jakrbbt Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 ps, Don't get me wrong, it is super fantastico that he is looking for an apartment. You're on your way to your happier future. I have a feeling that living alone will be very good for you, and not nearly as lonely as things are now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KarlaB Posted August 12, 2014 Author Share Posted August 12, 2014 My anxiety feels like pain in my heart (not having a heart attack) I have been doing a lot of breathing. He just sent me a text stating he was going to be eating at a friends tonight and I asked if he was going to look at the place I asked him to... dead silence. I am sure he turned his phone off because that is okay to do so he can forget about things. (still breathing deep). I know this isn't a big deal, there is always tomorrow he can do it so I don't know why this gets me so riled up. Sorry for venting... Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 You're alright, he'll get his own place. Maybe not when you think, but I bet it will be soon. You can weather this. How long can you stand to be in the house with him? You have listed the reasons it is hard. (Him going out, possibly seeing someone else, doing things all private-like in your face, disappearing and being mystery man-- and not telling you when he'll be out of there for good). It sounds horribly painful. No one would like being in your situation. You need space to grieve. But the thing is, it is finite. Can you do it for a month? If so, then how? The long walks? New class at a community college? You know, sometimes one schlocky paperback novel can do it. I once weathered an entire breakup while buried in the Count of Monte Cristo. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is a page-turner too, and long, and a trilogy. Your guy would be out of there before you were done with Book 2. How old is your kid, can you get away in the evenings? I think I'm going to go ahead and recommend hot yoga to you. It'll eat away an hour and a half, and without doing much work at all you will sweat buckets and likely lose weight. Just bring at least a half a gallon of water, with ice. Codependence (being overly concerned with what the other person is doing and thinking and feeling) is so hard to turn around. For me, the answer starts with remembering who I was before my husband came on scene. As one person in LS put it so well: "Remember that you were not born married to this person." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KarlaB Posted August 13, 2014 Author Share Posted August 13, 2014 My son will be 7 this month. During the week we don't go out too much, he also has ADHD, so he has a routine we following and bedtime is at 8pm. Before I had my son I used to read all the time, I have a ton of unread books, and as corny as it sounds, I cross stitch as well. Since he told me he wanted out, I haven't picked that up because, well, I have been to concerned as to what he is doing. Which now typing that sounds bad. I will have to try to locate a hot yoga class around here. I have been also thinking water aerobics or a cooking class (I am a horrible cook) but that is if I can get him to stay home with the kid and not completely check out. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is a page-turner too, and long, and a trilogy. Your guy would be out of there before you were done with Book 2. And if not, you can picture him suffering the same punishment as Lisbeth's probation officer :eek:! I will have to try to As Yoda says "Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try." What are you going to do today ? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 You are a reader? That is fantastic! Get the audiobooks at least if you're short on time-- I stick my phone in my sport bra or whatever, put an earbud in one ear, and can listen to a book doing almost anything. And let me offer kudos on taking such good care of your son. In one sense KarlaB, I envy you. I too am suffering from the old silent treatment-- right now as a matter of fact. But I do not have that knowledge that we are divorcing and it will end. Part of me fears doing that of course or else I'd just file. But part of me loooooongs to be in the spot where i KNOW FOR SURE That the silent treatment is finite, this person will be gone, this relationship will be over, and I will get out of this situation. You have that. You don't have a save-the-date for when you'll get over him, but you know that it's already begun to happen. You don't even have a date set for his moving out, but I tell you, that will happen too. You're on the road to peace and freedom from one bad situation you were in. When he ignores you, he hasn't won. He has no power over you. He's just a dude on the way out. Did you do anything nice today? I know you are plenty busy. I think that the crocheting is absolutely the perfect thing-- work with your hands. Did you know that your fingertips actually have grey matter in them? Massage your brain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KarlaB Posted August 14, 2014 Author Share Posted August 14, 2014 Thanks for checking on me guys.. well last night was okay.. Got a chance to finally go to the grocery store, hadn't been in 3 weeks. Got back, sat on the deck for a bit (while we still have the house) and listened to some music. Then decided to go into my bedroom and watch TV instead of the living room so I wouldn't have to bump into him. It was kinda nice. But then once turned everything off and laid in bed, the mind gets going and the tears start flowing. He must have heard me and came in. Why do men ask what is wrong when it's so obvious? Sat on the bed and was trying to calm me down. Not sure if it was that he actually cared or if I was being too loud for him to sleep. After a few min I told him I would be fine and to go back to bed. So tonight is another night of his taking care of our son. So not sure what I will do. One thing I do know is that I need to get work done at work. My mind is all over the place and I am so far behind. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 So tonight is another night of his taking care of our son. So not sure what I will do. One thing I do know is that I need to get work done at work. My mind is all over the place and I am so far behind. Work was one of my places of refuge under similar circumstances (Tequila was the other, don't recommend it!). Take comfort where you find it. Wish we could get you out walking and exercising. You'd feel better about things... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KarlaB Posted August 14, 2014 Author Share Posted August 14, 2014 I have been thinking of joining a gym there is one that is 10 a month and close by so maybe.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted August 14, 2014 Share Posted August 14, 2014 I have been thinking of joining a gym there is one that is 10 a month and close by so maybe.. Is it the one that "doesn't judge you"? We have one of those here and it's great. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KarlaB Posted August 14, 2014 Author Share Posted August 14, 2014 Is it the one that "doesn't judge you"? We have one of those here and it's great. Yep that is the one. I will have to look into it. I also bowl on a league and it should be starting the 27th. I just have this need to want to stay one and not go anywhere, which I think might be normal, but I know I need to get out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KarlaB Posted August 15, 2014 Author Share Posted August 15, 2014 I finally got out with a friend of mine for some drinks and good conversation. Felt good to get out! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 I am so glad you got out! Friends can be everything. As a former serious athlete (marathoning, Olympic trials), let me assure you that very light exercise is infinitely better than no exercise. Huge difference. But on the other hand, super hard-core sweaty exercise is only a tiny bit better than light exercise, like walks and low-key fun jogs. For staying in good health and keeping slim, that is. The serious training will make you faster in a race, but it's the light and regular exercise that keeps people slim and energized. One study found that the most consistently thin people tended to spend about an hour 4 or 5 times a week doing very light exercise-- and gardening counted! So don't think you need to do anything that isn't pleasant. It's regularity that you need-- something every day. Don't skip this stuff just because it seems like you can't do enough. Every piece of taking care of yourself counts right now. Although I have a weird aversion to yoga (I think it's the pants), I'd recommend it because I have to admit there are some compelling studies about its effectiveness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KarlaB Posted August 15, 2014 Author Share Posted August 15, 2014 I have thought about yoga but I am a bigger gal and when they say put your leg there.. yeah not sure I could muster doing that LOL I have heard great things about yoga too. I have always wanted to learn to meditate as well.. never could shut my brain off long enough to succeed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KarlaB Posted August 18, 2014 Author Share Posted August 18, 2014 Hope everyone had a great weekend. H was in the house this weekend having his weekend with our son. Even though he would leave from time to time just because I was there. I tried to think of things to do. I did go to a movie solo this weekend which is a first. I am sure next weekend he will flee town to his friends house and I vow if he does that I am not texting or calling him. I really have no reason to want to other than to know what he is doing, and why should I care right.. Anyway.. hope ya'll had a great weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
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