Relationship on the rocks?

[sweets]

Hello all,

 

I'm new here & need advice...I've been in a relationship with this guy for 4 mos. now, and have developed pretty strong feelings. For the first month things went really well, with both of us wanting to spend as much time together as possible...but now, I feel like I'm the only one making any effort. He's only ever been in one serious relationship, which lasted 9 years & I know it ended badly...also they have a daughter together. I've been pretty certain his feelings for me haven't changed, and advice I've gotten from friends is simply that he probably just wants to take things really slow because of being hurt in the past. But why would things start with such a bang & then slow down so fast?? We're so new to each other...we should still be enjoying the 'honeymoon period'! Anyway, I'm just confused...should I be giving him time & see where things lead...or is he sending me signals that maybe he wants things to be over?

 

Thanks in advance...

[Tony T]

You didn't say how long ago his 9-year relationship ended. If it wasn't long ago, he may still be in the healing process and you may be just one of his many stepping stones on the way to recovery.

 

If he has healed from his past, then you have to understand that some people are just faster at getting through the newness of a relationship than others. Or maybe he's just confused and backing off emotionally for a bit.

 

Nothing beats old fashioned communication. If you're going to have any kind of realtionship at all with him, you will need to talk to him and see just where his head is at. Let him know the kind of vibrations you have been getting from him, the way you've been feeling about this thing lately and see exactly what his thoughts are.

 

A relationship has to feel good to you. If it doesn't, then it's of no use to you. Things may never get back to the level they were initially so it will be up to you to decide just what level of emotion and excitement you are willing to live with.

 

Talk to him soon.

[Fishbulb]

Hello all,

I'm new here & need advice...I've been in a relationship with this guy for 4 mos. now, and have developed pretty strong feelings. For the first month things went really well, with both of us wanting to spend as much time together as possible...but now, I feel like I'm the only one making any effort. He's only ever been in one serious relationship, which lasted 9 years & I know it ended badly...also they have a daughter together. I've been pretty certain his feelings for me haven't changed, and advice I've gotten from friends is simply that he probably just wants to take things really slow because of being hurt in the past. But why would things start with such a bang & then slow down so fast?? We're so new to each other...we should still be enjoying the 'honeymoon period'! Anyway, I'm just confused...should I be giving him time & see where things lead...or is he sending me signals that maybe he wants things to be over?

 

Thanks in advance...

 

Every relationship will (and should) ebb and flow, and this is part of finding its' own rythym. This isn't a bad thing, if you don't want it to be. Space is good. Space is necessary for many reasons, some of which are, it allows each person to examine their feelings, be a little self-protective, and also see how much you're missing (and being missed by) the other person. It also builds trust, and keeps your time together more special. Try not to be a fatalist, because those kinds of things can be annoyingly self-fulfilling. See if you can go with it, and enjoy the time it allows for YOU. Fishbulb p.s.-that 'honeymoon phase' is a two-way street...