Eivuwan Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Easy. Making the assumption that men value looks more than women, men are more willing to concede a few traits in a women if she has the looks to make her "good quality"... Since looks really are a dime a dozen, the pool of "good quality women," in the eyes of men, will be larger than the respective pool of good quality men for the women. First thing I always recommend for women struggling with dating is to work on the looks... Haha, so if this assumption is true, then the first thing to recommend for men who are struggling with dating is not to get that six-pack, but to work on not being so focused on appearances. Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 That article is terrible all those women are attractive and your question is not true at all. There are plenty of good quality men, they just aren't as rich and good looking as the women would like. Did you know the women on okcupid find 80% of men unattractive? That's why almost almost all guys never get replies. But according to the same article, women are more likely to message the average looking men compared to men messaging the average looking women. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIvy Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I just think if you find a man that fits all of that he will most likely have several women he is already dealing with. Not necessarily:eek: But I feel like if he's a good dude, then he would be trying to deal with one woman. I mean dealing with several women is not a bad thing if he's just dating (no intimacy involved) and figuring out what he wants long term in a partner. But if he's sleeping around,that's fine too, he won't be the ideal man for me then. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 But according to the same article, women are more likely to message the average looking men compared to men messaging the average looking women. Excuse me for saying this, but article is complete crap. The women on okcupid don't message anybody. Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 That article is terrible all those women are attractive and your question is not true at all. There are plenty of good quality men, they just aren't as rich and good looking as the women would like. If it makes you feel any better, there ARE women like me out there who aren't focused on money and appearances. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
44tt Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Not necessarily:eek: But I feel like if he's a good dude, then he would be trying to deal with one woman. I mean dealing with several women is not a bad thing if he's just dating (no intimacy involved) and figuring out what he wants long term in a partner. But if he's sleeping around,that's fine too, he won't be the ideal man for me then. I mean that if a woman was to find a guy like that she will have to compete with lots of other women in the beginning because if he is that great of a catch he definitely wasn't single. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIvy Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Easy. Making the assumption that men value looks more than women, men are more willing to concede a few traits in a women if she has the looks to make her "good quality"... Since looks really are a dime a dozen, the pool of "good quality women," in the eyes of men, will be larger than the respective pool of good quality men for the women. First thing I always recommend for women struggling with dating is to work on the looks... I disagree, most people are average looking. If good looks was so common, there would be no need for people to put good looking people on a pedestal. Sounds shallow because there are tons of people who aren't slim or particularly good looking and are in relationships. I know attractive women who are "Struggling" in dating, same way I know women who aren't attractive but seem to have no problem getting into relationships. There is more that come into play in dating than looks. Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Excuse me for saying this, but article is complete crap. The women on okcupid don't message anybody. Well, I do have to take an okcupid article with a grain of salt, but it was an interesting article. Also, when I was on okcupid, I did message people. Maybe I'm that exception. I had a female friend who refused to message anyone and just waited around because she was shy. -_- Link to post Share on other sites
44tt Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Excuse me for saying this, but article is complete crap. The women on okcupid don't message anybody. Well the average ones do lol Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Well, I do have to take an okcupid article with a grain of salt, but it was an interesting article. Also, when I was on okcupid, I did message people. Maybe I'm that exception. I had a female friend who refused to message anyone and just waited around because she was shy. -_- I got messaged first by a couple of girls. Most just rated my profile highly so I get the quick match notification, then I send the first message. Some we're fairly and I really wanted to meet, but they weren't serious about it, they were just bored and looking for attention. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Scales Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I'm not sure why the hell people are fixated on "decent quality men". Last I checked the most attractive girls I've ever known were dating waiters who sold weed in the evenings. A female friend of mine went through a phase where she dated a guy who I hated. He was emotionally abusive, hung out with druggies, and had violent mood swings. She would come complain to me when he ****ed up, and I would try to convince her to leave him every time. However, what he did have was a lean vascular body and the ability to be a complete ******* to everyone around him. She is far more quality than him in every way. Bi-lingual, great education, can translate, very pretty, and ridiculously smart. So what was she doing with that guy for a whole year? Given that guy is not a "Man" but still. I often find "High Quality" women want to date a dysfunctional, aggressive, and emotional wreck that has a decent body. Ambition, respect, decision making skills, honesty, spirituality, and intellect has never been part of the equation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
