I am jealous of my girlfriend's friend and the things she has done with him.

[Panda_man]

Me and my girlfriend have been going out since 2011. When we met she was incredibly quiet, didn't have many friends and was very self conscious with little confidence. We started hanging out and then got closer and eventually after 3 months I asked her out.

 

Fast forward 2 years and I was put under pressure from my friends about the idea of 'pulling'(they forced the idea into my head that trying to get with girls on nights out was what I had to do while I was young and if I didn't I would be missing out) I broke up with her so that we could go forward in our lives and then get back together after a while. (I know it was a ***** thing to do and I extremely regret doing it).

 

I ended up going to Malia for a lad's holiday (nothing happened over there) but when I came back I found out that my ex was now talking to someone else. I panicked, cried and then did some serious thinking. I ended up talking to my ex about everything I had done in the past and how I was sorry for all of it. (I had been cold, we had arguments all the time, I was taking advantage of the same situations again and again, if they didn't continue I would be annoyed. I pushed her away and game her the impression we would never get back together). I explained that I wanted to get back with her and that we would start the whole thing again, listen to each other's problems and then sort them out.

 

My girlfriend agreed and has made me the happiest man ever since, we have kept to each other's promises and I think we will be together a while if not forever. However ever since we have got back together I have become jealous of my girlfriend's guy friend.

 

I feel as though he can offer her more fun than I could. I am jealous of the fact that she has managed to do more things that were new with him than with me. (For example I have wanted to get high for a while and everyone has known it and then suddenly my girlfriend does it with him and I start to feel panicky like I am missing out). I am also jealous of the fact that my girlfriend has gone into a mini-mosh pit at a gig whereas I would not for I am terrified of them. Again I feel as though I am missing out and if I do it once I will be fine. (F.Y.I. I finally got high with my girlfriend and now I don't feel jealous of it anymore). She has also said that she would have more fun if she was doing it with me instead, but I really struggle to believe this.

 

Her friend also doesn't like me anymore after she talked to him about me breaking up with her. My girlfriend says that once she talks to him it will be alright, but I am not entirely sure.

 

Can anyone offer advice on not feeling jealous about these things? I hate these thoughts randomly appearing in my head with no way of controlling them. I also don't want me to get jealous of absolutely everything she does without me that I am missing out on.

[PegNosePete]

So wait. You broke up with her because you wanted to do other, more exciting things, and go off holidaying etc without her. While broken up she also does exciting things whereas you kinda waste the opportunity. Then you get back together, and are jealous that during the break, she did more exciting things than you did?

 

Well that backfired didn't it! You're facing the consequences of your choice to break up and do other things. How can you be jealous of her, when it was your decision to break up? You got exactly what you asked for.

 

So now you're back together you need to forget about the things she did while you were on the break. The only thing that's important is what's going on now. If this guy is her friend then I am not surprised that he doesn't like you. You presumably put her through considerable pain when you dumped her to go out on the pull. If you did that to a friend of mine then I wouldn't like you either.

[Tayken]

Wow...when I was reading, I thought the "things" will be traveling, skydiving, backpacking, volunteer work and the likes

 

How old are you lot...teenagers or in your 20s?

[Chi townD]

Yeah...not sure if I would consider getting high a new and exciting thing to aspire to.

[Clockwork]

I hate to say it brother, but you made your bed here. If she was a great girl, there is nothing that could have separated you from her. Instead a bunch of "friends" want you to screw around with other women. None of these guys are your friends for one. Secondly, none of them can love you back like your girlfriend did. So then she decides to move on with her life, hangs around a guy who I can tell easily wants to be with her (which is why he detests you) and you can't understand why? It is spelled out for you. You let her go and it created a crack. I hope this was a lesson for you if you fix what you've got. The grass is rarely greener on the other side.

[ExpatInItaly]

So wait. You broke up with her because you wanted to do other, more exciting things, and go off holidaying etc without her. While broken up she also does exciting things whereas you kinda waste the opportunity. Then you get back together, and are jealous that during the break, she did more exciting things than you did?

 

Well that backfired didn't it! You're facing the consequences of your choice to break up and do other things. How can you be jealous of her, when it was your decision to break up? You got exactly what you asked for.

 

So now you're back together you need to forget about the things she did while you were on the break. The only thing that's important is what's going on now. If this guy is her friend then I am not surprised that he doesn't like you. You presumably put her through considerable pain when you dumped her to go out on the pull. If you did that to a friend of mine then I wouldn't like you either.

 

This exactly. Tough luck for you, OP. You created this. I think you have a lot of maturing to do. Your "friends" can't force to hit on other women; that was your choice. Own it. And one of your exciting things to be jealous of is getting high... *headdesk*

 

And her friend doesn't like you? Quel surprise. He was there to witness your juvenile and self-centred behaviour before. No wonder he's not your biggest fan. Your jealousy is the price you have to pay, but don't you dare make her suffer for it. That was 100% your doing. You made your bed, now you have to lie in it.

[lolablue17]

Here's my advice:

 

Your jealousy, not only that is natural, it's also essential to your relationship with her. Because in the future you might have some regrets\seconds thoughts\crisis Etc... and that jealousy you feel will be some kind of a brake to any of those negative feelings.

 

Maybe in the future you might feel you want to experience more with other girls - You will always remember the price (the minimum price because next time she might not take you back at all)

 

So you should cherish your little jealousy instead of trying to get rid of it.

[Spectre]

So wait. You broke up with her because you wanted to do other, more exciting things, and go off holidaying etc without her. While broken up she also does exciting things whereas you kinda waste the opportunity. Then you get back together, and are jealous that during the break, she did more exciting things than you did?

 

Well that backfired didn't it! You're facing the consequences of your choice to break up and do other things. How can you be jealous of her, when it was your decision to break up? You got exactly what you asked for.

 

So now you're back together you need to forget about the things she did while you were on the break. The only thing that's important is what's going on now. If this guy is her friend then I am not surprised that he doesn't like you. You presumably put her through considerable pain when you dumped her to go out on the pull. If you did that to a friend of mine then I wouldn't like you either.

 

The way I read it is that she did these things with this guy after they had gotten back together. If she did it while they were broken up yeah that makes no sense, but when I read the post for some reason I assumed he meant these things happened while he was dating this girl as opposed to during a time they were not together.

[Spectre]

Yeah...not sure if I would consider getting high a new and exciting thing to aspire to.

 

Actually I kind of get it. I'm not advocating drug use or anything, but a persons first time with certain substances is always memorable. So, if he is into this girl I could understand if he wanted to share in that experience with her the first time. If she knew he wanted to try it and went and did it with another guy *while* they were together then yeah..that is a huge red flag. If it is something that happened when they were broken up then yeah he needs to get over it.

 

I am not saying it is a thing to aspire to..but this kid obviously sounds like he is in high school, so I actually completely understand. Stuff that doesn't seem important to us sometimes seem quite important to kids around that age, I know from personal experience.