Why hasn't he deleted me off Facebook?

[music_and_poetry]

Ugh so my Friday plans are ruined due to rain so now I'm consumed in my own thoughts (never a good thing)

 

My most recent thought is this... Why hasn't he deleted me off his Facebook friends? We haven't had any contact or spoken in over a month. I pretty much made it clear that I was very angry with him in our last message on June 21st. I have unsubscribed from his updates and haven't looked at his profile once. But I do know he's still on my friends list. And it makes me wonder? Why hasn't he deleted me? I told him I'm mad at him. I still am. We aren't friends. What's the point really? The only reason I didn't "unfriend/block" him was because I do have the self control not to check and also because I didn't want to come off as immature.

 

Any thoughts? It's been almost 6 week NC. I'm just curious. Do you think he could be looking at my profile? About 2 days after the break-up he liked one of my statuses about finding a new job. There hasn't been a peep on his side since then and I wouldn't know what he's up to since I refuse to look!

[Simon Phoenix]

Because he doesn't take Facebook that seriously and he doesn't feel the need. It doesn't mean anything.

[awesome0]

you may be blocked, which is a better alternative to deleting

[music_and_poetry]

you may be blocked, which is a better alternative to deleting

 

I'm pretty sure blocking unfriends someone right?

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Of course he is looking!! lol I would say he hasnt removed you because either he is waiting for you to do it, or he doesnt want to appear immature, or he would like to sort it maybe x

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

..or he just couldnt give a sh*t about removing you to the point you are the furthest thought from his brain... which I doubt x

[music_and_poetry]

Of course he is looking!! lol I would say he hasnt removed you because either he is waiting for you to do it, or he doesnt want to appear immature, or he would like to sort it maybe x

 

Haha so in other words, I'll never know. I guess I just wonder if he has forgotten my existence.

[Simon Phoenix]

Haha so in other words, I'll never know. I guess I just wonder if he has forgotten my existence.

 

Of course not. No one forgets anyone they date. But that being said, the fact that he didn't delete you off Facebook shouldn't be read into.

[amaysngrace]

Maybe he's too busy dating someone new to even go on Facebook?

[OK_computer]

Because,

 

1. Facebook isn't that serious

2. If you in NC, then you're not annoying him or bugging him

3. Because he doesn't see the need to as you're not a threat

4. Maybe he likes checking up on you

5. Maybe he is over you and doesn't find a need to

6. Im assuming he's the dumper, if then that's the case, they usually don't unfriend as they need a back up or they have nothing to lose for keeping you as a friend.

 

 

Either way, You shouldn't dwell on it too much. It doesn't matter either way. Facebook, in the whole reality of a RS, means nothing. It's not a real RS with any person, its a stupid social media.

 

I remember when I was a kid in the 90s the only friends I had were whose house numbers I remembered in the back of my head. Now People have 100s of facebook 'friends' dating back to preschool! There's no heart in friendships anymore. Sorry Im getting carried away..just a little nostalgic today

[music_and_poetry]

Maybe he's too busy dating someone new to even go on Facebook?

 

If so, I pity her. He's was an absolute headache to date. I still miss him though.

[music_and_poetry]

Because,

 

1. Facebook isn't that serious

2. If you in NC, then you're not annoying him or bugging him

3. Because he doesn't see the need to as you're not a threat

4. Maybe he likes checking up on you

5. Maybe he is over you and doesn't find a need to

6. Im assuming he's the dumper, if then that's the case, they usually don't unfriend as they need a back up or they have nothing to lose for keeping you as a friend.

 

 

Either way, You shouldn't dwell on it too much. It doesn't matter either way. Facebook, in the whole reality of a RS, means nothing. It's not a real RS with any person, its a stupid social media.

 

I remember when I was a kid in the 90s the only friends I had were whose house numbers I remembered in the back of my head. Now People have 100s of facebook 'friends' dating back to preschool! There's no heart in friendships anymore. Sorry Im getting carried away..just a little nostalgic today

 

No it's fine. Still curious about him and whether he was really able to turn off his feelings so quickly and move on. It's a bit of a bruise to my self-esteem since I do think I was in general a sweet, caring person while we were dating.

