Post why finding a good match is/isnt hard

[TouchedByViolet]

Well, an interesting test I'd like OKC do (since they love conducting research like this) is to test two controlled groups; the first group is given a pool of candidates with only a few photos and a very minimal profile info, while the second group is given a pool of candidates with full and well written profiles but no pictures. What result...?

 

I already know what the men would do...the men in the group given just pictures would but much more apt to message and interact... But what about the women...which group would be more active...? No pictures or no profile...?

 

I dunno. I mean I don't see many well written profiles for women to begin with. I'd be willing to give a women a chance without a photo if we had a lot in common and she was no bigger than average. Then again when it comes to online dating women get inundated with emails anyway. They often just have to choose who they like.

 

When it comes to being genuine maybe individuals don't prioritize it because they think they can change people and make them genuine or make them become loyal to them. Like if he/she likes me enough they will be loyal regardless of anything else. Just a theory....

[44tt]

I dunno. I mean I don't see many well written profiles for women to begin with. I'd be willing to give a women a chance without a photo if we had a lot in common and she was no bigger than average. Then again when it comes to online dating women get inundated with emails anyway. They often just have to choose who they like.

 

When it comes to being genuine maybe individuals don't prioritize it because they think they can change people and make them genuine or make them become loyal to them. Like if he/she likes me enough they will be loyal regardless of anything else. Just a theory....

 

That's because some are programmed to think they don't have to put in the effort because of their looks

[USMCHokie]

I'm 35 and I've noticed the same exact thing. Among almost every woman I've met lately, the only hobbies any of them had were drinking, watching whatever TV show everyone else is talking about, taking pictures of a bunch of uninteresting things (that includes selfies), and spending way too much time on social media.

 

I considering collecting things a hobby though. I am a collector of some things, and it can be very involving at times.

 

So is it possible that these self-proclaimed "good quality" women are in reality dreadfully unremarkable and perhaps even boring...?

[Eivuwan]

I'm 35 and I've noticed the same exact thing. Among almost every woman I've met lately, the only hobbies any of them had were drinking, watching whatever TV show everyone else is talking about, taking pictures of a bunch of uninteresting things (that includes selfies), and spending way too much time on social media.

 

I considering collecting things a hobby though. I am a collector of some things, and it can be very involving at times.

 

Maybe it's just the crowd you hang around.

[Eivuwan]

So is it possible that these self-proclaimed "good quality" women are in reality dreadfully unremarkable and perhaps even boring...?

 

Or perhaps it is the case that women become focus on shallow things for themselves because the first things men want are their looks? More time spent on appearance = less time spent on other things.

 

Edit: Even though it's the modern age, women are still more reinforced for looking good than other qualities.

[USMCHokie]

Or perhaps it is the case that women become focus on shallow things for themselves because the first things men want are their looks? More time spent on appearance = less time spent on other things.

 

Edit: Even though it's the modern age, women are still more reinforced for looking good than other qualities.

 

Absolutely. But how much time does it take to maintain appearance...? For example, from my limited experience, eating less generally takes less time than eating more...

[jay1983]

Getting a little back on topic, want to what really makes a woman "quality" in my eyes? Aside from not being obese? Having legitimate interests/hobbies.

 

If there is one thing that makes me run the other way from women, it's when her hobbies are non existent. Eating, sleeping, net flix, hanging out, drinking, watching things, and collecting things don't count. I am very wary of women who want to leech on to my life and expect me to entertain them. I really need to know that she has a life outside of me because, no matter what girl I meet, I will always have my own interests and hobbies. I would love to include her in them, but I need to know that she has something she likes to do by herself as well.

 

I've talked to a lot of girls in a lot of different environments, and I can honestly say it's hard to find a girl who has a real hobby or skill. This is where going to activity type of events or even OLD can be a big plus. Maybe I'm being too judgmental, but I can't seem to shake that requirement.

 

No you're not being too judgmental, you're spot on. Everything you said is exactly what I've experienced. A lot of women don't have any interests, other than facebook and reality TV. It's impossible to have an intellectual conversation with them, they get moody when they get bored. It's pretty bad.

[jay1983]

I dunno. I mean I don't see many well written profiles for women to begin with.

