My married neighbor is in to me.

[BornToDie]

I moved into my new place at the beginning of June; I live with my best friend. My boyfriend (of almost 5 years) was originally going to live with a friend of his, but those plans fell through, so we decided in the end that we could just live together. It's been really great so far.

Occasionally, I like to sit on my front porch and smoke a little bit. As it happens, my male neighbor does, too, so one night, we just started talking. It turned out the guy was pretty cool, and we had a ton in common. I thought he was attractive, but since I mentioned my boyfriend numerous times in conversation, it was pretty clear I wasn't available.

My neighbor wasted no time telling me about the problems he and his wife are having. They kind of jumped into their marriage and had a child but now realize they just aren't working out. I can hear them arguing all the time. He gave me an earful, and I just assumed that he needed someone to talk to.

The next day, I walked outside, and he told me that since his wife was going out of town, he was going out with a few friends. He casually invited me to come, and I told him I'd probably just go out with my roommate and run into him. He said, "cool, just give me your number so I can text you and let you know where to meet up downtown." It was really so nonchalant that I didn't think much of it at first, but that's where the flirting started.

When we were at the bar, he started telling me how he'd hoped my roommate was the one with the boyfriend because he was so attracted to me. Right after, he said, "I don't know why I'm saying that.. I'm married." He also tried telling me that my boyfriend and I "just looked comfortable together." I told him I thought he was a really cool guy, but since he and I were both taken (and neighbors), it would be possibly the worst idea ever to pursue his attraction to me. He didn't take it any further than that, but he has made it clear that his marriage is over and divorce is in the process.

 

After that particular incident, he's been texting me almost non-stop. At first, he'd just ask what I was up to or if I wanted to come out and smoke with him. When I walk outside, he usually seems like he has a reason to come outside, too. I do enjoy talking to him because outside of the flirtation, he really is a cool guy. When my boyfriend comes outside, my neighbor will strike up conversation with him and has even offered to help my boyfriend work on his car, etc. However, with me, it's gotten to a point where he's even hinted around about naked pictures. I told him that I love my boyfriend and would be devastated if he did that to me, so it wouldn't be fair for me to do such things. He's still flirty, though, and I'm starting to become more uncomfortable. Though his wife claims she "doesn't care what he does" (yeah, right), I'm scared that she could try to come after me and my relationship. My neighbor has stated that she's accused him of "having a crush on me."

 

It's a sticky situation because we do live right next door to each other, and I don't want things to escalate OR become awkward. I have no desire to cheat on my boyfriend, and even if I was single, I wouldn't hook up with a married man. I haven't told my boyfriend the extent of all this because I figured I could just get my neighbor to stop on my own, but I probably will talk to him very soon.

[Dork Vader]

Hang on a second.. How in the world would you feel if your boy friend did this to you?!?! Exactly my point.

 

You might not have let things get sexual yet. But you've done just about everything else. You have not set boundaries with this man. Yet you flirt with him via text and on the patio. So far the only boundaries you've remotely respected are not getting sexual..

 

I gaurantee if your boy friend finds out you'll be in serious trouble.

 

This guy is not your friend and he has made that extremely clear. He wants one thing and that is in your pants. Every married person I've met has the same story.. My marriage sucks blah blah blah.. There is a reason they are still licing together. I'd almost bet money what is going on with you is the very reason this guy is heading for divorce.

 

You need to clean up your act.. Ditch the neighbor and ignore him or dump your boy friend. You know damn well you'd be pissed if your bf was doing this to you.

[beach]

Tell him to stop it.

 

You're going to need to be blatantly honest with him and tell him this is not ok.

[MrMeh]

It almost seems like the only thing holding you back is your relationship and not your feelings for your boyfriend.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why are you still responding to him and engaging him? Cut that out.

 

Your neighbour is a douche. You're sliding toward that territory if you continue to communicate with him. Sorry, OP, you know it's wrong and you haven't yet stopped it. Not good.

[notserene]

I suggest that you tell your boyfriend immediately. I also suggest that you tell married dude's wife. Doing these two things will bring everything to a screeching halt. I can't guarantee how the other two folks will react. Maybe both you and married dude will get dumped and then you'll be free to flirt all you like minus the cheap thrill of getting over on someone else.

[ascendotum]

Okay so he's asked for a nude selfie from you. He is upping the ante because he knows you find him a cool dude and he's fishing for some convenient action next door. A little bit of low level flirty banter is ok, but this guy has a mission. Cool dude but a sleazebag. Because you have gone along with him so far instead of shutting him down convincingly, he thinks he has an in, and just has to slowly escalate things.

 

I think you should tell your bf, so that he does not invite him over to help on the car. next thing you know he will be dropping by for a drink. Start going out the back door to have your smokes. and the next time you chat with the neighbor and he starts getting inappropriate, just tell him outright to back off or else you just start ignoring him totally.

[Thicke2013]

Okay OP, I have to jump on the bandwagon here a little bit, but let me say first that your neighbor is not a nice guy to everyone. Only people he wants something from. In this case, you. He is very nice to you because he wants sex. He is very nice to your BF because he wants you and also at the same time, laying the ground work for the "she took me the wrong way, I'm just a nice guy" excuse. In this situation, that is where my blame on him stops.

