I'm going to vomit... ex gf is in relationship with new ugly guy on FB...

[No Limit]

Any man or woman can get the realization "*****, this guy I had was perfect and now I've lost it all!"; many still won't go back due to embarassment or more commonly pride.

 

It can be somewhat satisfacting to know that the ex is going down a wrong/worse path, but that isn't what moving on is about. From your posts you seem to be getting less and less enraged, so I'll take that as a good sign.

[bulldogz]

Yes, things are slowly getting better. I have a date tomorrow.

 

Just yesterday I had a refreshing experience... I was looking at vacation destinations, and for the first time since before I met my ex, I did not even care that she wouldn't be there (traveling was one of our shared experiences together)*

 

*on the downside, b/c we booked trips together on Expedia, I get tailored emails of places SHE searched for on expedia. So I always have to be reminded of HER travels :-(. (Sorry; refuse to block those emails b/c I use that travel service myself).

 

I read somewhere that the gold-standard of being moved on is that you see your ex with someone else (metaphorically; perhaps you hear about it, or see it, or whatever), and you don't think twice.

 

I'm a ways off from that (how much I don't know), but in the meantime I'm actually taking the specific advice of behaviors to avoid (such as looking at FB, etc).

[SoThatHappened]

Yes, things are slowly getting better. I have a date tomorrow.

 

I don't think you're ready for dating. You might meet a really great girl, but because you're still a mess, you'll likely screw up any chances with her.

 

I did that.

 

Like an idiot, I started going on dates with a beautiful, smart, down-to-earth woman. It was actually helping me with the pain of heartbreak. BUT, she gave up on dating me after about 5 dates because she said there was no spark.

 

She was right. I was a wreck. If I'd met her when I was moved on, things would have been a lot different.

 

So, it helped at first, but I just got dumped again (it was only about 3 weeks of dating, not a biggie) while I was already heartbroken. Definitely didn't need that!

[bulldogz]

Sothathappened,

 

I've already been out on 8 dates since the BU in late march.

 

Two three-date strings, both with beautiful, smart, fun women.

 

The aforementioned things happened when my denial was still in place. I'm over that now.

 

 

And furthermore, if my ex is allowed to find her new soulmate, I'm allowed to find mine. She was torn after BU; she ACTUALLY vomited for one week after BU.

 

I feel I am at once scolded for not moving on, but scolded for going out and trying to move on.

 

If I can build fun new memories with someone, create positive association with them, then maybe this will work.

[bulldogz]

If she simply said she didn't like me anymore, that would hurt, but be (relatively easy to move on from); but no, instead she never said that... what she said is that she did love me till I ****ed up a laundry-list full of things.

 

She blamed me for breakup. She blamed me for not liking her.

 

I know you all say "it doesn't matter" at this point, and you're right, maybe it doesn't.

 

But after the breakup she just kept saying: "you DID: this, this, that, this, and that, and this, and that............."

 

It wore me out. It made me feel responsible for EVERYTHING, and especially considering she took responsibility for NOTHING.

 

 

The relationship became an evaluation of my character, my worth, my genetic potential. It was, largely, an evaluation of me, not the other way around. I did my evaluating.

 

 

 

 

 

Forgive me, but I'm using this thread as an outlet more than anything else. I know I'm not the only one on LS, so I'm sorry but I need to do this.

 

Letting go? I'm starting to... (and this is new)

 

Moving on? I've been trying to for months (and at face value, I am moving on)

 

Looking to the future? I'm doing my best

 

Improving myself? YES

[bulldogz]

Things were *perfect* till we had an alcohol-enraged fight that started with my questioning of her gross misrepresentation of her STD-testing history (not STD status, but testing history).

 

She had whipped out that she'd been drugged and raped in a downtown area... AFTER we'd been sexually-active, and AFTER she'd misrepresented her STD testing history (she is a healthcare professional; she, of anyone, should know that a PAP-smear is not a comprehensive STD test).

 

She got serious bronchitis/pneumonia every winter for the last four winters... and a bizarre skin infection.

 

Was I overreacting to go ape-s**t when drunk about this?

 

 

 

 

 

 

You have to understand... I took the time out of work, and paid $300 to get a FULL STD panel BEFORE we were sexually-active, because I wanted be be 100% sure that I would not be putting her at risk.

 

She, on the other hand, did jack s*** to address the issue.

 

 

 

How can I feel bad, when the CDC and high school health class force-feeds you statistics and ultimatums about this issue???

 

 

 

 

 

*NOTE* This woman does not use barrier protection.... and this further fueled the "red flag"

 

 

 

I regret that a drunken argument devolved into a fight... but how can I be to blame???

 

My tantrum was not OK; in fact, it was unforgiveable. But how can someone who purportedly *LOVES* YOU misrepresent their STD status so they can have sex with you on New Year's Day??? Especially when you spent four years in pharmacy school??? Really???

 

 

 

 

 

 

As long as I post in this thread, I may never divulge into the subsequent problems, because after this fight Feb 21st, it was doomed to fail. I may discuss the last night, but nothing else...

 

...Because after this fight, I was a "bad guy," and I knew it would never be the same.

[BC1980]

Things were *perfect* till we had an alcohol-enraged fight that started with my questioning of her gross misrepresentation of her STD-testing history (not STD status, but testing history).

 

She had whipped out that she'd been drugged and raped in a downtown area... AFTER we'd been sexually-active, and AFTER she'd misrepresented her STD testing history (she is a healthcare professional; she, of anyone, should know that a PAP-smear is not a comprehensive STD test).

 

She got serious bronchitis/pneumonia every winter for the last four winters... and a bizarre skin infection.

 

Was I overreacting to go ape-s**t when drunk about this?

 

 

 

 

 

 

You have to understand... I took the time out of work, and paid $300 to get a FULL STD panel BEFORE we were sexually-active, because I wanted be be 100% sure that I would not be putting her at risk.

 

She, on the other hand, did jack s*** to address the issue.

 

 

 

How can I feel bad, when the CDC and high school health class force-feeds you statistics and ultimatums about this issue???

 

 

 

 

 

*NOTE* This woman does not use barrier protection.... and this further fueled the "red flag"

 

 

 

I regret that a drunken argument devolved into a fight... but how can I be to blame???

 

My tantrum was not OK; in fact, it was unforgiveable. But how can someone who purportedly *LOVES* YOU misrepresent their STD status so they can have sex with you on New Year's Day??? Especially when you spent four years in pharmacy school??? Really???

 

 

 

 

 

 

As long as I post in this thread, I may never divulge into the subsequent problems, because after this fight Feb 21st, it was doomed to fail. I may discuss the last night, but nothing else...

 

...Because after this fight, I was a "bad guy," and I knew it would never be the same.

 

Umm, no you did not overreact. It's common knowledge that a pap smear isn't a test for STDs. I'm pretty sure a pap smear can only detect HPV. Anyway, she is apparently not trustworthy, and I would be pretty freaked out if my partner divulged that they did not use protection and basically hadn't had any STD testing. Anyway, what's done is done, but I think you should get tested again for STDs if you haven't already since you stopped seeing her. Did you get an HIV test? I'm almost positive that's a separate test. It's a little troublesome for a young adult to have pneumonia so often. . . . if it was actually pneumonia.

 

Heck, people should probably get tested for HIV anyway because you just don't know what your partner or past partners have been up to.

[bulldogz]

Yeah, I'm fine... I got a three and six month HIV test since last having sex with her in mid February. Negative, of course.

[frankvega]

The one great thing about the way you feel is that when you want to ask other girls out, you can reach for the very top. After all, the sting that a smokin' hot chick can deliver by saying "NO" to you is NOTHING compared to the sting your ex has doled out to you. Shouldn't even be a blip on the radar, so there's no downside to asking girls out that are way above your league.

 

In essence, you have been given the gift of immunization from future rejection. Use it well. It worked wonders for me.

 

This is so true. I actually did this last week with a chick I met thru a friend. I was almost certain I was going to get rejected because she is very pretty and is 8 years younger than me.