 

They don't need to have one, they get crap loads of messages without writing anything. lol

[USMCHokie]

They don't need to have one, they get crap loads of messages without writing anything. lol

 

There's no denying men are drawn by quality pictures...one random thing I could speculate based on reading on LS and talking with male friends who do OLD is that the men who complain about women lacking in their profiles tend to be average in physical appearance...

 

Pure speculation...

[Eivuwan]

No you're not being too judgmental, you're spot on. Everything you said is exactly what I've experienced. A lot of women don't have any interests, other than facebook and reality TV. It's impossible to have an intellectual conversation with them, they get moody when they get bored. It's pretty bad.

 

I don't know where you guys are meeting women, but this has not been my experience with my classmates.

[Eivuwan]

Absolutely. But how much time does it take to maintain appearance...? For example, from my limited experience, eating less generally takes less time than eating more...

 

Well, you see maintaining basic appearances do not take much time as long as you are not trying to do massive weight loss. However, women are so reinforced for their looks that they do a lot of things for it that may not even be necessary. Women can spend hours shopping, looking at fashion magazines, doing make up and skincare, etc. When you add all those things up, it does take a lot of time.

[jay1983]

Maybe it's just the crowd you hang around.

 

I know you were talking to enigma, but I experience the exact same thing he does and I don't hangout with people like that. My homeboy's girl, she thai, cute, she's modeled for a couple of asian magazines (she's extremely skinny) Anyway, she just graduated with a degree in Architecture, she's an animal lover , she knows about crafted beer, she sows and knits stuff. Last week she posted something on facebook about why pin cushions are made to look like tomatoes. I know it's a little cheesy, but it's something. You can actually have an intellectual conversation with her. I wish I could find one like that.

 

Now don't get it twisted, she doesn't have to look like a model and personally, I find her way too skinny. I was just describing her.

[jay1983]

I don't know where you guys are meeting women, but this has not been my experience with my classmates.

 

Once I finished all my basic courses and went on to career specific courses, they only had maybe 2 girls, if that.

 

and come on, you can't tell me you don't know the facebook selfie type?

[Eivuwan]

I know you were talking to enigma, but I experience the exact same thing he does and I don't hangout with people like that. My homeboy's girl, she thai, cute, she's modeled for a couple of asian magazines (she's extremely skinny) Anyway, she just graduated with a degree in Architecture, she's an animal lover , she knows about crafted beer, she sows and knits stuff. Last week she posted something on facebook about why pin cushions are made to look like tomatoes. I know it's a little cheesy, but it's something. You can actually have an intellectual conversation with her. I wish I could find one like that.

 

Now don't get it twisted, she doesn't have to look like a model and personally, I find her way too skinny. I was just describing her.

 

Maybe your homeboy can give you some tips. I know that there are lots of shallow women around, but there are also lots of intellectuals around (especially in this modern age). If you do volunteer work or join a discussion meetup you will be able to find some of these women there. I have to wonder sometimes that maybe because looks are the first thing that men notice that they don't get to know some of the more nerdy girls who may not spend as much time on their appearance.

[Eivuwan]

Once I finished all my basic courses and went on to career specific courses, they only had maybe 2 girls, if that.

 

and come on, you can't tell me you don't know the facebook selfie type?

 

Well, I have always been an academic high achiever so the women around me tend to be of the same type. What type of career specific courses are you talking about?

[Eivuwan]

 

 

It's not just my crowd. It's the people I've known, met, seen online, ect. A vast majority of the women I've known have had zero hobbies or interests.

 

You and Jay are making me feel that my dating prospects are going to be good once I go back into the dating world. But then do you two represent what the average men want?

 

Most of the reinforcing I see done is by other women. I see average looking girls posting touched up, edited photos on Facebook all the time, and they have a ton of female friends telling them how beautiful they are.

 

Yes, that is true. But it's a consequence of thousands of years of social reinforcement. Men had always had more power and money so women are socially reinforced for their looks. It doesn't matter which gender does it. Perhaps when wages and opportunities are equal, this will be less of a problem.

 

 

I noticed the same thing, actually. Usually, the women with no hobbies or interests are the single moms. Unfortunately, almost every single girl around here is also a single mom.

So maybe it's the area you live in.

 

 

Replies in bold.

