Should I tell a girl how I feel when she has a bf?

[secretvegeta]

Hi,

I met this girl about a year ago in grad school. We bonded well, but I found out that she is in a long term relationship. In spite of knowing that, I couldn't help but like her a lot and have a huge crush on her. We have been very good friends for a year now. She will leave town in just a few months as she has graduated.

 

But somehow that crush on her eats into me. I just get the feeling that I should go and tell all to her. I really feel that maybe that will make me feel light and lift a load from my mind. I just can't keep these feelings hidden anymore. Let me be clear that I don't wish that she breaks up with her bf and have no expectations of a relationship from her. From my perspective, I want her to remain my friend and am not expecting anything else.

 

But I don't know how will she react to this. I fear that she might get really mad and break off the friendship in the first place. What do you people think? What should I do? How should I go about it?

[d0nnivain]

No you should not tell her. It will serve no purpose. This isn't TV. She's not going to dump him & fall into your arms.

 

Enjoy the crush but understand it's hopeless.

[FoolishMan]

secretvegeta - I would just keep quiet and sorry to hear you are in this position. You open your mouth and you will change the dynamic of your friendship with this woman forever. You even risk losing her completely.

 

Unfortunately, there is no positive purpose to be gained, just varying degrees of negative ones.

[BDL]

Bad move. You telling a girl how you feel isn't going to change how she feels about you. She already knows you like her, but she's decided to stay with her boyfriend which tells us you're deep in her friend zone. Sucks for you, but the only way to get out and have something romantic with her, is for you to actually start dating other girls, preferably hotter girls than her.

 

But you posting here likely means you have a ways to go in developing your inner self.

[mightycpa]

Ignore all that terrible advice above. Absolutely you should tell her. I'll tell you why.

 

1) You will regret it later in life if you don't. Regret is a poison in life.

 

2) She might back off and give you a lot of leeway, because she's not interested, and if you have that crush, then that's probably good for you. You don't want her as a friend. You are interested in her. You can approach her later, after you don't feel that way any more, and tell her that you've come to your senses. It doesn't have to mean the end of the friendship, but you might have to take a much needed break. Or maybe it is the end.... so what? There isn't much worse than pining away over a "friend" you that you want something more with.

 

Imagine how you'll feel if she dumps Mr. LTR in a month, and starts dating somebody new. You'll feel like a loser, and for good reason.

 

3) She might actually be interested in you too. You never know, and if she's not married, then she's fair game. If she really loves him, you're no threat to what they have. If she doesn't, and she dumps him to start dating you, then you've done everybody a favor, even if he has to go through some pain in the short term. Marriage may be a prison sentence, but LTR's are not. You owe it to everybody to follow your heart here.

 

Life is pretty short, so you better man up quick ... you have a crush on her and you DON'T want her to break up and be with you? I can't even begin to understand that, because I possess a pair. I suggest you grow a pair pretty quick too, and tell this lady that you'd like to take her out, because you're interested.

Edited August 16, 2014 by mightycpa

[rester]

I'm in the don't-do-it camp. But if you DO feel the need to tell her, be prepared to lose her as friend forever, or at least for a very long time. There is a very high probability of that.