digger Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 Im trying to locate a book but I cant find it. Its called 'the other side of goodbye" by tigress luv. In it supposedly are 4 key things you are supposed to do/or a way to act; to make em wanna come back to you. Has anybody seen this book? If so could you synopsize what those keys are. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 digger, I am not familiar with this book. But I don't believe there are any 4 keys that will magically make someone change their minds and want to be with someone. The best suggestion I would be able to suggest is to try and get your self back to the man you used to be. The man she fell in love with and wanted to be with. Wasn't he confident, strong, and independent? Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 Digger- My heart breaks for you everytime I read one of your posts. There are a couple of books that BF has that he had when he was separated. They are: "Love Must be Tough" by James Dobson "Hope for the Separated" by Gary Chapman The first one I read and it talks about how to set boundaries so that your partner can see how strong you are and how you are not willing to accept a bunch of BS. Perhaps you should start with that one? Clinging to her will not make her want you back- I know- that is what STBXH did to me and it pushed me further away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author digger Posted February 25, 2005 Author Share Posted February 25, 2005 so pixie--youre saying ignore her? Thats easy--been doing it for 4 months. See me strong? How if we never see each other? Fill in the blanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 Give me a little background digger or tell me where I can find your complete story. All I can ever tell is how heartbroken you seem. I'm not saying ignore her. What the book "Love Must be tough" says is that when you cling- bargain, plead etc it just makes you look more pathetic to the other person. It says to tell the other person that you love them and hope that you can work it out but that their behavior is unacceptable yada yada. Not to call, not to ask what they are doing. Spend some time improving yourself. Appear busy. When that person asks how you are say, "Great, and you?" it makes them wonder- hey, they must be doing okay without me- what's up with that? I'm not saying it will work necessarily for your situation. The fact is, you can't make someone love you that doesn't. This book is for people who may have momentarily lost their way- ie, their partner had an affair and has left them but is unsure of what they want. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 Digger has quite a few posts regarding his story. Basically to sum it up: Everything was fine. He forgot to tell his wife he was going to dinner with coworkers. He came home to find his stuff outside. They discussed it and it appeared to be resolving. He came home to find a list of 40 reasons why she wanted a divorce. They divorced. She planned to move to another state. She was dating her soon-to-be-boss. Daughter didn't want to move and was fighting with mother all the time. Ex-wife refused to talk to Digger about anything. Ex-wife decided not to move. Ex-wife hasn't spoken to Digger since early August. Ex-wife called a few weeks ago to remind him to sign some papers. Ex-wife has given no indication that she is interested in reconciling. I may have missed a few things, but this is basically the story. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 Dannnnggggggg- Sorry Digger- you don't just up and want to divorce someone because they had dinner with coworkers. There had to have been serious issues on her end for a long time. I hate it for you because you seem to want her back so bad. I doubt, however though that she is coming back. I'm sorry............ Link to post Share on other sites
Author digger Posted February 25, 2005 Author Share Posted February 25, 2005 thats pretty much it--the sequence of events--i just find it IMPOSSIBLE to believe whats happened after 2 weeks before the papers she was laying her head on my shoulder wishing the "old me" were back. yes i was job stressed--my first time in business. A job I hate. She knew it--I knew it--we all did. I wasnt the most pleasant guy to live with. She was stressed to in a job she hates in a town she dispises. I asked her to work it out and we'd go ANYWHERE to be happy like we used to. No counseling--no conversations...just those hard words that stick in my gut every day. "i dont love you anymore" and "i never thot i'd be the one to hurt YOU'!!! I dont know as if i would have ever wrote her "stay with me forever" and split 4 months after that note. Women are funny. Had a guy come in last night, same thing happened to him. She bought something like. oh i dunno, swords i think he said, and had their names engraved in em. Three months later--DIVORCE! Now theyre back together. Oh well, guess I'll just have to wait and see. Maybe its a phase shes going thru. Maybe this is one of mine. TIME!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author digger Posted February 25, 2005 Author Share Posted February 25, 2005 let me add this--I readily admit that a bulk of the problem was growling around the house--due to stress--hell i had a gun chase thru my store. Ya know how sometimes you just KNOW something? My daughter wrote me an email a few months ago. She said 'if you got back your happiness like you had when you (old job) maybe we'd have another chance.' Im not stupid--i could detect the wording wasnt hers. Im sure I know who really wrote it. Im just wondering if shes waiting to see that "happy, wisecracking" guy again, and I will get that chance. Link to post Share on other sites
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