lusting lynn Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 I have been hanging out sometimes with a guy that is half my age, not educated, and when I think about it, not particularly handsome. But I find him attractive, and I cannot stop thinking and fantasizing about him. I am in a 20 year marriage with three kids. I know that I could probably get away with a sexual encounter with him, and really want to. I haven't felt like this in years, and I am very tempted. I would love to hear what people do in this situation. Lusting Lynn Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 How did you come about 'hanging out' with this guy? Is he a friend, or a coworker? Has he expressed interest in you? It helps to think things through really well to see just what your motivations are. Take this guy, for instance. Ok, now - if you can, picture him in your mind stripped of all sexual or romantic possibilities. Focus in on the things you see without any romance or affection. Still looking good? Probably not. It sounds like you have a fantasy of what you think he may be like, and how he may enhance your life - but... you'll have to understand that even the best of fantasies can become horrible mistakes when transferred to reality. So, start with your fantasy: imagine the encounter(s). What do you expect an encounter with this guy would be like? What about it would fulfill what you are missing in the relationship you do have? Is it the sex that you want, or the fulfillment of your fantasy about how it would make you feel? Could it be that you are wanting what you think he represents for you, rather than just a sexual encounter? What exactly are you hoping for with this encounter? Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 think about the reality of having sex with anyone New for the first time..... it is, usually, anything but fantasy-like! you will then get slapped with the reality and guilt of what you have done. Do you really want to put yourself through that? my advice would be to Just keep it a Fantasy. Link to post Share on other sites
glitter-gal Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 I definately would not do it!! (if you want my personal opinion) Are you ready to ruin a 20 year marriage for one guy that is 1/2 your age?? Because worse case scenario is that your marriage falls apart over it. Are you ready for your kiddos to loose all faith in the sanctity of marriage and all trust in you?? Perhaps you are just overwhelmingly flattered that a younger guy seems to take an interest in you?? Which is all fine and dandy but this guy is probably thinking that you're married and all he wants is to f*ck an older chick to gain bragging rights with his friends?? May I suggest role-playing with your husband of 20 years or finding some way to satisfy this need with your husband?? Take the flattery that this guy seems to give you & boost your ego a little (there is nothing wrong with that!!) but please don't let this go any farther than just a fantasy... regrets weigh heavy on the heart! Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 Hello, How would you feel if your husband was thinking of doing to you what you are thinking of doing to him? Why would you wish to disrespect your husband and your marriage this way? Would you be willing to lose your marriage over this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lusting lynn Posted February 26, 2005 Author Share Posted February 26, 2005 I met this guy about 3 1/2 years ago. He is a friend of one of my employees (in a business I closed last March). He has always been around when I needed odd jobs done. Since I closed the business, we just hang out. Sometimes (a lot of the time) with some other friends, usually for just a little while. I was actually really surprised when I started to think of him as more than "one of the guys". I always thought he was kind of a go-nowhere kind of guy, and I still do. But there is this really sweet, protective feeling I get from him. By the way, I haven't really lost my mind completely yet. I just am enjoying the ride. I will say I am looking for more time to spend with him, an excuse here or there to get in touch with him. Today I had him take him to get my car from a shop about 20 minutes from here. We did some other errands, and ended up taking about 4 hours. But I don't have to wait long before he gets in touch with me either. It is purely "business" though. But it makes me wonder.... You see, I have not gotten any real sense if this goes two ways. I know he is sincere and loyal to other friends, too. I am trying not to be transparent around him. I don't want to come out falling on my face. Sometimes I laugh out loud at myself because it's like the movies--this old mid-life crisis lady coming alive for a young guy. But like I said before, in my original post, I haven't felt like this in years, and you know, I don't think I ever really felt my stomach doing somersaults with my husband. Not that I don't love him, and share a lot with him. But I have often doubted that he is the man of my dreams. I was young and naive back then. I guess I still am. Ok, from one post, interesting choice of words, to picture him "stripped" of all romantic possibilities. I'm just trying to picture him stripped! I know that what I would