I wish I knew how he was feeling....(Updated)

[Bigmess2]

So my boyfriend and I have been together since December of 2012. We have been living together since this past January. For the most part our relationship is great. We don't fight and even on our worst days we still laugh together every single day.

 

About 3 weeks ago,however, something has changed. He has never really been the one to initiate sex and isn't the most affectionate one in the relationship. Throughout our relationship he has told me I can be too affectionate at times and I have tried my best to back off. So anyways, about 3 weeks ago he started becoming very distant. We had sex 2.5 weeks ago and that's the longest we've gone without being physically intimate. He's also not texting me as much when we aren't together which bothers me because he is constantly texting when we are together. I'm nervous to even try to text lately because I either get one word responses or nothing at all.

 

So about 2 days ago I asked him if we could talk. He asked what about and I said us. He said everything's fine there's nothing to talk about. But I said to him how I'm bothered by the lack of talking and how he doesn't want to have sex with me. He admitted that this distance he's created is because of the fact that he doesn't want sex with me. I asked him if he wants it with anyone else and he said no. I told him it scares me because of he's not getting it from me I don't wNt him to feel the need to get it elsewhere. He said it's not like that and he's very loyal to me. He also told me he's in love with me and finds me incredibly sexy still he just doesn't understand why he doesn't want to be physical with me.

He said when I go to kiss him or initiate sex he feels like he does it not because he wants it but he feels obligated.

 

What I don't understand is if he says he's in love with me, finds me sexy, and says he wants It from no one else I don't see why there is an issue?

 

He also said he doesn't want to break up and wants to work on the relationship in hopes he'll feel the passion and want to initiate sex. But with that being said this distance has not gone away. He treats me not even as he would treat a friend. I'm depressed because I love him with all my heart and his actions are not reflecting his words.

[ja123]

Of course you're down about it, as it feels very rejecting.

 

 

Perhaps he is actually depressed. Has there been anything new in his life? Job stress? If this continues, then perhaps he ought to see a doctor/counselor.

 

 

Perhaps you could look up the 5 love languages so you could both communicate love to the other better.

 

 

There's also the Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus book.

[Bigmess2]

Really just need to vent...

 

I'm known my ex (weird to say)boyfriend since high school but we were together since December 2012 and living together since this past January. He messaged me on Facebook asking to get dinner with me one day and ever since that we were together. We never fought and even on our worst days we laughed together every single day. I'm 26 and he's 27. We loved each others families and they loved us together as a couple.

 

I'm not saying our relationship was completely perfect, we had our moments. Things like me being insecure because he was always very friendly with a lot of other girls, he'd never acknowledge me on social networks (posting/accepting pictures of us) even though he was all over my page. He wouldn't get home until after 4 in the morning most nights because he's a manager of a restaurant and would go out a lot after work. I don't know if he ever cheated... I'm really hoping it's not the case even though a lot of people that are close to me believe that he has.

 

Anyways, our relationship made me really happy. He always seemed happy too. We'd always talk about marriage (where we'd have it, who would come, when we'd like to get engaged), having kids, and moving into a Townhouse once we both saved up enough money. These conversations of the future were not just passing conversation. They were serious and we spoke of future plans until the beginning of July... that's when things took a turn.

 

In the beginning of July it was his birthday. I tried my best to make it special for him and he enjoyed the day. The day before his birthday he noticed I was looking at his restaurants internet page to see what time they closed because he wasn't home and wasn't texting me. He got mad at me for "not trusting him". I don't believe looking at his restaurants page, however, should have led to the events that followed. After his birthday he became extremely distant. He didn't really want to do anything with me anymore. When I would go to kiss him he would roll his eyes and having sex with him was like pulling teeth, he never wanted to do it. All throughout our relationship he sometimes had problems with my affection. He would always say that I was too affectionate. So in those moments I'd back off and wait for him to come to me. For the last 3 weeks of our relationship we didn't have sex and he didn't ever really go in for a kiss. He would also go out with his friends and not text me at all. This made me feel incredibly hurt because I didn't know what I was doing wrong and for things to be so amazing before July and then to just suddenly stop my heart started to break. I felt like no longer his girlfriend but his roommate.