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

Isn't the real question Why haven't YOU deleted him?

 

If you in NC and all....

[irresolute]

Because he doesn't care enough and you seem inoffensive to him (aka, you will not post something harsh in his profile or something like that)

He just doesn't care.

[amaysngrace]

If so, I pity her. He's was an absolute headache to date. I still miss him though.

 

What is there to miss about a human headache?

[OK_computer]

No it's fine. Still curious about him and whether he was really able to turn off his feelings so quickly and move on. It's a bit of a bruise to my self-esteem since I do think I was in general a sweet, caring person while we were dating.

 

If you meant something to him, which I'm sure you did, he didn't just "turn off" his feelings. He just doesn't let them affect him or his goals the way they may affect you. I'm sure on a quiet day, or a night before he goes to bed, where the stresses of life are not overpowering his pysche, i'm sure he does take a moment to think about you. Think about the times he had with you, or wonder what you are up to, or whatever happened to you. You don't just leave someones life without leaving a mark, a scar, a picture. BUT, he chooses to move on and make you a memory, whether a good one or a bad one depends on the now. I've thought about my exes too, in fleeting, transient moments.

 

Does he miss you? Deep down, somewhere in his heart, yes, sure why not? But that doesn't mean he will act on it. And that means that you should move on, and be happy with you life. Unless the dumper is completely immature and stupid, they do have a sense of guilt, remorse, and an ounce of a doubt about what could have been. I was dumper and also a dumpee. I dumped a girl that was absolutely in love with me, because I couldn't love her the same. One time she got on a plane for LAX to JFK just to surprise me!

 

When I broke up with her, for reasons that I cannot tell you, It devastated me to no end. I could'nt believe I had done that, and I thought about her for so many nights after, each second i'd just remind myself how cruel i was.

[music_and_poetry]

Isn't the real question Why haven't YOU deleted him?

 

If you in NC and all....

 

Because we have the same circle of friends, I don't want there to be bad blood, I don't want to steep to that level, come off as immature, also because I don't look at his page. I unsubscribed from his updates and I have enough self-control not to check his page. I still wonder if he checks on me though or how he feels about me in general.

[music_and_poetry]

What is there to miss about a human headache?

 

I really don't know. When we were together I was miserable most of the time because he didn't want to make any effort.

[hoping2heal]

Sounds like he's very neutral about you. He can be casual and it doesn't bother him that you're mad at him or not speaking to one another.

 

Kind of dense to be liking your status when you're mad at him tho lol

[hoping2heal]

I really don't know. When we were together I was miserable most of the time because he didn't want to make any effort.

 

Ok, that makes sense.

 

It's normal for people to delete // shy away from things that remind them of a painful stimulus. Now, in your case you don't see what he has to say and don't look at his FB. He, obviously can see your FB because he liked the job status. He hasn't deleted you because he's neutral (as I suspected) and there is no reaction provoked to see you or your updates. It's kind of like a shoulder shrug for him. The fact that he put little effort in with you means you were a take it or leave it for him and he was never all that emotionally invested, which would explain why there seems to be so little to no emotional response from his end towards you.

 

You admit to being miserable, you admit he made little effort. But you're hung up on his approval anyway - even though he's a dense bonehead and missing a sensitivity chip. It's not like he's some great loss to you because he was a great guy and you had this wonderful relationship. You never did, but you're seeking his validation anyway. I suspect that the real draw for you with this guy is the fact that he was so indifferent towards you and didn't put much effort.

 

Sometimes the real true hurt isn't that someone is gone, but that someone made us feel invalidated and of little worth in how they treated us.

[music_and_poetry]

Ok, that makes sense.

 

It's normal for people to delete // shy away from things that remind them of a painful stimulus. Now, in your case you don't see what he has to say and don't look at his FB. He, obviously can see your FB because he liked the job status. He hasn't deleted you because he's neutral (as I suspected) and there is no reaction provoked to see you or your updates. It's kind of like a shoulder shrug for him. The fact that he put little effort in with you means you were a take it or leave it for him and he was never all that emotionally invested, which would explain why there seems to be so little to no emotional response from his end towards you.

