missm Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 Ladies - I recommend you go out to your nearest Target - bookstore - library - wherever - and get this book. Read it, read it again and take notes. It will all start making a lot more sense. I say this as my bf recently broke up with me after 4 years - on Wednesday to be exact. I had this book for months before we broke up - as he was cheating on me - please see chapter "He's Just Not That Into You if He is Cheating on You" - and have found it to have shed new light on the situation now - see chapter "He's Just Not that into You if He's Breaking Up with You." There are no secrets to this book - deep down we've always known these things - it just reinforces. I was really bummed all day yesterday. I deeply loved this person - and we never had a tumultous relationship. I knew we were on the way out - but the past two weeks have been emotionally horrific for me. He has taken me up and down and back and forth and all around in a span of 14 days. He goes from loving me and not wanting me to leave - to telling me he never wants to see me again - to loving me - to get the hell out of my house - what the f**k is that? C'mon. This is the same guy that said he would like to marry me only a week ago - there is also a chapter for this in the book! Combine all of this with being a full time student and working a full time job and we have a recipe for disaster. Of course, I would have to tell the whole long drawn out story, but I'll save it for another post when I'm in the mood to rant! I'm making it through though - it was helpful to read No Foolin's post about walking it off and the book - and I think I'm going to go out and snag Your Just not that into him either....but we'll see. I'm still hurt - and I know I will be for a while...but I also know I'm going to be okay. m Link to post Share on other sites
Three of Swords Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by missm Ladies - I recommend you go out to your nearest Target - bookstore - library - wherever - and get this book. Read it, read it again and take notes. It will all start making a lot more sense. I m I HATED this book. If you over analyze - like I am prone to do - no one is really into you - including the bloke I was married to for 27 years!! WTF? Link to post Share on other sites
sandra parker Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 I too did not think to much of the book. For the price, it only took me under an hour to read it and it only said things we all already know. It is amaiizing that you can market common sense these days and make a bundle of it. I think it should be priced cheaper to make it a worthwhile read. Like some movies are good for the dollar show instead of the full price fare at regular theaters. Just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 I think it's wiser to learn and take in what other people say than from a book. Getting advice, thoughts and support from others in similar situations will be more helpful. Each situation is unique and different, reading about how others handle themselves and comparing situations to your own help alot more. Hang in there missm...You sound like you're handling things really well...Vent away anytime, good for the soul! Link to post Share on other sites
SummerRae Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 I liked this book. Least of all, it made me laugh and did reinforce the facts that all the not-so-nice guys I have dated weren't complete a$$es, they just weren't that into me. Made me feel better and I at least got a few chuckles out of how rediculous I have looked in certain situations! lol. At least I could laugh at myself with this book. The author wasn't like "shame on you", instead, he was like, "Girl, you gotta kick this guy to the curb" and "Girl, don't ever settle for less than u deserve." This book was like the pocket gay friend you always wish you had. Link to post Share on other sites
purple21 Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 yeah - when i was getting over an unrequited love i guess you could call it - (got too emotional in a booty call situation) - i bought all the books out there - he's just not that into, your just not into him either, why men love bitches, and a few others - and most of it is common sense - stuff we already know in out head - but i think when you are trying to get over somone or a situation it helps to read them - well they helped me - along with time of course i didnt' really agree with all of it - situations are different not all that cut and dry as in he's just not that into you - that is why ls is such a great place too - i read posts on here daily - so i think those books are fun to read - just take them with a grain of salt Link to post Share on other sites
SummerRae Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by purple21 yeah - when i was getting over an unrequited love i guess you could call it - (got too emotional in a booty call situation) - i bought all the books out there - he's just not that into, your just not into him either, why men love bitches, and a few others - and most of it is common sense - stuff we already know in out head - but i think when you are trying to get over somone or a situation it helps to read them - well they helped me - along with time of course i didnt' really agree with all of it - situations are different not all that cut and dry as in he's just not that into you - that is why ls is such a great place too - i read posts on here daily - so i think those books are fun to read - just take them with a grain of salt I agree Purple, well said! Link to post Share on other sites
