I'm going to vomit... ex gf is in relationship with new ugly guy on FB...

[irresolute]

If she sees marriage and a family as a "requirement" before a certain age, she's an idiot.

 

Facebook status doesn't mean a freakin' thing. Most of the crap posted on FB is a lie to try to make others think the poster's life is so great.

 

She seems "special" alright, but not in a good way ifyaknowwhatImean...

 

Gotta let this go man. Only way to do that is through NC and gradually working on your life and improving.

 

 

Agree 100% in every word you said.

[bulldogz]

Facebook status doesn't mean a freakin' thing. Most of the crap posted on FB is a lie to try to make others think the poster's life is so great.

 

I do agree with this to some extent. Mysterious and incediary posts littered her wall right after the BU. Then came posts about not knowing if she was making a mistake and messing up "fate." Then came abusive restriction, reversed restriction, more restriction (a blank page without the de-friending), then a de-friending, then 24 hours later a blocking. It tore me down, real good. The aforementioned phase out of our electronic connection took place over a three-week period starting several weeks after the BU.

 

But, there is no such thing as de-publicizing your FB account (unless you deactivate or delete). Anyone with computer can see profile photo, headline, and (if you wish) any "public post" with a little grey globe.

 

I do find it peculiar that since she started dating him, all of his daily posts changed to "public," and that this is completely public. But it would be absurd for me to think she actually thinks I can see this, given the fact that the information is only public on his profile, and not her's (which is blocked by her choice).

[d0nnivain]

You need to unfriend her from all social media so you can stop torturing yourself.

[FortunateSon]

Bulldogz, if it is obvious she is posting cryptic messages via FB and posting things with the intent of hurting or frustrating you, it only illustrates why she is not only bad for you, but not a good person in general. Knock her of the pedestal, she doesn't belong there. As others have said, delete her off of any social media.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

How do you want to grow as a person if you don't go through times like this?

 

David87.. that was beautiful! x

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

From the course of events today, I know the Man up top is looking out fir me.

 

 

Regardless, I don't know how anyone can move on from something like this

 

Move on from what... the fact she DOWNGRADED! pull your sh*t together I believe you won that round ;-) x

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Sorry that sounded a bit immature lol but seriously dont worry you can walk away smiling.. there is nothing better than your ex downgrading... oh f*ck it that is immature but I dont care lol x

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

What a horrible coincidence. I'd never had imagined this.

Last night I discovered through sneaking into his facebook profile that he added a new friend. Turned out it was a woman from adult friend finder he was aggresively pursuing at the time I went no contact.

I visited her profile and there was a pic of them together. I got speecheless.

 

Wtf??? If anyone had any doubt that one could find a girlfriend on adult friend finder here is the proof you can.

 

 

I also want to vomit. I wanted to vomit last night and I want to vomit now

 

Dont you vomit missy he just added a bootycall thats all.. try not to think about it... not a real woman or a GF... thats quite normal when men go through BU's they go and shag...I know it hurts babe but it could have been an engagement! x I very much doubt it will go anywhere so try not to get worked up about it x

[bulldogz]

Yeah to top off the intentional hurting me... when the most obvious passive-aggressive route for hurting me on my birthday was blocked (FB), she used the only avenue (an exclusive/"matching" dating site we were both on) to upload photos...

 

What a nice birthday present to see photos of the girl you loved in your dating site news feed, for the whole world of single guys to see. This was her only photo upload other than her join date. Nice timing.

 

 

Tears have actually been shed the last few days. There's no more pretending she might still like me... it is all over, and I'm crushed.

 

I'm not gonna lie... the No/limited contact I finally established just left me hoping it would "work" or make her miss me. But it left me with fantasies that she might come back.

 

 

 

While she can be defriended from social media, it is much harder to de-friend her and block her from my heart.

 

I'll take the advice here to stop looking at the FB page.... and I'll try to work with the therapist more on this. But other than that it is going to be extremely hard to actually ACCEPT that this person will never be in my life again, and that I probably will never even see her again. It will be a while before I can accept that.

