Tayken Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 Announced to the ex that I want out in the summer of 2012 after 9yrs married, we went through an in-house separation of 8 month with me sleeping in the guest bedroom. Did mediation for 6 months but didn't get anywhere because she wanted me to only see our child every weekend I proceeded to court and have her served. 30 days later she agreed to the 50-50 parenting, house to be sold, and division of property. She then brought her own claim of spousal support (she has always worked throughout the marriage) Her point is that I earn twice as much...but the law stipulates there has to be a needs substantiation as opposed to just a I earn less argument. Anyway...we both moved into separated residences and I started paying child support for our child, as well as extracurricular fee proportionate to our incomes. There was a joint debt between us, as well as some equity in other stuff....I took on the joint debt and asked for the spousal support to be dropped in return. It was agreed to, and we are now official divorce as signed by a judge, and she can't come back in the future to re-open her claim. Now we can move on with our lives I do NOT plan to get married again, knowing what I now know about family law and how easy it is to get trapped into all these payments and claim....just because you sell your soul to the devil of sex / looks Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 Summer 2012? They really have to make divorces take less time... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tayken Posted August 6, 2014 Author Share Posted August 6, 2014 Summer 2012? They really have to make divorces take less time... The following dragged the matter thru court 1. child support claim for a step child who is already being looked after...kid now 18 plus 2. sale of matrimonial home 3. spousal support claim 4. non disclosure of financials (from ex) 5. This is in Canada by the way Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 Why did you want out? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tayken Posted August 6, 2014 Author Share Posted August 6, 2014 Why did you want out? Simply put...there was a fork in the road, and it seems we were going in different directions. There was lies with regards to finances, and I felt like I was doing most of the heavy lifting as the highest earner I couldn't carry on like that any longer. Oh...the birth of our child was also a unilateral decision, which I wasn't happy with but I love our child to bits and have paid child support voluntarily from day of separation. I also spend more on child when with me Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 Freedom has value all its own. Good luck in your future pursuits! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 Got it...well, divorce is sort of a business...and if you keep it all business...easier to move on. Good luck and welcome to freedom. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tayken Posted August 6, 2014 Author Share Posted August 6, 2014 Something that should have been a simple resolution between two people, got turned into a money pit involving lawyers for the most part, and then I to let mine go when I arrived at a stage where I was better able to talk about the finances myself. She later let her lawyer go too....but by then we had both spent about 15k each on stupid legal fees. In the end - we both have to cover our own cost - keep our pensions (she wanted mine but wasn't disclosing hers) - no spousal support for the 9 yr marriage - child support was increased a bit - order says she waives and releases any future claim for spousal support Link to post Share on other sites
RonaldS Posted August 6, 2014 Share Posted August 6, 2014 Congratulations on moving on from a bad situation. You will find yourself with greater wisdom, and that wisdom will serve you well as you move forward. The rest of your life will be better as a result. Your kid will be fine if both parents are loving, caring, engaged and supportive. Enjoy what's next. It can get really good if you let go of what has already happened. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tayken Posted August 6, 2014 Author Share Posted August 6, 2014 Congratulations on moving on from a bad situation. You will find yourself with greater wisdom, and that wisdom will serve you well as you move forward. The rest of your life will be better as a result. Your kid will be fine if both parents are loving, caring, engaged and supportive. Enjoy what's next. It can get really good if you let go of what has already happened. Thanks for this...really appreciate it! One thing is for sure, I am NOT getting married again (yes you heard right...I am in my 40s), it will be pointless considering I narrowly escaped not having my pension split, and don't have to pay spousal support. Our child has always been my main focus, and the only reason this went to court was because ex wanted me to only have child on weekends, to which I told her to go stuff herself. I know many men who are paying indefinite spousal support even though their ex is now shacked up with some other dude. At court yesterday, there were a lot of young / middle age women there who have come for their entitlement. There was one smiling at me, and I just looked away thinking I wouldn't want anything to do with you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 (edited) Thanks for this...really appreciate it! One thing is for sure, I am NOT getting married again (yes you heard right...I am in my 40s), it will be pointless considering I narrowly escaped not having my pension split, and don't have to pay spousal support. Our child has always been my main focus, and the only reason this went to court was because ex wanted me to only have child on weekends, to which I told her to go stuff herself. I know many men who are paying indefinite spousal support even though their ex is now shacked up with some other dude. At court yesterday, there were a lot of young / middle age women there who have come for their entitlement. There was one smiling at me, and I just looked away thinking I wouldn't want anything to do with you That's what pre-nupts are for...well, property-wise anyway...saved me. But "entitlement"....how was it they were there for "entitlement". Just seems that last comment was pretty "sweeping" of an entire class of people. My ex and I didn't even bother with CS or the courts...do what you can and yes, I always did more as I had the money to, probably too much but, as I was informed, I was the bank. My dad didn't do much for me after 12 years old, he was too busy buying emeralds for his lady friends. I didn't know what poverty was until my dad left, I also knew it wasn't the life I wanted for my kids later on. The one thing I do know, is I have no control over an ex-spouse or what they do. And as long as you are doing the right thing...court is just an inconvenience, but not a generalization of an entire class of people. It's hard when you are in the beginning of it and trying to figure it all out, whether you left or were left. None of it is easy. Good luck. Edited August 7, 2014 by trippi1432 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Smart move to make it so that she cannot come back and re-open the issue of spousal support. I have a friend who is going through a divorce right now and she fully intends to take him back to court as soon as her support period is up to ask for more (yes, this is ten years into the future and she is already planning it). Unreal.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tayken Posted August 7, 2014 Author Share Posted August 7, 2014 Smart move to make it so that she cannot come back and re-open the issue of spousal support. I have a friend who is going through a divorce right now and she fully intends to take him back to court as soon as her support period is up to ask for more (yes, this is ten years into the future and she is already planning it). Unreal.... Sickening.....and in my dating life, that is a red flag for me if a woman is on spousal support (not child support as that is the right of the child). It should send a message to most guys ...that could be you doing just that in the future. Mine even tried to double dip with child support of her kid from a previous relationship, but I did not meet all the factors of in loco parentis (step parent) as the child didn't call me dad, child was not on my health coverage, and didn't claim child on my taxes What I learned from other people that went through having to pay spousal support, made me determined to broker a deal that will be iron clad. The proper wording in the order was..... I (she that is) WAIVE AND RELEASE ANY CLAIM FOR SPOUSAL SUPPORT NOW OR IN THE FUTURE! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JamieHarris Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 What State do you live in? I live in Pennsylvania and just had a divorce and it involved property division and it was done fair. Incase you live in PA, My lawyer was Timothy Colgan Timothy J. Colgan Divorce Attorney | Colgan & Associates Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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