afrancksen Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 So, as many posts here might start out... there's this girl. We've known each other a bit for about two years, but in January things became different - she and her boyfriend had broken up the month prior, and we suddenly started spending time together - coffee, dinner, church, gym, playing piano, just talking, or anything we happened to enjoy doing together. She initiated them at least as many times as I, and almost always it was just the two of us, so I started thinking perhaps some dating was going on. She was to be leaving beginning of February through April, and then I'd see her for a month, then a few months of summer wherein I might see her a couple times, and then she would be going to Asia for a year. I liked her, but I figured I just wouldn't say anything and see what happened. But then she started talking about her ex and how things might work out with him after she returned from Asia, and I found myself unhappy hearing about that so I had a chat with her about our relationship and where it was going, and she said she didn't know. So a week later she departed for the few months, and I had been keeping in contact with her approx. every week and such - probably a bad idea. Last week I come home to find a note from her saying she thought it would be "best of our relationship stayed in the realm of friendship", but I was a part of her life and she wanted to be a part of mine if it would be comfortable. Then a few days later she e-mailed me about how she and her ex were talking more and how nice that was. NOT comfortable! So I am not sure what to do now. I think clearly I should tone things down a bit - not call her as often, etc. I am not sure if I should tell her I'm not comfortable and it isn't working for me, or just not talk to her as much. I could also cut off communication entirely, with or without telling her so, and see what happens. I don't want to be mean, but being just friends is not what I want. I don't really feel like maintaining or starting a true friendship is even possible or worthwhile over the long distance - if we are just friends when she comes back from Asia, chances are we wouldn't end up in the same location anyway and it would be permanently long distance - and in my experience, contact in long distance friendships usually dwindles away after several months anyway. So... what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 Originally posted by afrancksen I don't want to be mean, but being just friends is not what I want. I don't really feel like maintaining or starting a true friendship is even possible or worthwhile over the long distance - if we are just friends when she comes back from Asia, chances are we wouldn't end up in the same location anyway and it would be permanently long distance - and in my experience, contact in long distance friendships usually dwindles away after several months anyway. So... what should I do? Reread your paragraph above. Since it is the honest truth about how you feel, put it in the gentlest terms possible, tell her and then say your goodbyes. You can't make her like you more than "friends", and she can't make you "not be in love with her" - so its best to just back away from a situation where neither of you come out the winners if compromise won't have positive effects. Call it a friendly draw and walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted March 3, 2005 Share Posted March 3, 2005 I agree. That was sorta the situation i was in, but much more painfully so I also say, back off and go your separate ways. Just tell her, look i like you and being just your friend isnt an option for me right now, so best of luck to you in asia............well probably better to put it in your own words. If you dont do this, you will be subject of many painful days of listening to her talk about her boyfriends and how they suck and why couldnt she find a guy like you(I really hate that one). So do your self a favor and shut this down before it becomes the bane of your existence. Uh just my thoughts. And a bonus is she is going away for a year anyways, so it will be way easier on you to get over her, without her being around. Block her emails and all that stuff. Because one email even after 3 or 4 months will put you right back where you were before, longing for a girl you cant have. *Disclaimer* The opinions expressed are soley those of a non-professional type person. Follow advice at your own risk Link to post Share on other sites
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