I'm going to vomit... ex gf is in relationship with new ugly guy on FB...

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I don't know why the "Keep in Touch" thing had to be displayed face up in the last box I got from her.

 

It may be hard for me to not try to find meaning in nothing, but it is impossible to not try to find meaning in THOSE words in the box.

 

No its not impossible. You are projecting WAY too much.

 

There is no meaning

There is no hidden message

There is no reach out to you.

 

You can continue to do this, but it won't go anywhere.

[lauri]

Lately, I have started to realize things about breaking up and dating - it is really easy to learn concepts regarding it, but it is very difficult to apply it in your life and follow it. We have all been where you are at today..with time eventually you will be sick of being hurt and everything will click.

 

I guess you don't want to take advice from me and others at this point. I think you are in the stage where you have pain and its the only thing you have left of that person. Feeling the pain regarding them is better than losing them forever. That is fine too. No one here is going to try to force you to do something you don't want to do.I think you need to prove to yourself that you are strong. You need to prove that you can get through this..I know you can and deep down inside you know you can too.

 

First step is blocking any chance of seeing anything or hearing from her ever again. No looking back man, you can do it. But you have to be the one to do it yourself, you have to take that step. You are capable of doing it and moving forward. Think of all the beautiful women who are passing you by right now, you could be dating them instead of sitting here and wasting your time on someone that clearly doesn't want you anymore. Time to focus on your self and get ready to find someone 10x better.

Edited August 2, 2014 by lauri

[bulldogz]

Fine, forgive me for over-analyzing the placement of the target receipt.

 

 

 

This **** isn't easy.

 

 

 

I do love this person, but they don't love me so it's tone to move on.

 

 

 

Doing that I may start tomorrow. Really feeling that will be a long time.

 

 

 

 

PS. Someone tell me I'm not crazy and that "keep in touch" thing was at least a little abnormal??? Please...

 

 

 

 

You have to understand... may presence on this site is a step forward to both get advice AND voice pathetic **** I would to my ex that I did for the first 30 days post-BU

Edited August 3, 2014 by bulldogz

[bulldogz]

Please... can someone tell me I'm not 100% bat-**** about the "keep it touch" print???

 

I mean, it was there....

 

 

Even if it was only 95% bat-**** on my part.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Again, that could have been thrown out or placed deep in the stack of 11 papers....

[bulldogz]

Please, can someone tell me I'm not bat-**** for seeing the "Keep in Touch" and wondering if it meant something????

 

I'm sorry; I didn't even know that piece of print existed...

[OJ loved Nicole]

Poster three: I cannot put into words how much I was a nice guy... How much of my life and time I gave that person

 

"No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover. No more to say, just read it!

[44tt]

So you fall for mean guys? I'll keep that in mind. I'll get my a**hole on and look you up

 

She means guys who are less predictable, more blunt and dominant not necessarily mean

[mtnbiker3000]

"No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover. No more to say, just read it!

 

^^^Agreed. It will open your eyes to things you never realized, but absolutely need to address!!!! 100% guaranteed!!!!

[mtnbiker3000]

As far as the note in the box... Very common. She is 'cake-eating' you. She doesn't want you as a lover, but still wants your friendship, support, etc. She's trying to leave you on the back burner for when needed!!... All for her benefit and none for yours. Forget you even saw it! Seriously!!!

[Simon Phoenix]

It's an ad dude. You are way overanalyzing it to the point of lunacy. Next, you're going to hear a car alarm go off from the general compass direction your ex lives from you and think it's a sign. You're acting several sandwiches short of a picnic right now.

[Simon Phoenix]

She means guys who are less predictable, more blunt and dominant not necessarily mean

 

The problem with that is many women (especially younger ones) have no clue how to decipher between the strong, assertive but friendly types and the jackasses.

[44tt]

The problem with that is many women (especially younger ones) have no clue how to decipher between the strong, assertive but friendly types and the jackasses.

