Cathy83 Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 For quite some time now I was engaged in a 'friends with benefits' type situation with a close friend. We had developed a mutual attraction for each other and decided to react on it. Fast forward and I have been left sad and confused as things got more and more intimate and affectionate. I developed feelings and others around me were convinced he felt the same by his behaviour around me. He was always extremely affectionate, would stare into my eyes, hold my hand, hold me through the night, tell me deep dark secrets. Once I told him he decided to end it immediately. My friends are shocked. I am extremely depressed. I can't eat or sleep properly. I don't know how he can behave like that and feel nothing for me and find it so easy to walk away. Any thoughts/ advice would be greatly appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 FWB is about friends having sex, and not about creating a romantic relationship. He only wanted FWB, and not something more like you came to want. I think he is simply a romantic type of person, who created an intimate, romantic experience versus a colder sexual transaction. I can understand this because I do the same, while still being very clear that there are no romantic feelings involved. It helps satisfy the desire for intimacy, so it works for me and the FWBs I've had. We've always been totally clear that if it changed from a romantic experience to romantic feeling, that we'd have to end it. Why? Because either we're not truly compatible for a relationship or not at a time in our lives where a relationship would either work or be desirable. So, he did not reciprocate your feelings, and knew that it was necessary to end the FWB once he knew you had developed feelings. That's the nature of the FWB understanding. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 He actually did the right thing. He wanted sex no strings. You were initially on board with that but then made a classic mistake & confused sex with love. The minute he learned of your feelings, rather than leading you on or using you, he broke it off. It would have been worse if he had continued. When you engage in NSA sex or FWB you have to assume that the minute feelings come into the equation the arrangement must end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aprilisi Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 I agree, he seems like a nice person. It is horriblle for you but he not have those feelings. Good also that you told him of your feelings. Better then wondering, now you can move on. That's the worst thing about fwb, been there done that. The cold transaction certainly has its benefits. That way neither party is confused on the status Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted August 7, 2014 Share Posted August 7, 2014 FWB usually always ends badly. I am sorry for your pain. Healing will come. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 I know a guy who made every woman he slept with feel like he was in love with her, but all he wanted at the time was affection and sex. Meanwhile, they were dropping like flies and falling for him. I finally figured out that on top of him acting so affectionate in bed (not all that uncommon for men with total strangers), that he also had this one eye that closed just a little more than the other one while open and it made him look sincere, like he was really emotional. In the end he would marry women who wanted kids right away (he was at that age) and that he felt needed him so he could be sort of the head of the household or in one case he married one who had gone to cooking school and that seemed to be the main reason. In all cases, I think he wanted one who fit in with his friends. Yes, more than one divorce. All I'm saying is how he acted in bed and even in general had little bearing on what reasons he used for choosing a wife. How a guy acts in bed leading up to, before and during sex is no indication whatever of their sincerity or feelings. How a guy acts when you need him to come over and bring his jumper cables to jump-start your car is a far more reliable indicator of whether you're in a relationship or could be. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted August 10, 2014 Share Posted August 10, 2014 How a guy acts when you need him to come over and bring his jumper cables to jump-start your car is a far more reliable indicator of whether you're in a relationship or could be. I'll take that as my next indicator to gauge a guy's interest, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 (edited) I don't know how he can behave like that and feel nothing for me and find it so easy to walk away. Any thoughts/ advice would be greatly appreciated Wrong. He did feel something for you. Just because he does not want a long term committed relationship does not mean he does not find you a great person and the affection & appreciation of you was not genuine. It is possible to really like a person, but not be crazy in love. Many women want the OMG amazing chemistry butterflies in the stomach feeling when it comes to a bf, but many of those women will at some stage settle with a guy that does not give them that. Doesn't mean they don't find him special but obviously not as special as they hoped or as a past lover/bf. Some guys likewise want to be crazy in love and want a woman that is crazy for them. They are happy to get into fwb relationships in the meantime. The woman could be a person he has genuine feelings for but just not at the level to be crazy over....or there could be some negative aspect in her life that puts him off wanting to get serious. I could do what your guy did and not want a LTR. It does not mean the feelings are not authentic, just did not keep them in check and unfortunately the woman can read too much into it. Its why many guys have rules on how they behave in an fwb so as not to lead the woman on to hope it will it will be more. Edited August 11, 2014 by ascendotum Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts