I wish I knew how he was feeling....(Updated)

[swimswithjeans]

Bigmess2........... I hope happiness comes to you really soon and am confident the universe will give you whatever you really need. Sending love to you.

[Bigmess2]

Thank you very much swimswithjeans ❤️I hope so too.

[Bigmess2]

Why am I feeling so much anxiety lately!? It's like a flustering feeling in my chest and I just feel like I could burst out crying but I don't. I have been trying so hard to think positive lately but I feel like I'm only fooling myself. I keep saying everything's going to be alright. You miss him but it's not the end of the world, what's meant to be will always find a way... But idk if I actually believe what I'm telling myself. I hate feeling sad all the time and missing him.

[tim_tom]

Got back from vacation a couple days ago... I felt like I was in a breakup rehab lol it was absolutely beautiful where I stayed and it was good to clear the mind but it was never cleared completely. It's been 5 weeks no contact and since we've broken up and I miss him every single day. I pray everyday that he'll reach out to me but he hasn't... His friends wife texted me yesterday asking how I am. We were all supposed to go away together in the beginning of October. She told me she saw the pictures of me on vacation and was so happy that I got to get away and how she's dreading on going on the trip since I'm no longer going with them. She said that it seems that I'm doing a gazillion times better than my ex and that he has been being a huge wierdo. She said he texts her husband all the time about how lonely he is. But that was his choice!! She said one day he'll realize what a huge mistake he made and that he really just needs to grow up and no one understands his stupid choices. That definitely makes me feel good to know that the people he's closest with are still agreeing with me.

 

Ugh, i am sure that text felt good at first, but then it gave you hope which only prolonged your agony. I would hate to hear something like that, you can't move on till you accept that it's over

[tim_tom]

A month and a half after the break up..... Wish I could go a day without thinking about it... Or even an hour would be nice. I hate that you could miss someone so much but can't do anything about it.

 

 

Feeling sad tonight...

 

I'm in the same boat, it's been about 5 weeks for me. I have good days, and then I have days where I am a complete mess. I want to hear from her, but when I do I end up hurting more. I know there is no going back, that the relationship I had is gone. The girl I loved is gone. Gone in the sense that the girl I fell in love with would never have done this, never have treated me this way. The last time I saw her (3 weeks ago), she was different, not herself, not the person I loved. It was like a stranger in front of me.

 

It helps to realize that.

[No Limit]

Hang in there. The pain will go away, and then you'll ask yourself "What was I doing all this time??"

[Bigmess2]

It really sucks the emotional roller coaster we all have to go through. It's so unfair. I'll have bursts of energy where I'm like I'm going to be just fine. But I have more bursts of anxiety where I just don't know how things could get better. I've been NC with my ex for almost 6 weeks. I feel like it's not normal the amount I think about him and miss him. It literally feels like I'm not whole- like when I lost him I lost a part of myself and I'm scared I won't get that back.

[BC1980]

It really sucks the emotional roller coaster we all have to go through. It's so unfair. I'll have bursts of energy where I'm like I'm going to be just fine. But I have more bursts of anxiety where I just don't know how things could get better. I've been NC with my ex for almost 6 weeks. I feel like it's not normal the amount I think about him and miss him. It literally feels like I'm not whole- like when I lost him I lost a part of myself and I'm scared I won't get that back.

 

I promise it gets better. Just this past week, I felt emotional when I heard a song on the radio that reminded me of when the ex and I first started dating. I've been NC for 8 months, and I was surprised at myself. One thing that I noticed was different is that I didn't feel the urge to wallow in my emotions and throw a pitty party for myself. If was more of a feeling that yes, those are bittersweet memories, and it makes me sad. But I will move on and make more memories. It's taken a heck of a long time to get to this point, but know that it will happen for you.

 

I'm sure the amount of time you think about your ex is normal. I think about my ex all the time, but the focus of the thoughts is different now. I feel more emotionally removed from my time with him. You can't expect not to think a great deal about your ex. Heck, I still think of exes from over 10 years ago. For the most part, you can't control your thoughts as they come to you, but you can control how much power you give them and how you process them.

