Stuff I Don't Get.

[oldshirt]

The thing is when two people become intimate there is a whole other biochemical experience going on. Men will experience a jolt of oxytocin during orgasm thus causing him to begin bonding with the new partner. Also, my guess is during an open marriage men and women don't only have sex. They probably talk, laugh, go to dinner and begin to share experiences. This all sets the stage for a new romance.

 

Again, you are using an infidelity model as the basis for your thesis. You are using a "replacement" model as your frame reference. That is a model whereby the new romance "replaces" the old.

 

In many open marriage arrangements, there are feelings of warmth, affection, friendship etc but they are "in addition to" and not a "replacement of" the primary relationship.

 

Getting that hormone rush again and feeling those feelings again in a safe and secure environment is part of the reason people do it in the first place.

[oldshirt]

I would find myself highly homicidal and enraged about seeing him with someone else.

 

 

Not if you were digging it and getting off on it.

[Victoria7]

Well, this is the point. You are guessing at things you don't understand.

 

There are some women - like me - who can enjoy the physical act of sex and friendship with men WITHOUT having romance or bonding. That biochemical thing you are referring to does not necessarily happen for every person. I believe you are making assumptions that all human beings react and feel the same which is why you are "don't get it."

 

True enough. I'm extremely romantic and emotional, not all woman are like that.

[Victoria7]

Not if you were digging it and getting off on it.

 

I think we're safe to say that I know myself waaaay better than you know me.

[CarrieT]

True enough. I'm extremely romantic and emotional, not all woman are like that.

 

I am romantic and emotional with whom and when I chose to be - like my new husband. Heck, this is a guy who has to carry around a handkerchief for all those weepy moments I get when I deeply moved and touched by something.

 

I am also capable of refraining those impulses with sex partners when I want to.

[oldshirt]

I think we're safe to say that I know myself waaaay better than you know me.

 

True.

 

But you don't know exactly how you will react to a situation you have not been in before either.

 

My point is being in a consensual group sex scenario is a completely different scenario than one of being cheated on and peoples feelings and reactions and responses to it are going to be completely different as well.

 

If you've never experienced anything remotely like that, then you can't predict your response much better than I can.

 

All I have to go on is personal firsthand witness of many people who have said the exact same thing you have and then came away from their first group experience saying, "WOW! THAT WAS HOT!!!! :-D "

 

I can't predict your specific response but I can report the responses of many people who felt the exact same way before experiencing it for themselves.

 

It definately does happen. It doesn't work for everyone obviously but for many it does.

[oldshirt]

True enough. I'm extremely romantic and emotional, not all woman are like that.

 

Hate to break it to ya but it's romantic and emotional people that end up enjoying it the most.

 

In the end its just extra attention, stimulation, pleasure and excitement. It's the romantics and emotional people that get the most out of it. The cold, detached, Vulcans never see the point.

[CarrieT]

<best yoda voice> Oldshirt is wise in the way of the force... </best yoda voice>

 

:D:D

[Victoria7]

True.

 

But you don't know exactly how you will react to a situation you have not been in before either.

 

My point is being in a consensual group sex scenario is a completely different scenario than one of being cheated on and peoples feelings and reactions and responses to it are going to be completely different as well.

 

If you've never experienced anything remotely like that, then you can't predict your response much better than I can.

 

All I have to go on is personal firsthand witness of many people who have said the exact same thing you have and then came away from their first group experience saying, "WOW! THAT WAS HOT!!!! :-D "

 

I can't predict your specific response but I can report the responses of many people who felt the exact same way before experiencing it for themselves.

 

It definately does happen. It doesn't work for everyone obviously but for many it does.

 

Dude I was talking about Open Marriages - NOT GROUP SEX. My question was really aimed at women asking them what they got out of being married to someone who sleeps with other women while being OK with their wife sleeping with other men. From my understanding an Open Marriage is being allowed to have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

I can see why MEN would love to have a girl on the side but I don't see what women get at allowing this behavior. Carrie has explained to me that she likes variety and doesn't feel jealous if her husband sleeps with other woman. If she's being honest (which she probably is) then she is the only woman I've ever spoken to who feels this way.

Edited August 6, 2014 by Victoria7

[oldshirt]

 

I can see why MEN would love to have a girl on the side that. I don't see what women get at allowing this behavior.

 

.

 

They get to have other dudes on the side too. I don't get why you're not getting that LOL

[Ronni_W]

1. Why would a woman consent to an "open marriage?" Sure, it's great for the guy but it goes against natural female survival instincts.

"Consent to" meaning he's the one asking (am I right)?

In any case, I suggested/agreed because I am not into some of his sexual proclivities...and I felt no need for him to have to do without for the rest of his life (or as long as the marriage lasted).

Things didn't work out anyway, but that was on the table had we moved forward together.

 

As for survival instincts, I am self-reliant, financially independent and childless by choice...so that didn't enter into things for me.

 

I don't like trucks in general...but I do think Humvees are absolutely beautiful. Also Lambourghinis...but they don't turn me on in the same way

 

I pro'ly should add: It wasn't in my plan or any desire of mine for me to necessarily also have other sex partners...but if it would end up happening, then it would.

Edited August 7, 2014 by Ronni_W

[Ronni_W]

I'm going to add "Cuckold Husband Lifestyle" to my list of Stuff I Don't Get.

:laugh:

Did you also check-out 'Dominant/Submissive' and 'Taken in Hand' relationships?

 

There ARE plenty of people who do find such dynamics rewarding, fulfilling, enjoyable, desirable, pleasurable. Personally, I "get" some of the dom/sub stuff...at least way better than I do the TiH. But with all of it, I also sometimes have the thought, "What the heck are they thinking???" (But that has more to do with the sub/slave mindset...than some of the activities, I mean. I cannot get into the mindset.)

 

Seems I am more like Carrie though, in that it does not freak me out to think of a romantic partner having sex with someone else...as long as it is out in the open. I don't like the idea of someone screwing around on me behind my back.

[CarrieT]

I will clarify that in my current marriage, we do not swing and have sex with others.

 

The idea and potential is not off the table as we have been to a few sex clubs (mostly for BDSM), but my new husband would be more inclined to blindfold me and have others play with me than he is inclined to play with others.

 

Having an open marriage is what I did with my first marriage and that ended because my husband was lying about who he was having sex with. Part of having an open marriage is being truthful and honest and open about and with whom extramarital relations are with. In his case, he was having unprotected sex with men and it was that deception that caused the end of the marriage.