 

I also have to accept that she hates me. If she only knew how much I actually don't; how bad I feel about messing up; and how I'd do anything for her. Well, I guess she'll never know. She never believed this, even before we had problems, but that is a horse of a different color.

[mtnbiker3000]

Oh good lord this whole "macho man" crap is so ridiculous.

 

I know TONS of girls who have dated/marred/stayed married to the NICE guy. One of the biggest examples: my parents. Stayed together for YEARS and he is super nice to her.

 

Some girls dont like the nice guy, but to label that ALL of them, 100% dont like "nice guys" is pretty out there.

 

If they dont like it, its their fault. Dont change who you are to suit anyone else.

 

Maybe I'm not being clear on what I mean by 'nice guy'. It is obviously not about being macho or not, or any of that red pill sh*t. I couldn't possibly go into the dynamics behind what Robert Glover's material covers right now, but it is very sound IMO. There are very clear behaviors and patterns that some men exhibit. And, yes, they will pretty much 100% turn off ALL women. In fact ALL people.

 

Read the book. It's short and very non-judgmental. I dunno. I gleaned a lot from it, and it sounds like the OP could as well...

[bulldogz]

Move on from what... the fact she DOWNGRADED! pull your sh*t together I believe you won that round ;-) x

 

Yeah I know, but if she doesn't think so (like, in an abstract sense), and she knows I'm still sad (which I have a feeling she does, 'specially if she would see this website, it is obvious who I am), then she has won.

 

Her conviction is so darn stubborn with her own thoughts, so if she thinks she has found the one, then she has won. And she is so sexually-repressed (prolly not her fault) that I don't even know if she cares what her partner looks like.

 

 

---

 

 

 

It's just hard; maybe she wasn't a good partner. But man, there were some basic things there; she didn't cheat, lie, steal, etc.... How do I know the next one wont be bad in some other way? I don't, and I feel I've lost what I know... what I KNOW; the good, bad and ugly, but what I KNOW and CHOSE to be with, and what I couldn't help but fall in love with...

 

...I knew on first date she was special. I don't have that spark with hardly anybody.

[No Limit]

Always accept challenges, they make you stronger. Your life doesn't end after this girl, you know.

Sure you can't get the time passed back, but you sure as hell can decide what you're going to do with the time you still got.

[bulldogz]

Even if I do the full 100% NC and start to try to really move on...

 

...I'm assuming it is unhealthy to cling on to some strands of hope (or imagined hope) that you'll see the person again?

 

I mean, is it healthier to accept it's over, but that I might see her again... or accept that I'll never see her again?**

 

Like, this is a subtle thing but I'm just trying to get through the days as emotionally-healthy as possible, so I'm just trying to have the best attitude.

 

 

**B/c like the one poster said here, the thing about breakups is that the person is indeed still out there in the world... so quite literally there is always that possibility that I can't help but think about.

 

P.S. The irony is that I actually have fixed some flaws in myself, and done some other things since BU that would have made all the difference. My mom tells me that it is just a blessing for the next RS.

[bulldogz]

More evidence of intentional inflammatory behavior....

 

she knows I'm seriously allergic to peanuts (she had to give up peanut eating at throw out all peanut products from house when I lived there), and when I showed up the last time to collect my stuff, she had a giant jug of peanut butter displayed on the table.

 

She also has her top beer on her beer app as a peanut butter beer, because she knows I once googled her and saw that beer app come up.

 

But the post about wondering if she was messing up "fate" by breaking up (posted when I was restricted on FB; I later saw it when she unrestricted me) seemed like a positive message.

 

 

Somewhere I read these were signs the ex still "cares." B/c if she doesn't still "care," then she is just rude.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And randomly, before we had problems, she got all bitter and made a random comment about how she hopes her ex before me was mad that she was happy with me. "He'd be mad I'm happy."

[FortunateSon]

Even if she is intentionally trying to provoke you, why are you looking at this stuff? You need to be COMPLETE NC so that you aren't seeing this stuff. Every time you see this stuff it will set you back in your healing. BLOCK her on everything and focus on making YOURSELF happy. If she is on your mind, feel that emotion briefly, but then find away to distract yourself from in. If she is really concerned about making sure or hoping that her ex's are not happy, she is not the kind of woman you want to be with. You know the stove is hot...don't keep touching it.

