moo Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 I am really confused. Is it better to just come out with how you feel or not? There are a lot of people on here saying things like "never let them see you cry" or "dont let them know they got to you", WHY? Isn't it better to be honest? I mean, you're never going to win anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
MsMree Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 I believe alot of us OW have already been honest, cried, stated our needs, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!!!!!!!!! So why do it again when you are ending it - walk away w/DIGNITY and not as a sniveling, needy, little-girl!! (Pls. know i do not mean you, per se). Whenever i feel the need to have a long-drawn-out discussion w/MM regarding WHY I am end'g our relationship I am really trying to get a reaction, to gauge how he feels, to see that he, too, is in pain - so doesn't that tell you that i must not really be ready to end it - because when you end it it is about YOU!!! If you feel the need to have a discussion, be honest, talk about your needs then write a letter that you don't send but stick to the facts when it comes to end'g it w/MM. One other thing. Don't think for a moment that he likes the idea of losing you - if you get into a long winded conversation w/him, that is giving him more opportunity to prey on your weakness for him. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyRLD Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 Ditto MsMree. Also, it would keep him from knowing your weaknesses or for seeing you as a pathetic little puppy dog. Believe me, do you want your last view of yourself to him to be you pouring out all of your emotions and he is just getting his ego fed because you are begging for his affection like he's some kind of God. Men do not really listen to what you say when you pour your emotions. All they see is that this person can't live without me. I could have her anytime I want and treat anyway I want and she'd still be there. Oh and you would be predictable to him. To him woman are emotional so he feeds off of that. That's what you get when you tell an a**h*** how you feel. He just gets a big chip on his shoulder. Now on the other hand you can not be emotional: You could just end it and say I am moving on without telling him how you feel. Then don't ever contact him again. For one he will never forget you because he isn't use to a woman throwing him away like he does them. He probably treats his wife like crap too obviously and she sticks around. Two, he would have a higher respect for you and view you as strong. But his ego would get shot and he will start wondering, what's going on? I thought I had her wrapped around my finger. What happened? I rather have him wondering than having him know all my weaknesses so that he can use them to manipulate me. Been there done that. Just leave with some dignity. Read MsMree email that she sent to her MM in another post. That is perfect. That's how it should be done. She looked strong and confident. Believe it, men really do worship a woman who can do that. They are sooooo use to women being emotional and begging for their affection. Otherwise he wouldn't have a side girl if he didn't already know how to play on woman's emotional He already knows how you feel. so DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT and kick him to the curb without showing any emotion. He doesn't deserve any respect and certainly doesn't deserve to know your heart. He doesn't even respect the relationship he has so what would make you think he would give a rats ass. Nothing. Most MMs who cheat are prime example of a narcissist. Link to post Share on other sites
moo Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 thankyou both. that was very helpful. i was wondering myself, is he a narcissist? i have just ignored him the last few days since the last time he ignored me. it seems very clear now, yes he is playing a game with me. well i CAN win that one. i have told him that i really did love him but that i can get over it. what do you think to that? too much? i also got angry with him. but does it matter what i said before, i mean even if i am not chasing him anymore now then he is not winning. in that case it doesnt matter what i said before does it? Link to post Share on other sites
MsMree Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 It doesn't matter too much - but remember one thing: the opposite of love is not hate (ie., anger), it is indifference - the fact that you don't care at all - this is probably the mess'g you want him to receive. So keep up the "game" and if that is how you need to look at it in order to get through this, then so be it. ((big hug)) Link to post Share on other sites
LadyRLD Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 Nope nothing you said to him before matters. It's what you do now. You can win but not like you think. You won't be able to get him. He's just unattainable. But you can win your self-respect back by changing how you react starting now. Then he will wonder what happen but he doesn't have enough heart to do something about it. He will probably try to chase you once you back off. So make sure you a cautious of his every move when you turn the tables. Don't let him reel you back in. Practice Apathy!!!! You will be proud of yourself for not showing that scum a piece of your heart. He doesn't deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
moo Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 dont worry ladyRLD i dont think i can win him, i can win by not giving him anything though Link to post Share on other sites
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