 

I had a talk with him a week ago about the distance and what was up. He said that he's in love me and finds me incredibly sexy but has no desire to be with me physically. He said he doesn't know why and didn't want to get with other people and wanted to try and work on things to see if his feelings changed. Well throughout the week he showed no effort of trying. He went out Wednesday with his friends and didn't text me once (this is one of our only days to spend with each other). I wanted to give him space so I slept at my parents. He still didn't text me. Thursday he didn't text me until the evening saying "so what's up because we need to pay rent tomorrow". I had written him a letter at the apartment about how much I love him and want things to work and that I know he said he did too but his actions don't show it and it kills me. I told him to read the letter and that i'd be at the apartment early on friday (yesterday).

 

When I showed up he was asleep and I sat on the bed to wake him up. He grabbed my hand and we cuddled together and it felt so amazing just to be close to him and feel like he loved me just for that brief hour. When he woke up I asked him what he wanted to do. He said the same things he had said when we spoke Sunday. He said the only thing ruining this relationship was his feelings of not wanting to be intimate with me. I asked if these feelings were going to change and he said if they hadn't changed yet they probably wouldn't. I cried and so did he. I know you can't make a person feel a certain way I just don't understand how such a good thing could go to waste. It kills me that i'm losing him. He now doesn't seem phased, however, he just seems angry (mostly because all of the furniture and stuff in the apartment is mine and i'm taking it with me even though he's staying). Another thing that upsets me is we booked a vacation with his friends in October. I booked our tickets on my credit card. The only thing he says to me after the break up yesterday was "don't cancel my flight". I told him it's on my card so i'd probably have to. He said just transfer it to my name. But it'd still be on my card. So I think i'm just going to cancel it..

 

I just hate that we are both going through this. My heart is breaking, he seems incredibly angry over it and less upset. I know everyone deals with things differently though... I just want to fast forward to happy times..

[J2911]

I'm sorry you are going through this.

You are pouring your heart out to him and he is emotionless .

That is a very sickening feeling ( I'm going through this as well and it stings ).

Please cancel the trip and rid that expense off your shoulders.

You do not need it . Never be in a relationship that lacks communication and affection.

If a relationship is lacking those two things then you have no relationship.

Sometimes it's very hard to accept things and move on but it sounds as if you should start accepting that he is not going to change and it may be time to start moving on.

I would break the lease and start fresh. Maybe you can move into your families home for a while and surround yourself with friends and family who love you and will show you some love . You will get through this but stop tormenting yourself by analyzing him and waiting for answers and waiting for him to change. You are powerless here that is his job to change .

Maybe by you moving forward he will realize what he lost. To be in a relationship and not come home til 4 am is very shady bc of one going out all the time.

Nothing good goes on those hours except for shadyness .

I dont believe when you are in a serious commitment and living together that one has any business going out to clubs . Thats for singles . I hope you feel better .

[hoping2heal]

Really just need to vent...

 

I'm known my ex (weird to say)boyfriend since high school but we were together since December 2012 and living together since this past January. He messaged me on Facebook asking to get dinner with me one day and ever since that we were together. We never fought and even on our worst days we laughed together every single day. I'm 26 and he's 27. We loved each others families and they loved us together as a couple.

 

I'm not saying our relationship was completely perfect, we had our moments. Things like me being insecure because he was always very friendly with a lot of other girls, he'd never acknowledge me on social networks (posting/accepting pictures of us) even though he was all over my page. He wouldn't get home until after 4 in the morning most nights because he's a manager of a restaurant and would go out a lot after work. I don't know if he ever cheated... I'm really hoping it's not the case even though a lot of people that are close to me believe that he has.

