Should I be suspicious?

[makemefeelgood82]

so this girl added my boyfriend on facebook. and i guess like a year and a half ago she had a boyfriend and my boyfriend at the time was single but he was interested in her and I guess asked her out a few times. but nothing happened. anyways..she added him on facebook the other day and now she is single, she also sent him a message telling him how he looks so handsome, she remembers him and that if he’s single that she is “around” (to get in touch with) but he didn’t answer her message. however, THIS is where im pissed, she posted a picture of herself later that day..and my boyfriend liked it.

 

it doesn’t sit well with me. obviously he was attracted to her before (but nothing ended up happening) and now she s single and even though he didn’t answer her message…what was his intention of liking herpicture? its pretty easy to NOT like a picture if you’re not wanting to lead a girl on who just sent you a message that she is into you! I mean..think about it….if he WASN’T at ALL interested why would he liked her picture? ESPECIALLY after a message that was soo OVERT. If a guy sent me a message like that and I wasn’t at all interested I would NOT be giving any sort of feedback like that. I almost feel like by him doing that, given the circumstances, its like his way of being like “i still want you” . It would be one thing if she never sent that message…but the fact that she did and he gave her some type of feedback….bothers me a lot. help?!?! do I have a right to be upset? i feel like he must be pretty attracted to her if she sent him that message and later that day liked her picture…I feel like there is more to it than him just liking some random pretty girls picture. kind of like “where there is smoke there is fire” - there must be an attraction.

 

If he’s was not wanting this other girl to get into his head or mess with his relationship with me, he would have no issue ignoring her altogether, especially after the message she wrote. I know he cares about me but what if this attraction to this girl is strong….strong enough that he couldn’t simply ignore her picture when she sent him that message. It's pretty easy to ignore that. I don’t feel like it is “innocent”. he hasn’t even heard from her in almost 2 years, how hard wouldit be to simple ignore her altogether?!

 

HELP!

Edited August 5, 2014 by makemefeelgood82

[Mari79]

Confront him about it.

 

What he should have done was messaged her back saying that he was flattered but happily in a relationship and he should've ignored her picture.

 

What he did (not responding to her message, thereby not letting her know whether he was or wasn't single) and then liking her picture was wrong.

 

I posted a thread recently about finding out my boyfriend had been disrespecting me with another woman years ago. If I had found out about it then, I could've put a stop to it before it started getting really inappropriate. Put a stop to his sh*t right now.

[PegNosePete]

You think maybe there is some attraction? Of course there could be - and what is wrong with that? I am attracted to Megan Fox, does that mean I am cheating on my gf? No of course not, it is ridiculous to even suggest such a thing. Nobody can control their attractions... what they can control are their actions. So he pressed "like". Big whoop.

 

Now what I am wondering is how you know she sent him a message, and how you know he didn't reply?

[makemefeelgood82]

You think maybe there is some attraction? Of course there could be - and what is wrong with that? I am attracted to Megan Fox, does that mean I am cheating on my gf? No of course not, it is ridiculous to even suggest such a thing. Nobody can control their attractions... what they can control are their actions. So he pressed "like". Big whoop.

 

Now what I am wondering is how you know she sent him a message, and how you know he didn't reply?

 

 

Yeah but this isn't some out of touch celebrity crush like Megan Fox - this is a girl he DID try and date awhile back in real life. How is that not a line that is crossed? It is just as easy to not like her photo if you aren't wanting to let her know you are still attracted to her - because you're in a relationship- after she sent the type of message she did. I don't think it is 100% innocent.

 

I dont think he is cheating, but i also feel a little threatened by her. she obviously has some time of effect on him.

[mammasita]

First of all - how do you know she sent this message?

[makemefeelgood82]

First of all - how do you know she sent this message?

 

Because I went on his computer and saw it on his facebook. He doesnt know.

 

Please just answer my question! That is all that I ask

Edited August 5, 2014 by makemefeelgood82

[mammasita]

Because I went on his computer and saw it on his facebook. He doesnt know.

 

Please just answer my question! That is all that I ask

 

Ok then. No, you shouldn't be suspicious for him liking a picture.

[makemefeelgood82]

Ok then. No, you shouldn't be suspicious for him liking a picture.

 

No i went on his facebook and saw the message from the girl she said "there is no way you are still single. You look as gorgeous as ever. i still remember you. in any case, if you are single..im around. toodles"

 

THAT is PRETTY OVERT.

[PegNosePete]

Yeah but this isn't some out of touch celebrity crush like Megan Fox

What's the difference? You think he is not allowed to be attracted to any other women than you? Of course he will be. His tastes do not change just because he is in a relationship with you. Of course he will be attracted to other women.

 

Whether he acts on that is what matters. All he did was click 1 like button. Sure he should probably have responded "thanks but no thanks" to the message but it's hardly a major offence (or any kind of come-on or encouragement) to not reply.

 

Well obviously you already suspected him of inappropriate behaviour because you snooped on him. Why did you snoop on him? Did you already think there was something else suspicious going on? Are there any other reasons for thinking there is more than what meets the eye here? (Because frankly what meets the eye is nothing, just a click on "like" which means absolutely nothing out of context)

[makemefeelgood82]

What's the difference? You think he is not allowed to be attracted to any other women than you? Of course he will be. His tastes do not change just because he is in a relationship with you. Of course he will be attracted to other women.

