Darren2013 Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 I've done it. When I meet a woman I find very attractive my reaction is to avoid her as much as I can. I make every effort to make sure she does not find out that I like her. However if one takes the avoidance approach they have to be careful not to overdo it because then it may look suspicious to the other person. She may begin to think that I secretly like her but that I'm trying too hard to prove that I am not interested in her like that. There is this one lady at work that I secretly dream and wish to be with but I feel like she is above my league and would be too good for me. So I never really initiate conversation with her. If she says hi to me I am civil and reciprocate with a hi how are you and then keep moving. Sometimes she will engage me in conversation and ask me about things that are going on in my life outside of work. I just keep my answers short and general. I don't give out more details than she asks. Of course to be polite I reciprocate by asking her how was her weekend and how did such and such road trip go and those kind of things. So I do want to be civil and professional when I talk to her but I won't be initiating conversations. I do not ask about her at all to other coworkers. I have a self imposed rule to never date in the workplace anyway regardless of what company policy says about it. Not a good idea and alot of things can go wrong with it. I make good money at my job and I have to remember that my purpose for being there is to do my job and earn a living. I'm not there to find a girlfriend or friend with benefits or even make friends. As long as I do that and keep my feelings for this woman a secret I will keep my job and won't have to worry about having anything I say be twisted and taken out of context to be used against me later for sexual harassment accusations. And when a man asks a woman out in the workplace he puts himself at risk for sexual harassment charges. So I think the best thing to do in the workplace is to avoid the women I like as much as I can without being unprofessional. All contact on my end is work related. Has anyone else avoided someone that they secretly like?
No Limit Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 Yeah. Was always rather close with that one guy, we have a hell lot in common. We're also in the same friend circle, and eventually a female friend and him got together. Needless to say I backed off; as much as we liked each other in a friendly way (though I did wonder back then if we wouldn't be even better when together) that closeness is reserved for the GF alone. He didn't get it at first but after a while another female friend (who's close to his GF) probably explained everything to him 'cause finally he focused more on his GF than on me. Made it easier for my friendship with his GF as well, she never said anything of course but she used to be a little bit more... tense back then.
Aslanbek Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 I've done it. When I meet a woman I find very attractive my reaction is to avoid her as much as I can. I make every effort to make sure she does not find out that I like her. However if one takes the avoidance approach they have to be careful not to overdo it because then it may look suspicious to the other person. She may begin to think that I secretly like her but that I'm trying too hard to prove that I am not interested in her like that. There is this one lady at work that I secretly dream and wish to be with but I feel like she is above my league and would be too good for me. So I never really initiate conversation with her. If she says hi to me I am civil and reciprocate with a hi how are you and then keep moving. Sometimes she will engage me in conversation and ask me about things that are going on in my life outside of work. I just keep my answers short and general. I don't give out more details than she asks. Of course to be polite I reciprocate by asking her how was her weekend and how did such and such road trip go and those kind of things. So I do want to be civil and professional when I talk to her but I won't be initiating conversations. I do not ask about her at all to other coworkers. I have a self imposed rule to never date in the workplace anyway regardless of what company policy says about it. Not a good idea and alot of things can go wrong with it. I make good money at my job and I have to remember that my purpose for being there is to do my job and earn a living. I'm not there to find a girlfriend or friend with benefits or even make friends. As long as I do that and keep my feelings for this woman a secret I will keep my job and won't have to worry about having anything I say be twisted and taken out of context to be used against me later for sexual harassment accusations. And when a man asks a woman out in the workplace he puts himself at risk for sexual harassment charges. So I think the best thing to do in the workplace is to avoid the women I like as much as I can without being unprofessional. All contact on my end is work related. Has anyone else avoided someone that they secretly like? Yes. I've been doing it all my life.
Author Darren2013 Posted August 7, 2014 Author Posted August 7, 2014 Yes. I've been doing it all my life. Are you serious?
gaius Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 Right after I lost a ton of weight I ran into my dream girl from high school and she started hitting on me. Saying we should get together, she got my IM from a friend and started sending me messages, added me on FB. I treated her like she had ebola and never responded. Wasn't really ready for intimacy at that point. It's not that unusual for a lot of people. 1
Aslanbek Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Are you serious? Yes. I have never let someone I was really attracted to know it.
Harradin Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 This is my first (not conscious) reaction when I develop a crush. I avoid them like the plague, although to be honest I've learnt now that its not the smartest thing to do.
Author Darren2013 Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 This is my first (not conscious) reaction when I develop a crush. I avoid them like the plague, although to be honest I've learnt now that its not the smartest thing to do. Well it depends. You can avoid them without overdoing it. If you have to work with them then yeah avoiding them would be unprofessional and you would have to talk to them about work related subjects. But avoiding them in the sense of not talking about anything that is not work related is a smart move. As long as you are detached and keeping contact work related it shouldn't raise suspicions. But if this crush is someone outside of work then avoiding them altogether is not likely to raise suspicions. In the workplace I do have control of keeping the contact to work related things.
