Tony. I'm back again, but I have gotten some conflicting advice!

[nooch37]

When I asked you if I should tell my friend Kelly that I like her, you told me that I should back off with all the generosity and kindness that I've been showing her. After reading all that, I began to believe that was the right thing to do, and I still do. I figured since all that she might think of me is just as a friend, that's all I should be since I have know clue what she thinks of me. I'm not saying that I'm going to give up on being nice to her, I'm still going to be there for her if she needs me. Because at this point in time, I really have nothing to lose if I don't say anything.

 

I've emailed your responce to a few of my female friends,(like you said) and they said that it was good advice. But some of them told me even though it was a good idea, I should still ask her. They said this, because then it will be in her hands and she will be able to make that decision. That from their own experience, we would probably still be friends afterwards even if she rejected my advances. That is, if I don't put it on her in a "take me or leave me" kind of manner. Which I wouldn't.

 

I'm confused now. I've been thinking that I should still slow down on the generosity, and see if things might develope when she comes down for spring break. Because then I'll have 5 days just to get to know her a lot better. And if something happens, then it happens. But now that females have gotten into the picture with giving me advice, it's hard to rule over who's advice is better. The male's (you) or the female's. Who's word do I accept as right or wrong?

 

Oh well, thanks again.

[Tony T]

Advice is neither right or wrong...it's just plain advice. There is a lot of merit to what your girlfriends have advised you. Luckily, those who give advice need not suffer the consequences...YOU DO!!! Therefore, it is up to you to take in the advice, think about it as it applies to you, and do what you will. That is called the learning process. The biggest government leaders in the world have advisors who give advice. But the leaders themselves, not their advisors, get blamed for the blunders.

 

Now, yes, you can tell this girl how you feel about her. If she has you pegged as a platonic friend right now, it will take a lot of backing off and patience on your part to get you out of the category she's put you into. But different girls think different ways. Just like the girls who have advised you to tell her, thats how they would like to be handled in a situation like that. But how they would respond would depend totally on the guy, the circumstances, how they felt about him, etc. It's real EASY to give advice.

 

So I'm going to stick by what I have already advised you. I am going to give you some credit here for having the skills to modify your behavior in other creative ways to help this girl think of you as more than just a platonic friend. But if you around there all the time, it's just not going to happen.

 

I am also going to assume that you will take in all you have been told and make your very own decision. You need not come back to me. Far be it for me to tell you how to run your life. I will not do that. Telling this girl how you feel will accomplish one thing very quickly, it will let you know exactly how she feels and if there is any chance whatsoever for there being more. However, if she just thinks of you as a platonic friend and at present feels there is no hope for more, revealing your feelings to her will only serve to lock in her own feelings even more. I've been there more than once, I know. It's a gamble you will have to decide on.

 

At least if you tell her, maybe you'll get some feeling of completeness and either be able to upgrade the relationship or just move on with your feelings. It's rather emancipating to get something resolved so if we have to move on, we can. It will be hard for you to find another love while you are caught up in this gal.

 

Being around this girl as a buddy while you are feeling a lot more than that is just plain crazy.

 

My advice is based on my own personal experience and that of others I have observed over the years. Now, you make your own decision based on how YOU feel you should conduct your life.

 

Even when a girl likes you as a boyfriend, being too nice, too kind, too generous, too available, too predictable, especially in the first stages of the relationship, will kill the deal rather quickly. Human beings just don't like to be spoon fed.