how to move on from 8 1/2 year relationship

[Babie-Girl]

been with guy for 8 1/2 years, a month ago found out he was seeing this girl since march, a few days after he tells me that theyve split and he wants me, so ok why not give him another chance, went to his yesterday, she was there, explained everything to her that weve been together for last few weeks, he says youve split, etc... turns out they havent split, they had sex the previous night even though i was his girlfriend and had sex the other week ago. i still really love him and still want to be with him but i know its wrong thing to do and i should move on.... but all i seem to be doing is crying, i cant stop thinking about him, about how he felt hugging me, everything hes told me.... how does someone move on after 8 1/2 years of being with someone? we met when we were 10 years old, so hes been with me for my whole teenage life..... i dont understand how someone can cheat and lie so easily.. i gave everything to him, he meant the world to me, he was my first for everything, first friend, first real boyfriend, etc..... i was his first for everything aswell..... i dont know what to do.... i feel terrible.... i just want to be happy, i just wanted one person that i could call mine.... hes the first person ive never wanted to lose..... now i have no one.... dont have friends, ive never been close to my family..... he was always there for me when i needed him to be.....

[No Limit]

Sounds like you've become co-dependant. Just by all means stay NC! NO CONTACT for eternity. Of course you're hurt, but feelings too change. Pick your pieces back together and once you're ready you can continue your search for a real man.

[Dork Vader]

You're to young to be in such a crappy relationship and want to fix it.

 

 

The guy completely spit in your face and the 8+ years you to have been together. He completely threw your feelings aside for his own selfish reasons... I might be able to understand if he was honest and forthcoming saying I want to date other people says a lot about him.

 

 

There is no reason for cheating.. Nothing but excuses and justification. If you want to cheat you know something is wrong with your relationship and you should talk to your SO about it. He did not.. he just went about doing what was good for him not you.

 

 

There are plenty of great men out there who would be more then this douchebag ever was. I know it's hard I know it hurts but you really need to move on. He is going to be nothing but pain.. Put time and energy into yourself.. Join a gym work out.. Find some new hobbies. Block this guys number.. Start removing him from your life. Shut your phone off if you have too. Stay away from facebook..

[Miss Awesome]

been with guy for 8 1/2 years, a month ago found out he was seeing this girl since march, a few days after he tells me that theyve split and he wants me, so ok why not give him another chance, went to his yesterday, she was there, explained everything to her that weve been together for last few weeks, he says youve split, etc... turns out they havent split, they had sex the previous night even though i was his girlfriend and had sex the other week ago. i still really love him and still want to be with him but i know its wrong thing to do and i should move on.... but all i seem to be doing is crying, i cant stop thinking about him, about how he felt hugging me, everything hes told me.... how does someone move on after 8 1/2 years of being with someone? we met when we were 10 years old, so hes been with me for my whole teenage life..... i dont understand how someone can cheat and lie so easily.. i gave everything to him, he meant the world to me, he was my first for everything, first friend, first real boyfriend, etc..... i was his first for everything aswell..... i dont know what to do.... i feel terrible.... i just want to be happy, i just wanted one person that i could call mine.... hes the first person ive never wanted to lose..... now i have no one.... dont have friends, ive never been close to my family..... he was always there for me when i needed him to be.....

 

When you've been with someone that long, you're not going to get over it instantly. You're going to think about the good times and feel sad for what you've lost. It sucks ass, but it's inevitable.

 

I was with someone for six years when I found out he was cheating on me. Our relationship wasn't even very good, but I was still very sad about it. Eventually it hit me, though, that this man was no longer the man I fell in love with. The man I fell in love with would never have cheated on me, would never have hurt me like that. I came to the conclusion that the man I loved didn't exist anymore. That may sound weird, but it's how I truly felt, and the beauty of coming to that conclusion was that I couldn't miss someone who didn't exist.

 

Anyway, my real point here is that everyone gets over relationships and moves on in different ways and at their own pace, but what almost everyone needs is some time to just be sad - so try not to beat yourself up for crying a lot. Let yourself feel the way you do, and as much as it sucks to hear (and as much as it feels like a lie), you will start to feel better with time. You will find out that you're stronger than you ever thought you could be. You will be ok without him.