 

Anyways, our relationship made me really happy. He always seemed happy too. We'd always talk about marriage (where we'd have it, who would come, when we'd like to get engaged), having kids, and moving into a Townhouse once we both saved up enough money. These conversations of the future were not just passing conversation. They were serious and we spoke of future plans until the beginning of July... that's when things took a turn.

 

In the beginning of July it was his birthday. I tried my best to make it special for him and he enjoyed the day. The day before his birthday he noticed I was looking at his restaurants internet page to see what time they closed because he wasn't home and wasn't texting me. He got mad at me for "not trusting him". I don't believe looking at his restaurants page, however, should have led to the events that followed. After his birthday he became extremely distant. He didn't really want to do anything with me anymore. When I would go to kiss him he would roll his eyes and having sex with him was like pulling teeth, he never wanted to do it. All throughout our relationship he sometimes had problems with my affection. He would always say that I was too affectionate. So in those moments I'd back off and wait for him to come to me. For the last 3 weeks of our relationship we didn't have sex and he didn't ever really go in for a kiss. He would also go out with his friends and not text me at all. This made me feel incredibly hurt because I didn't know what I was doing wrong and for things to be so amazing before July and then to just suddenly stop my heart started to break. I felt like no longer his girlfriend but his roommate.

 

I had a talk with him a week ago about the distance and what was up. He said that he's in love me and finds me incredibly sexy but has no desire to be with me physically. He said he doesn't know why and didn't want to get with other people and wanted to try and work on things to see if his feelings changed. Well throughout the week he showed no effort of trying. He went out Wednesday with his friends and didn't text me once (this is one of our only days to spend with each other). I wanted to give him space so I slept at my parents. He still didn't text me. Thursday he didn't text me until the evening saying "so what's up because we need to pay rent tomorrow". I had written him a letter at the apartment about how much I love him and want things to work and that I know he said he did too but his actions don't show it and it kills me. I told him to read the letter and that i'd be at the apartment early on friday (yesterday).

 

When I showed up he was asleep and I sat on the bed to wake him up. He grabbed my hand and we cuddled together and it felt so amazing just to be close to him and feel like he loved me just for that brief hour. When he woke up I asked him what he wanted to do. He said the same things he had said when we spoke Sunday. He said the only thing ruining this relationship was his feelings of not wanting to be intimate with me. I asked if these feelings were going to change and he said if they hadn't changed yet they probably wouldn't. I cried and so did he. I know you can't make a person feel a certain way I just don't understand how such a good thing could go to waste. It kills me that i'm losing him. He now doesn't seem phased, however, he just seems angry (mostly because all of the furniture and stuff in the apartment is mine and i'm taking it with me even though he's staying). Another thing that upsets me is we booked a vacation with his friends in October. I booked our tickets on my credit card. The only thing he says to me after the break up yesterday was "don't cancel my flight". I told him it's on my card so i'd probably have to. He said just transfer it to my name. But it'd still be on my card. So I think i'm just going to cancel it..

 

I just hate that we are both going through this. My heart is breaking, he seems incredibly angry over it and less upset. I know everyone deals with things differently though... I just want to fast forward to happy times..

 

Simon says, he was cheating.

 

The fact that he didn't want photos of you two up on his FB is a red flag. Now, not everyone does FB, but the fact that you mentioned he asked you out via FB means he's a FB'er. He doesn't want people (or at least someone) who might look him up to know he's got a full on girlfriend.

 

His overblown reaction to the restaurant page is also very telling. His behavior was also a very common one for cheaters; get angry at the other person and use the "I'm upset that you don't trust me". This is a great way for cheaters to make the other person feel like they are wrong to have any doubts about the relationship and decist in their suspicions.

 

I think his aversion to having sex with you was brought on by his infidelity. Maybe he was having anxiety that you were going to catch him, or maybe he was starting to feel guilt for what he had been doing. Or, maybe he was worried the other woman would find out and dump his ass. I don't know, but his behavior gives him away.

Edited August 2, 2014 by hoping2heal

[Bigmess2]

I really appreciate both of your responses.

 

It really is one of the most hurtful things when you care so much for someone and they are emotionless and cold. I know he cares to a certain extent because he was crying when it was happening but he doesn't care for me the way I hoped. And for too long I think I was having hope for something that was hopeless. Even yesterday I was just thinking to myself how i'm just going to miss having him in my life. And then I looked at my phone and he texted me saying "don't forget about filling me in about my ticket for the trip". So it's clear that while my head and heart are just completely breaking his concerns or feelings of hurt are not geared toward the same things.

 

Today I start the move. It is going to be incredibly hard going through everything and knowing it is no longer "our apartment". I'm still waiting on a moving company to contact me back about the furniture. I just hate this so much. Love and life shouldn't be so hard... and bad things shouldn't happen to good people.

[Bigmess2]

So I moved out today... Back to my parents house. He's keeping the apartment but about 90% of the stuff inside the apartment was mine. Like all the furniture and kitchen/bathroom stuff. I got all my clothes and stuff that was mine out aside from the furniture, I have to go back for that tomorrow, but I did take the bed. He said he'd pay me for the couch but I'm still waiting for that payment as well as the $1175 he owes me for living there this month. ( he's living off the month security I paid in the beginning instead of paying them this month, that's why he owes me). I also canceled our plane tickets but they weren't refundable even with insurance so he owes me $270 for his voucher. So he owes me a lot of money.

 

Anyways, after the move I texted him I left him as much as I could, I didn't want to leave him with nothing. When he got to the apartment after I left he said wow you really cleared me out. I said that I left him everything we bought together and tried not to leave him with nothing. He said at least you have a home to go to. I told him the home I wanted to be going to was the one we shared together and how moving out was the hardest things I've ever had to do. He said I have no gf an empty apartment and no family (even tho he has a great family idk what he's talking about) I said it didn't have to be that way. And then he said whatever I don't care. Please take care of the flight.

 

My heArt broke as I moved and I cried the entire time and all he's concerned with is his plane ticket. It kills me. His friends girlfriend texted me telling me she's on my side and wishes the best for me. I was thankful for that but sad at the same time because I was reminded his friends won't be in my life anymore either.

 

So in a matter of a few weeks I've lost the love of my life, my beautiful apartment, his family and friends that I was close with. I'm so broken.

[beach]

Make him pay you now. If you don't - you likely won't get any money from him.

 

Go get the rest of your things today.

[music_and_poetry]

Make him pay you now. If you don't - you likely won't get any money from him.

 

Go get the rest of your things today.

 

I agree! Also, don't give him everything before collecting. Then he'll have no reason to pay you. One of my ex's (I lived with him briefly) owed me $600 and was shuffling his feet about paying it, making all sorts of excuses. I flat out refused to shut off my cell phone which was under his contract until he paid up. Was it bitchy? Yes. Did I get my money? Yes and I don't think I would have otherwise.

[Bigmess2]

I texted him saying I'll be there tomorrow at 10am to get the furniture please leave the money for me. He said do you honestly think I have all that money? Seriously? I'm going to get you the money. I said I'd like some part of it by tomorrow. He goes I had to buy myself a ****ing bed I have nothing.

 

 

I don't want him to end up hating me.... How messed up is my brain for even caring if he hates me at this point..

[hoping2heal]

I texted him saying I'll be there tomorrow at 10am to get the furniture please leave the money for me. He said do you honestly think I have all that money? Seriously? I'm going to get you the money. I said I'd like some part of it by tomorrow. He goes I had to buy myself a ****ing bed I have nothing.

 

 

I don't want him to end up hating me.... How messed up is my brain for even caring if he hates me at this point..

 

Gawd, this guy is such a frickin dick head.

 

he dumped you and then he acts pissy because you took your stuff?! Was he expecting to dump you and have you leave half your things for him??? I mean really, what the heck was he expecting?!