 

You are still in the early stages, so don't be too harsh on yourself.

[Bigmess2]

Sooooo I guess this isn't really a breadcrumb... But it's a something. And I know most of you that read this will tell me not to think anything of it and just delete him and not care about what he's posting.... BUT i posted a lyrics of the song one less bell to answer (we used to belt it out in the car together) and then I fell asleep and woke up because my friend texted me. It being the middle of the night I was bad and looked at his page and I saw that he posted the other lyric to the song.

 

 

Idk why this made me feel a bit of happiness. Maybe because after just about 6 weeks of no contact I see that he's still looking at my page too... It doesn't mean anything I know, but just made me happy enough to see that. For whatever reason....

[Bigmess2]

Update...

 

So 2 nights ago I looked at his Facebook and his status said "let love go and grow and if it was true it would of came back. And if it didn't then it was never love". So I wrote on my status "but what if you both are thinking and feeling the same way".... So then minutes later he wrote another quote about how when you let something go it changes and you learn from your mistakes. So then I posted put your hand on my heart and feel what I am thinking. And he wrote "you will always be the answer when someone asks me what I'm thinking about". I wrote "the last person you think about before you go to sleep, that is your heart. Then he wrote a gentleman is a patient wolf. And I wrote never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about. And he posted the video to our song and then liked all of my statuses and like 5 pictures of us.

 

 

Soooooo I got happy and excited that we were communicating, even though we weren't really communicating. I wanted to message him but I was waiting to see if he'd message me. Neither one of us made that move though. I feel like that's why the silence hasn't been broken, because we are both waiting for the other to do it. It's been almost 7 weeks no contact and since the break up.

 

 

I want to contact him so very badly....

[Bigmess2]

Today I posted "so let's put our pride aside, for there are only so many tomorrow's" and he liked it and posted a status saying "my pride is all I got"

 

 

His friend wrote "dude everyone can see this status game" and my ex wrote duh.

 

 

I want to really break the silence...

[BC1980]

Today I posted "so let's put our pride aside, for there are only so many tomorrow's" and he liked it and posted a status saying "my pride is all I got"

 

I think that says it all. I mean, you basically put it all on the line on FB, and he still won't bite. You were very transparent with your FB statuses, so he is well aware that you would take him back. He is playing games with you. I guarantee that if you try to talk to him, he will have no interest in any reconciliation.

 

Also, block him on FB, and don't play games with status updates. Do I need to remind you that he broke up with you? Why is it your responsibility to break the silence? Please don't be fooled into thinking that he is sitting around, simply too scared to break the silence because he thinks you won't take him back. He knows you would gladly have him back, and he can't be bothered with anything more than thinly veiled status updates on FB. You are the one who is sitting around, wondering if he would take you back if you broke the silence. You are the one who is nervous and contemplating contact. Not him. I can promise you that he isn't serious and doesn't care half as much as you think he does.

[BC1980]

Today I posted "so let's put our pride aside, for there are only so many tomorrow's" and he liked it and posted a status saying "my pride is all I got"

 

I just read that post again, and, honestly, his response is such a slap in the face. I would be so insulted. You are offering and olive branch to put your pride aside, and he says, no thanks, I'll keep the pride. His pride is more important than you. Remember that exchange next time you want to break contact.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Today I posted "so let's put our pride aside, for there are only so many tomorrow's" and he liked it and posted a status saying "my pride is all I got"

 

 

His friend wrote "dude everyone can see this status game" and my ex wrote duh.

 

 

I want to really break the silence...

 

He said he cares more about his pride than he cares about you or your relationship, online for all of your friends to see. What exactly do you see in this jerk?

 

If he truly wanted to reconcile, he'd say so. Instead he is trying to bait you with passive-aggressive nonsense. He will never reach out because he wants YOU to come crawling to his doorstep. He doesn't doesn't about you enough to actually call you, but he will humiliate you when he brags about how you begged him to take you back. This is about his ego, not you. Block him and go on a hot date pronto.

