Is this normal behavior for a straight man?

[bigred007]

My husband had downloaded a secret internet browser for his iphone (he says it is to keep our kids from seeing his internet history). We have been married over 15 yrs with 2 kids.

 

We went thru a rough patch in our marriage which caused me to snoop around looking at his phone history. I found the secret browser with a lot of porn use in the history. I also found some erotica in the history (penthouse letters). One thing that concerned me is that I found where he had read 2 stories on penthouse letters that seemed weird. One letter he read was "He likes to dress like a woman and have sex like one too". The other letter that concerned me was "He likes to make it with a woman, a man, and one lover who is both".

 

I had mixed emotions upon finding that he looked at things like that to masturbate to. My hubby has never seemed confused in his sexuality and is as straight as they come (he does have a bisexual brother). I straight up asked him why he was reading this stuff. First he denied it. Then he got really mad because I asked him if he was interested in men. Finally he now says he thought those stories were funny. I said who reads funny stories to get off???

 

Should I be concerned?

[Ronni_W]

I've had conversations about this with straight men. From what I could gather, it's also how they get new ideas about stuff that they might want to experience...with a woman. That is, they also use it to ignite their own imaginations...but which, when so ignited...yes, they do get turned-on...NOT by the man-on-man stuff...by imagining a WOMAN doing whatever it is, to them.

 

Same as, I'm not into dom/sub sex...but that type of literature has all kinds of nice ideas to spice up a 'vanilla' sex life...and when I read it, I do get turned-on...but only by the stuff that turns me on.

 

If I may add...personally, I would see and/or take it as an opportunity for intimate, honest chats to find out if, how your sex life can be spiced-up at this time.

[Clear]

I don't know.Sometimes that small "itch" is your intuition trying to talk to you.Alarm you of something

 

I caught hard core gay pornography on my husband's computer. If you saw that, you SHOULD be worried. Silly text messages of subtle bisexuality, not so much, BUT it could escalate to something more, as all do curiosities. I would either put the issue on the table and iron the problem NOW, or do like me, wait and see what happens and be completely terrified.

[SolG]

Crossdresser and transgender porn (vid, written, etc) is made for, and almost exclusively consumed by heterosexual men. It's exotic and taboo... and extremely popular! It is one of the niche types of porn most watched by hetero guys. I wouldn't worry about it meaning anything sinister.

 

Of course he's going to be defensive about it when you bring it up in such an accusatory and judgmental way. Try having a caring and open conversation instead if it really is troubling you.

[jackslife]

There's a saying (that I am about to mangle badly) which runs along the lines of the following: If we knew the deep down sexual fantasies or our friends and family we'd be horrified.

 

No I don't think you need to be worried. You've found a couple of naughty "forbidden" little stories in a ton of hetro porn. If you'd found nothing but gay stuff or photos of kids then I'd be worried.

 

I don't agree that you should ask him in a nice way about it either. I don't think we should know every little thought and idea that our spouses have. You've embarrassed him enough. Leave the poor man alone to his porn. All men m'bate, all have dirty rude private fantasies, yours is no different.

 

Instead buy some sexy underwear, offload the kids, pop open a bottle of wine and bang his brains out.

Edited August 6, 2014 by jackslife

[Clockwork]

I don't know, my fantasies would probably raise an eyebrow to people. Then again, whose wouldn't? That being said, I wouldn't even bother clicking on a link that talked about anything to do with gay men. For me at least, if I were aroused and searching for porn, I don't want to have an erection while I read a story like that. I liken it to if you were looking through some of your pictures (of your wife let's say) and one pops up of your mother or something. Right away you move on from that, because that's not something you want associated with an erection.

 

I don't know if that makes sense, but usually a heterosexual guy finds the act of two men having sex to be squeamish. As a heterosexual man, trust me, this is what we think. We know it exists and such, but no heterosexual man wants that mixed up in his fantasies, unless...................well you can fill in the blanks OP.

 

However, you don't know he was masturbating to something like this. He could have clicked it by accident and it is just part of his browsing history. You never know.