that for you, not for them. You except and play right into their super high standards. Everything you do will be because you're looking the their approval. Are they doing any of that for you? Edited August 3, 2014 by jay1983 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 "Facepalm" You should do that for you, not for them. You except and play right into their super high standards. Everything you do will be because you're looking the their approval. Are they doing any of that for you? I have enough sex with myself already. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
44tt Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 Flaking is getting out of hand. They have too many options, they know someone else will come along with the same offer. I'm to a point where I don't setup dates anymore. Now I'm not giving advice, I'm not saying this is the right way to do things. This is just the way I choose to do things. I make my own plans with my friends. If I'm meet a girl and she seems like she might be interested, I just tell her "I'll be at such and such this thursday, you welcome to join us if you like" and I just forget about them. That's it, I'm doing my thing. If they don't show up, it doesn't put a dent in my plans. what was so funny about it is I just had a date with someone more attractive and smaller and I get pushed to the side by a bigger woman. lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 True dat! Yeah, it's my goal to be appealing enough to convince women who are happy single that they're better off with me. And yes, it's a very lofty goal but I'm working on it. Except when you have an attitude that they're a waste of space, it is unlikely that you will be able to attract them. Also, women are attracted to men who are comfortable with themselves and you don't seem like you are. You are trying to live up to some standard that you think these women have, which ironically could turn them off. I mean unless you're a jerk, and addict, or something most people would agree is horrible, you should probably just focus on finding someone compatible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 I have enough sex with myself already. Okay man, do what you want. I hope it works out for you and I really mean that, cause if it doesn't. It'll cause some serious emotional damage. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 I don't think of somebody who is single by choice as dateless. They're just wasting space. Wow, how charming. So the only thing that gives a human being value is whether they can give you what you want. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 The idea of leagues is interesting. While I do not like to look at people as though they are numbers, it is probably easier to make relationships work when the person is in the same socioeconomic class, culture, etc as you. Maybe it's not so much an issue as who is better or worse, but more of an issue of whether you and that person are compatible based on where you fall into society's many groups. I read an OkCupid blog once in which most men message the "most attractive women" ignoring all the "average" looking women. On the other hand, women apparently have much higher standards in terms of what types of men are attractive, but still message the "average" ones as much as the "most attractive" ones. Sometimes I wonder if all these men here who are complaining about not being able to find women are having trouble because they only have eyes for the most attractive women. My professor said that it is a common issue with men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
44tt Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 The idea of leagues is interesting. While I do not like to look at people as though they are numbers, it is probably easier to make relationships work when the person is in the same socioeconomic class, culture, etc as you. Maybe it's not so much an issue as who is better or worse, but more of an issue of whether you and that person are compatible based on where you fall into society's many groups. I read an OkCupid blog once in which most men message the "most attractive women" ignoring all the "average" looking women. On the other hand, women apparently have much higher standards in terms of what types of men are attractive, but still message the "average" ones as much as the "most attractive" ones. Sometimes I wonder if all these men here who are complaining about not being able to find women are having trouble because they only have eyes for the most attractive women. My professor said that it is a common issue with men. I remember meeting a woman who was a doctor a few years ago and knew we were not a good match due to the socioeconmic class. I was living in a studio and she was in a condo lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 The idea of leagues is interesting. While I do not like to look at people as though they are numbers, it is probably easier to make relationships work when the person is in the same socioeconomic class, culture, etc as you. Maybe it's not so much an issue as who is better or worse, but more of an issue of whether you and that person are compatible based on where you fall into society's many groups. I read an OkCupid blog once in which most men message the "most attractive women" ignoring all the "average" looking women. On the other hand, women apparently have much higher standards in terms of what types of men are attractive, but still message the "average" ones as much as the "most attractive" ones. Sometimes I wonder if all these men here who are complaining about not being able to find women are having trouble because they only have eyes for the most attractive women. My professor said that it is a common issue with men. To answer that question, we must discuss what is meant by "most attractive" and "average." Is an obese woman with visible fat on her face average? Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I remember meeting a woman who was a doctor a few years ago and knew we were not a good match due to the socioeconmic class. I was living in a studio and she was in a condo lol True, but despite the leagues, it probably wouldn't hurt to give it a try if you like someone. I just don't think people should become so arrogant that average people like themselves are no longer good enough for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 To answer that question, we must discuss what is meant by "most attractive" and "average." Is an obese woman with visible fat on her face average? Your Looks and Your Inbox « OkTrends ^ that article should answer your questions Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 My experience, and the experiments I have done with online dating have shown me the exact opposite of this. With my average online profile pics up, I hardly ever got a message, even from average women. Once I posted some pics of a really good looking guy, with the same exact profile, the average women started messaging me like crazy. I really don't think unrealistic expectations are a problem that only men have. Of course both genders have this issue. But your singular experience does not trump okcupid's data which involves all of its members. It seems to me that in general, men are significantly more focused on looks than women. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Your Looks and Your Inbox « OkTrends ^ that article should answer your questions Unfortunately, that article doesn't show any examples of the lower end, basically no obese women. Also for the examples, all four women, even those listed as in the middle, are attractive to me. Are they average or above average? My guess is that all of those women received lots of messages. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 That's not necessarily true, a lot of them would rather go dateless than date an average guy, or anyone who doesn't fit their criteria. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/486102-female-blogger-single-choice I conjecture that it's much less damaging to the ego to claim you're making a "choice" to be single rather than admit that you're less desirable than you think you are... It's an egocentric perspective that blames everyone else for your own shortcomings. Rather than admit, I actually suck, it's more comforting to accuse all men of being shallow jerks and not seeing your real "inner beauty"... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Condo = own Apartment = rent Its the same type of dwelling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIvy Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Well, I find it's just not a lot of good quality men. I am not picky but I know that I am beautiful and smart and have other good traits about me...of course I am not perfect or for everyone. The character traits I desire in a man is what I have myself. Smart, funny, open-minded, not a religious zealot, dynamic, a nice balance of book smarts and street smarts, and of course confidence help. Having a big heart/moral compass is very attractive as well. College educated/professional job<<preference but not a deal breaker but he can't be a bum or no ambition. Looks wise, tall as I am tall myself. Decent looking facially, slim to average body shape, can even do a few extra pounds but can't be very overweight. I don't think I am asking for anything extraordinary but seems like it is in the dating world. Many men in my age group seem to want to "chill" and don't know how to court a woman. Then again, most men just say I am beautiful and don't even ask me out/for my #. And the ones I do I am not attracted too, or if they are attractive, they aren't on my level. I find this a issue for a lot of female friends/acquaintances I know, they are having a hard time encountering decent men, when they are decent themselves. But I think race definitely comes into play in terms of dating opportunities... Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I would agree with this. This works in the ladies' favor. Just don't look like a mutant, and men will date you. Women not only want a man to look good, they need to be generous with their money, have good grammar online, know how to make the first move, be confident, ect. Well, it might work in most women's favor, but I actually want a guy to like me for my personality and brains. I want the physical attraction part to be a bonus on top of that. With the men I date, I focus more on their personality and sometimes I wish I would get the same in return. I think I still feel some lingering effects from my first and longest relationship in which the dude broke up with me because he was no longer attracted to me physically. Then a few month later, I met a guy who was super attracted to me physically so then I realize that I'm not a ugly mutant or something lol. But sometimes I just wish that physical appearance isn't the #1 deciding factor for attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Well, I find it's just not a lot of good quality men. I am not picky but I know that I am beautiful and smart and have other good traits about me...of course I am not perfect or for everyone. The character traits I desire in a man is what I have myself. Smart, funny, open-minded, not a religious zealot, dynamic, a nice balance of book smarts and street smarts, and of course confidence help. Having a big heart/moral compass is very attractive as well. College educated/professional job<<preference but not a deal breaker but he can't be a bum or no ambition. Looks wise, tall as I am tall myself. Decent looking facially, slim to average body shape, can even do a few extra pounds but can't be very overweight. I don't think I am asking for anything extraordinary but seems like it is in the dating world. Many men in my age group seem to want to "chill" and don't know how to court a woman. Then again, most men just say I am beautiful and don't even ask me out/for my #. And the ones I do I am not attracted too, or if they are attractive, they aren't on my level. I find this a issue for a lot of female friends/acquaintances I know, they are having a hard time encountering decent men, when they are decent themselves. But I think race definitely comes into play in terms of dating opportunities... Sometimes I wonder if this is becoming more and more of an issue for the younger population due to the trend of women doing better in school and getting higher levels of education compared to men. Link to post Share on other sites
44tt Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Well, I find it's just not a lot of good quality men. I am not picky but I know that I am beautiful and smart and have other good traits about me...of course I am not perfect or for everyone. The character traits I desire in a man is what I have myself. Smart, funny, open-minded, not a religious zealot, dynamic, a nice balance of book smarts and street smarts, and of course confidence help. Having a big heart/moral compass is very attractive as well. College educated/professional job<<preference but not a deal breaker but he can't be a bum or no ambition. Looks wise, tall as I am tall myself. Decent looking facially, slim to average body shape, can even do a few extra pounds but can't be very overweight. I don't think I am asking for anything extraordinary but seems like it is in the dating world. Many men in my age group seem to want to "chill" and don't know how to court a woman. Then again, most men just say I am beautiful and don't even ask me out/for my #. And the ones I do I am not attracted too, or if they are attractive, they aren't on my level. I find this a issue for a lot of female friends/acquaintances I know, they are having a hard time encountering decent men, when they are decent themselves. But I think race definitely comes into play in terms of dating opportunities... I just think if you find a man that fits all of that he will most likely have several women he is already dealing with. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I just think if you find a man that fits all of that he will most likely have several women he is already dealing with. Indeed, just as there are few good quality men, there are as many good quality women. And if men do base a lot of attraction on looks, which I think they do, then it will be looks that matter in being competitive among those other good quality women. Well educated and employed is a dime a dozen... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Indeed, just as there are few good quality men, there are as many good quality women. And if men do base a lot of attraction on looks, which I think they do, then it will be looks that matter in being competitive among those other good quality women. Well educated and employed is a dime a dozen... So the question is...why are there more good quality women than good quality men? Makes me feel sad about the world. lol Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 So the question is...why are there more good quality women than good quality men? Makes me feel sad about the world. lol Easy. Making the assumption that men value looks more than women, men are more willing to concede a few traits in a women if she has the looks to make her "good quality"... Since looks really are a dime a dozen, the pool of "good quality women," in the eyes of men, will be larger than the respective pool of good quality men for the women. First thing I always recommend for women struggling with dating is to work on the looks... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I don't think this is true at all. I know a lot of women who are good quality on paper, but not in reality. True, education isn't everything. I feel like a great deal of people will have an easier time dating if they put things like personality, common values, and common interests first over more shallow things like looks, money, social status etc. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 So the question is...why are there more good quality women than good quality men? Makes me feel sad about the world. lol That article is terrible all those women are attractive and your question is not true at all. There are plenty of good quality men, they just aren't as rich and good looking as the women would like. Did you know the women on okcupid find 80% of men unattractive? That's why almost almost all guys never get replies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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