[Bigmess2]

After he posted the pride status he then liked a bunch of my pictures... I have always known he's a person with a big ego and is stubborn and I knew when we broke up that he'd be too prideful to reach out to me. I was surprised when he was responding to my statuses and liking pictures of us.. after he'd been replying to my statuses and liking pictures of me and me and him for 2 weeks it made me feel happy that even though I was not getting the reaching out I wanted that it was something. I know it sounds pathetic.

 

Then a couple days ago I went and got my nails done by his friends wife. She told me how he really needs to grow up and nobody understands him. She said they were all following up on the status updates and were hopeful he'd break the silence but I told her he didn't. I told her that I don't feel comfortable breaking the silence because he's the one that initiated the break up. Then she went on to explain how he still continues to tell her husband how lonely and upset he is and she went on to say it's his own fault and no one feels bad for him.

 

This weekend (Friday to Monday) they are going to all be going on the trip to Disney we were all supposed to be going on together. I'm really upset. I was really looking forward to doing that altogether. She said he keeps saying how he's sad he's going to be the 5th wheel for the trip. Again, his own fault. She told me that his parents had to give him money to pay for the tickets to the theme parks because he didn't have enough money. (He's 27 years old... if you don't have the money to buy the theme park tickets, maybe you shouldn't be going on vacation. Not to mention the plane ticket there was under my card. I canceled the reservation but a voucher was given to him for $70 because it was nonrefundable and he was the only one that could receive that voucher for the ticket.) So basically he has no money and everyone else has given him the money for the trip. (Stupid of me, I know, but he was going to be paying me back and I was supposed to be going on the trip too.... So didn't expect him to be going using my ticket money) So i'm going to be pretty down this weekend.....

 

She also told me he's going to be moving out of the apartment we shared November first and that something happened with the landlord where they are screwing him over. She didn't know why but she's thinking he's not getting his security back. He's also moving into a different apartment for cheaper what he's paying now but more than what he was paying when we had been living together. Idk how that's going to work out.... I really felt like I kept him on track with saving his money when we were together and now he's hardly able to live paycheck to paycheck because of his poor choices.

 

So basically she kept saying she's so sad i'm not going and that if he asked her she was going to tell him that I looked great and seemed to be doing great. She said it's killing him that i haven't texted or called him or come running back.

 

So all those updates were nice and it was nice to see her. I know the majority of you that read this will tell me not to get updates about him or ask about him or even hang out with her since she's also friends with my ex because of her husband. I know i'm only torturing myself and slowing any progress i've made.

 

Last thing.... I posted a picture of my nails and thanked her on Facebook. This led him to delete me on Facebook and block me on instagram. The following morning i texted the girl and told her that i guess he was unhappy she did my nails because he deleted me from everything. She said if that's the reason he deleted you then he has bigger problems then we think. She was like so he can comment back and forth with you and like all your pictures but i can't do your nails? That makes no sense. Her husband said "he's looking for anything to fight with her about. It's a way to get her to try to contact him, Trust me, i'm 100%." She told me not to though as hard as it is because he doesn't understand why i haven't directly gone crawling back.

 

 

But not i'm back to square one... if not farther. I thought we could at least be civil. But all because of a manicure with a mutual friend i'm just erased. It was like he had given me a small slice of hope with the comments and likes and then all of a sudden that was all gone.

 

I'm just still so broken. I have hope when i shouldn't. It's been 2 months. I feel like i'll be stuck in this rut forever.

[Elle1975]

All this "he liked my pics" and "she said he said".. if you want to get over him, block him from any remaining social media, if any, and rebuild your life.

 

There is no point in dragging it, in remaining in his life through common friends. The relationship is over, and honestly it's for the best. The way you were treated, your gut feelings, the whole thing didn't reflect happiness.

 

You're stuck in this because you allow it. There's a reason why people advocate no contact.

[BC1980]

I mean, you pretty much let him get the best of you. You're basically reading into FB likes, statuses, what friends say, ect. It's very silly, and you know this. You've admitted none of this made you feel any better.