 

exactly, see it all the time.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

No, women love nice guys. What we don't love are the self-described "nice guys", who are passive-aggressive, bitter and angry that they didn't get the girl.They think they're better than all other men and if we reject them it's because we're a b-tch with bad taste who "doesn't want a nice guy". They use it as evidence that ALL women are secretly terrible They point out how great they are because they were so good to past girlfriends, but they're also deeply misogynistic and full of hatred for the women who turn them down.

[bulldogz]

Is it guaranteed my ex is madly in love in her new relationship and that they have a fairy-tale existence?

 

I feel like they dated for three months before she felt "ready" to validate relationship on FB, and that now she'll marry him.

 

I feel like the FB relationship is game-over for me.

 

B/c this is how I feel. And I feel like she never thinks about me.

[mtnbiker3000]

All the more reason to do your best to forget about her and move on!!

[OwMyEyeball]

Is it guaranteed my ex is madly in love in her new relationship and that they have a fairy-tale existence?

 

I feel like they dated for three months before she felt "ready" to validate relationship on FB, and that now she'll marry him.

 

I feel like the FB relationship is game-over for me.

 

B/c this is how I feel. And I feel like she never thinks about me.

You're confusing emotion with thought.

 

What you're feeling is what you're thinking. And what you're thinking is being driven by a slurry of really confusing and painful emotions. What you're feeling is heartbreak.

 

And that feeling is going to tear away at you endlessly until you find a way to distract your ol' thinker so it can stop punching you in the gut. Healthy distraction.

 

You know what can help? Volunteering. You get to engage with your local community, gratify our very human need for expressing empathy and compassion and in some instances get to see how terrible suffering can be. It puts your own emotional pain into a different frame. Your thinking mind will lose a lot of the steam it's gaining from your current mire.

 

Help yourself by helping others.

 

Do you have any forms of artistic expression? Music? Painting? Writing? That can also be of immense help.

 

Just get yourself out of your head for a bit. As much as we like to believe our mind has our best interests in mind, often times it's clueless.

[44tt]

Is it guaranteed my ex is madly in love in her new relationship and that they have a fairy-tale existence?

 

I feel like they dated for three months before she felt "ready" to validate relationship on FB, and that now she'll marry him.

 

I feel like the FB relationship is game-over for me.

 

B/c this is how I feel. And I feel like she never thinks about me.

 

this is why I will never share my FB address with anyone I date. Hope things get better for you

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Please... can someone tell me I'm not 100% bat-**** about the "keep it touch" print???

 

I mean, it was there....

 

 

Even if it was only 95% bat-**** on my part.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Again, that could have been thrown out or placed deep in the stack of 11 papers....

 

Jesus Christ dude....

 

Its not batsh** crazy, but it means nothing. You are vastly over-analyzing everything. Its not some term of endearment or anything...its just a saying. She probably feels mildly bad for your feelings because she knew you would take it hard (as you currently are) and doesnt want to be the bad guy. INCREDIBLY common.

 

She is with new guy....and apparently to you, they will marry soon lol. Maybe thats what you need to move on. Imagine that they are marrying. AND STOP GOING ON SOCIAL MEDIA TO LOOK AT WHAT SHE IS DOING

[bulldogz]

Well I'm stopping viewing the page.

 

I hope I can get as excited about someone else in the future.

 

I hope I can love again. B/c right now it doesn't seem that way and I knew this would happen.

 

 

To my credit, I haven't contacted her in some time (despite the urge to).

 

 

It's tough to have the hard-ass attitude about her and go on with two middle fingers in the air. I don't operate that way.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Well I'm stopping viewing the page.

 

I hope I can get as excited about someone else in the future.

 

I hope I can love again. B/c right now it doesn't seem that way and I knew this would happen.

 

 

To my credit, I haven't contacted her in some time (despite the urge to).

 

 

It's tough to have the hard-ass attitude about her and go on with two middle fingers in the air. I don't operate that way.

 

No one is suggesting you do that. What we are suggesting is quit trying to jump to these wild conclusions and stories based on really nothing.

 

Time will heal all wounds. As I told you back back in May, this isnt enough time to be fully healed. In fact, you've made it worse. You havent been in no contact (looking on social media is no contact) and while you havent talked to her (which is awesome good work), you are still keeping everything SO fresh. You havent had a chance to heal because you are in your own way.

