Mysterio Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 How long did you date before Engagement/Marriage? I say that 2 yrs is a good marker on how things should progress. Thats from the time you start dating till marriage. By year 2. One should be out of the Honeymood stage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 You know when you know. If two people are open to one another you can get to know them fully pretty quick. If you're reserved or not seeing each other much it can take quite a bit longer to get a full picture. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 We dated 11 months before the wedding, not sure how long the engagement was....maybe 4-5 months 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Together just over 7 years by the time we got married. We were young, there was no rush. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Hormonally, the initial fog lasts about 18 months to 2 years for most people. Given this biological fact, getting engaged prior to the 2 year point is - IMO - a risky proposition. You may know them well and have established compatibility, but sexual compatibility can change dramatically once that initial hormone surge fades. I suggest not actually marrying until around the 3 year point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 It depends where you are in life really. I've known couples in their late thirties who took nine months from meeting to marriage and then quickly set about making kids while there was still time. I've known couples start dating in their late teens and wait a decade until they bothered getting engaged, of the people I know the vast, vast majority have a child and then get married later. I am 26 and don't know anyone my age range who has got married and then had children. Personally at 26 I would like a good two-three years of knowing someone/being together before marriage. And definitely living together first. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jackslife Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Hormonally, the initial fog lasts about 18 months to 2 years for most people. Given this biological fact, getting engaged prior to the 2 year point is - IMO - a risky proposition. You may know them well and have established compatibility, but sexual compatibility can change dramatically once that initial hormone surge fades. I suggest not actually marrying until around the 3 year point. Conversely if after 7 or 8 years you are still just dating and he or she is showing no plans to settle down you need to put a plan in place. Long term dating/relationship is no guarantee of wedding bells at the end. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 It depends where you are in life really. I've known couples in their late thirties who took nine months from meeting to marriage and then quickly set about making kids while there was still time. . I resemble that remark. However, will add if you have been married before, I think there is valid reason to delay a bit longer, lots of baggage with past marriages and relationships to unpack. Some people don't deal with that before moving on to next marriage. My wife did not and we ended up unpacking and sorting baggage after our wedding - not fun. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I was engaged a year after dating and then married a year after the engagement. I'd say an engagement shouldn't be longer than 2 years. 4 or 5 year engagements seem silly to me. Or people who say they are engaged on facebook to someone they have kids with just to make it look nicer. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 We dated for 14 months before the proposal. The engagement was 11 months. But we are older (50s) and if we were younger, we both would have wanted a longer engagement. We sped it up to accommodate aging parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I say that 2 yrs is a good marker on how things should progress. Thats from the time you start dating till marriage. Since many couples take the better part of a year to plan and have a wedding, I think your timeline too short. There are simply things you don't find out about a partner in the first year of a relationship... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 (edited) I'm not engaged or married but I think the timeline is personal and different for different couples depending on age and stage in life and other things. However, for me, I think the 3 year mark is a long enough time, in a normal dating relationship where you're seeing each other regularly, to know if you want to marry someone and is about the shortest time frame at this stage in my life before I'd get married.I think by 3 years I'd know you well enough and have enough time, data and various experiences with you under my belt as well as enough time out of the honeymoon stage, to make a good decision about marriage. Even if I got engaged because I felt that strongly in less than 3 years I'd have a long engagement to solidify things and to be practical about certain things as I know well enough that relationships aren't just about strong feelings, so even I got engaged quickly I'd have a long engagement to work out practicalities and test what we have to see if we're compatible enough for "forever." Edited August 7, 2014 by MissBee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 My wife and I started talking about marriage right around the one year mark. Once I proposed to her, we planned and had the ceremony within three months. We purposely wanted to avoid a long drawn out engagement and we did the whole thing on a shoe-string budget. If you don't know you want to be married after two years of dating, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship. Whether you're over the "honey moon" phase or not never determines whether your marriage will be strong or not. The decision to love and be committed is the determining factor. Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Dated 14 months. Engaged 6. Total was 20 months before we said "I do". When you know, you know, and I didn't waste time with my wife. As for the honeymoon stage, I'm still as turned on by her as I was when we met. Our sex life is still incredible even after having children. There is no woman I'd rather ravage than my wife. Little tip, never let the passion die, keep things spiced up and you'll always be in a honeymoon stage. Link to post Share on other sites
buffalo Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 Dating 6 weeks, married after 8 months of dating. Been married 20 very happy years. Certainly not the norm or ideal for the average couple but it has worked out for us. There's no set time for anyone. It depends on how fast or slow your relationship evolves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Awesome Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 I'm getting married at the end of the month! As of today, we've been together just under seven months. Seven months ago I would have told anyone in my shoes that they were crazy, that they were moving way too quickly, that they were making a terrible mistake - but things change. I couldn't possibly be more sure that this is the right thing to do - and the right time to do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 (edited) How long did you date before Engagement/Marriage? I say that 2 yrs is a good marker on how things should progress. Thats from the time you start dating till marriage. By year 2. One should be out of the Honeymood stage. My ex-wife and I got engaged after 8 months of dating. We were married at 2 years and a month. I did move in with her after only 2 months of dating, and were very much in love when we married. Our relationship started to go down hill after 7 years together. My ex-wife divorced me 15 days shy of our 11th anniversary, and we're together for a total of 13 years. We were both 21 when we first met. I've been divorced since September of 2011, and met my fiancé in May of 2013. We got engaged in July of 2013. We both knew that we wanted to marry each other after only a month of dating. I moved in with her in September of 2013. My fiancé is a widow, and had a good marriage with her late husband. They were married for 9 years and together for 11. What I feel for my fiancé I felt it after only dating her a month. You know it when your truly in love and that person feels the same way. What I had with my ex-wife was an illusion, and we should have never married in the first place, so it doesn't matter if you date for two years and then get married. We didn't begin to have problems until the 7 year mark together. People change, and sometimes not for the better. Everyone who contemplates marriage should participate in premarital counseling no matter how much you love each other. It will help to for cast if your relationship will have issues later down the line. If the counselor says that you two shouldn't marry or have to many issues then please listen to that person. I didn't and paid for it dearly. I thought my ex-wife would always love me and work things out, but I was blinded by my love for her (She was the first person I fell in love with). I thought I had true love, but I was dead wrong. I had dated prior to her, but I was never in love until I met my ex-wife. Thankfully I've found true love this time. Someone who was in a good marriage. A person that will go the distance to work things out and also attend counseling if it goes that far. I would step in front of moving bus to save the life of my fiance. That's how much I love her. My fiance has said the same to me. I never felt that my ex-wife would have done the same for me, and she never said it either. Edited August 11, 2014 by Soxfaninfl Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mysterio Posted August 11, 2014 Author Share Posted August 11, 2014 I guess I think differently. The woman I marry has to be like the girl next door or a Betty Cooper from the Archie comics. I don't think I can work with any other woman that does not adore me in some way. I don't want to be with a woman that is just more status orientated. For me. It would have to be like this. I meet Jane. She really digs me. She makes major efforts to get to know me. Is romantically flirtatious. We really click on music/morals/physical affection at the very least. Everytime I see a couple rushing to marriage. The women really seem to be the ones rushing it. Not so the men. I do think there is a pattern. The couple that rushes into marriage after a short courtship and are always lovey dovey and all over each other. They usually end up breaking up and its usually bad. The couple that is low key and chill. They are the ones that make it long term. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts