Friend upset on Valentine's Day

[Emma]

Hello everyone,

 

Today being Valentine's Day, my friend and I were looking throught the Valentine's messages in the paper, when she spotted one that made her really upset. It read:

 

"To my darling Natalie,

 

Here's to us on our first Valentine's Day.

 

Love always and forever, Nathan xx "

 

She spotted that one because her name is Nadia, and she was just curious.

 

Now, her problem is (and I really feel she is reading into WAAAAAAAAY too much), is that her ex's name is Nathan. Even thought he loved her very much (that was obvious), they split up in November, which was probably for the best, and not long afterwards, he started to see someone else. We have no idea who she is, what her name is, and to be honest, we have no idea if he is still with this person.

 

She got all upset that it might have been her ex putting in a message to a girl, because on her birthday card he wrote, "To my darling Nadia", although he never wrote in letters or emails, "Love always and forever". It was usually, "I love you", "Love", or "Love you". He also used to sign off with kisses and/or hugs (xxxooo). He was very romantic with her when they were together.

 

I tried to explain to her that there were a lot of other messages in the paper that started with "To My Darling...", and a lot that ended with "xxx". Also, in a city of around 6 million people it could have been ANYONE, and Nathan is a very common name.

 

She is definitely not over him and I think being Valentine's Day, it really hit home that they are not together anymore, and the thought that it could have been from him to someone else has really upset her.

 

I know this sounds trivial, but it has really got to her and I need to explain that I think she is reading into it a lot, and Nathan is a very common name. I hate seeing her upset.

 

Any advice? Thanks heaps.

[Tony T]

It seems she is very irrational and immature at this time. It is not your place to look out for her mental health. As a matter of fact, it is unhealthy for you to burden yourself with her issues, particularly when she brings them on herself.

 

Whether or not her ex placed this ad is totally immaterial. He has a right to do whatever he wants. But surely, this was not him. The names were very different. For her to make something out of this is truly stretching things.

 

It seems by reading every Valentine ad in the paper, she was going out of her way to find something to be upset about. You really don't need this kind of friend. You might advise her to see a counsellor to give her techniques to help her move on with her life.

 

If she wants to feel better about her problems, tell her to do volunteer work at a local food shelter or work with terminally ill children in a local hospital. The problems of starving homeless people and dying children will put hers in far better perspective and take her mind off of herself.

 

You don't need to spend a lot of time with her until she gets over this guy and gets a life.

[Laurynn]

She's obviously reading too much into things, seeing things that aren't really there. Seems to me that she's still missing her ex very much, and with today being V-Day, she's probably missing him even more. Maybe her making a big deal out of this thing in the paper was an excuse for her to let out of some of her grief and loneliness.

 

I sure don't think you should disown her as a friend, nor do I think she has mental problems. True friendship is about accepting your friends totally, no matter how silly you think their thinking/actions are. We sometimes do silly things when we miss those we love. All you can do is suggest she be rational about this.......what are the odds that this "Nathan" is her ex? And even if it was him, that is totally his business.....though I guess I can understand her being sad/upset, if she's not yet over him. Sometimes it can take a long time to really get over someone. Love is a bond and sometimes it can take years to sever that bond.

 

Just be there for her, as best you can......V-Day is tough for those who are single/missing an ex.

 

Laurynn

[girl's view]

it seems to me that valentine's day alone has really hit home that she is not with her ex anymore.

 

it can be really tough when all it does is remind of you what or who you are longing for. it's probably just really brought out a lot of emotions that she has been letting well up inside her.

 

but like you said - for all you know, he may not be with this other person anymore. you don't know her name, and yes, "nathan" is a common name, and in a huge, huge city, it's highly likely that it's not from him. i bet if his name was "daniel" or "paul", she would have found a message from a guy with that name and thought the exact same thing.

 

yes, i do think she's reading into a lot, but sometimes pain can make you think irrational thoughts. no-one likes to think of someone they love being with someone else, or thinking of someone else, but it does happen.

 

just be a good friend to her, and let her know again that she is reading into it too much and it's only because she's hurting.

Hello everyone, Today being Valentine's Day, my friend and I were looking throught the Valentine's messages in the paper, when she spotted one that made her really upset. It read: "To my darling Natalie, Here's to us on our first Valentine's Day.

 

Love always and forever, Nathan xx "

 

She spotted that one because her name is Nadia, and she was just curious. Now, her problem is (and I really feel she is reading into WAAAAAAAAY too much), is that her ex's name is Nathan. Even thought he loved her very much (that was obvious), they split up in November, which was probably for the best, and not long afterwards, he started to see someone else. We have no idea who she is, what her name is, and to be honest, we have no idea if he is still with this person. She got all upset that it might have been her ex putting in a message to a girl, because on her birthday card he wrote, "To my darling Nadia", although he never wrote in letters or emails, "Love always and forever". It was usually, "I love you", "Love", or "Love you". He also used to sign off with kisses and/or hugs (xxxooo). He was very romantic with her when they were together. I tried to explain to her that there were a lot of other messages in the paper that started with "To My Darling...", and a lot that ended with "xxx". Also, in a city of around 6 million people it could have been ANYONE, and Nathan is a very common name. She is definitely not over him and I think being Valentine's Day, it really hit home that they are not together anymore, and the thought that it could have been from him to someone else has really upset her. I know this sounds trivial, but it has really got to her and I need to explain that I think she is reading into it a lot, and Nathan is a very common name. I hate seeing her upset. Any advice? Thanks heaps.