Picking up my stuff this weekend

[lostandlonely]

Ok, a quick recap of my situation: My gf of 4 yrs dumped me about a month ago, i found out just after that there was someone else she liked (although im pretty sure nothing went on while we were together), i was so pissed off i told her about how id cheated on her (just once, very very drunk, feel so bad about it). Not surprisingly she was real pissed at me, and told me never to contact her again.

 

Roll on to now: she has some stuff of mine (clothes, cds etc) which i want back. When we broke up she asked me what i wanted to do about it, at the time i told her that i didnt care (which was true), but now i want it. This weekend im visiting my brother (we're all students) and i've got to go through her town to get to him, so i decided that this would be a good oportunity to pick up my stuff. So i sent her an email on monday saying i was planning to drop round to get my stuff as i didnt want to turn up unanounced. I also said that it wasnt an attempt to open up any real contact, and that if she wants all shes got to do is open the door and give me back the stuff and i'll walk away. I also said that i thought this would be better than bumping into each other when we're drunk and at home (which will happen eventually as although we have different sets of friends they all frequent the same pubs clubs etc).

 

Now my dilema is she hasnt responded, do i go ahead and turn up anyway? The email basically said that if she didnt respond i'd take it as ok that i can come round, but im now getting concerned about what if she hasnt read it. I dont want to piss her off any further, and i really hope we can be friends again at some point in the future Do i go ahead and do it?

[westernxer]

Why not, if it's on the way. The worst that can happen is the following:

 

1) Not home. Oh well, leave a note and try again later, as in the next life.

 

2) Your stuff is on the porch in a garbage bag.

 

3) Your stuff is on the street, and it's being scattered by the wind.

 

Good luck.

[MassiveAtom]

Dude, go get some new stuff!

 

head over to that music downlaod site and get an MP3 player from that fruit company. Cds Bah!

 

let her keep 'em.

 

Drive right through her town and don't even stop at the stop sign.

[lostandlonely]

I should probably point out that i am very obsessive about my music (I dj) and a couple of the cd's are really hard to find, i probably can download the tracks but despite having an absolute shed load of mp3's i still have this attachment to actually owning the plastic (i regularly buy albums that i've already downloaded or copied). And at a rough guess it'd cost me about £250 to replace all the cd's that i left at hers which is money that i just dont have right now (being a poor student).

 

I also really think that for me the inevitable contact would be a lot easier and a lot less horrific if im sober. I have a binge drinking problem which im seeing a counsellor about, but im finding it very hard to make progress at the moment. Theres no way that when im back at home im staying in to avoid her, but i am concerned about how i'll act when i see her if im drunk/able to get drunk.

 

Currently i think i will go ahead and try and get my stuff, but i am concerned about what happens if she hasnt read the email. Although i headered it: I'd like my stuff back, going to drop round on saturday. And sent it from a different address to normal (in case shes blocking my main address), my big concern is that she may not have checked her email. She's quite a technophobe and she only goes online at uni, so there is a possibility that she's wont have checked her mail.

 

I suppose im asking how would other people feel if they were in my ex's situation and i just turned up potentially out of the blue?

[lostandlonely]

Sod it im going

 

She hasnt replied to me, but i did say that if i didnt hear anything then i was going to turn up.

At the end of the day the worst that can happen is she shouts abuse at me, in which i case i turn away and get in the car. I really have begun to accept that we're not going to be friends, so i suppose it doesnt matter what i do.

[MassiveAtom]

Yeah, It doesn't matter.

 

But as a DJ, I can see how your music is important. Get that stuff no matter what. Let her alone and get into the life you want to lead.

 

Best of luck with it.

 

MA

[lostandlonely]

Originally posted by MassiveAtom

Let her alone and get into the life you want to lead.

 

Best of luck with it.

 

MA

 

Thats precisely the way im going to do things from now on. I would have liked her to carry on being part of my life, but she's decided that she doesnt want that. Its time for me to move on, and for the first time i actually feel like i can do so.

 

Thank you for the support.

[westernxer]

Hang in there, man.

[lostandlonely]

Cheers,

 

I'll let you know how it went in a couple of days

[MassiveAtom]

L&L

 

It's always a long road to walk alone when someone dear to you walks out of your life. Sometimes you want to turn around and go back. It seems that if you could just convince them..... The road that you once walked with her has ended, and now you'll have a long and windindg road to walk for and by yourself. Trust me though, it won't be solitary for long. Take your time with it, four years is a long time, and a month is no time at all.

 

So long as you're okay with living your life as you see fit, you'll be just fine. It' swierd with women, they'll break your heart and then expect you to be happy about it. Go ahead and be pissed off if you want to. Get your stuff. And keep walking.

 

She dumped you for someone else, shows she can't see the beauty of you.