I called my friend last Saturday night and got her number, texted her if she wanted to go out to south beach and to my astonishment she said yes.

To make a long story short, We have been seeing each other everyday since Saturday.

It made me feel a lot better and actually feel like i got my mojo back.

[bulldogz]

MaryOak and OwMyEyeball.... (and other posters)...

 

Ok, so I adhered to the full, real, loveshack-worthy "NC" for nine days... yes, I felt good.... [btw, I DIDN'T wish her Happy Birthday on her BD!!! yay bulldogz!!!], but I reverted...

 

 

Anyway, I changed my FB pic on Aug 19th wearing a fusia shirt at a PGA tour course before I had one of the best golf rounds of my life (which I can interpret as a gift from "above" for not wishing her happy BD)... anyway...

 

So I changed my pic, and the next day she changed her FB pic wearing the same shirt color as me.

 

 

Yes I checked it. I'm sorry. I'm human. I DID try the full NC, but I realized that while doing it, my mind was just fabricating romantic stories of reconnecting, and it wasnt' actually getting me anywhere.

 

 

 

 

Anyway, believe it or not, the Bulldogz of August 23rd, 2014 AD, actually wants to fully believe that the profile pic change, AND the new BF's profile pic change AND cover photo change yesterday (which I also did three days prior (by my own accord (actually)), didnt' have anyting to do with me.

 

 

 

 

Again, some part of my mind KNOWS I'm playing pseudo-psychotic tricks, but she DID change the pic immediately after I did, with the same color shirt, and that much isn't in my head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A side note: I actually pray to my God (at times) that she doesn't even know of the LS forums or otherwise saw this thread)....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ughhh... yeah, this is where I'm at now....

 

 

Anyone reading, just know that in the last few weeks I have felt vestiges of the real >>bulldogz<<, yes ME...

[BC1980]

Full NC, as you call it, isn't easy at first. You are going to go through a period of craziness in your mind, but you can't give in to it and check her FB.

[FortunateSon]

Bulldogz, do you have her blocked on Facebook? If you don't, you should...

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

MaryOak and OwMyEyeball.... (and other posters)...

 

Ok, so I adhered to the full, real, loveshack-worthy "NC" for nine days... yes, I felt good.... [btw, I DIDN'T wish her Happy Birthday on her BD!!! yay bulldogz!!!], but I reverted...

 

 

Anyway, I changed my FB pic on Aug 19th wearing a fusia shirt at a PGA tour course before I had one of the best golf rounds of my life (which I can interpret as a gift from "above" for not wishing her happy BD)... anyway...

 

So I changed my pic, and the next day she changed her FB pic wearing the same shirt color as me.

 

 

Yes I checked it. I'm sorry. I'm human. I DID try the full NC, but I realized that while doing it, my mind was just fabricating romantic stories of reconnecting, and it wasnt' actually getting me anywhere.

 

 

 

 

Anyway, believe it or not, the Bulldogz of August 23rd, 2014 AD, actually wants to fully believe that the profile pic change, AND the new BF's profile pic change AND cover photo change yesterday (which I also did three days prior (by my own accord (actually)), didnt' have anyting to do with me.

 

 

 

 

Again, some part of my mind KNOWS I'm playing pseudo-psychotic tricks, but she DID change the pic immediately after I did, with the same color shirt, and that much isn't in my head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A side note: I actually pray to my God (at times) that she doesn't even know of the LS forums or otherwise saw this thread)....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ughhh... yeah, this is where I'm at now....

 

 

Anyone reading, just know that in the last few weeks I have felt vestiges of the real >>bulldogz<<, yes ME...

 

......I want to virtually slap you lol.

 

First and foremost, and this sounds rough, she doesn't want you. Get that part through and the rest gets easier.