44tt Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I got messaged first by a couple of girls. Most just rated my profile highly so I get the quick match notification, then I send the first message. Some we're fairly and I really wanted to meet, but they weren't serious about it, they were just bored and looking for attention. which is the main thing I have to be on the lookout for when on a free site like POF or OKC 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I always tell guys to hit the gym to get a woman. While a woman may not always focus on looks alone, she also won't date a guy who doesn't have "chemistry." Guy still has to look good. Even if he loosens up a bit on his expectations of what a woman should look like, those ugly women won't want him. Just reference Jay's last post. I had great chemistry with my second bf due to his personality. My first bf was "objectively" better looking, but our chemistry wasn't nearly as good. Is chemistry for women really about the looks? I don't know. Maybe I'm the exception here. If we go by all the assumptions about what most woman want in a man, then maybe getting a better job would attract more dates than a better body. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I'm not sure why the hell people are fixated on "decent quality men". Last I checked the most attractive girls I've ever known were dating waiters who sold weed in the evenings. A female friend of mine went through a phase where she dated a guy who I hated. He was emotionally abusive, hung out with druggies, and had violent mood swings. She would come complain to me when he ****ed up, and I would try to convince her to leave him every time. However, what he did have was a lean vascular body and the ability to be a complete ******* to everyone around him. She is far more quality than him in every way. Bi-lingual, great education, can translate, very pretty, and ridiculously smart. So what was she doing with that guy for a whole year? Given that guy is not a "Man" but still. I often find "High Quality" women want to date a dysfunctional, aggressive, and emotional wreck that has a decent body. Ambition, respect, decision making skills, honesty, spirituality, and intellect has never been part of the equation. You seem very young. Your friend has a thing for bad boys, which is very common. Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Given that guy is not a "Man" but still. I often find "High Quality" women want to date a dysfunctional, aggressive, and emotional wreck that has a decent body. Ambition, respect, decision making skills, honesty, spirituality, and intellect has never been part of the equation. Hmm, yeah. I think a lot of "high quality" women also have martyr syndrome and want to fix men with issues instead of just going for a high functioning guy. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 You seem very young. Your friend has a thing for bad boys, which is very common. I forgot to add that those girls usually end up on OLD looking for a high quality guy after they have 3 kids with losers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Scales Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 You seem very young. Your friend has a thing for bad boys, which is very common. Well I'm 28, which I would say is still young in the grand scheme of things. I've my own experiences though. My friend however is 22 and she dated this guy when she was 20. A lot of it could be attributed to her being young, but she seriously falls for the worst guys. Maybe it's because I'm her friend and biased, but she seriously has a lot going for her compared to the guys she has dated. I tried my best to steer her to dating more responsible guys. She agrees with me, and goes out to find the most immature washups I've ever seen. I just thought it was funny because people are talking about "high quality". My friend is definitely high quality in my eyes and she has a terrible track record of dating trash. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I forgot to add that those girls usually end up on OLD looking for a high quality guy after they have 3 kids with losers. Lol, hey at least they are trying to break the pattern. My first two relationships weren't the best (esp the first one. omg he was so selfish). Anyway, the good news is that some of these young women DO learn from their mistakes and know what to focus on for their next relationship. I feel like my ability to pick the right partner will just keep going up as I get more experience. Every break up still feels bad though. T_T Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 It has been my experience that most women say chemistry is about more than looks, but those girls never seem to date an ugly guy. Sure, charm, and confidence play a part, but most charming, confident guys are also good looking. My weight fluctuates a lot. It's not out of the ordinary for me to gain 30lbs in a couple years, then hit the gym and get in much better shape for a while. When my weight goes up, the attention from women I receive drops down to almost nothing. My personality stays the same. I guess when I was talking about appearance I was thinking more in line of things like height and facial features. Those things are not controllable. If someone looks very overweight, I would be concerned that they don't know how to take care of themselves and then it's more of an issue of health and lifestyle choices than appearance. My dad had diabetes when I was in grade school and I just keep seeing his health deteriorate (and from my observations it is due to his inability to exercise and keep a proper diet). I don't want my partner to be the same way. However, it is possible that "ugly" men don't have confidence and charm because they develop a bunch of issues from being rejected. Hence, they never develop the type of strengths needed to overcome their looks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
