Got back together with my ex who changed in all the ways I never thought he would

[Sylvie]

I thought I would share a successful (so far!) story since they seem so few and far between, and reading success stories has always been nice. I tried to keep it concise but it still ended up being a bit long. If anyone has any questions, I'm more than happy to answer.

 

Background:

• Dated for about a year
  
• Amazing connection, great relationship in every way, thought it was something very special. Had a few hiccups here and there but nothing we were concerned about
  
• Fell in love about 5 months in, told him, got a "I like and care about you a lot"
  
• He never told me he loved me back, which ate away at me little by little
  
• He got busier with work and school, started seeing me less and less
  
• Around the one year mark, I decided to break up with him because he still didn't love me, and we were only seeing each other 1x/week. It was very painful for us both, but I knew I was doing the right thing
  
• 3 days later, I reconsidered and asked if he wanted to get back together. He said he didn't think he was ready for a serious relationship after all and said that it was the hardest thing he's ever had to do, but felt that he thought it was best to stay broken up
  
• I immediately went no contact. I blocked him and his friends on Facebook and other social media, removed all of our pictures from EVERYWHERE, deleted his number, got rid of any stuff he gave me, etc. The only time I slipped was when there was an earthquake and I used it as an excuse to see how he was doing. After that, we didn't speak again
  
• The first 2 months were hell. I wanted him back, hoped he'd change, hated him, got angry at him, despaired about ever finding anyone so great again, etc. I assumed he was moving on quickly and was probably enjoying the single life
  
• I started feeling significantly better by months 3-4, and started dating again with varying success. I was mostly happy and knew that I was close to completely moving on. I had started seeing someone, and was looking forward to taking it further
  

 

Not too long ago, he texted me with a fairly generic "how's it going" text. I ignored it. A week after the text, he emailed me saying that he had majorly screwed things up, had regretted breaking up as soon as it happened, and apologized for what he had done. He said that I was an amazing person, had not stopped thinking about me since, and realized during our time apart that his feelings were stronger for me than he'd thought.

 

I considered not responding at all, but was too curious about what he had to say, so I told him that I was open to talking if he had any more to say, but otherwise I was uninterested in trying to be friends or whatever.

 

His response basically said that he wanted to get back together. I was highly skeptical, and not very interested in the idea, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to hear what he had to say, so we met up and talked. It was a long conversation, but essentially, he realized that:

 

• He did love me, but because he had never fell so quickly or felt so strongly about any one before, it scared him and he didn't quite know how to deal with it. He said when I had told him I was falling in love with him, he'd felt the same way but couldn't say it. Or he'd wanted to tell me he loved me several times, but couldn't manage to say it.
  
• He could see himself settling down with me and being together for a very long time. This was really big for me because he'd always been kind of iffy about the idea of settling down and marriage.
  
• He wasn't making enough of an effort in our relationship and had started taking me for granted
  

It floored me because those were all the things that had broken our relationship to begin with, and that I had accepted would never change. We talked about a lot of other things, including that he'd tried dating other girls, but it only reaffirmed that he'd made a mistake because he could only think about me, and felt no physical or mental/emotional attraction with any of them.

 

In any case, I decided to get back together with him. His attitude is quite different and it's really great. Things between us are just as good as, if not better than, they were before. We're taking it slow and he's been totally understanding and really committed to making this work. I'm a bit worried that he'll relapse once the novelty has worn off (if he does, I'd drop him so fast), or something, but I figure it's worth the risk.

[tiarakitty]

I'm happy for you! :-)

[erklat]

Yeah, best of luck.

[brokenlove14]

Sounds like my ex. I hope I'll have a happy ending a few months from now, too!

 

I'm trying to move on and mentally I know I'll feel better soon, especially since I have lots going on (school, work, family, lots of activities, etc.) but in the meantime my heart is wanting him something major!

Edited August 10, 2014 by brokenlove14