[Bigmess2]

On Friday morning he broke the silence. He texted me at the airport begging me to buy a ticket to go with all of them like I was originally supposed to. I told him that I couldn't do that. Basically the whole day on Friday he texted me saying how he wished we both fought harder for the relationship (even tho I thought i fought for it like crazy). He told me that he misses me and still loves me. He updated me about what's been going on in his life and said he wants to meet for dinner on Wednesday night. Friday night he facetimed me for over an hour and it was nice to just talk and catch up. Yesterday he texted me throughout the day telling me he wished I was there...

 

 

I'm trying not to get my hopes up.'i just never imagined he'd reach out like this.

[BC1980]

On Friday morning he broke the silence. He texted me at the airport begging me to buy a ticket to go with all of them like I was originally supposed to. I told him that I couldn't do that. Basically the whole day on Friday he texted me saying how he wished we both fought harder for the relationship (even tho I thought i fought for it like crazy). He told me that he misses me and still loves me. He updated me about what's been going on in his life and said he wants to meet for dinner on Wednesday night. Friday night he facetimed me for over an hour and it was nice to just talk and catch up. Yesterday he texted me throughout the day telling me he wished I was there...

 

 

I'm trying not to get my hopes up.'i just never imagined he'd reach out like this.

 

I'm still wary. He hasn't said he wants you back, and you haven't been broken up long enough to fix any problems. A lot of people do reach out at about the 2 or 3 month mark because of sudden loneliness. Like you said, don't get your hopes up, and tread carefully. What is he willing to do to make this right, and what has changed? I looked back at the original reason he gave you. Has that changed?

[Bigmess2]

Yeah I'm definitely going to be careful and not read tooich into anything. Today he texted me saying that he's really upset I'm not there with him and then he was like can we talk about us for a sec? And I said sure what's up? He said what's your plan for us? I said you know how I feel about us. I was kind of just planning on meeting with you on Wednesday for dinner and seeing what happens. He said he thinks that's a good plan and that he wants to see where day by day takes us. I'm curious to see what's going to happen Wednesday. We definitely have a lot to talk about of we reconcile down the line.

[BC1980]

He said he thinks that's a good plan and that he wants to see where day by day takes us.

 

That's a dangerous line of thinking. It's dangerous to you because he's not fully invested, but he knows you are. He knows exactly how you feel even if you never say it. He's giving you just enough to keep you on the line, but he can bow out when the time comes and claim you knew where he stood. You knew he wasn't completely committed, so he has an out.

 

I gave this same advice on someone else's thread today because I've seen this situation a lot on LS since I've been here. I got a similar line from my ex. It's vague. It's evasive, and it's for his benefit. His motives need to be clear from the beginning if you are going to see him again. You are walking into a trap, and I would urge you not to see him unless he is being clear with his motives.

 

By agreeing to talk to and see him, you have proven that you don't require a commitment to continue seeing him. Now, he knows he doesn't need to ante up very much to keep you on the line. So he sounded sad about you not being on the trip? That is a fleeting emotion. If he is so sad, why is he not willing to do any and everything to make this right? The best he can do is say you can take it day by day. He has hit an emotional low point and reached out to you. Once he sees you again and realizes he has you, I will bet you anything he pulls away. I would bet a lot on it.

[singsparkles]

So my boyfriend and I have been together since December of 2012. We have been living together since this past January. For the most part our relationship is great. We don't fight and even on our worst days we still laugh together every single day.

 

About 3 weeks ago,however, something has changed. He has never really been the one to initiate sex and isn't the most affectionate one in the relationship. Throughout our relationship he has told me I can be too affectionate at times and I have tried my best to back off. So anyways, about 3 weeks ago he started becoming very distant. We had sex 2.5 weeks ago and that's the longest we've gone without being physically intimate. He's also not texting me as much when we aren't together which bothers me because he is constantly texting when we are together. I'm nervous to even try to text lately because I either get one word responses or nothing at all.