 

You will find someone else. You will love again. You will do all that you want. You just have to give it time...and REALLY try here.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Well I'm stopping viewing the page.

 

I hope I can get as excited about someone else in the future.

 

I hope I can love again. B/c right now it doesn't seem that way and I knew this would happen.

 

 

To my credit, I haven't contacted her in some time (despite the urge to).

 

 

It's tough to have the hard-ass attitude about her and go on with two middle fingers in the air. I don't operate that way.

 

You don't have to be a hardass or walk around with two middle fingers in the air. You can grieve and be angry and be sad while also acknowledging that the relationship is over and you did your best. You will be excited about someone else in the future and you'll love again...just wait for it.

[OK_computer]

You don't have to be a hardass or walk around with two middle fingers in the air. You can grieve and be angry and be sad while also acknowledging that the relationship is over and you did your best. You will be excited about someone else in the future and you'll love again...just wait for it.

 

I agree with this line. Right now it's impossible to even consider a new prospect in the future, a new relationship. But when all the doom and gloom has passed, and there's clear blue skies again in the eyes of your mind, you will look back and see how meaningless this all was. Give it time to heal, move on, and live a long and happy life. And when the time's right you will love again, and you will live again.

 

You can force it but it will not come. You need to give yourself time-to heal, to be born again. I have faith you will make it to that. You may not stop thinking about her, but a time will come when thinking about her is not painful anymore, and then it all begins to fade.

 

 

good luck

[bulldogz]

I also hope that I can and will one day get over the regret about the trainwreck that followed the BU. Sometimes people learn the hard way, and I did in this case about not doing NC...

 

First week: 11 long emails about how much I missed her/loved her. All ignored. Then first post-BU text convo says she's physically ill over BU, and asks me how I could assure her I'd changed... my reply to this obviously wasn't sufficient, but I didn't see it coming and didn't give it much thought. Next night go to pick up some stuff, and have long calm conversation about things... At the end of night I ask her if can hug her, and she says "no" in a condescending tone of voice. then when I go out the door she runs and opens it up... to hand me shoes...

 

Second Week: Begged and begged, pleaded, desperately, to get her to come on a vacation we had planned and payed for (to my defense, she kept asking me why she should come, and didn't say "no" till 11 days after begging started). In the later stages of begging, I told some white lies about getting help. She restricted me on FB after I cancelled room she told me I could cancel if I wasn't going (it was booked on my account, but with her CC).

 

Third week: We had argument about lost finances regarding trip (to her credit I was a little pushy, but since I was restricted didn't know she was out of town at the time), and she then said "it's over" (to make long story short: money is a very heated topic for this person). In a panic, I send 15 texts in a row after that. Next day after she says its over she sends me horoscope email saying I was angering her, and she needed time to process it and figure things out.

 

Fourth Week: I send her movies and photos from one of our vacations. She said it was thoughtful, and un-restricts me on FB. She then asked me a question about something I said, to which my reply made her start argument which I diffused.

 

Fourth week: I pick up some stuff at her house. didn't engage in any dialogue, and felt borderline uncomfortable and sad.

 

Fourth-Fifth week: We get matched on dating site, where her presence indicated to me she had moved on for good. Then followed really the only time I directly begged for her back. She replied with a nasty text . So in panic, I send 25 texts to her overnight. She then re-restricts me on FB the next day.

 

Sixth Week: Another argument ensues over text message, after which point she defriends me on FB and blocks me on text. Then, I tell her I had told some white lies, and she proceeds to block me on FB, and says she lost all respect for me (hearing this hurt very much). As it were, the next week she starts serious dating. Says when I pick up my stuff at her place she's going to have someone else there with her (this hurt my feelings)

 

Sixth-Seventh Week: On a dark, cold rainy night, I see her face for the last time when I hand her the last of her major belongings from my house. We made eye contact, but didn't even speak. The tension in the air was thick. This was hard. I was sad... my heart was beating when her car pulled up. She told me to leave the thing on the porch, but I couldn't because rain and cold would damage it.