 

Could he really get any more entitled? MY WORD

 

Well, this behavior shouldn't come as any surprise after learning the trip tickets were booked on your credit card, and apparently you paid the security deposit/rent for him too? (I might be understanding that wrong).

 

He's a user, probably a cheater, and a straight up dick head. Imagine having children with a man like that :sick::sick::sick:

[Bigmess2]

We had to pay 2 months security when we first moved in. I paid 1 and he paid the other. So instead of him paying this month he's using one of those security payments as his rent this month. So he was going to pay me the security so my landlords didn't have to give it back to me. And when he moves out (whenever in the future that may be) he will recieve the $1175 of the other months security.

 

I feel like I'm being a bitch by taking everything away from him (even though it's mine). I'm just not the kind of person that wants to ever hurt someone or be on their bad side and I don't want to leave him in the dust.... Even though he doesn't seem to mind and broke my heart.

[hoping2heal]

We had to pay 2 months security when we first moved in. I paid 1 and he paid the other. So instead of him paying this month he's using one of those security payments as his rent this month. So he was going to pay me the security so my landlords didn't have to give it back to me. And when he moves out (whenever in the future that may be) he will recieve the $1175 of the other months security.

I feel like I'm being a bitch by taking everything away from him (even though it's mine). I'm just not the kind of person that wants to ever hurt someone or be on their bad side and I don't want to leave him in the dust.... Even though he doesn't seem to mind and broke my heart.

 

Well, that's at least good.

 

I know you might feel bad, but you aren't being a bitch or doing anything wrong. It's as I said; did he expect he would dump you and have you leave half of your belongings for him to? Those are your things and it doesn't make you a bad person for taking your things; especially when he initiated the dumping. He is taking it out on you for his own actions and he needs not to. He's a grown adult, don't feel bad because he lacks the ability to be take responsibility for his actions.

[Bigmess2]

I went and got the rest of my things today... Before I got there he texted me that he'd pay me $50 for the dresser I paid $200 for and that he left me $160 to go towards the couch (he owes me 300 for and 50 for the dresser) I told him $50 was not enough for the dresser because it's in perfect condition. It's only ikea so it's not the best piece of furniture but I like it and I paid for it. He also went out yesterday to buy himself a new bed, tv stand, towels. So he had money for that but doesn't have the money right now to pay me 300 for the couch, 1175 for rent, and 270 for his plane ticket... When I got to the apartment there was the $160 on the counter.

 

So I texted him $50 wasn't enough for the dresser and that if put the $160 towards the $300 for the couch. He said then take all my **** out of the dresser and put it on my bed. I said ok. Once I moved the last of the things out I wrote him a note stating what he still owes me and that I'm sorry we had to even go through this situation and that I wish him the best always. I texted him that's the last of it. He said yep goodbye. That crushed me. Because I've literally cried everyday for the past few weeks over him and he just doesn't give one care in the world. He doesn't care about my feelings and all I've been doing is caring for his. It just hurts me that he has to be so cold.

 

And I'm not really thinking I'll be seeing the rest of what he owes me too soon if at all... I feel used but I thought this was forever so I didn't feel badly for spending money towards things for the both of us. Guess I was wrong. I just want to sleep and never wake up.

[hoping2heal]

I went and got the rest of my things today... Before I got there he texted me that he'd pay me $50 for the dresser I paid $200 for and that he left me $160 to go towards the couch (he owes me 300 for and 50 for the dresser) I told him $50 was not enough for the dresser because it's in perfect condition. It's only ikea so it's not the best piece of furniture but I like it and I paid for it. He also went out yesterday to buy himself a new bed, tv stand, towels. So he had money for that but doesn't have the money right now to pay me 300 for the couch, 1175 for rent, and 270 for his plane ticket... When I got to the apartment there was the $160 on the counter.