 

Now, on to you. You have no boundaries and you led this guy on either by flirting or by not stopping his blatant flirting. You are not responsible for his actions but have full control over how you handle what he does and says to you. Now you are in a pickle because you have let it get this far. It's no different than someone saying "Oh I was hanging out with this guy in a bar and we kissed. Now what do I do?" Things don't just happen. A very small percentage of guys or girls will get to the point of asking for nude pictures unless there has been some pretty heavy flirting from both sides for a while. Even though you may have made it clear that you had a BF, you also made it clear by accepting and reciprocating his advances that you might be up for a little side action. If I were your BF I would dump you when I found out. This kind of flirting has no place in a committed relationship.

 

Oh, one more thing, you don't "nonchalantly" give a guy that is not your BF your phone number and then "nonchalantly" meet up with him at a bar without your BF in my opinion unless you are entertaining the idea of hooking up with him. Sorry OP, your neighbor might be a sleazebag, but he didn't do anything that you haven't allowed at this point. Hopefully for your BF's sake, you figure out why you need the attention of others outside of your relationship with him, or you let him go.

[d0nnivain]

Even if going to a bar with the neighbor was innocent this is going downhill fast. You need to tell me that the two of you can't hang out any more & it would be better if you didn't talk at all. Suggest he use the time & energy he's directing at you to win back his wife.

[Zahara]

OP, it's evident that you enjoy the attention you're receiving from him because it seems that you have been subtly been encouraging him, otherwise he wouldn't be so bold in his request for nude pictures of you. I have to think that you're sending him signals.

 

And while he may be a "cool" guy, he certainly has nothing much in the form of a moral compass. But maybe "cool" is good enough for you to keep enabling this.

 

You know better than to keep doing this.

[Try]

The next day, I walked outside, and he told me that since his wife was going out of town, he was going out with a few friends. He casually invited me to come, and I told him I'd probably just go out with my roommate and run into him. He said, "cool, just give me your number so I can text you and let you know where to meet up downtown." It was really so nonchalant that I didn't think much of it at first, but that's where the flirting started.

 

When we were at the bar, he started telling me how he'd hoped my roommate was the one with the boyfriend because he was so attracted to me.

So when the other man (OM) invites you to meet him at a bar when his wife is out of town, you respond by telling tell him that you will use a girl friend as cover with your boyfriend, give him your phone number, and then tell the other man that your story to your girlfriend and your boyfriend will be that you just happened to bump into the neighbor at the bar? Sounds like a date to me. Sounds like you found a way to go on this date so that your boyfriend would not know that you were really going to see the OM. You know what what is going on and are playing along, so please stop faking like you are innocent in this. Edited August 4, 2014 by Try

[tom670]

This is not going to end well you have to block his number and end this now.

What happens if his wife finds out and lets your bf know.

I don't think it is worth it.

Good luck.

[JS84]

Shut the guy down or dump your boyfriend and hook up with him. Honestly you and your neighbor both sound kind of shady.

[Natsu21]

I'm not going to even explain it, but you're bs'ing us.

 

You gave the dude your number cause you were interested in him, point blank

 

Your words do not suggest, in any manner, that you are repulsed or put off. You even said he was attractive. Red flag, anyone.

 

Any person(including me) who had an ex say that about their neighbor or co-worker...turned out to be sleeping with that person behind their back.

 

If you ask me...flirting, giving him your number, and meeting him in said places is already the makings of a potential emotional affair.

 

And don't play dumb. You know this guy wants in your pants.

 

Truth is, you came on here because 1. You felt guilty 2. You're attracted to him but don't feel right doing so.

 

Here's the thing, stop fronting and pretending like you aren't digging this dude. Cause if you weren't, you'd be spending more time with the boyfriend, and less time with mr. cheating neighbor.

 

Either you dump your boyfriend or quit this game, but I got a STRONG feeling you might just cheat and cake-eat.

 

But that's just my two cents.

[bubbaganoosh]

Now with all that you have said, you now have a even bigger problem.

 

Your boyfriend is in the dark with all of this and if he knows anything, it's the tip of the iceberg.

 

So how do you think that he's going to respond when you tell him? And I got news for you, if you decide to tell him in little bits and pieces, then sooner or later he'll put it together like a jigsaw puzzle and either way you made a bad situation worse.

 

Your talking to this guy and you have to have some brains to know a "come on" when you here it and when it happened you did nothing and then he's asking you for naked pictures.

 

If you didn't have any good reason for shutting this fiasco down, then when he asks for nude pictures of you, that should have been your que to let the guy know that he crossed the line and now you want nothing to do with him and if he continues, then tell his wife what he said and tell her to get a shorter leash for this dog.

[Natsu21]

Now with all that you have said, you now have a even bigger problem.

 

Your boyfriend is in the dark with all of this and if he knows anything, it's the tip of the iceberg.

 

So how do you think that he's going to respond when you tell him? And I got news for you, if you decide to tell him in little bits and pieces, then sooner or later he'll put it together like a jigsaw puzzle and either way you made a bad situation worse.