 

I'm sure it's still hurting, if not, Hat's off to ya! but that pain has got to be experienced and learned from or else whatever it was that happened in this last relationship, will happen again. Take it slow, and be well.

 

MA

[haywood]

i'd just cut my losses. just pretend all your stuff got burned. but obviously you want it back so there's nothing that's gonna stop you.

 

did you think she wasn't gonna reply cuz you say she's a technophobe and you even state that if she doesn't reply it means it's ok for you to come by. confusing. why not ask her to reply so you know for sure.

 

well, that's too late so knowing that you're gonna go no matter what, just get your stuff and go. best of luck.

[Blackout23]

As a poor college student myself, I would advise you to get the stuff from her... esp. since your a dj and all... damn 4 1/2 years.. just like me...

 

Its very hard to adjust from a long term relationship, I don't know how it works out...

 

Hey, at least your ex doesn't do sh*t just to hurt you more... I tried to be friends w/ her that didn't work out so I did the NC thing and not even a week she did some sh*t just to get at me... I mean how can someone you gave up everything for and gave all your love to just turn around and try to f*ck you over...just boogles my mind if ya ask me...

 

I honestly think she gets a kick out of it watching me suffer, knowing she has the advantage over me because she knows I still love her a lot...just makes me want to .... and get this when I called her the funny thing is that she twisted the situation around to make it seem like I was the one that wronged her...

[Three of Swords]

I agree - get your stuff - especially the totally irreplaceable 'stuff'.

 

But please, if I may inject a word of caution here - I have worked in law offices for about 15 years after all - take a friend with you.

 

Firstly - this friend could be you backup if she ever thought to say you just took stuff that belonged to her

 

and secondly

 

this friend should be someone that would pull you outta there should things turn 'ugly'

 

Best wishes

 

B.

[lostandlonely]

Firstly, thanks to all of you for the support.

 

Ok, heres how it went:

 

Knocked on the door (on my own, i never read three of swords advice), she opens it and i tell her that im just here for my stuff. She invites me in, turns out she wasnt expecting me, as shes already changed her email adddress. She asks me how i am and i just start crying. Then she says do you want to talk about this, so we end up going for a drink and talking about what happened.

 

Although the wound has been reopened, and im really upset right now, im really glad that we've talked. I know that we're not going to get back together and it seems unlikely that we'll be friends as she really doesnt want to, but at least we've proven that we can be civil with each other. Its not what i want, but it is what she wants and she says that breaking up with me was what she needed to do to be happy. Im glad that i know that because all i want is for her to be happy. Although im really hurting, i think that i've taken a step towards getting closure. I think that this was the right thing to do, as otherwise i would have ended up bumping into her when im drunk at home, and i really needed to talk to her about what happened so i probably would have harressed her and where that leads isnt even worth thinking about. But sufice to say given my current issues it could have ended up very badly. As it is because we've talked, i really feel like i can move on now, and i think that when i do inevitably see her i'll be able to just say hello and then leave her alone.

 

Obviously, however i do need to get a handle on the drinking, but im seeing a counsellor which is really helping with that. The other thing is that through talking to her i've been able to realise what part of me led to us breaking up, and hopefully through counselling i can learn to get rid of it, so any future relationships arent damaged by it. Although i wish it hadnt taken us breaking up for me to identify my problems, the fact is it has, so now i need to learn from the experience.

 

So in conclusion, although im really in pain right now, its for the best. I think that in the long run, that having done this now will make things better for me. I also think that the chances of us being friends (which is what i really want) have been made better by doing this sober, although i know that they remain very slim and im not getting my hopes up.

 

I really feel that this has really helped me on the way to closure.

[Donut]

Hey lost and lonely, been reading this and was wondering how you are now?

[lostandlonely]

Hi, i'm coping, it still hurts a lot and im still just bursting into tears randomly, but i still feel that it was for the best that we had that conversation. I dont think it would work for everyone and given the way its hurting now it might have been better in the short run to have left it, but given my problems (in particular the drinking) i think that was the best way to get the closure that i so desperately need. If i'd left it till we just bumped into each other i can pretty much guarentee that i would have been drinking (the only time we will bump into each other is when we're out as our friends all go to the same places) and i think that i would have tried to get this conversation, which im pretty sure she wouldnt want to have if she was out as it would 'ruin her night'. Quite where things would have gone from there isnt worth thinking about, but to put it one way i am not in control when im drunk. So i still feel like it was the best thing to do.

 

i'm also slowly getting a handle on the drinking, went out last night and managed not to get absolutely wasted. I still drank more than what i'm aiming for, but it was definately a step in the right direction.

 

Things to do seem to be going the right way, im not great but its only a month and i feel like im past the worst.

 

Thanks for asking.