Author Darren2013 Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 As far as I'm concerned I have all the time in the world and I can play the avoidance game for all eternity. I'm not even so sure I want the games to end even if this lady was legitimately attracted to me and gave me the green light to ask her out. Asking her out would just kill all the fun that the avoidance game brings. I glance at her for 1 second and look away and she glances at me and looks away, etc and the cycle continues.
Grilled_Salmon Posted August 10, 2014 Posted August 10, 2014 Largely, yes, and have been doing so even when I was a child. I was overweight back then, so I was 100% sure that there was not really any point in even bothering to say as much as a word - and adding on the fact that most girls I had a crush on always had some reason to hate/avoid me, and justified reasons at that (getting in fistfights with bullies, anger issues/sensitive, wasn't part of their social circle of friends and acquaintances and so on, plus I was extremely insecure, had low self-esteem and confidence). Even when I did shed off the weight massively and my confidence in general went through a boost, whenever there was a girl I had a crush on, I simply stayed away from them. The only exception would be a particular someone I knew from church 4 years ago, but that ended in the worst imaginable way possible, and to this day, I still can't forgive myself over it. Bluntly put, confessions/asking out has always led to very unfavorable results (and even if I didn't, the chances of anything remotely positive was nil anyway), so the avoidance game is the *only* thing that goes for me, even though I'd be kicking myself for it.
Trane Posted August 10, 2014 Posted August 10, 2014 First of all, any romantic relationships in the work environment can spell doom if your job is at risk. Erejectionheard the sayings "don't screw the crew, keep your pen out of company ink, save your hormones for the homefront?" I would keep these in the back of your head unless there's a mutual, respectful, honest agreement about the nature of the relationship between the two of you. I have purposely avoided ladies that I've been attracted to. Feelings of cold sweat, giddiness, fear of rejection or making a fool of myself are the common reasons. Sometimes it's good to take a step back and gather yourself before putting your best foot forward. I have also gone out of my way in hopes to cross paths with a woman that made my heart skip a beat at first glance. Gotta see if she's for real and if she makes me curious enough to want to find out more.
Phoe Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Yup. In the rare cases where I have a crush, I avoid that person like the plague. Haha. Rather silly, but I get all discombobulated around said person, so to avoid embarrassment I stay away.
Author Darren2013 Posted August 11, 2014 Author Posted August 11, 2014 Yeah there are stories of workplace romances working out and leading to a happy marriage but those are more the exception than the rule. The odds are not in favor of it working out long term. Yeah I don't want to play around with my source of income. There's plenty of places to meet beautiful women and my only purpose for going to work is to do a good job and keep the bosses happy. That's it. I'm not there to socialize or for any other reason.
jonsnuh Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Yes. It's a one-sided reaction from limerence that I get from the fear of rejection.
RedRobin Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 the only time I actively avoid someone I have a crush on, is when I'm in a committed relationship.... or if I perceive the person or interaction would not be good for me. With a little distance, I sometimes enjoy a little crush that is not acted on. Makes me feel alive and puts a spring in my step. Most of the time, I don't take them seriously at all. Not every crush needs to or should be acted on, if you ask me.
ltjg45 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Right now, I have a small crush on a coworker at my job but, due to the fact that she is a coworker and there almost was problems with the previous one, I didn't act on it. Too risky. Besides, I do feel that I can actually do better than that if I really want to. She's cute, talkative, and slim but not only do I feel like she has a boyfriend, she wouldn't be that interested in me to begin with.
Author Darren2013 Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 Yeah now my heart seems to skip a beat when I see her walking in my direction. Sometimes even avoiding your crush is not enough because subconsciously you may be giving off signals that you like them. Like if you quickly turn away from them it makes it look like you are trying too hard to hide something.
Author Darren2013 Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 I could be overanalyzing things but it seems like in the past 2-3 days I seem to run into my crush by coincidence. It is like the more I try to avoid her the more we end up being set up as partners on work assignments. To an extent I can pick my partners but sometimes I don't have a choice and we are paired up. It is like some unseen force is trying to play a joke on me. Just earlier today I run into her in the cafeteria and she had to reach over at my table to get something and she almost tripped. She made a comment jokingly saying "I almost fell all over you. I don't wanna fall for you".
Author Darren2013 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 Can women tell when guys avoid them? As time goes on I am becoming more afraid of her. I'm going to stop attending certain social events coming up where I know she will be attending. I have an entire month to come up with a convincing cover story as to why I won't be attending a certain church function that she will be at. This way it doesn't look like I am going to be absent because of her. Then I may have to give details about my cover story when people ask how was such and such on that day that I couldn't make it. This way I keep my story consistent.
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