daisydook Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I do not have issues finding men. I met my boyfriend online, doing a very picky search one night. Lol. I picked him right down to his hair colour. I have no problem finding men both in real life, and OLD. Finding GENUINE men can be a little harder. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Haha, so if this assumption is true, then the first thing to recommend for men who are struggling with dating is not to get that six-pack, but to work on not being so focused on appearances. I don't deny this. But people tend to project their own beliefs of what they value in the other gender and work on those traits under the assumption that the opposite sex is attracted to what they are attracted to. Men value appearance in women, so they will work on their six packs with the perception that women value appearance just as much. Meanwhile, women might value non tangible characteristics and things like education and career, so they go to school to get good jobs thinking men want the same thing as women do. So my recommendation is that men should focus on what attracts women while women should focus on what attracts men...which forces you to think outside of yourself...:gasp:...!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TouchedByViolet Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I do not have issues finding men. I met my boyfriend online, doing a very picky search one night. Lol. I picked him right down to his hair colour. I have no problem finding men both in real life, and OLD. Finding GENUINE men can be a little harder. Haha. I think being genuine, honest and loyal are actually overlooked initially. Almost everyone prioritizes looks and then personality over being genuine and loyal. Many will disagree with this statement but actions speak louder than words. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Haha. I think being genuine, honest and loyal are actually overlooked initially. Almost everyone prioritizes looks and then personality over being genuine and loyal. Many will disagree with this statement but actions speak louder than words. Well, an interesting test I'd like OKC do (since they love conducting research like this) is to test two controlled groups; the first group is given a pool of candidates with only a few photos and a very minimal profile info, while the second group is given a pool of candidates with full and well written profiles but no pictures. What result...? I already know what the men would do...the men in the group given just pictures would but much more apt to message and interact... But what about the women...which group would be more active...? No pictures or no profile...? Link to post Share on other sites
Scales Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Getting a little back on topic, want to what really makes a woman "quality" in my eyes? Aside from not being obese? Having legitimate interests/hobbies. If there is one thing that makes me run the other way from women, it's when her hobbies are non existent. Eating, sleeping, net flix, hanging out, drinking, watching things, and collecting things don't count. I am very wary of women who want to leech on to my life and expect me to entertain them. I really need to know that she has a life outside of me because, no matter what girl I meet, I will always have my own interests and hobbies. I would love to include her in them, but I need to know that she has something she likes to do by herself as well. I've talked to a lot of girls in a lot of different environments, and I can honestly say it's hard to find a girl who has a real hobby or skill. This is where going to activity type of events or even OLD can be a big plus. Maybe I'm being too judgmental, but I can't seem to shake that requirement. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
44tt Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Getting a little back on topic, want to what really makes a woman "quality" in my eyes? Aside from not being obese? Having legitimate interests/hobbies. If there is one thing that makes me run the other way from women, it's when her hobbies are non existent. Eating, sleeping, net flix, hanging out, drinking, watching things, and collecting things don't count. I am very wary of women who want to leech on to my life and expect me to entertain them. I really need to know that she has a life outside of me because, no matter what girl I meet, I will always have my own interests and hobbies. I would love to include her in them, but I need to know that she has something she likes to do by herself as well. I've talked to a lot of girls in a lot of different environments, and I can honestly say it's hard to find a girl who has a real hobby or skill. This is where going to activity type of events or even OLD can be a big plus. Maybe I'm being too judgmental, but I can't seem to shake that requirement. To me someone who is not shallow, judgmental, and has a sense of humor. She gets bonus points if she watches sports 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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