[Babie-Girl]

been with guy for 8 1/2 years, a month ago found out he was seeing this girl since march, a few days after he tells me that theyve split and he wants me, so ok why not give him another chance, went to his yesterday, she was there, explained everything to her that weve been together for last few weeks, he says youve split, etc... turns out they havent split, they had sex the previous night even though i was his girlfriend and had sex the other week ago. i still really love him and still want to be with him but i know its wrong thing to do and i should move on.... but all i seem to be doing is crying, i cant stop thinking about him, about how he felt hugging me, everything hes told me.... how does someone move on after 8 1/2 years of being with someone? we met when we were 10 years old, so hes been with me for my whole teenage life..... i dont understand how someone can cheat and lie so easily.. i gave everything to him, he meant the world to me, he was my first for everything, first friend, first real boyfriend, etc..... i was his first for everything aswell..... i dont know what to do.... i feel terrible.... i just want to be happy, i just wanted one person that i could call mine.... hes the first person ive never wanted to lose..... now i have no one.... dont have friends, ive never been close to my family..... he was always there for me when i needed him to be.....

 

 

 

 

in addition to this.. he was also my first for everything... he was my first friend, first love relationship, first real boyfriend, first sexual partner... hes the only person i could go to when i needed someone, i could always talk to him about anything, he would always be there when i needed him..... i dont understand how someone can lie and cheat so easily...... he was always there for me, he ran me a bath and cooked me a meal for anniversary, he walked me to bus stop everyday a 7 in the morning, he would always wait for me to get off bus from school, when hed go away for a week or something he would rush back to me as soon as he got back, saying how much he missed me etc..... how do you just wake up and not love someone anymore..... last time i saw him before i found out he always hug me really tight, hed cry abit when we spoke about what he had done, when i went home hed drove down my road and hugged me and said i really care about you alot..... how can he say and do those things when he didnt mean any of it.... i dont understand...... he was perfect, he just needed to be faithful and honest.......

[Ferocious]

in addition to this.. he was also my first for everything... he was my first friend, first love relationship, first real boyfriend, first sexual partner... hes the only person i could go to when i needed someone, i could always talk to him about anything, he would always be there when i needed him..... i dont understand how someone can lie and cheat so easily...... he was always there for me, he ran me a bath and cooked me a meal for anniversary, he walked me to bus stop everyday a 7 in the morning, he would always wait for me to get off bus from school, when hed go away for a week or something he would rush back to me as soon as he got back, saying how much he missed me etc..... how do you just wake up and not love someone anymore..... last time i saw him before i found out he always hug me really tight, hed cry abit when we spoke about what he had done, when i went home hed drove down my road and hugged me and said i really care about you alot..... how can he say and do those things when he didnt mean any of it.... i dont understand...... he was perfect, he just needed to be faithful and honest.......

 

Wow this post actually meant something to me bcuz it reminds me kind of like my situation that I'm in right now -_- I also lost someone to cheating and feel just like u do. How do they go from "I love you, I don't want someone to take you from me" to being with another guy in 1 week? It just perplexes me how they lie the way they do. The girl I was with tried to say the SAME things after she cheated. "I still care about you and always will" "I don't deserve a goodnight, but you do. I'm sorry for what I've done to you" then while she's on vacation with her BF she straight up hands the phone to him so he can tell me to not text her while she's with him. Ya for someone that cares so much she really shows it. When I was in the hospital sick from my disease she was there and she was also my first everything as well, but tbh she doesn't care. I realize she just doesn't care about anyone but herself. I begged her not to tell her new BF something about me and she actually tells him. It was none of his business, but in one week he becomes superior to someone that has known her for years........I know her better than anyone and I feel like that's a bad thing bcuz I seen the side of her that nvr needed to come out. The side that cheats, lies, and manipulates ppl for her own gain. I feel just like u lost and completely torn bcuz the person that did mean the most is no longer there and to them I am now pretty much meaningless. This may be the hardest thing u will have to do in a long time but u really do have to leave him. It's the only way u "win" and by winning I mean where they will value you as something they lost. If you stay he will just repeat the behavior. You already gave him a second chance and he violated that, but if you give him a 3rd he knows he has you by the horns and he can just do as he pleases because you will always be there to forgive him. That's the same mistake I made. I should have nvr even given a second chance and I regret that decision bcuz once she found out I would stay she kept doing the same behavior. Lying is the worst thing to do to your SO.

