wakeboard_28 Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 I am at a serious crossroad and need some guidance. I am in a LDR that couldn't be helped. I met my current girlfriend at college and things were great. Well due to some financial problems I have to take a semester off to raise the funds to go back in August. That is not the problem I joined the National Guard to go back to school and will be starting boot camp in April. As it sits I have seen her once and will see her maybe on more time before six months of training and work. We talk on the phone everyday and all seems fine but lately she has be emotionally tearing me down making me feel like I am the reason she is sad and feels sick and can't eat or sleep. I don't know how long I can put up with all this emotional drain. I am the positive one and seem like I am hitting a wall when trying to cheer her up. I thought about taking a break and letting my mind focus on my training and give me some time to clear my head. She has said how much she loves me and wants to be with me forever. Does anyone think she would wait for me I want to be with her so bad but I can't take anymore heartache. Anyone have any input on my situation and what would be a better course of action etc.....? anything at all would be appreciated!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 Sounds as though you care about this girl very much, and you are doing your best under the circumstances. Expressing how much she misses you is OK, but making a long-running soap opera out of it, is not OK. The fact you're trying to put a positive spin on it, isn't working. She doesn't want to be cheered up. Trying to cheer up someone who thrives on misery is very tiring. It's like endlessly pouring water into a bottomless well. And ''Misery loves company.'' I think you need to tell her straight how you feel about this. You've got a job to do. Sounds as tho she needs to get more of a life too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wakeboard_28 Posted February 26, 2005 Author Share Posted February 26, 2005 Thanks we have become distant it seems now on the phone and the online messanger service. Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 I'm not surprised to hear things have become strained and distant. Her behaviour is pushing you away. Does she know her behaviour is having this effect on you? Do tell her how you feel, what this is doing to you. Women are usually very receptive to men revealing their feelings. Try not to buy into her ``can't eat can't sleep'' story. It's making her sound very needy and not really strong enough to withstand separations like this. It's tough having a forced LDR after being together for a while. Lots of couples do get through it, tho, and survive. Link to post Share on other sites
OneSailorsKate Posted February 27, 2005 Share Posted February 27, 2005 Originally posted by wakeboard_28 I joined the National Guard to go back to school and will be starting boot camp in April. Thank you for joining I am in an LDR with a Navy man myself. I made it through his boot camp and he's now in his A-school (similar to AIT). I think that if you don't feel she'll open up and communicate better than you might need to move on. You're going to have a lot to deal with in a month or so and you need supportive people - not a lot of drama. Good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Rosie Posted February 28, 2005 Share Posted February 28, 2005 I'm with a Navy boyfriend too. I thought Boot camp and A school were bad... then he got out of it... and i thought I made it through the worst part... and BAM! He got deployed. UGH!! miserable! He hasn't had internet since January 21st and I haven't heard from him since Feburary 15th. That all doesn't matter though. ^_^ We're happily together for over a year and a half now, and it's been 6 months since I last saw him, 10 months since he joined the Navy. When it comes down to it, she needs to learn how to cheer herself up. People always ask me, "How do you do it?" and "How is it a relationship when you don't even see him or hear from him? Isn't it more just imagination?" No, it's not. I trust him whole heartedly and I know at the end, no matter how long it takes, he will come back to me because he loves me. I know I am his emotional support and he needs me. As little as he is able to talk to me, I know he loves hearing my voice and he loves knowing I'm happy and can take care of myself when he's not here to take care of me, so I do whatever I can to be happy on my own. I always tell my friends who tell me they need their boyfriend to feel complete that if that is the case, they will NEVER truly be happy. I always tell them if they are only 0.5 on their own, with their boyfriend they'll be 0.5+0.5 = 1. However, if they are whole themselves, with their SO they'll have twice the happiness people can have. Then they'll truly be happy. I tell my boyfriend... "I don't need you in my life to be happy, but I wouldn't choose to go a day without you because you make my life better than it already is." and my boyfriend's quote is... "It's harder to receive love than to love, so we just have to keep giving love and trust that we are loved in return." Somehow make her understand that whining and crying will only push you further away and she needs to know how to be happy or LDR will be too stressful for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wakeboard_28 Posted February 28, 2005 Author Share Posted February 28, 2005 thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
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