 

So about 2 days ago I asked him if we could talk. He asked what about and I said us. He said everything's fine there's nothing to talk about. But I said to him how I'm bothered by the lack of talking and how he doesn't want to have sex with me. He admitted that this distance he's created is because of the fact that he doesn't want sex with me. I asked him if he wants it with anyone else and he said no. I told him it scares me because of he's not getting it from me I don't wNt him to feel the need to get it elsewhere. He said it's not like that and he's very loyal to me. He also told me he's in love with me and finds me incredibly sexy still he just doesn't understand why he doesn't want to be physical with me.

He said when I go to kiss him or initiate sex he feels like he does it not because he wants it but he feels obligated.

 

What I don't understand is if he says he's in love with me, finds me sexy, and says he wants It from no one else I don't see why there is an issue?

 

He also said he doesn't want to break up and wants to work on the relationship in hopes he'll feel the passion and want to initiate sex. But with that being said this distance has not gone away. He treats me not even as he would treat a friend. I'm depressed because I love him with all my heart and his actions are not reflecting his words.

 

 

 

BigMess,

 

I have a lot of light to shed on this situation because my best friend went through the EXACT thing and I've also talked to men about it especially in the time she was going through it, because I wanted answers. I've also read articles online.

 

Many men say that there are periods in their life when they aren't as easily sexually aroused and don't want sex, and mainly and usually it is because a lack of confidence or lack of happiness in their life somewhere, and it probably has nothing to do with you; ie, such as losing a job, gaining weight, feeling worthless or like he's not good enough for you.

 

There can be so many things going through his head that you don't know about and he's not telling you, and he's prob not telling you because he doesnt want you to think any differently of him and he doesn't want you to become unattracted to him.

 

I've seen this happen with so many couples, and it usually has NOTHING to do with the attraction factor. He can be completely and utterly sexually attracted to you, yet not want sex, because he's not happy with his life.

 

Has anything big happened to him lately that may cause him to be down?

 

And before this happened, when you first got together, was the sex very frequent? If it was... I'm telling you, he is definitely going through something, and it's not you so don't take it to heart!

 

Try and sit him down and have a talk with him and ask him if everything in his life is going okay. Offer your hand and tell him you love him. Refrain from trying to pursue sex for awhile and go about it from a friendship stand point. Tell him how amazing he is to you and try to boost his confidence back up, and see what happens and see if it works.

 

After some time, when he is happy again, he will be back to the normal him and you two will have a wonderful sex life.

 

If this relationship means that much to you, don't let this go... work on it, as I have a feeling this issue has NOTHING to do with you.

 

I wish you luck :-)

 

xoxox

[singsparkles]

Really just need to vent...

 

I'm known my ex (weird to say)boyfriend since high school but we were together since December 2012 and living together since this past January. He messaged me on Facebook asking to get dinner with me one day and ever since that we were together. We never fought and even on our worst days we laughed together every single day. I'm 26 and he's 27. We loved each others families and they loved us together as a couple.

 

I'm not saying our relationship was completely perfect, we had our moments. Things like me being insecure because he was always very friendly with a lot of other girls, he'd never acknowledge me on social networks (posting/accepting pictures of us) even though he was all over my page. He wouldn't get home until after 4 in the morning most nights because he's a manager of a restaurant and would go out a lot after work. I don't know if he ever cheated... I'm really hoping it's not the case even though a lot of people that are close to me believe that he has.

 

Anyways, our relationship made me really happy. He always seemed happy too. We'd always talk about marriage (where we'd have it, who would come, when we'd like to get engaged), having kids, and moving into a Townhouse once we both saved up enough money. These conversations of the future were not just passing conversation. They were serious and we spoke of future plans until the beginning of July... that's when things took a turn.

 

In the beginning of July it was his birthday. I tried my best to make it special for him and he enjoyed the day. The day before his birthday he noticed I was looking at his restaurants internet page to see what time they closed because he wasn't home and wasn't texting me. He got mad at me for "not trusting him". I don't believe looking at his restaurants page, however, should have led to the events that followed. After his birthday he became extremely distant. He didn't really want to do anything with me anymore. When I would go to kiss him he would roll his eyes and having sex with him was like pulling teeth, he never wanted to do it. All throughout our relationship he sometimes had problems with my affection. He would always say that I was too affectionate. So in those moments I'd back off and wait for him to come to me. For the last 3 weeks of our relationship we didn't have sex and he didn't ever really go in for a kiss. He would also go out with his friends and not text me at all. This made me feel incredibly hurt because I didn't know what I was doing wrong and for things to be so amazing before July and then to just suddenly stop my heart started to break. I felt like no longer his girlfriend but his roommate.