[Babie-Girl]

Wow this post actually meant something to me bcuz it reminds me kind of like my situation that I'm in right now -_- I also lost someone to cheating and feel just like u do. How do they go from "I love you, I don't want someone to take you from me" to being with another guy in 1 week? It just perplexes me how they lie the way they do. The girl I was with tried to say the SAME things after she cheated. "I still care about you and always will" "I don't deserve a goodnight, but you do. I'm sorry for what I've done to you" then while she's on vacation with her BF she straight up hands the phone to him so he can tell me to not text her while she's with him. Ya for someone that cares so much she really shows it. When I was in the hospital sick from my disease she was there and she was also my first everything as well, but tbh she doesn't care. I realize she just doesn't care about anyone but herself. I begged her not to tell her new BF something about me and she actually tells him. It was none of his business, but in one week he becomes superior to someone that has known her for years........I know her better than anyone and I feel like that's a bad thing bcuz I seen the side of her that nvr needed to come out. The side that cheats, lies, and manipulates ppl for her own gain. I feel just like u lost and completely torn bcuz the person that did mean the most is no longer there and to them I am now pretty much meaningless. This may be the hardest thing u will have to do in a long time but u really do have to leave him. It's the only way u "win" and by winning I mean where they will value you as something they lost. If you stay he will just repeat the behavior. You already gave him a second chance and he violated that, but if you give him a 3rd he knows he has you by the horns and he can just do as he pleases because you will always be there to forgive him. That's the same mistake I made. I should have nvr even given a second chance and I regret that decision bcuz once she found out I would stay she kept doing the same behavior. Lying is the worst thing to do to your SO.

 

im sad to know that youve experienced the same.... how can you just move on from that though... i know he can be a great boyfriend because i have seen it.. theres no way he can pretend to do all those things... we have been going through a rough patch aswell..... he actually just emailed me saying that hes sorry and wants me etc that he needs me to help him be the best he can be.... i dunno what to do.... i havent been alone for over 8 years... he means the world to me..... i dont think i can walk away.... he really needs help..... i dont have anyone else, i dont want to be alone.....

[Chi townD]

Girl, he cheated. Period. You can say all of these nice things about him and how perfect he was. But, here's the rub, he cheated and that's far from perfect. He didn't value you or relationship enough to be true to you.

 

 

You say that he was your everything. Your first of everything. You state that you don't have any friends and you don't get along with your family. Well, only one person can change that, and THAT'S YOU!!!

 

 

Right now, your self worth, self esteem and self confidence are in the toilet. You need to start making positive changes in your life. You can start by going and get a new hairstyle. Something people are going to notice and like. Then, go shopping and get a new wardrobe. Conservative; yet, sexy. You want people to say, "DAMN GIRL! YOU LOOK HOT!" That is going to help your self esteem.

 

 

Then get to the gym. Start running your little ass off on the treadmill and push a little weight. Sign up for a spin class or Zumba. If you get plenty of sleep and eat right, you're going to be working towards that tight and sexy bod that guy are going to notice.

 

 

Then, find some new hobbies. With those hobbies, there are usually clubs in your area with people that have the same interest. So, join a running club, or a cycling club. Join a co-ed sports team or take diving lessons or community theater or a cooking class. Put yourself out there and meet new people!

 

 

Then, travel! Go someplace you've always wanted to see and go!!

 

 

 

 

You might be down, but you're not out!

[Ferocious]

im sad to know that youve experienced the same.... how can you just move on from that though... i know he can be a great boyfriend because i have seen it.. theres no way he can pretend to do all those things... we have been going through a rough patch aswell..... he actually just emailed me saying that hes sorry and wants me etc that he needs me to help him be the best he can be.... i dunno what to do.... i havent been alone for over 8 years... he means the world to me..... i dont think i can walk away.... he really needs help..... i dont have anyone else, i dont want to be alone.....