[USMCHokie]

Well, you see maintaining basic appearances do not take much time as long as you are not trying to do massive weight loss. However, women are so reinforced for their looks that they do a lot of things for it that may not even be necessary. Women can spend hours shopping, looking at fashion magazines, doing make up and skincare, etc. When you add all those things up, it does take a lot of time.

 

Just another way to separate the "good quality" from the just mediocre...the real good quality can do both...

[Eivuwan]

Just another way to separate the "good quality" from the just mediocre...the real good quality can do both...

 

I don't know. It depends on how stylish or model-like you want to look. My first bf spent so much time exercising, styling his hair, etc that he had no free time for anything else. I used to be attracted to him because we actually had intellectual conversations and then he started becoming more and more obsessed with looks. It does take a long time each day if you want to maintain model-like appearances.

[jay1983]

Well, I have always been an academic high achiever so the women around me tend to be of the same type. What type of career specific courses are you talking about?

 

Engineering and then Draft and design. When I was pursuing engineering the girls disappeared as soon I got to trigonometry and chem 2. Once I started taking those classes there was like maybe 2 asian or nigerian girls with heavy accents. Before you say what wrong with asian girls, I'll go ahead and explain.

 

1. This is only 1 or 2 girls from traditional asian families. Not like the amerasian girls.

 

2. I find a lot of asian girls attractive, but asian girls aren't attracted to me. I've only had one and she was completely backwards.

[Eivuwan]

Engineering and then Draft and design. When I was pursuing engineering the girls disappeared as soon I got to trigonometry and chem 2. Once I started taking those classes there was like maybe 2 asian or nigerian girls with heavy accents. Before you say what wrong with asian girls, I'll go ahead and explain.

 

1. This is only 1 or 2 girls from traditional asian families. Not like the amerasian girls.

 

2. I find a lot of asian girls attractive, but asian girls aren't attracted to me. I've only had one and she was completely backwards.

 

Well, you know women tend to shy away from engineering fields because the math stereotypes got to a lot of them. That doesn't mean women are not intellectual. They just tend to go to other intellectual areas such as psychology, social work, law, med school etc.

[jay1983]

Well, you know women tend to shy away from engineering fields because the math stereotypes got to a lot of them. That doesn't mean women are not intellectual. They just tend to go to other intellectual areas such as psychology, social work, law, med school etc.

 

True, so how do I meet them and get them to like me? lol

[Eivuwan]

True, so how do I meet them and get them to like me? lol

 

Lol, I don't know. Aren't they everywhere? I know that my one of my classmates and I use online dating. Another one goes to bars and clubs. The other ones all had relationships coming into the program so I don't know.

[jay1983]

Lol, I don't know. Aren't they everywhere? I know that my one of my classmates and I use online dating. Another one goes to bars and clubs. The other ones all had relationships coming into the program so I don't know.

 

Yes I see girls everywhere, but I have no control over which ones wanna talk and get to know me. lol

[Eivuwan]

Yes I see girls everywhere, but I have no control over which ones wanna talk and get to know me. lol

 

Lol true. I tend to resort to the internet so that I can read their profiles to see if we have similar interests and values etc. Sometimes I wonder if my OLD profile is too intense in that I talk too much about intellectual things on it. I feel like doing an experiment. Make a fluffy profile about how I like to party and just chill and see if I get more messages. haha. But dating is a hard thing and even if you do get a relationship it might not work out. It's best to just keep trying different ways of meeting people, but don't have expectations.

[hasaquestion]

Engineering and then Draft and design. When I was pursuing engineering the girls disappeared as soon I got to trigonometry and chem 2. Once I started taking those classes there was like maybe 2 asian or nigerian girls with heavy accents. Before you say what wrong with asian girls, I'll go ahead and explain.

 

1. This is only 1 or 2 girls from traditional asian families. Not like the amerasian girls.

 

2. I find a lot of asian girls attractive, but asian girls aren't attracted to me. I've only had one and she was completely backwards.

 

As someone pretty fresh out of college... about 50% of my engineering class was women. Granted, I did a biomolecular track and biology is more "stereotypically female", but still - it was 50/50. Engineering is not as male as it once was.

 

Pretty girls with STEM backgrounds are scare, but in theory I don't think it could get better than that. Easier to relate to someone who has a problem solving mindset.