Gingerbird Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 How can you be married for over nine years and when you have finally had enough, you file papers and begin to move on without missing him? Does that mean you didn't love them? He was abusive - emotionally and physically toward my son (his step-son), emotionally toward me. Everyone called him "the poser." He had no depth, he was transparent (see through, not empathetic), he loved to brag to others about (my) accomplishments (home, money, possessions) as his and then also set the house on fire (literally) with his tantrums, shout outs, threats to leave me (I am disabled), perpetual liar, threaten to do things to punish me and "where he goes the money goes" was his favorite line. He even abused my dogs. He started abusing my puppy who is in training to be my service dog and that was the final straw...!! After I had my brain surgery, he was supposed to be my caretaker, my protector, my "go to" guy. Instead, dissatisfied I was no longer going to bring in $50,000 a year in a stable legal career (I'm now permanently disabled and on SSDI), he began treating me like I was his possession and his emotional abuse escalated to horrendous. Has anyone else filed for divorce and didn't feel a thing afterward (except for anger because of threats to be sued)? I have a permanent restraining order on him, so his not being able to contact me I'm sure has helped me because he cannot communicate with me. Thoughts, ideas, confirmation? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 How can you be married for over nine years and when you have finally had enough, you file papers and begin to move on without missing him? Does that mean you didn't love them? For me, I came to realize that throughout the process of "finally having enough" is when I was doing my missing of him...my feelings of sadness, loss, grief happened IN the marriage. Well...most of them or the highest intensity of them. For me, OF COURSE I had loved him...for a long time...up until finally having enough. We probably wouldn't have married them...or stayed in an increasingly unrewarding, unfulfilling marriage for as long as we did, if we had not loved them...quite a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 My mother. For a while she was furious at the beginning of the divorce process, but just after a little while she didn't care anymore about him. He was abusive but not to that extent, and it surely wouldn't have made a difference to him if I was his step-daughter instead of blood-related. Just get some champagne for the finalization. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gingerbird Posted August 6, 2014 Author Share Posted August 6, 2014 I think you are right: "I came to realize that throughout the process of "finally having enough" is when I was doing my missing of him...my feelings of sadness, loss, grief happened IN the marriage" There was a time when I had hoped it would work out, mostly for financial reasons and I thought I needed his medical insurance to survive, but now I've come to find that I can very likely make it work on my itty bitty income. That's a small price to pay for sanity!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KarlaB Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 I think you are right: "I came to realize that throughout the process of "finally having enough" is when I was doing my missing of him...my feelings of sadness, loss, grief happened IN the marriage" There was a time when I had hoped it would work out, mostly for financial reasons and I thought I needed his medical insurance to survive, but now I've come to find that I can very likely make it work on my itty bitty income. That's a small price to pay for sanity!! I think for me right now is the fear of financial failure because he makes double what I do, however, I have worked out a budget and I know I can live within it. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 How can you be married for over nine years and when you have finally had enough, you file papers and begin to move on without missing him? Does that mean you didn't love them? . No you may have sincerely loved him in the early days when you thought he was someone and something else. Over time as his true colors came out you fell out of love with him because he is an ass and a bad person. The reason you feel nothing now is because he is a detriment to your life which you will be better off without. You are doing the right thing and will be better off for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 What was the attraction to this guy in the first place...was it a matter of you were alone from your previous relationship, and cute guy came along? There are many women with kids from a previous that find themselves in this situation, especially when they don't take the time to cool down before jumping into another relationship You can't replace a child's other parent with a new person....women need to understand this because it happens a lot. Personally, as someone that has lived with a person that had a daughter from a previously relationship...I would never advice anyone to move in with someone that has their kid(s) ALL THE TIME i.e. sole custody It puts a strain on the new relationship Link to post Share on other sites
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