 

7th Week-Present: I actually take steps to fix myself (not for her benefit, but mine), mood improves slightly, productivity goes up, etc. In essence, official "NC" starts here (there were exchanges since then, but strictly "business")

 

Ninth week: Unblocks me on text. We correspond about finally getting a refund for me (which was a long process that involved her).

 

12 week: I ship her a bottle of shampoo she left at my house via FedEx.

 

 

Week 18: My "denial" is over, and the reality has sunk in. Long long long way from healing, but I think ready to move forward, or away, or whatever from this.

Edited August 4, 2014 by bulldogz

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I also hope that I can and will one day get over the regret about the trainwreck that followed the BU. Sometimes people learn the hard way, and I did in this case about not doing NC...

 

First week: 11 long emails about how much I missed her/loved her. All ignored. Then first post-BU text convo says she's physically ill over BU, and asks me how I could assure her I'd changed... my reply to this obviously wasn't sufficient, but I didn't see it coming and didn't give it much thought. Next night go to pick up some stuff, and have long calm conversation about things... At the end of night I ask her if can hug her, and she says "no" in a condescending tone of voice. then when I go out the door she runs and opens it up... to hand me shoes...

 

Second Week: Begged and begged, pleaded, desperately, to get her to come on a vacation we had planned and payed for (to my defense, she kept asking me why she should come, and didn't say "no" till 11 days after begging started). In the later stages of begging, I told some white lies about getting help. She restricted me on FB after I cancelled room she told me I could cancel if I wasn't going (it was booked on my account, but with her CC).

 

Third week: We had argument about lost finances regarding trip (to her credit I was a little pushy, but since I was restricted didn't know she was out of town at the time), and she then said "it's over" (to make long story short: money is a very heated topic for this person). In a panic, I send 15 texts in a row after that. Next day after she says its over she sends me horoscope email saying I was angering her, and she needed time to process it and figure things out.

 

Fourth Week: I send her movies and photos from one of our vacations. She said it was thoughtful, and un-restricts me on FB. She then asked me a question about something I said, to which my reply made her start argument which I diffused.

 

Fourth week: I pick up some stuff at her house. didn't engage in any dialogue, and felt borderline uncomfortable and sad.

 

Fourth-Fifth week: We get matched on dating site, where her presence indicated to me she had moved on for good. Then followed really the only time I directly begged for her back. She replied with a nasty text . So in panic, I send 25 texts to her overnight. She then re-restricts me on FB the next day.

 

Sixth Week: Another argument ensues over text message, after which point she defriends me on FB and blocks me on text. Then, I tell her I had told some white lies, and she proceeds to block me on FB, and says she lost all respect for me (hearing this hurt very much). As it were, the next week she starts serious dating. Says when I pick up my stuff at her place she's going to have someone else there with her (this hurt my feelings)

 

Sixth-Seventh Week: On a dark, cold rainy night, I see her face for the last time when I hand her the last of her major belongings from my house. We made eye contact, but didn't even speak. The tension in the air was thick. This was hard. I was sad... my heart was beating when her car pulled up. She told me to leave the thing on the porch, but I couldn't because rain and cold would damage it.

 

7th Week-Present: I actually take steps to fix myself (not for her benefit, but mine), mood improves slightly, productivity goes up, etc. In essence, official "NC" starts here (there were exchanges since then, but strictly "business")

 

Ninth week: Unblocks me on text. We correspond about finally getting a refund for me (which was a long process that involved her).

 

12 week: I ship her a bottle of shampoo she left at my house via FedEx.

 

 

Week 18: My "denial" is over, and the reality has sunk in. Long long long way from healing, but I think ready to move forward, or away, or whatever from this.

 

I hope this is right...for your sake

[mtnbiker3000]

It takes as long as it takes. Period. But as others have mentioned you can do things to minimize the duration and pain.

 

My recovery took close to 18 months, a move to another state and a thorough and complete analysis of my life. This has allowed me to grow considerably as a person, for which I am actually thankful for!!

 

I don't think I will ever completely forget her, but I have learned how to live (well) with the experience...