 

I had a talk with him a week ago about the distance and what was up. He said that he's in love me and finds me incredibly sexy but has no desire to be with me physically. He said he doesn't know why and didn't want to get with other people and wanted to try and work on things to see if his feelings changed. Well throughout the week he showed no effort of trying. He went out Wednesday with his friends and didn't text me once (this is one of our only days to spend with each other). I wanted to give him space so I slept at my parents. He still didn't text me. Thursday he didn't text me until the evening saying "so what's up because we need to pay rent tomorrow". I had written him a letter at the apartment about how much I love him and want things to work and that I know he said he did too but his actions don't show it and it kills me. I told him to read the letter and that i'd be at the apartment early on friday (yesterday).

 

When I showed up he was asleep and I sat on the bed to wake him up. He grabbed my hand and we cuddled together and it felt so amazing just to be close to him and feel like he loved me just for that brief hour. When he woke up I asked him what he wanted to do. He said the same things he had said when we spoke Sunday. He said the only thing ruining this relationship was his feelings of not wanting to be intimate with me. I asked if these feelings were going to change and he said if they hadn't changed yet they probably wouldn't. I cried and so did he. I know you can't make a person feel a certain way I just don't understand how such a good thing could go to waste. It kills me that i'm losing him. He now doesn't seem phased, however, he just seems angry (mostly because all of the furniture and stuff in the apartment is mine and i'm taking it with me even though he's staying). Another thing that upsets me is we booked a vacation with his friends in October. I booked our tickets on my credit card. The only thing he says to me after the break up yesterday was "don't cancel my flight". I told him it's on my card so i'd probably have to. He said just transfer it to my name. But it'd still be on my card. So I think i'm just going to cancel it..

 

I just hate that we are both going through this. My heart is breaking, he seems incredibly angry over it and less upset. I know everyone deals with things differently though... I just want to fast forward to happy times..

 

 

 

BigMess,

 

Sorry I didn't read your update. That is completely horrible :-( I'm just saying he seems like a complete d*ckhead and I'm sorry for saying so. It seems as if he's stringing you along just to benefit himself. He loves the attention and love you give him, and it's unhealthy.

 

Like other people have said on this post, you are SO incredibly emotionally invested and he's completely not emotionally invested at all, he almost acts like a rock.

 

You don't deserve that at all!!! You deserve so much better and should never settle.

 

I'm so glad to hear youre moving out and I hope you follow through with that plan.

 

Just him saying you guys should see other people is enough to close the book and it's a huge red flag. You don't want that in your life. You are more valuable and more precious than that. You deserve more than that.

 

He's an idiot, and unfortunately I've seen these situations so many times...

 

You will leave, and it will be hard, but once you're over him, he will come prancing back into your life once he's seeing you do good and be happy... but at that moment, you will be over him and it will be an incredibly good feeling.

 

It won't be easy. I know you guys have spent a lot of yrs together. But you really need to do No Contact and stick to it and not talk to him and move on for the best for yourself and your heart. You need to protect yourself. He is no good for you. He is only going to tear at your self confidence more and more the more you interact with him, so you need to get away! Regain a new life, a new sense of living, and a new purpose... find new hobbies and go out with friends... meet new people... focus on YOU! And eventually, things will get better.

 

It may be hard in the beginning, but things always get better...

 

I don't see this relationship going anywhere. He's completely empty and you're so full. You deserve someone else who is just as full and as full of life as you. He's an empty person with nothing to offer you, unfortunately.

 

Trust me, he will do the same to the next girl... it's not you, it's him.

 

Be strong and hold your head high! Things will get better and you will find someone way far better than him once you let go and free your heart!

 

Things will get better. everyone on this site is here for you for support!

 

 

Hugs,

xxx