 

Look I know u feel alone and are scared to lose him but believe me he doesn't feel the same way about you. He cheated on you TWICE! If there's anything I know about relationships it would be with how to deal with these individuals. He disrespected you and look at what he's doing to you. My ex GF said the same things! She needs me because I'm important to her blah blah blah. I promise you it's seriously all lies, but I know how u feel cuz just like you I didn't want to leave. Here's the problem, right now you can still leave without being insanely hurt. You HAVE to leave bcuz I want you to picture this scenario since it's what I'm going thru. Imagine if you forgive him and he cheats again, but this time he REJECTS you for the other girl and leaves you. Now how would you feel after sticking with him thru everything that he did just to see him step on you and destroy you? Can you imagine how low your self esteem would be? You would forgive him 3 times and he would STILL cheat on you. That's how I feel and it's a HORRIBLE feeling. There was a time when I was friends with my ex before asking her out a second time and during that time I was trying to see if she had changed. She would tell me she only blew me kisses and all the other guys I talked to were just friends. Well, I found out that they weren't. When I found out she got rid of them instantly and begged me to talk to her. I was over at my friends house and I still remember her blowing up my phone begging me to just acknowledge her. Unfortunately the next day I couldn't block her and msg her and she fed me more lies. 3 months after this and 2 months of dating her (second time) she cheated and then rejected me. Imagine sitting where you are and being rejected for another girl and seeing your BF go on vacation with her having a blast not feeling an ounce of regret. Just tossing you out like your trash and replacing you with someone else. Not only that, but I even received a msg from her new BF telling me "You're an ex for a reason". Can you fathom how mad and upset that would make you? Not only does the guy steal my girl, but he also feels the need to rub it in my face while I sit here with NO ONE!

 

I'm trying to help you because I know how this will end. I thought the same thing "How could you just forget about me after being your best friend and partner for over 2 years", but they do.......He will just use you temporarily and then replace you because he knows you will always be there for him and that you are too attached to leave him. You might think he's different or that he's going to change, but it's all about him not you. In his mind he only cares about his gifts under the tree!

 

If you have a kik app feel free to PM me urs cuz you could possibly explain it more in detail, but regardless you do need to leave and try to meet some new ppl or something! I'm trying to do the same thing it is very hard trust me I know.

Edited August 6, 2014 by Ferocious

[Peacock_Tail]

Look I know u feel alone and are scared to lose him but believe me he doesn't feel the same way about you. He cheated on you TWICE! If there's anything I know about relationships it would be with how to deal with these individuals. He disrespected you and look at what he's doing to you. My ex GF said the same things! She needs me because I'm important to her blah blah blah. I promise you it's seriously all lies, but I know how u feel cuz just like you I didn't want to leave. Here's the problem, right now you can still leave without being insanely hurt. You HAVE to leave bcuz I want you to picture this scenario since it's what I'm going thru. Imagine if you forgive him and he cheats again, but this time he REJECTS you for the other girl and leaves you. Now how would you feel after sticking with him thru everything that he did just to see him step on you and destroy you? Can you imagine how low your self esteem would be? You would forgive him 3 times and he would STILL cheat on you. That's how I feel and it's a HORRIBLE feeling. There was a time when I was friends with my ex before asking her out a second time and during that time I was trying to see if she had changed. She would tell me she only blew me kisses and all the other guys I talked to were just friends. Well, I found out that they weren't. When I found out she got rid of them instantly and begged me to talk to her. I was over at my friends house and I still remember her blowing up my phone begging me to just acknowledge her. Unfortunately the next day I couldn't block her and msg her and she fed me more lies. 3 months after this and 2 months of dating her (second time) she cheated and then rejected me. Imagine sitting where you are and being rejected for another girl and seeing your BF go on vacation with her having a blast not feeling an ounce of regret. Just tossing you out like your trash and replacing you with someone else. Not only that, but I even received a msg from her new BF telling me "You're an ex for a reason". Can you fathom how mad and upset that would make you? Not only does the guy steal my girl, but he also feels the need to rub it in my face while I sit here with NO ONE!