 

So I texted him $50 wasn't enough for the dresser and that if put the $160 towards the $300 for the couch. He said then take all my **** out of the dresser and put it on my bed. I said ok. Once I moved the last of the things out I wrote him a note stating what he still owes me and that I'm sorry we had to even go through this situation and that I wish him the best always. I texted him that's the last of it. He said yep goodbye. That crushed me. Because I've literally cried everyday for the past few weeks over him and he just doesn't give one care in the world. He doesn't care about my feelings and all I've been doing is caring for his. It just hurts me that he has to be so cold.

 

And I'm not really thinking I'll be seeing the rest of what he owes me too soon if at all... I feel used but I thought this was forever so I didn't feel badly for spending money towards things for the both of us. Guess I was wrong. I just want to sleep and never wake up.

 

Sorry BM2,

 

Sorry for your pain but I hope with time you will be able to see what a big bullet you dodged with this guy. Take the way he's handling the money and treating you as a grand example of what I mean. Of course break ups are hard, but he dumped you and he's treating you with utter ****tyness and he's being so self-centered. I just shake my head at his reaction towards you taking your things that you paid for.

 

Let's just say that his character is severely lacking. Better to find that out now rather than 10 years and 2 kids in.

[AnneT1985]

I also recommend the 5 love languages

[Bigmess2]

I hate feeling like my whole life was ripped out from under me. In the month of July I was in a car accident, my boyfriend who I thought was the one left me, I loved his family now they won't be a part of my life either, I had to move out of my beautiful apartment that we lived in together, I had to cancel the airline tickets we had for the vacation we booked together for October... I've just lost so much. I've list everything that made me happy. And he doesn't care a bit which hurts the worst.

[Bigmess2]

I haven't spoken to him since Monday. And all we discussed Monday was regarding me moving out of the apartment and he was extremely cold, even though this is not at all what I wanted- it was his choice.

 

I am very close with his family. He comes from a divorced family- dad and stepmom and their 2 kids and his mom who also has 2 kids. He's much closer to his moms side because his mom did more of raising him and his 2 brothers are closer in age to him. They are more free spirited and easy going then his dads side but I always felt closer to his dads part of the family.

 

Anyway, I had to go over to his dads because I had to pick up my bike from their house. I had texted them early in the day yesterday saying hi I'm not sure if he told you but we ended the relationship Friday and I'm extremely upset. I love all of you and I want to thank you for welcoming into your family. Would it be ok if I picked up my bike?

 

So his stepmom texted me back he told his dad the news and we are extremely upset as well. You are a beautiful intelligent wonderful person who deserves to be happy, of course you can come by. So when I got there I sat with them for an hour and a half and we just talked. I told them everything because I figured what do I have to lose? I already lost everything (read past 2 posts to understand what happened in our relationship)

 

His dad read me the text messages that they had together. His dad said he believes in supporting family and backing them but he also believes in supporting right from wrong and this just isn't right. He said my ex is a runner. He's always been used to people being in and out of his life (as a kid and even still his mom goes through many guys). He said it's like once he's comfortable and he knows he's got something good he just runs and doesn't communicate his feelings. He said this was a completely rerun of his first girlfriend who they also loved. It was a great relationship, he ran away from it, she came over and talked to them, and then he realized he was stupid and contacted her. They both think that's what's going to happen again. They were like right now he's going to get whatever it is out of his system and then in a few weeks he's going to be like what the heck did I just do, because that's the kind of person he is. I'd honestly be extremely surprised if he did contact me like that but they said they can pretty much guarantee it. I hope they're right- not because I'd go running back to him but just so I can see the slightest bit of caring from him.

 

They said he doesn't know how to act when he has something good. His second relationship was a mess (the one before me) and the girl treated him like crap and everyone hated her but he was so broken over that relationship. His dad said it's like he needs some sort of chaos to feel like a relationship is normal when really he needs to grow up and fight for someone that loves him so much. They told me not to contact him and to be strong and independent and build myself back up and that when he does try to contact him to be strong and that he'll be taken back.

