She was engaged!! Do I tell?

[SteveSquiggle]

I met a girl at a party. She was a friend of a friend of a friend type thing. We hit it off so well and spent most of the night lightheartedly flirting, sort of what friends would do playing around rather than flirting trying to pick up.

 

At the end of the night I offered to give her a lift home. I was genuinely offering a lift, there was no ulterior motive. Things quickly escalated all initiated by her and then she asked me to take her home to my place instead. Needless to say we spent that night together but also the entire next 2 days.

 

Before she was leaving on the Monday night she said we needed to have a serious talk. I was expecting the “It was fun but…” speech and that’s sort of what I got but with a twist. She asked me to swear to secrecy about our few days together as I was her last fling before she gets married in 3 weeks. WTF !!!! I can’t believe I had sex with this girl.

 

Anyway what do I do now? Do I just let it go or do I tell my friends so that it hopefully works its way back to her fiancé? I don’t know him at all, as I said she was just a friend of a friend type thing so I have no way of contacting him directly.

Edited August 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[EasyHeart]

Let it go. A girl like that is nothing but trouble.

 

Besides, if you keep quiet, she'll probably come back looking for more in a few months.

[SteveSquiggle]

Let it go. A girl like that is nothing but trouble.

 

Besides, if you keep quiet, she'll probably come back looking for more in a few months.

 

She can come back as much as she wants but she wont be getting through the front door. I am so pissed off at her but I feel real bad about her fiance.

 

He deserves to know but besides going through friends and friends of friends etc I have no way to let him know.

[d0nnivain]

You could play junior detective if you know her last name.

 

I'd just let it go but if you really want to blab then by all means Google her at least.

[SteveSquiggle]

You could play junior detective if you know her last name.

 

I'd just let it go but if you really want to blab then by all means Google her at least.

 

I just put myself in his shoes, I'd want to know.

 

If it was just a case that she got drunk and did it in the back of someones car I'd probably not tell. I still wouldn't approve of course but could probably look the other way.

 

But we spent from Saturday night right through to Monday night together and we did everything. To me that's not just crossing over a line but jumping way over it and looking back and laughing at it.

[rewl]

Did you swear secrecy to her?

[SteveSquiggle]

Did you swear secrecy to her?

 

Hell no.

 

I grabbed her and her stuff and threw her out of my house half naked.

[bubbaganoosh]

Boy, I feel sorry for the chump whose going to marry her. If it was me, I would find out from the friend of the friend of the friend who her fiance is and inform him of what he's about to get from his new wife.

 

No one deserves that.

[Imported]

Tell him.

 

123456789....10

[marcjb]

Ask your friends for the fiancé's info. Do not let him marry that girl (at least without him knowing what her character really is). She needs to be held accountable for her actions.

Edited August 2, 2014 by marcjb

[lollipopspot]

I can’t believe I had sex with this slut.

 

Wrong word.

 

It's not her sexual freedom that you mind - YOU'RE a "slut" too by that definition.

 

You don't like that she was unethical with her fiancé.

[No Limit]

Do tell him. He at least deserves to know who he's about to get stuck with.

[marcjb]

Wrong word.

 

It's not her sexual freedom that you mind - YOU'RE a "slut" too by that definition.

 

You don't like that she was unethical with her fiancé.

 

The OP is not he one who was in a relationship. The girl cheated on her fiancé. That would make her one and not the OP. As far as the OP knew, she was single at the time.

[EasyHeart]

I just put myself in his shoes, I'd want to know.

It's none of your business.

[changchewsoon]

Okay, if you threw her out of the house half naked without ending the conversation with her whether are you going to keep it a secret or you're gonna expose her, these are my thoughts:

 

Chances are right now she might be planning for the worst and she is going to protect herself by coming out with an alibi, judging from her intention to wanting to keep it a secret and to continue with her wedding.

 

How long has it been since it happened?

 

She might have already starting to paint you black first before you could make your move.

 

If you decide to expose her, you will need to back it up with some sort of evidence or else it might backfire.

 

If you choose not to expose her, there is also a chance her fiance might find out too, as if she could cheat on him with you, I suspect she could have also cheated on him with others prior to you.

