Quiet Storm Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 It's because at the moment she found out, you changed from a benefit in his life, to a liability. Instead of just enhancing his life, you could potentially destroy it. 15 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 He's wetting his pants with fear. He's finally been caught out in his little fantasy and reality has hit. Don't imagine for a moment that he will risk his marriage and his comfortable life just to talk to you. You are a threat now. Poppy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Meretchen Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 justmebev1, count yourself lucky that the situation did not drag on for any longer. NC means, he is not choosing you - remember that, no matter the intensity of the affair, longevity, feelings, chemistry etc. He is not doing anything to change the situation to you benefit. Always remember this fact and hang in there - feelings and thoughts about will fade in time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author justmebev1 Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 Thank you, thank you....all words I need to hear. You are all correct. I read about the affair fog (that was awesome, ty for suggesting) it really breaks it down. I liked the way they called it brainwashing because I truly felt like I was brainwashed, I also described it as a feeling of being in a cult. N/C is working it is fading slowly, I think of him all the time, but I let it be at that. Yes, I'm glad 3 yrs was the cutoff point it could have gone on much longer. I still owe him a bit of money which many of my friends feel he shouldn't be paid back. I am not that way if I borrow something for my own personal use I pay it back. So that will be this Fri will be sent through money gram I'm sure I will hear from him by Fri so he ensures he gets his $ then I think that will be that. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 Your friends are wrong. You borrowed the money, so yes, you should pay it back. Just because the affair ends doesn't mean your best is wiped clean. The money he loaned you was marriage money. If his wife knew, you can be assured she would expect it to be paid back. Focus on you - healing yourself and your family. I agree with DKT, you have to own your portion of the crappy marriage and 100% of your part in the affair. You say you "only" have had 6 years alone with your H, that's a heck of a lot more years than many couples, especially those divorced people with children. They never got "alone" years. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jonah Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 the interactions with him was a distraction from you interacting with yourself. so now let me introduce you to you! Bare and bold, see yourself. Be with yourself, get to know who you are and if there are things that you don't like, lose those habits. For the things about you that you love, magify those talents. Add healthy and wholesomeness and soon you will love yourself enough to not need anyone. It is at that time someone will come along and compliment the beautiful new person that you will become. That's how it works. You have been blessed with some motivating pain to help you along your way. Follow it, not to other beings, but to find the being within the storyline and drama that you think is you, but is just a shell you built to protect yourself from feeling the sacred person that is the real you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author justmebev1 Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 Said Hope your well......omg Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 God, Bev. Do not answer. Pay back the money and maintain NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 Said Hope your well......omg Block his #. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author justmebev1 Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 God, Bev. Do not answer. Pay back the money and maintain NC. I have to keep the phone on till I pay him this Fri. I was fine..he had to do that ruined my whole day.....Now I keep looking for a text. Is this a set up? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 he's probably trying to maintain a modicum of friendliness until he gets his money. seriously, don't reply now or ever. head high, bev!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 I have to keep the phone on till I pay him this Fri. I was fine..he had to do that ruined my whole day.....Now I keep looking for a text. Is this a set up? LOL Why? How does keeping your phone turned on have anything to do with you paying him back? Are you sure you are not just making excuses? (Been there, done that myself) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Coward Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 (edited) I'm sorry Bev, but if you are completely honest with yourself, you are waiting around and hoping this text will start the affair all over again. Think about this, even if he were to come back, do you really want someone like this in your life? He shut you out when YOU needed HIM. He crapped on you and he was selfish and narcissistic and self centered. He probably showed signs of this behavior during your relationship. Your best bet (in my opinion) is to just talk yourself out of this guy. He is not a good match for you and you deserve MORE! Think about it, deep down you KNOW it's true. And if you are confused about relationships, put the time, love and energy you have to give into your girls. They deserve it! hugs Edited August 23, 2014 by Coward 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 Said Hope your well......omg I have to keep the phone on till I pay him this Fri. I was fine..he had to do that ruined my whole day.....Now I keep looking for a text. Is this a set up? LOL What do you mean you have to keep the phone on till you pay him on Friday? Why not pay him sooner? Ignore him. And shut the phone off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justmebev1 Posted August 24, 2014 Author Share Posted August 24, 2014 What do you mean you have to keep the phone on till you pay him on Friday? Why not pay him sooner? Ignore him. And shut the phone off. I dont get paid till fri dont have the $ to pay him now. I'm sending it walmart to walmart have to give him the reference number. Head high, Im okay, minor set back. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 But that doesn't explain why you need to keep the phone on. Switch it off girl and don't let him play with you like this. Take control of you and your life 6 Link to post Share on other sites
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