Edited August 2, 2014 by FortunateSon

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

More evidence of intentional inflammatory behavior....

 

she knows I'm seriously allergic to peanuts (she had to give up peanut eating at throw out all peanut products from house when I lived there), and when I showed up the last time to collect my stuff, she had a giant jug of peanut butter displayed on the table.

 

She also has her top beer on her beer app as a peanut butter beer, because she knows I once googled her and saw that beer app come up.

 

But the post about wondering if she was messing up "fate" by breaking up (posted when I was restricted on FB; I later saw it when she unrestricted me) seemed like a positive message.

 

 

Somewhere I read these were signs the ex still "cares." B/c if she doesn't still "care," then she is just rude.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And randomly, before we had problems, she got all bitter and made a random comment about how she hopes her ex before me was mad that she was happy with me. "He'd be mad I'm happy."

 

The biggest reach Ive ever seen.

 

You have to stop all this plain and simple.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Have you considered the possibility that maybe your ex loves peanut butter? I am a very fit, thin* woman, but if you put a jar of peanut butter in front of me I will shove my face into it like Al Pacino in Scarface. Maybe once you broke up she realized "awesome, now I can eat all the peanut butter I want" and she's indulging herself. I did a similar thing after I broke up with a guy who was lactose intolerant.She's living her life without you, and that life happens to include peanut butter. Deal with it.

 

I think you may have a serious narcissism issue here. Your ex is probably not browsing this website; if she is, she probably isn't reading this thread or caring what you think; above all, she's not posting peanut butter pictures on Facebook just to make you upset. You are broken up and she's no longer responsible for worrying about your feelings. Calling her "rude" just because she showed off an awesome picture of peanut butter is incredibly self-centered.

 

Go live your life. Maybe it can't involve peanut butter (and that's a tragedy), but it can still be happy and fulfilling.

 

 

* - I stay fit and thin mostly because I don't let myself have peanut butter anywhere near as often as I want to!

Edited August 2, 2014 by chimpanA-2-chimpanZ

[bulldogz]

Calling her "rude" just because she showed off an awesome picture of peanut butter is incredibly self-centered.

!

 

I guess my posts are long and can't expect anyone to read the details. She didn't post a picture of peanut butter anywhere.

 

And there were more posts and behavior that was incediary.

 

But thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Oh, and another point for consideration: maybe this "ugly" guy is actually really fantastic? I don't believe in rating people's looks on a numerical scale, but the last guy I dated was easily an 8.5. He was hot as hell and women would frequently hit on him when we were out together, which made me feel proud.

 

I dumped him for a guy who is, to most people, a 4 or a 5. He's short, he's balding, he has a limp. And you know what? He makes me happier than Mr. 8.5 ever did! I'm not dating him so I can have "all the power". This guy is brilliant, he makes me laugh myself hoarse and he's incredibly confident and dynamite in bed. I am completely crazy about him.

 

The way you talk about your ex on this thread is just so, so bitter and unkind. I understand that to some extent, but it's wrong to assume that she's dating other people just to be a b-tch and get someone who's not as good as she is. Love works in strange ways. Please try to be happy for her and be open-minded about finding love yourself in the future.

[bulldogz]

Oh, and another point for consideration: maybe this "ugly" guy is actually really fantastic? I don't believe in rating people's looks on a numerical scale, but the last guy I dated was easily an 8.5. He was hot as hell and women would frequently hit on him when we were out together, which made me feel proud.

 

I dumped him for a guy who is, to most people, a 4 or a 5. He's short, he's balding, he has a limp. And you know what? He makes me happier than Mr. 8.5 ever did! I'm not dating him so I can have "all the power". This guy is brilliant, he makes me laugh myself hoarse and he's incredibly confident and dynamite in bed. I am completely crazy about him.