get from a relationship from him would be pure fun, no substance. I also keep picturing how I would feel after an encounter. I think we would have a blast! Ok, so I have indeed lost my mind, but it's fun, and energizing. Hell, it's even making me want to get off my duff, away from the computer screen, out of the house, out of the duldrums. Is it the sex that I want? Sure, sounds exciting. But it is also that there is something about this guy that my husband lacks. I can't even really tell you what it is. Cause my husband has it all over him in a lot of ways. Would I feel guilty? Probably, but more afraid of getting caught. I even would consider telling my husband at some point, maybe before it got too far. We have been having so many problems, he knows that I am different than I used to be. I also know that he is the kind of guy who would understand. Not give me permission mind you, but he would get it. I know he's not beyond fantasizing. I also know that fantasy is different than reality. Fantasy can't do any real harm, while reality can cut like a knife. And no, I don't just ignore my husband's feelings in all of this. He has been my best friend, the father of my kids, and part of my life for a long, long time. But we both need more than we are getting from this relationship, as it is right now that is. could it come back? Probably. We've been through rocky times before. I think that I am really in need of adventure, and a different outlook on life. My husband just bitches and moans about a lot of **** that I find makes life suck. My time on this earth is not supposed to be spent just doing mundane, boring things and looking at the worst case scenario all of the time. I have a positive outlook, and I like to have fun. So I'm not very fulfilled right now. I appreciate all of your comments, and I am only riding out the fantasy for now. But I can't say I won't try it some day. It's just obsessing me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lusting lynn Posted February 26, 2005 Author Share Posted February 26, 2005 One more thing. I am also well aware that I am probably absolutely nuts to even think this guy finds me attractive. I think part of the fun is trying to find out. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 I think that I am really in need of adventure, and a different outlook on life. My husband just bitches and moans about a lot of **** that I find makes life suck. My time on this earth is not supposed to be spent just doing mundane, boring things and looking at the worst case scenario all of the time. I have a positive outlook, and I like to have fun. So I'm not very fulfilled right now. I wondered if it was a case like that. Its understandable. I'm not sure what to say, really. People get in a rut, and comfortable and rarely want to change - I expect your husband has settled into the person that he will be from here on out if the marriage continues plodding on in this way. Do you ever wonder about what it is that makes him so pessimistic and see the 'worst case' of everything? I wonder what revelations it would cause if the two of you were to fully share those things that you currently can't share with each other: your need for adventure and a break from the mundane - and whatever it is that drives his pessimism. You never know, your husband might be just as unfulfilled as you are. I guess the next question is: do you want to see fulfillment with your husband? If there was a way to feel that same thrill with him, would you take it? I expect that its hard to do without that 'animal attraction' that fades and can't be recaptured in long term relationships, though. Its that thrill of the 'unknown' and the 'new' that gets people thinking in affair terms sometimes. Have you considered marriage counseling to air out these things in your relationship that you are both harboring in order to break the marriage out of this rut? It might help to be able to see each other in ways that are beyond the predictable 'day to day' people that you wake up to everyday. Link to post Share on other sites
portableversion Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 Well you are tired of his griping pessimisstic ways. Has he always been this way? You should fully disclose how you are now. Tell hubby you are obsessing about cheating with this guy who you hang around town with and your not sure if you can hold out. And be sure to describe in detail all the "party activities" you are fantasizing about Tell hubby you are tired of pessimism and you are not fufilled. He can surely "get it" with pure threats. If he believes you I bet there is a good chance you telling him this would scare the daylights out of him. Yeah he can "get it" after the affair and finally realize he's been a jerk. But I really do suggest to give him a chance. It really depends on what you want. Do you want him to "get it" so he can fix himself and make the marriage better, or do you want him to "get it" in such a way he knows why you left him for another man. For the sake of fairness if the latter is the case let him know in advance cause there is probably a good chance he's not sexually fufilled either and he needs someone who can be excited about him. Link to post Share on other sites
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