 

And she didn't even allow you to make a choice, and she led you on. That tells a lot about her character.

 

If I were 10 years younger today, I probably would have just kept quiet about it and move on with life, and I might even wait for her to come back for more. But then, I had very very poor moral values back then, and have since came a long way. So that's bull**** advice, please ignore it.

 

I feel bad for you this happened, especially the entire thing might backfire and you might end up being labelled as the guy who broke up their wedding shall her fiance decides to believe you and call the wedding off if you decide to tell him.

 

However, by mustering up the courage and do the right thing, and trust by doing the right thing you can sleep with your conscience clear. Would you consider that?

Edited August 3, 2014 by changchewsoon

[AnneT1985]

You're a legend lol that's epic. I wouldn't be able to improve on that. Try to find this slut on facebook or something so you can get to her fiance somehow , this whore will be hooked up for good in 3 weeks to some poor guy who's being taken for a (probably short) ride. Even if he refuses to believe that you slept with her, at least he's been warned before the you-know-what hits the you-know-what.

 

I would NOT do this. It is this girl's problem- not yours. You didn't know. If you can't in your own conscience not let him know, there is no need to do it by calling this girl these classless names. That will only backfire miserably.

Edited August 3, 2014 by AnneT1985

[Ninjainpajamas]

Don't know why you're so afflicted by this, unfortunately this isn't as rare as you think it is...but at the end of the day it has nothing to do with you.

 

She didn't sleep with you by coincidence, this is just how this girl is. You're taking it way too personal, it wasn't about you, and you have no real relationship with this girl or guy to feel obligated in alarming him..so she slept with you for 3 days and was engaged, big deal...had nothing to do with you, and as soon as you found out you kicked her out...you could have essentially hooked up with another woman and never found out, in this case you have some loose connection with her but there's no point in you pursuing this and trying to "save" the guy, you're a complete stranger and a lot of these guys with these women tend to know they are a bit sketchy in their behavior anyway, and the ones that don't know are usually blind to the type of girl he's really marrying, I've seen plenty but he wouldn't be the first or the last guy you'll see naively marrying a woman he perceives as someone she isn't. Women in general are pretty good at hiding their crazy, but some women are extremely good at hiding their whole true selves, just showing the side that they want the man to see, all the while him not knowing she was taking it from another guy just recently or the entire time she was with him.

 

In her case, she sounds like the type of girl that sees commitment and security as a separate thing from fun and essentially being self-destructive, I'm sure she at least plans on remaining faithful once married for now. But she's probably a good manipulator, you have to be in order to live a dual life like that, so if you try to open a can of worms on her, she'll convince the guy and have him coming after you as the bad guy...he's not going to believe you over her, he doesn't want to...for example;

 

You on the phone: "Hey, just to let you know your fiance is a slut and we slept together for 3 days after meeting at a party...she didn't tell me until after we hooked up that she was engaged, and asked me to keep it a secret but I kicked her out and said no thanks, I'd think twice about marrying her If I were you" *click*

 

Sometime later..

 

BF "We need to talk Stacy..."

 

Stacy "Ok, is something wrong honey?"

 

BF "I just got a phone call, and the guy told me he was using you as a pincushion the other night, having sex with you for 3 days...WTF! is going on here"

 

Stacy "OMG, are you serious? who called you?"

 

BF "He didn't say, but he told me he met you at a party the other night and he ended up sleeping with you for 3 days!!! is that what you were doing, you weren't even with your mom looking for things for the wedding?"

 

Stacy "Calm down, I don't know what you're talking about or who this guy is, I never slept with anyone, I have no idea what is going on right now"

 

BF "You better tell me if there is something going on or if something happened RIGHT NOW! because if you cheated on me this is over!"