 

They told me that it's his choice and he has to deal with the consequences and can't blame me for any of ot because I'm the one who tried. It felt so good to hear them supporting me and being so understanding. And they are not the only ones- 2 of his friends girlfriends have reached out to me also and couldn't believe he had made this choice because it just isn't normal- I bent over backwards and gave him everything I had to offer without asking for anything but to be loved in return.

 

In the past 5 days I've had something extremely hard to go through. The breakup, moving out, and talking to his family. Today is the first day I can just sit back and think. I just hope this sad feeling doesn't linger forever... And that I come to understand and grasp why this has all happened. Who knows what the future holds...

[Bigmess2]

5 days after break up and 2 days after move out. I know the wound is still fresh but I just want it all to go away.... I know we all want our heart ache to stop. I read a good quote. It said "hearts can break. Yes, hearts can break. Sometimes I think it would be better if we died when they did. But we don't". That's how I'm feeling. It's just all not fair. I felt better after talking to his parents yesterday but today I'm back in my ball of sadness.... I just don't get why this happened. It shouldn't have happened.

[Requiem4Dreams]

They call it a rollercoaster because the emotions act accordingly to one. One moment you will be shocked, and it will melt into anger and sadness. The more time that passes the feelings will start to become less chaotic however, as long as NC is implemented to help the healing process begin.

[Bigmess2]

Together for a little over a year and a half. His personality is pretty much this in a nutshell... He's very attractive and knows it. In fact as a gag gift last Christmas someone bought him a mirror. He cares about his appearance a lot. He's very flirtatious but he's also a big goof ball. He'll burst out with random noises or accents and funny faces all the time. Loves to make people laugh. Always made me laugh. When he's upset or mad about something he becomes quiet and extremely distant. His father called him a runner. The second something goes wrong he runs rather than confronts it head on and dealing with it like a man but it eats at him on the inside. He was raised by his mother however so he does have a sensitive side although he cares mostly about his own feelings. For example, a couple nights before we broke up I was talking to him about his distance and he said what's it matter as long as I'm happy. And I said well don't you want me to be happy too? And he said yeah but really why should I care, if I'm not happy it doesn't matter. I'm just not going to care I'm good at flipping a switch off in my head so I just don't care.

 

When we broke up (his choice) we both cried. And then his sadness turned to anger. And we haven't talked since Monday. I found the Christmas card he gave me and read it yesterday. It said "I love you so much. I know I get distant sometimes but I could never imagine my life without you". If only he could read that statement again.

 

I just wish I knew if he cares. Or if he's sad. Or if he's thinking what the heck did I do? His dad and step mom said he's definitely hurting and that it's probably eating away at him but he's better at running then confronting and they could almost guarantee in a couple weeks he will contact me and be like what the heck did I do. But I don't know. And I know no one has the answer but him. But I just wish I knew he cared...

[Mary Oak]

You want to know he cares because that is human nature. You don't want to feel disposable. No one does. But, everyone who has been broken up with deals with this feeling. Like I said, it is natural.

 

But, learn from my mistakes. It DOES NOT matter what he is feeling. He made a choice and unfortunately you have to live with it. Find your strength and leave him alone. Even if he does question his actions in a few weeks, he will still be a runner. He CAN change that, but it will take lots of counseling and work. It will not be a change in three or four months.

 

I know because I had a lot of things I needed to change and although I THOUGHT I could change in six or eight months, it takes a lot of work and patience.

 

Move on with your life. If he makes these important changes, then reconsider. If you live him, really love him, you will love him even more in a year or so when he has made progress.

 

Until then, rock on. Be yourself. Love yourself and be the best you.

 

Best of luck.

[Bigmess2]

It's been a week today since the break up.... This time last week we were cuddling just before the talk that ended it. I just want my heart to go back together. I can't get out of my own way.

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry you are hurting. Break ups are never easier. It will get better. Hang in there.

[scobro]

im going through the pain and its been 4 months of not seeing her and 2 months of no contact.I am wanting to email her so badly because I feel so sad and wake up every morning and spend an hour fighting anxiety and thoughts.It takes time but will get better.