 

Your talking to this guy and you have to have some brains to know a "come on" when you here it and when it happened you did nothing and then he's asking you for naked pictures.

 

If you didn't have any good reason for shutting this fiasco down, then when he asks for nude pictures of you, that should have been your que to let the guy know that he crossed the line and now you want nothing to do with him and if he continues, then tell his wife what he said and tell her to get a shorter leash for this dog.

 

 

I think she likes the guy. Girls can easily shut down a kiss or an advance when they see one. It's easy for them when they aren't interested in the guy.

 

Clearly, she is. But she's either trying to justify it through us or make it sound not as bad as it actually is.

 

Either way, it's pretty clear that she's interested in her neighbor but doesn't want to admit it.

[Quiet Storm]

You're disrespecting your boyfriend in a major way.

 

As a couple, you are supposed to be a team. You should have his best interests at heart.

 

Your neighbor makes small talk with your bf and then flirts with you when your bf turns his back.

 

A loyal gf would tell bf what a phony POS the neighbor is for acting cool to his face and making moves on you. But what do you do? You keep engaging, making neighbor think he has a chance, and sending neighbor the message "my bf is a chump, I have no respect for him"

 

Your mouth might be saying no but your actions/vibe say "l like the attention".

 

If you really love your bf, then you'd warn him about the neighbor. But your need for attention is greater than your feelings of loyalty to your bf. Why is that? If you want real intimacy with a person, you can't have secrets like this.

[Justanaverageguy]

When ever I see a thread like this I like to look at the OP's previous posts and it normally tells a story. Looking at previous posts she broke up with her boyfriend less then a year ago and started a short term relationship with another man. When that fizzled out she then went running back to her current partner and rekindled the relationship. Then the last few months she has posted several threads about starting up communications with ex boyfriends and old flames.

 

Snippets of gold like this -

 

"We were "on a break" (I should've broken up with him), and that Christmas, my ex and I reconciled. Where my boyfriend went days without talking to me, the ex would show me affection and invite me over every day to spend time with him. He told me that he'd still always loved me and knew he could treat me better than what I had. He even let "I love you" slip a few times. At the time, I was confused and decided it'd be best to stay with the boyfriend I'd known for 2 years rather than break away and get back with my ex that I'd only dated for a few months."

 

Confused is the right word. Seems like the OP is a young girl who has absolutely no understanding of her own feelings and how they work or what she wants. In love - out of love - in love - out of love but always justifying her actions as someone else's fault. He came onto me, he invited me over, he texted me. More interested in creating her own soap opera to live out and dragging some poor unsuspecting guys along for the ride.

[No Limit]

Tell him you aren't interested in an affair. And if you are - also considering your older posts, you have no clue what you want anyway - just break up with your BF at first, to make it a little bit less... you know.

 

In love - out of love - in love - out of love but always justifying her actions as someone else's fault. He came onto me, he invited me over, he texted me. More interested in creating her own soap opera to live out and dragging some poor unsuspecting guys along for the ride.

 

Huh, agreed. OP, why did you even gave him his number when you clearly noticed he was flirting with you? Or do you have any inabilities to analyze human speech...?

Edited August 6, 2014 by No Limit

[Monu Kajla]

I think you have to leave him immediately and tell your boyfriend about it. You also have to block his number and end this right now.

[Natsu21]

When ever I see a thread like this I like to look at the OP's previous posts and it normally tells a story. Looking at previous posts she broke up with her boyfriend less then a year ago and started a short term relationship with another man. When that fizzled out she then went running back to her current partner and rekindled the relationship. Then the last few months she has posted several threads about starting up communications with ex boyfriends and old flames.

 

Snippets of gold like this -

 

"We were "on a break" (I should've broken up with him), and that Christmas, my ex and I reconciled. Where my boyfriend went days without talking to me, the ex would show me affection and invite me over every day to spend time with him. He told me that he'd still always loved me and knew he could treat me better than what I had. He even let "I love you" slip a few times. At the time, I was confused and decided it'd be best to stay with the boyfriend I'd known for 2 years rather than break away and get back with my ex that I'd only dated for a few months."

 

Confused is the right word. Seems like the OP is a young girl who has absolutely no understanding of her own feelings and how they work or what she wants. In love - out of love - in love - out of love but always justifying her actions as someone else's fault. He came onto me, he invited me over, he texted me. More interested in creating her own soap opera to live out and dragging some poor unsuspecting guys along for the ride.

 

Just looked at the girl's older posts.

 

I smell G.I.G.S.

[notserene]

Just looked at the girl's older posts.

 

I smell G.I.G.S.

 

Yep, I got that too, plus a lot of immaturity.

 

In this case, she has the opportunity to wreck the life of an innocent bystander, too! She must feel really special.

[thummper]

Interesting. She ducks in, makes a comment about a sleazy neighbor, declares her undying love for her boyfriend (apparently still allowing the neighbor to shamelessly flirt with her.....she knows exactly what he's after!) and then ducks back out never to be heard from again. Wonder where she went......and why.

[stillafool]

Why are you texting a married man? I hope your bf finds out.