 

Stacy "OMGOD! just stop it, I don't know who this guy is but he's clearly a jerk and someone trying to ruin my life, I don't know who he is. Are you seriously going to listen to him and trust him? some random guy calls you on the phone and says I'm a slut and slept with me and you believe him? over me?...that is ridiculous that you would even BELIEVE something like that"

 

BF "I swear Stacy, if you did something like that you better tell me right now! I'm not playing around at all, this is serious and if this is true this is so damn over and you can get your sh*t and leave"

 

Stacy "WHAT! first of all! I would NEVER cheat on you with anyone else, I want to be with you for the rest of my life and we're getting married in a few weeks...I would NEVER sacrifice that for some random night with some jerk who's going to call you on the phone, you're the only man I ever think about and the only man I've ever been with since we've met...I can't believe that you are actually accusing me of doing this to you, to us, to ME! *starts to cry* and it really hurts that you would believe something like that from a random stranger... and then get angry and attack me over it without even giving me a chance, it's so hurtful"

 

BF "Well what I am supposed to do, how am I supposed to react, what if someone called you and said she was sleeping with me for 3 f**king days, how would that make you feel?"

 

Stacy "I would believe that this person is evil and is lying to me and has nothing better to do than ruin other people's lives, because I know you better than that, and you know ME better than that...you know what we have TOGETHER, nothing compares to that...I don't even look or think of another man besides you, and how could you even question or imagine me doing something like that 3 weeks before my wedding day!!!, what kind of girl do you think I am? this is sooo horrible, you are making me feel like a bad person when I didn't do anything wrong" *tears flowing*

 

"Maybe we shouldn't even get married, because marriage is supposed to be about TRUST, and clearly we don't have it...I'm just another random slut that sleeps with random men at parties and goes home with them for 3 days, thanks a lot, your opinion of me says it all"

 

*ten minutes of tears flowing on the bed*

 

BF "Hey hey hey, stop crying...I'm sorry, come here *hugs her* I just got really upset, and I didn't know what to think, I panicked and I questions you in the moment out of fear, and I was just scared...you know random guy calls me up and tells me something like that, I didn't know what to think but you know...forget about it, I'm going to find out who this guy is and why this @sshole is trying to get involved with my life"

 

GF *sniffles and brushes the tears aside* "I need some time alone, I'm going to go over my moms for a while..."*grabs her things* that's if you don't think I'm going to go randomly f**k some other guy *slams door and hurriedly walks to her car as he opens the door to beckon her to stop*

 

BF "I'm sorry,Stacy! don't leave!...damnit! I feel such a jerk, how could I ever even think that she would do this to me, I trust her more than that, I need to go make this up to her but first...I'm going to find out who this @sshole is and make sure he doesn't come around hurting my fiance anymore"

 

/The End

 

I'm not saying this will happen, but it can...maybe you'll get lucky and he'll believe you

Edited August 3, 2014 by Ninjainpajamas

[ascendotum]

Quite the dilemma. On one hand she did you no wrong and in fact gave you some great memories from that weekend. On the other hand guys would hate to think they are that guy who is marrying a girl who only a few weeks out is doin it every which way with some random guy from a party. Maybe this is really her last harrah and she will be the faithful wife now (wouldn't put $ on it though...maybe for the first 5 yrs she be good).

 

I personally find cheating on your fiance to be more nasty than cheating on your bf/gf or cheating in a long term stale marriage. It does make a mockery of the vows though I guess cheaters can say them in the context of the future only. I remember seeing a UK survey on people cheating in the lead up to marriage and I cant remember what the % was but I really surprised it so high. IDK like > 20% I thought. I don't know if it was a legit study. I guess lots of people do want to get one last bid in before the ring goes on.

 

I think its up to you and your code of ethics. If I knew the fiance and he was a cool guy, I'd let him know for sure. Otherwise I'd maybe be inclined to let it lie. She really lashed out with a 3 day session. I guess her fiance was out of town. It would be justice if he was doing the same.

[blueskyday]

I would tell the friend of a friend what happened. Then let the chips fall where they may.

 

That girl acted in a despicable manner. I don't blame you for being furious.

 

Tell your friend. Tell everyone you know in that circle. The news will spread on its own just fine. If asked about it, tell the whole story again. Be honest and truthful and you will have done the right thing.

 

You have good morals.

[SteveSquiggle]

She contacted me today on facebook apologizing for using me and again asking for secrecy. I told her I wasn't prepared to offer her that and that the only reason I had not told yet was because I had no way of contacting her fiance.

 

Now this woman is a piece of work, her reply was to beg for me to stay quiet and if I did we could have some more time together!! Does she have any idea why I kicked her out? Ahh, who cares what she thinks anyway.

