Relationships

[Curious in Concert]

I've got a question that woul dlike to ask of anyone who's willing to give me some advice. I have, of course, formed my own opinions on this but I often find that my own opinions are knocked askew by my feelings. I'm with someone that I love deeply, and I know the feeling is returned in mutual. However, my SO is unwilling to "commit" to the relationship right now, because of some past experience that has soured him/her on believing the person they are with. Now, we've already been through a lot together, and I want to wait for him/her because I do truly love him/her. What do you think I should do? Should I wait for him/her, I've already waited for other things and have been rewarded in my steadfastness and understanding, or should I try and find somone else who is more willing to commit? I don't really want to find someone else, because I love my SO deeply, but I woul dlike to know your thoughts on this. Thank you.

[Tony T]

Having an SO implies some very special bond or relationship, even if it's not committed.

 

However, you have to go with your own feelings here. If you can feel OK and adequately fulfilled with the way the relationsip is right now, I would say hang in there for a bit.

 

If you do not feel good about things, if the relationship is empty in some way, then I would say move on.

 

You have stated there is mutual love so I see no reason why you should not stay together in some fashion for more time. However, if commitment is important to you and it is not forthcoming within a reasonable amount of time then you will have to reassess your position and go from there.

 

This is something you cannot force. You also have to feel very certain that the reason for this lack of commitment is, in fact, due to issues from the past and not because of other unstated reasons. Time does heal and also will build trust between you and your partner. For this trust to build, you have to continue to be there, never threaten to leave, and provide a measure of security within the context of your togetherness.

 

When you have reached that time when commitment is more of a requirement, you will have to discuss this with your partner and move from that point.

 

Right now, it sounds like things are going pretty good for you otherwise. Stay together for the time being.

[Curious in Concert]

Thank you very much. It feels good to know that someone else out there feels the way I do. I do think things are going very well, and I know that my SO loves me, and I know that I love her. I'm willing to wait, because I know that eventually I think she will be more willing.

 

thank you.

[girl's view]

just out of curiousity, how long have you been with this person? if it's been a long time, then maybe you have to ask yourself if you are still willing to wait longer. if this relationship has been going for some time, perhaps your partner has some issues (obviously), that they really need to sort out on their own.

 

also, age would have a lot to do with it as well. if your partner is young, maybe they are not ready to make a further committment. also, bad experiences in the past really can create a fear of getting hurt again, naturally. this can be really testing on a person, especially when you know you wouldn't hurt them.

 

i'd advise to stick it out if you feel you have the patience. if you feel that the two of you in the future want different things, then perhaps you should look at things realistically - that is, no matter how in love you are with a person, sometimes things just aren't meant to be.

 

by the way....what an interesting name.."curious in concert". how'd you come up with that one??

I've got a question that woul dlike to ask of anyone who's willing to give me some advice. I have, of course, formed my own opinions on this but I often find that my own opinions are knocked askew by my feelings. I'm with someone that I love deeply, and I know the feeling is returned in mutual. However, my SO is unwilling to "commit" to the relationship right now, because of some past experience that has soured him/her on believing the person they are with. Now, we've already been through a lot together, and I want to wait for him/her because I do truly love him/her. What do you think I should do? Should I wait for him/her, I've already waited for other things and have been rewarded in my steadfastness and understanding, or should I try and find somone else who is more willing to commit? I don't really want to find someone else, because I love my SO deeply, but I woul dlike to know your thoughts on this. Thank you.

[Curious in Concert]

We've not been together for long time, so I am definitely willing to wait, and both of us are fairly young. But, despite that, we know what we want, and we've spent a great deal of time talking about how we feel for each other.

 

AS to the name... It just sprang into my head.