GarrusVakarian Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Some of you may of read my posts. In a nut shell, almost a year ago I found out my soon to be ex wife of two years was having an affair with a 50 year old married man 20 years older then her. Walked out on our marriage and destroyed the OW's marriage and family. STBXW is now with this guy although its still below the radar. Divorce papers currently being filed. Anyway the other day I found out the ex has been telling people that people who do not know about our split. I was the one who caused our breakup, apparently I was a control freak who never let her out!. This person was later set straight by a mutual family friend. I made sure everyone who counts, family, friends including OW's wife and family. So everyone knows the truth. Has anyone else had to deal with an ex wife who cheated and then started lying to people as to why you have split?. How did you deal with it. I am not so concerned that she is making a fool of herself lying to people, that will come back to haunt her later. Just more concerned people thinking ill of me because of falling for her lying. I live in a small town, so I made sure everyone knows. Knew if asked by people she would never admit to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I never cared what my ex told people or what they thought about me. My family and close friends knew and that was all that mattered. I didn't care what he told his family or what they thought and did not discuss it with them. I knew in the end that his true colors and lies would come to light on their own, and they did. These people could not change the way I lived my life or the path of happiness I chose for myself. In the end, believe me, I came out on top. People that are truly your friends won't buy her story, and the people that aren't, aren't worth your worry. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 I never cared what my ex told people or what they thought about me. My family and close friends knew and that was all that mattered. I didn't care what he told his family or what they thought and did not discuss it with them. I knew in the end that his true colors and lies would come to light on their own, and they did. These people could not change the way I lived my life or the path of happiness I chose for myself. In the end, believe me, I came out on top. People that are truly your friends won't buy her story, and the people that aren't, aren't worth your worry. Could not have put it better myself. Its a real eye opener, finding out who your real friends are. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Magog Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 I don't have any idea what my ex told her friends and family. I do know it wasn't the truth. I think she just gave them the we grew apart line,and had nothing in common. And then she will introduce the new dude as a relationship that just slowly happened. Although they have been seeing each other for two years from what I have gathered. What can I do? I was thinking of putting a " getting over a cheating wife" link on my Facebook page. But I think that would make me look desperate and sad. Link to post Share on other sites
isolatedgothic Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 My ex cheated on me the entire 8 years of our marriage, then went around our small town and told all the people that I had been the one who cheated. Talk about projection! I know that some people took him seriously and believed that instead of dedicating my entire life to our child, I was really out there running around [don't know who was taking care of our child, because he was never home to do it.] Even his own mother believed him, even though she knew that he had cheated on me for years, and she helped to spread the rumors about me in order to protect her son. It was a very hurtful time in my life, but at the end of the day, I knew the truth, and before too many years passed, he proved himself again with his new round of wives. 3 marriages, unfaithful in all of them. The truth eventually came out all on its own, but he did a lot of damage to a lot of good women along the way. People will talk, even if you try to defend yourself. Let them. You know the truth, and the rumors will die down when someone else in town does something talk worthy. I promise, tomorrow someone else will be in the gossip mill. Just remember not to believe everything you hear. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 I knew in the end that his true colors and lies would come to light on their own, and they did. Amen. One problem with lies is that it's very difficult to remember what you said to whom. So the inconsistencies emerge and Karma makes itself known. The good news is you need do nothing, this happens all on its own ... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 Whenever people used to begin talking to me about their horrible exes, I'd internally roll the old eyes. "Here we go again," I'd think, and settle down for a long earful of stuff I didn't really want to hear and usually forgot within five seconds. Now that I am going through a rough time with someone, I do have a bit more sympathy and patience for the talking, but really I still put zero stock in how accurate everyone is about whether someone cheated or whatnot. Your wife has betrayed you and set herself to be against you, but unless your tiny town is full of very judgmental gossips or people who might want to marry you and therefore care whether you are a cheat, I doubt that she can betray you any further by talking. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 having an affair with a 50 year old married man 20 years older then her. Walked out on our marriage and destroyed the OW's marriage and family. STBXW is now with this guy although its still below the radar. Divorce papers currently being filed. People will find out the truth as time goes on, even more so since you say you all in a small Town as this isn't just a case of your wife leaving you and you two divorcing...She had an A with someone else and helped bust up that marriage too. Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 This is what happened to me. I could care less who knows the truth, I know and that is what matters. She can butter it up, put sugar on it, whatever, but I know what she did. I gave up on anyone else knowing the truth as those that believe her BS don't matter to me anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 It might annoy you at first - understandable though; really, the nerve of some people... - but ultimately you should just ignore it. You can't control what other people think. Who knows, chances are plenty of people who smiled at her were running their mouths about her later anyway. To lift your spirits: Start the video at 0:25. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 OP...one thing you have to quickly learn when you separate / divorce is that... - you don't have a say at what goes on at the other place - if kids are involved, you don't have a say on what the money is spent on - do NOT preoccupy yourself with what your ex is doing - keep yourself focused on the matter that is important to you...your health and your child/ren - Avoid social media 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 My ex wife did the same thing the moment she left. Not only did she spend plenty of time talking smack about me all over Facebook, she made a point to tell everyone we knew her side of things, which was almost completely fiction. I'm talking serious character assassination. It was so bad at one point, that one of her best friends reached out to me to let me know she didn't approve of the whole thing, and started telling me the ex wife's plans to screw me over in the divorce, so that I could avoid it. Seems to be a common thing with them...mine did the same thing, and although I am not on any social media, people end up telling and sending me screenshots of the nonsense that is posted Well of course the friends of these women don't know that there is two sides to every story. My dating profiles mentions that I am not interested in a woman that spends every waking hour on social media Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 People lie. Cheaters generally lie more than 'normal'. It follows that a cheater would wax creative with marital 'truth' as well during a split. IMO, if it doesn't damage one materially, like for instance defamation of professional credentials resulting in the loss of business and/or professional standing, simply look at it as one of those 'can't legally kill them so let it go' scenarios. That said, if evidence does support damage to one's station in life, work product or professional reputation, 'kill' them legally, in court. I don't think my exW cheated but there is enough evidence to give me substantive doubt and she did poison some of my male friendships but I've recovered those now. Time heals a lot, even the financial stuff. Save the big guns for the life-altering stuff. Relationships, meh, pass. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 Lessons learned...don't get married again, get yourself fixed (done that) and I don't feel obliged to tell any woman, don't get blindsided by sex and the "I love you" nonsense...find an equal and a reasonable / sane person Link to post Share on other sites
longjohn Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Some of you may of read my posts. In a nut shell, almost a year ago I found out my soon to be ex wife of two years was having an affair with a 50 year old married man 20 years older then her. Walked out on our marriage and destroyed the OW's marriage and family. STBXW is now with this guy although its still below the radar. Divorce papers currently being filed. Anyway the other day I found out the ex has been telling people that people who do not know about our split. I was the one who caused our breakup, apparently I was a control freak who never let her out!. This person was later set straight by a mutual family friend. I made sure everyone who counts, family, friends including OW's wife and family. So everyone knows the truth. Has anyone else had to deal with an ex wife who cheated and then started lying to people as to why you have split?. How did you deal with it. I am not so concerned that she is making a fool of herself lying to people, that will come back to haunt her later. Just more concerned people thinking ill of me because of falling for her lying. I live in a small town, so I made sure everyone knows. Knew if asked by people she would never admit to it. I had to deal with an ex wife who cheated and lied. She was good enough to tell all her friends via her blog and Facebook (she kept me in a group) how terrible it was with me and how she had to leave because of X, Y and Z. I knew something was up and put a keylogger on her computer. This proved she was banging a married man. I posted the logs and screenshots out to the other mans wife and via her beloved blog and facebook. Leaving no one any doubt about who the guilty party was and why it ended. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Some of you may of read my posts. In a nut shell, almost a year ago I found out my soon to be ex wife of two years was having an affair with a 50 year old married man 20 years older then her. Walked out on our marriage and destroyed the OW's marriage and family. STBXW is now with this guy although its still below the radar. Divorce papers currently being filed. Anyway the other day I found out the ex has been telling people that people who do not know about our split. I was the one who caused our breakup, apparently I was a control freak who never let her out!. This person was later set straight by a mutual family friend. I made sure everyone who counts, family, friends including OW's wife and family. So everyone knows the truth. Has anyone else had to deal with an ex wife who cheated and then started lying to people as to why you have split?. How did you deal with it. I am not so concerned that she is making a fool of herself lying to people, that will come back to haunt her later. Just more concerned people thinking ill of me because of falling for her lying. I live in a small town, so I made sure everyone knows. Knew if asked by people she would never admit to it. Dude, this is textbook cheater crap. Blame you for the demise of the relationship and paint you as a monster and making herself out to be the victim. All the while keeping the OM under the table. Then, after a while, she start to introduce the OM to friends and family as "a friend that's been helping her through the most difficult time of her life." Then more time goes by and she makes their relationship public stating that "they started out as friends, but then they couldn't deny that they started to have feelings for each other". Thus, she's trying to make herself out to be a victim and the OM as the hero that saved her. Just a bunch of crap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Then, after a while, she start to introduce the OM to friends and family as "a friend that's been helping her through the most difficult time of her life." Then more time goes by and she makes their relationship public stating that "they started out as friends, but then they couldn't deny that they started to have feelings for each other". Thus, she's trying to make herself out to be a victim and the OM as the hero that saved her. It's soo much fun when it backfires though! A freshly divorced woman in the neighbourhood tried it, but after a while she apparently didn't like the disdainful glances and laughter behind palms anymore so she tried to hide him instead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Yeah, I know dude! This stuff is straight out of the textbook! I'm amazed sometimes! People come on here thinking that their break up is unique. And the people, places and things to that person are unique. I'll agree. But, the behavior is usually the same. You can always pick out the REAL reason why people leave to break up, divorce or separate. Very little surprises me anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Keep your eye on the ball... the public divorce isn't the important one, there are always two divorces, the public one and the private one... the private one is the only one that matters. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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