 

I am absolutely certain I am going to tell now. She talks extensively about her fiance on her facebook but he is not on her friends list?!?

 

I really didn't want to get friends involved as it can get too messy, especially if he decides to forgive her but everyone already knows. She has mentioned on facebook that there is a rehearsal tomorrow where they are getting married. I was thinking of turning up and leaving a note on his window with a full story as well as a screen capture of her facebook message to me.

 

That's about the best I can do other than approaching him in person.

 

Another thing that has been bugging me is what her friends at this party were doing? Why didn't one of them step in when we were flirting and at least say 'you know she's engaged mate'. Why did they let me give her a lift home? Why didn't one of them take her home? Surely they aren't in on this little tryst and approved of her actions?

[marcjb]

It's none of your business.

 

Actually, it is. She cheated on his fiancé with him and he did not know until after. Now he has been put right in the middle of this situation which is 100% his business. I would actually say it's his responsibility to tell. Anyone person with a conscience would do the right thing, which is tell the truth to the innocent partner.

Edited August 3, 2014 by marcjb

[TAV]

I'd like to know if I was him and I think the OP feels the same way.

[marcjb]

She cheated on his fiancé with him

 

Sorry, correction. I obviously meant to say "She cheated on her fiancé with him".

[Ninjainpajamas]

She contacted me today on facebook apologizing for using me and again asking for secrecy. I told her I wasn't prepared to offer her that and that the only reason I had not told yet was because I had no way of contacting her fiance.

 

Now this woman is a piece of work, her reply was to beg for me to stay quiet and if I did we could have some more time together!! Does she have any idea why I kicked her out? Ahh, who cares what she thinks anyway.

 

I am absolutely certain I am going to tell now. She talks extensively about her fiance on her facebook but he is not on her friends list?!?

 

I really didn't want to get friends involved as it can get too messy, especially if he decides to forgive her but everyone already knows. She has mentioned on facebook that there is a rehearsal tomorrow where they are getting married. I was thinking of turning up and leaving a note on his window with a full story as well as a screen capture of her facebook message to me.

 

That's about the best I can do other than approaching him in person.

 

Another thing that has been bugging me is what her friends at this party were doing? Why didn't one of them step in when we were flirting and at least say 'you know she's engaged mate'. Why did they let me give her a lift home? Why didn't one of them take her home? Surely they aren't in on this little tryst and approved of her actions?

 

If I'm being honest with you, I don't think you're being so much "moral" as much as you are very sensitive to it for some personal reason/experience. I'm not saying you're doing the wrong thing, but have you been cheated on before or are you insecure about a woman doing this to you? because that's the vibe that I'm feeling from you.

 

And of course everyone knows already, all of her friends were there, you think nobody noticed you guys flirting together, you think nobody noticed you leaving with her to give her a ride home? people are dumb, but not THAT dumb. There are other people who have more of an obligation to telling him and talking to her than you, people closer to her life...that will probably be in the wedding.

 

Nobody was looking out for you or her, and that's how most people are...they are hands off because it's none of their business but the gossip will go round fast.

 

You may be the only one hear really "shocked" by what's happening, and did you ever even ask her if she was single?

 

I don't think you're honestly going to do any good, I think at best you will cause a HUGE amount of drama and still....they will get married, be very surprised if they did not just because of it. I think you need to realize that things aren't going to end well for this couple no matter what you do. But you do "morally" have the option of letting her know but I have a pretty good gut feeling you're doing it for other reasons than being the "good guy"...if that was the case you'd be approaching this with a different mindset, you'd be going about it a different way, because you look like you just want to make a personal statement....this is personal for you and this is how you reacting, I don't think you're genuinely looking out for the guy.

 

But hey, whatever happens let us know.

Edited August 3, 2014 by Ninjainpajamas

[No Limit]

Surprised at the responses here a bit.

Sure, it isn't OPs relationship. But he might have a chance to save someone's life there. You know, just because all of her suck-up friends know, there's the slight possibility that her fiance has no clue what he's about to get into.

 

I'd very much like to see a user post here who would love to marry a serial cheater, raise kids that are probably not his etc.