 

I'm trying to help you because I know how this will end. I thought the same thing "How could you just forget about me after being your best friend and partner for over 2 years", but they do.......He will just use you temporarily and then replace you because he knows you will always be there for him and that you are too attached to leave him. You might think he's different or that he's going to change, but it's all about him not you. In his mind he only cares about his gifts under the tree!

 

If you have a kik app feel free to PM me urs cuz you could possibly explain it more in detail, but regardless you do need to leave and try to meet some new ppl or something! I'm trying to do the same thing it is very hard trust me I know.

 

Read this, and maybe more than once. This is the wisdom of experience shining through.

[ascendotum]

in addition to this.. he was also my first for everything... he was my first friend, first love relationship, first real boyfriend, first sexual partner... hes the only person i could go to when i needed someone, i could always talk to him about anything, he would always be there when i needed him..... i dont understand how someone can lie and cheat so easily...... he was always there for me, he ran me a bath and cooked me a meal for anniversary, he walked me to bus stop everyday a 7 in the morning, he would always wait for me to get off bus from school, when hed go away for a week or something he would rush back to me as soon as he got back, saying how much he missed me etc..... how do you just wake up and not love someone anymore..... last time i saw him before i found out he always hug me really tight, hed cry abit when we spoke about what he had done, when i went home hed drove down my road and hugged me and said i really care about you alot..... how can he say and do those things when he didnt mean any of it.... i dont understand...... he was perfect, he just needed to be faithful and honest.......

 

He did really love you, and likely still does but just does not cherish you the same. People can still love their partner but cheat. they crave new excitement & the thrill of illicit sex with a new person or to get some emotional fulfillment they are missing out on in their main relationship. They can still love their partner even though they do the things they do. They are selfish and just want more.

 

You and him are still very young and going through a lot of changes as you mature into adults. 8.5 yrs is a long time for a teenage relationship. They are usually shorter. Many people at your age want to get out and enjoy life,and part of that experience is meeting new people. The relationship has run its course for him and he wants to experience what its like with other girls, but was too weak /didn't want to break your heart to telly you this. This is not the end of the world for you, though you should be pissed off at the way he ended up shytting on your relationship. Naturally for you it will seem like all the special things he did for you over the years are now less meaningful. You will find happiness & love and other guys who will be as special again.

 

You are young and fun & adventure awaits. Go out and enjoy meeting new boys when you are ready to move on. It likely wont be the only time you experience a broken heart in your life.

[Omei]

in addition to this.. he was also my first for everything... he was my first friend, first love relationship, first real boyfriend, first sexual partner... hes the only person i could go to when i needed someone, i could always talk to him about anything, he would always be there when i needed him..... i dont understand how someone can lie and cheat so easily...... he was always there for me, he ran me a bath and cooked me a meal for anniversary, he walked me to bus stop everyday a 7 in the morning, he would always wait for me to get off bus from school, when hed go away for a week or something he would rush back to me as soon as he got back, saying how much he missed me etc..... how do you just wake up and not love someone anymore..... last time i saw him before i found out he always hug me really tight, hed cry abit when we spoke about what he had done, when i went home hed drove down my road and hugged me and said i really care about you alot..... how can he say and do those things when he didnt mean any of it.... i dont understand...... he was perfect, he just needed to be faithful and honest.......

 

 

But clearly he wasn't perfect was he?

He is scum and you can be dependent without him if you just learn how

 

A person who was first everything is nice but as you grow and enter other relationships in your lifetime you will look back on this one as just a stepping stone towards a more real love and intimate relationship with someone else that wont do this to you.

 

Be angry with him, don't make your future boyfriends suffer for what he has done you can grow past this.

[Justm3x]

I feel your pain, ive been through the same... exactly the same, i feel so hurt and let down and i know everyone will say, your better off without him. But it will take time, I have to keep reminding myself and saying it out loud. 6 months on and i still just burst into tears without warning when I think of him and what hes done to me.