elle naturelle Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 So, you ALL agree that women should not call the guy, even after a few dates? Do you ALL agree that men and relations (not relationships) and their actions can be defined by 9 or however many chapters... (I DO HAVE THE BOOK)? Just doing a POLL. I read it and it made me more of a analyzer than I already am. If they have this book, then where is the book about how to pick a guy, meet him, get him to love you and be happily ever after... have you seen the movie HITCH? Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted February 27, 2005 Moderators Share Posted February 27, 2005 Ya know what ? How truly insulted is a woman's or man's intellect, when s/he reads ANY book on relationships, and takes it as a sort of "guidebook" or "manual" for their own interactions with another. Every person on this earth, every man and every woman, is unique. Each person comes from a unique life history, a unique mental construct of how relationships are and, indeed, how they "should be." Mix that with the fact that each comes complete with a unique set of values and moral priniciples and a unique personality, and you have enough for a very unique equation to be created for all potential partners. Maybe ... juuuust maybe, when both prospective "participants" in a relationship choose to act as equal, mature, worthwhile, loving (and indeed, lovable) human beings ... with a voice to express genuine interest in another ... we might finally see some reciprocity in the dating and marriage scene, and better partnerships formed. Don't worry though ... I won't hold my breath for THAT to happen. Curt Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 The book is fun. The book is funny. It's not intended as a serious guide to relationships, simply urging women not to waste their time dating men who don't show proper interest or respect. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyRLD Posted February 28, 2005 Share Posted February 28, 2005 I liked the book. I thought it was funny. But it is common sense. A lot of people don't have common sense when they are heartbroken. So it does help. It basically tells you that if someone is draining your energy trying to figure them out, Then you need to move on. If you have to constantly think and wonder then it's not worth your time. Love shouldn't be painful. If it is then it's not worth having. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted March 1, 2005 Moderators Share Posted March 1, 2005 Spock, you said ... Originally posted by Mr Spock The book is fun. The book is funny. It's not intended as a serious guide to relationships, simply urging women not to waste their time dating men who don't show proper interest or respect. and, this was followed up by LadyRLD, who noted...Originally posted by LadyRLD It basically tells you that if someone is draining your energy trying to figure them out, Then you need to move on. If you have to constantly think and wonder then it's not worth your time. Love shouldn't be painful. If it is then it's not worth having.I completely agree with you both that, if the book is taken as a more lighthearted approach to the confusing mess that sometimes is the dating world, then it's fine in that light. However, my problem lies with the fact that a considerable number of individuals take books such as this one (and "The Rules," etc.) as almost prescriptive approaches to relationships in their daily lives. It is seen by many as an "insider's" look at how to deal with men/relationships in general. To prove the mass appeal of these books, one need only point to the attention that they get, not only here, but more pervasively in the various types of media. For example, I (along with perhaps countless MILLIONS of other people worldwide) personally had the most "interesting" experience of watching Oprah's interview with the book's author, Greg Behrendt. The book was (and is) touted, even on Oprah's website, as being an insider's look at "what's really going on" when there is a problem for a woman to divine what a guy's "true" intentions are. Granted, Oprah is only ONE in an endless slew of media forms. However, consider even the cultural impact of her mass appeal... But I digress... The author IS a comedian, and a former writer for "Sex and the City." Do not misunderstand me. I am in no position to take anything away from this guy. He may be one of the most well-reasoned, logical people that one could hope to find about relationships with men. Nonetheless, I will need to beg everyone's pardon if I don't necessarily take the word of a Hollywood writer/comedian as my guidepost for how relationships with men might go awry. Sadly, I doubt that my approach (and coincidentally, Mr. Spock, your and LadyRLD's approach as well) would be the approach of many regarding this text. I stand on my former opinion about this book. Curt Link to post Share on other sites
sandra parker Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 Curt, Well said. This book is merely entertainment. As an English teacher, we are taught in school that literature has a dual purpose: to entertain and instruct. As I wrote before, this is dollar show material, for the price it cost. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 I watched the Oprah special and can I just say...what a load of comercialised and sterotyped crap How many men do you think love that book because they can use it as an excuse. if he isn't that into you he should say so. the fact he doesn't isn't a trait of having a dick, it is due to being a weakling Link to post Share on other sites
elle naturelle Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 This book takes detailed, individual situations and generalizes them such that they can cause SOME women to analyze more and think that anything remotely close to these situations means "he is just not that into you". When really, all they needed was a one page summary of actions that COULD mean "he is just not that into you". Also, where is the part about single women with no kids trying to date men with kids. i fully expect, at this point and maybe forever, to be less of a priority. But that doesnt mean he is not into me, just that he is a great father. Good thing he does not resemble the men in this book, otherwise I would really be screwed. Link to post Share on other sites
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