 

You admit to being miserable, you admit he made little effort. But you're hung up on his approval anyway - even though he's a dense bonehead and missing a sensitivity chip. It's not like he's some great loss to you because he was a great guy and you had this wonderful relationship. You never did, but you're seeking his validation anyway. I suspect that the real draw for you with this guy is the fact that he was so indifferent towards you and didn't put much effort.

 

Sometimes the real true hurt isn't that someone is gone, but that someone made us feel invalidated and of little worth in how they treated us.

 

Wow. Yeah that's pretty much exactly how I feel actually. Also because all of our mutual friends were really pulling for something to work out between us. They kept telling me how he was a great guy. I've dated a lot of jerks in the past and I thought I'd finally met someone who would treat me with kindness and respect. That wasn't the case and he let me down week after week.

 

I was actually going to end it. I couldn't take his crap anymore. The he sent something that made it sound like he agreed with me and wanted to work things out. When I started talking to him about it, he cut me off and told me he didn't think a serious relationship was the right thing. It felt like he tricked me so that he could be the one to hurt me. I basically told him off but looking back it wasn't in a way that was disrespectful or rude. I basically told him that what he did was messed up and I was angry with him. He didn't even answer. He did like my stupid Facebook status though two days after this.

 

I guess I'm hurt that supposedly I dated a guy who everyone thought would be great and he still treated me like crap. And that really does feel awful even if he was a big headache.

[hoping2heal]

Wow. Yeah that's pretty much exactly how I feel actually. Also because all of our mutual friends were really pulling for something to work out between us. They kept telling me how he was a great guy. I've dated a lot of jerks in the past and I thought I'd finally met someone who would treat me with kindness and respect. That wasn't the case and he let me down week after week.

 

He probably is a great guy as long as you're not dating him . Years ago I worked with a "great guy" and I thought he was so nice. He started dating a super nice girl in another department. They seemed like a great couple. Well, as we all later found out "great guy" was verbally and eventually physically abusing "super nice girl". Everyone was so surprised - but isn't that what they said about Ted Bundy? Some people are deceitful and they hide their true colors in a haze of charm and charisma. They have everyone fooled. You think people like that would have friends and lovers if they were just forward and upfront with their true nature?

 

I was actually going to end it. I couldn't take his crap anymore. The he sent something that made it sound like he agreed with me and wanted to work things out. When I started talking to him about it, he cut me off and told me he didn't think a serious relationship was the right thing. It felt like he tricked me so that he could be the one to hurt me. I basically told him off but looking back it wasn't in a way that was disrespectful or rude. I basically told him that what he did was messed up and I was angry with him. He didn't even answer. He did like my stupid Facebook status though two days after this.

 

Petty and childish behavior. There's no future with a man like this except for more of the same crap that made you feel so fed up in the first place.

 

 

I guess I'm hurt that supposedly I dated a guy who everyone thought would be great and he still treated me like crap. And that really does feel awful even if he was a big headache.

 

I understand. "You're a super big ass-hole and you don't like me?!" Makes us question what's wrong with us, doesn't it? The answer is nothing. You could never do enough to "earn" good treatment from this man because this a problem he has within himself, it didn't start and will not end with you. I remember once feeling very hurt that this girl who was a mega gossip and snark queen, didn't seem to like me (as a friend) even though I was nothing but kind to her. Another friend just told me I didn't need a friend like her in the first place and said "you know what? Sometimes it's who doesn't like you that says the most about you;)". I realized my friend was right - this girl was not a nice person. She was negative about everything and rude and mean to everyone - the fact that she didn't see me as one of her "kind" was a compliment to me that I couldn't see at the time.

 

I get that this guy seems to have hidden his true self from the people you know, but the one advantage you have over this guy (to be honest, I can see like 20 of them but you know...) is that you can look at yourself in the mirror at night. There's no way you're the first woman this guy has treated this way and you won't be the last. He's as empty as the words he uses to charm and dazzle people. He also seems to really get his rocks off by playing mind games and that makes him an utter puke . Your friends might be fooled by him but you know the truth.