 

Whether he acts on that is what matters. All he did was click 1 like button. Sure he should probably have responded "thanks but no thanks" to the message but it's hardly a major offence (or any kind of come-on or encouragement) to not reply.

 

Well obviously you already suspected him of inappropriate behaviour because you snooped on him. Why did you snoop on him? Did you already think there was something else suspicious going on? Are there any other reasons for thinking there is more than what meets the eye here? (Because frankly what meets the eye is nothing, just a click on "like" which means absolutely nothing out of context)

 

 

Ok but the girl wrote to him saying "There is no way you are still single. You look as gorgeous as ever. I still remember you. If you are single, Im around. Toodles". And a few hours later he likes her picture? Also, he didnt respond letting her know he was in a relationship?

[mammasita]

No i went on his facebook and saw the message from the girl she said "there is no way you are still single. You look as gorgeous as ever. i still remember you. in any case, if you are single..im around. toodles"

 

THAT is PRETTY OVERT.

 

Well its hard to answer your question without knowing anything else about your relationship. How does he treat you otherwise? How long have you been together? Is his status single on facebook?

 

I do know that snooping gets you nowhere. When you snoop you ALWAYS find things that you don't need/want to know. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS.

 

You don't have to answer this, but something to think about - If you don't trust him and feel like you have to sneak looks at his facebook, then why are you with him?

[makemefeelgood82]

Ok but the girl wrote to him saying "There is no way you are still single. You look as gorgeous as ever. I still remember you. If you are single, Im around. Toodles". And a few hours later he likes her picture? Also, he didnt respond letting her know he was in a relationship?

 

 

It's not like weeks went by and he randomly liked her picture. It was only hours after she sent that message.

[Dork Vader]

Kathy is spot on.

 

 

Most people in society have not figured out yet that.. It makes NO difference whether it is text or real life. It is the same difference.

 

 

He never should have accepted the friend request. She was not his friend. She was never a significant part of his life. There is no reason for them to be friends on facebook.

 

 

He might view facebook a bit more casually then you. I don't think you need to be worried about him cheating. He would have had a conversation with her if that was the case.

 

 

But you need to define some ground rules with him and social media. I would not let him know you were snooping. He will feel like you violated his privacy and so on. It simply wont go well.

 

 

think about what your opinions of social media and texting are and what you feel cheating and inappropriate behavior would be via text and social media. Then sit down and have a civil discussion with him about it.

[PegNosePete]

This very thing is what destroyed my sister's marriage with her second husband. Her husband insisted on keeping women "friends" as FB buddies who were single women with a romantic interest in him, and he would not set a boundary with them or unfriend them on FB, so it cost him his marriage.

You really believe Facebook is to blame for that? That's just ridiculous. Say your sister, as you've recommended the OP to do, had made him delete all these women... do you think their marriage would still be intact? Do you really think he wouldn't have had any contact with these women just because he unfriended them? Does he not own a mobile phone...?

 

Seriously I don't know why people blame social media for PEOPLE's actions. Facebook does not cause people to cheat. Sure it enables them, but if they are a cheater, they will find a tool to cheat whether it is facebook, text, real life meeting, post or newspaper classifieds.

 

Keeping interested women on a friends list is a sign of an uncommitted person, and a warning flag that infidelity may be an issue. It's not the cause of infidelity. Pulling off the leaves does not remove the root.

[Sweet108]

I don't know his intentions but regardless, he is not showing you respect with this behavior. If you have to play cheat cop, it's probably time to exit the relationship. It sounds like you feel disrespected. Tell him that then pay special attention to his reaction. Google the term 'gaslighting'.

[Liverpool Bloke]

Quite simple resolution here.The Facebook predator bothers You,tell him to make a choice,unfriendl and block her or unfriend and block himself out of your life.Love includes respect & having even a single conversation with her is disrespectful.If he agrees though,I would still keep a close eye on his mobile phone & computer activities for a while though,he could just start trying to secretly contact her in other ways if he is a wrongun.

[54JA]

I agree with you and some of the people here. I think what your boyfriend did was very disrespectful to you. People know when someone is flirting with you. When I try to determine if the guy's behavior is inappropriate/disrespectful, I try to imagine one of my parents doing the same (although they don't do Fb). I know my dad (step) would tell the woman about his marital status in response to a message like that. I know that he wouldn't friend her out of respect for my mom. I think his action was very shady, and not at all innocent. Like the others on here, I think setting the boundary is necessary.

[PegNosePete]

FB often starts out as innocent, but then it allows people to become too personal with those that should not have personal access to a married person.

Facebook is a communication medium. People are what allow things to become too personal, if they so choose.

 

He considered them "just friends" and therefore didn't see anything wrong with it, but the fact was, these women wanted more than friendship, just as in the case of the situation posed by the OP.

Well if he acted on their desires then HE is to blame. Not facebook.

 

Guns don't kill people...

[Miss_raptor]

I think the bigger issue is that you felt compelled to snoop on his computer, not that he liked her photo. I've been in the position that you're in and it's no fun. Ultimately, for me though, it was a matter of my insecurity, not his lack of commitment. He didn't respond to her message, that's what matters here.