 

Lets go with this just to prove a point. You said that you think she changed her picture to match the color of your shirt on Facebook (which sounds incredibly insane), but lets say that's true. NOWHERE does it mean that she wants to get back together. No where in there. Usually, when someone breaks up with someone, they want to be "ahead" of the dumpee....meaning they want people to think they are winning and doing great. IF that part is true of what you're saying (which I doubt) then it's only meant to get under your skin. In which, since you're posting on here with that, it is.

 

People break NC all the time it happens...do what are you going to do? Keep stalking her Facebook? Keep feeling like s*** every single day? Not getting over? That's basically what you're doing.

[bulldogz]

I wonder if she knows I still think about her and our relationship every day? Never mind if she cares... I just wonder what she assumes after two months full NC, and four months since I last showed interest.

 

The last personal thing I communicated to her was that I was sorry how the relationship ended, the relationship meant a lot to me, I wanted to regain her trust and respect as a person but not a boyfriend, and I wished her well in love and life.

 

I guess I just wonder what sentiment that left the person with?

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I wonder if she knows I still think about her and our relationship every day? Never mind if she cares... I just wonder what she assumes after two months full NC, and four months since I last showed interest.

 

The last personal thing I communicated to her was that I was sorry how the relationship ended, the relationship meant a lot to me, I wanted to regain her trust and respect as a person but not a boyfriend, and I wished her well in love and life.

 

I guess I just wonder what sentiment that left the person with?

 

I bet she probably thinks about you from time to time. Its natural. I bet she doesn't really give two flying s***s about what you are doing or thinking.

 

She's probably still in with the "I'm glad that's done with" phase. Maybe later in life, she will look back at those times fondly and remember the good times. Not that it really matters.

 

Either way, full speed ahead.

[bulldogz]

The one thing I find amusing is that my ex, who is afraid of raised voices and violent men (and accused me of being "violent" because of raised voices and slapping a couch), is now with someone who pays thousands of dollars to see UFC fights in person.

 

 

LOL, miss "anti-violence" is with someone who gets off on seeing people beat each other to the point of injury and bleeding. Kind of sick...

[BC1980]

I wonder if she knows I still think about her and our relationship every day? Never mind if she cares... I just wonder what she assumes after two months full NC, and four months since I last showed interest.

 

The last personal thing I communicated to her was that I was sorry how the relationship ended, the relationship meant a lot to me, I wanted to regain her trust and respect as a person but not a boyfriend, and I wished her well in love and life.

 

I guess I just wonder what sentiment that left the person with?

 

Perception changes over time, so she is likely to remember you in a different way in one year, five years, ten years, ect. With my exes (not the recent one), I see them in a better light than when we parted ways. I honestly think you start care less, which might contribute to remembering it in a fond/neutral way.

 

You can't control how someone sees you unless you just did something crazy like burn down her parent's house. I think that barring some craziness, people generally move to a neutral place. I wouldn't spend too much time wondering what type of impression you left on her or trying to manipulate an outcome.

[BC1980]

The one thing I find amusing is that my ex, who is afraid of raised voices and violent men (and accused me of being "violent" because of raised voices and slapping a couch), is now with someone who pays thousands of dollars to see UFC fights in person.

 

 

LOL, miss "anti-violence" is with someone who gets off on seeing people beat each other to the point of injury and bleeding. Kind of sick...

 

People put way too much emphasis on shared hobbies, backgrounds, and shared likes/dislikes. It's much more important to share common values with how you show respect, how you love someone, and how you treat each other in the relationship. Most people will overlook a difference in hobbies if they really love someone and connect with them on a level of mutual respect.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

People put way too much emphasis on shared hobbies, backgrounds, and shared likes/dislikes. It's much more important to share common values with how you show respect, how you love someone, and how you treat each other in the relationship. Most people will overlook a difference in hobbies if they really love someone and connect with them on a level of mutual respect.

 

This X10000.

[BC1980]

This X10000.

 

It took me a long time to figure that out.

[whichwayisup]

Poster three: I cannot put into words how much I was a nice guy... How much of my life and time I gave that person

 

So since she is your ex now, why are you giving her attention and thought? She's moved on and not thinking of you.

 

Try your best not to give her anymore of your energy. She's not worthy of it anymore!