Thinking of marrying someone much older? Do read this!

[Cloud794]

Hello there!

 

I've seen quite a few threads started by people wondering whether it's weird to be in a relationship with somebody much older. Having married a man who is much older, I would like to say the following to you:

 

1) Yes, it can work. Yes, the only thing that matters is that you get on well together. Yes, what the world thinks is irrelevant. Yes, it's not all about sex.

 

2) It will not last. There will come a time when your feelings will change, you will feel trapped and miserable, and you will want someone closer to your age.

 

3) Be happy while you're happy, but do not tie yourself into a marriage. If you do, make sure you have considered seriously, objectively what could happen in the future.

 

This is my experience:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/488774-husband-40-years-older-ill-i-m-going-mad#post5840960

 

Good luck making the best decision for you!

 

Have a happy life!

 

C.

Edited August 8, 2014 by Cloud794
had inserted the wrong link (wasn't going to top of post, but the last reply)

[clivewilliams]

There is nothing wrong in marrying some one older than you, but in everything in life there has to be limits. Love does not see age, color nor gender, but the brain sees much more. To me the older cap should be around 10 years older. There is a reason for this, marrying some at least 30 years older will require you to look far in the future and ask your self truthful questions.

 

Will i be pleased sexually in the future?

will we be able to participate in activities together?

Will i loose him/her too soon?

Will our children miss one parent too soon?

Will we be able to have children?

 

If you answer positive to all these questions, then you are good to go. If you have any bit of doubt answering, then this is not for you.

Edited September 21, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Lernaean_Hydra]

That woman's situation is really unique for a number of reason and I do not think it's fair to use that as an example of what can or will happen. Someone "much older" to many (most?) is what, 20-25 years? It's rare someone (who is not Anna Nicole Smith) marries a person 40+ years their senior...and is also left isolated in a foreign country.

 

I also think it's ridiculous for you to up and declare it "will not last" and that they will "feel trapped and miserable"... what fresh hell? I mean really! This isn't advice, it's thinly veiled pessimism disguised as such. And certainly isn't helpful.

[Radu]

The root cause of your problems is not the difference in age, that's a symptom.

[gaius]

The root cause of your problems is not the difference in age, that's a symptom.

Radu! We were talking about boko haram the other day and you were nowhere to be found.

 

I'm one of the biggest age gap supporters around but even I don't know if I'd call a 40 year difference a great idea. That would be a herculean task to keep going.

[WrinkledForehead]

That woman's situation is really unique for a number of reason and I do not think it's fair to use that as an example of what can or will happen. Someone "much older" to many (most?) is what, 20-25 years? It's rare someone (who is not Anna Nicole Smith) marries a person 40+ years their senior...and is also left isolated in a foreign country.

 

I also think it's ridiculous for you to up and declare it "will not last" and that they will "feel trapped and miserable"... what fresh hell? I mean really! This isn't advice, it's thinly veiled pessimism disguised as such. And certainly isn't helpful.

 

Agreed. OPs post has so many specificities which are exclusive to her relationship.

 

OP, while you had some decent cautionary advice, it really isn't healthy to assume that your experiences will apply to everyone else's situation. That isn't how life works at all.

[Tayken]

That woman's situation is really unique for a number of reason and I do not think it's fair to use that as an example of what can or will happen. Someone "much older" to many (most?) is what, 20-25 years? It's rare someone (who is not Anna Nicole Smith) marries a person 40+ years their senior...and is also left isolated in a foreign country.

 

I also think it's ridiculous for you to up and declare it "will not last" and that they will "feel trapped and miserable"... what fresh hell? I mean really! This isn't advice, it's thinly veiled pessimism disguised as such. And certainly isn't helpful.

 

There you have it, I couldn't have put it any better myself. When it comes to huge age gaps, there is always more to the story than meets the eye, and the obvious one is gold diggers.

 

My ex was 4 yrs older than me, but knowing what I know now about divorce, and if I had any plans to get married again (which I don't), then I wouldn't go higher than 5yrs more than my age.

 

Reason: If you marry an older person, and then get divorce....you might find yourself having to pay alimony indefinitely if you are the higher earner, the other person has no skills and they are older i.e. not easy for them to get a job. The Govt will tag you as the person to pay for this.