 

The way you talk about your ex on this thread is just so, so bitter and unkind. I understand that to some extent, but it's wrong to assume that she's dating other people just to be a b-tch and get someone who's not as good as she is. Love works in strange ways. Please try to be happy for her and be open-minded about finding love yourself in the future.

 

I'm allowed to miss the person I loved. I'm allowed to feel bitter that she left me. I'm allowed to be angry about the fact I made mistakes, and feel bad because I fixed things about myself when it was too late. I'm allowed to be bitter that she said she was madly in love with me and never felt that way about anyone.

 

You don't know me, and don't know how our relationship was. You don't know how good it used to be, and how much she told me she liked me. You also don't know how she handled the breakup.

 

Look, I am, and have been, not contacting her. I'm going to stop looking at the FB page. I'm doing that because I know it is the best thing to do. But I can't control my feelings about this, and I'm not going to apologize for them.

[OwMyEyeball]

You're allowed to feel what you feel. No one can take that from you.

 

The direction others are prodding you to follow is one that will give your mind far less ammo to shoot yourself in the heart with. As base as emotions are, our thoughts have tremendous power over extending and exacerbating them. There's an interplay between the two. They each affect the other.

 

Whatever you come across on her social media or in her presence does not present any truth to the situation. It is your mind which gives meaning to each of the instances you've described.

 

Whether or not her actions are intentional, you serve yourself best by following the advice given here and going full NC. The motivation behind her actions is irrelevant. You have no point of validation. Your mind is free to concoct any story present mood and circumstances dictate. Sometimes these can be thoughts of hope and reconciliation. Other times, and more often, they are much more painful re-enactments and projections. It can become a very addictive form of thinking wherein you will cycle through a whole lot of pain just to get that one, tiny dose of hope.

 

It's not worth it.

 

You've got some pain to feel yet, but the sooner you embrace NC in full honesty, the sooner you can begin to heal.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

You're allowed to feel what you feel. No one can take that from you.

 

The direction others are prodding you to follow is one that will give your mind far less ammo to shoot yourself in the heart with. As base as emotions are, our thoughts have tremendous power over extending and exacerbating them. There's an interplay between the two. They each affect the other.

 

Whatever you come across on her social media or in her presence does not present any truth to the situation. It is your mind which gives meaning to each of the instances you've described.

 

Whether or not her actions are intentional, you serve yourself best by following the advice given here and going full NC. The motivation behind her actions is irrelevant. You have no point of validation. Your mind is free to concoct any story present mood and circumstances dictate. Sometimes these can be thoughts of hope and reconciliation. Other times, and more often, they are much more painful re-enactments and projections. It can become a very addictive form of thinking wherein you will cycle through a whole lot of pain just to get that one, tiny dose of hope.

 

It's not worth it.

 

You've got some pain to feel yet, but the sooner you embrace NC in full honesty, the sooner you can begin to heal.

 

Eyeball nailed it. Exactly what you should be doing

[bulldogz]

This is what was positioned in the last box of stuff I got with my belongings in it. I know I'm living a lie thinking it means something... but this isn't fake. This is how she chose to leave the box.

 

[OwMyEyeball]

This is what was positioned in the last box of stuff I got with my belongings in it. I know I'm living a lie thinking it means something... but this isn't fake. This is how she chose to leave the box.

 

You may find the responses coming your way a lot less supportive than expected if you keep this up.

 

What you're doing is equivalent to rubbing sand in an open wound then turning around and asking the nearest person to sympathize with your plight. You feel hurt when they question your behaviour instead of showing compassion for your very real pain.

 

You're asking strangers with no intimate understanding of your situation to offer insights into nuances that would require a mountain of assumptions to even begin analyzing. And why bother? So what if you're right? So what if she's intentionally baiting your emotions?

 

Why are you even looking?

 

Who cares where the sand came from or why it feels so gritty or who gave it to you or why Home Depot jacked up the price on 20lb bags. Why are you rubbing it into your wound?

[bulldogz]

I don't know why the "Keep in Touch" thing had to be displayed face up in the last box I got from her.

 

It may be hard for me to not try to find meaning in nothing, but it is impossible to not try to find meaning in THOSE words in the box.