My dating potential online is ridiculously hilarious

[Snakechammah]

I don't understand...

 

Some of you guys who are doing the woe-is-me parade abt OLD have really good looking profile pictures. If that is how you look like, how on earth are you getting sidelined due to looks??

 

Either the women in your area are extremely blind/stuck-up, or there are more guy hotties competing with you lol, OR perhaps it is the way you carry yourself (full of bitterness) in the profile or messages that turned these women off.

 

Because if it is based on looks, from what I gather in your tiny LS profile pics, you guys look great and I am puzzled if you think you're getting ignored due to lack of looks.

 

Sometimes, in life, we get what we give. If you look forward to something with positivity, it will come right back to you. Perhaps, if nothing else works, change your mindset?

 

All the best

[Keenly]

I don't understand...

 

Some of you guys who are doing the woe-is-me parade abt OLD have really good looking profile pictures. If that is how you look like, how on earth are you getting sidelined due to looks??

 

Either the women in your area are extremely blind/stuck-up, or there are more guy hotties competing with you lol, OR perhaps it is the way you carry yourself (full of bitterness) in the profile or messages that turned these women off.

 

Because if it is based on looks, from what I gather in your tiny LS profile pics, you guys look great and I am puzzled if you think you're getting ignored due to lack of looks.

 

Sometimes, in life, we get what we give. If you look forward to something with positivity, it will come right back to you. Perhaps, if nothing else works, change your mindset?

 

All the best

 

I believe that with my personal situation here, there are 3 aspects to it.

 

The first an probably greatest one being that my personality, polite, friendly, funny, pushing the boundaries of comedy to get a laugh, and genuine gentlemen, do NOT come across online. These qualities, without the sly grin and body language of a real life conversation, do not translate well into a paragraph or a few sentences. I think that's my biggest problem.

 

The second problem is most of the women on OLD in my area are either extremely urban (read: ghetto) or the exact opposite (super country, which by the way is a lie, girls just like to say they are country because its some kind of fad in my area) and I am not interested in either.

 

The third problem is if you see my profile, and know who I really am, you see me as just "normal" which most women will interpret as boring or not dangerous enough (possibly?)

 

 

If those are not the problem, then the only problem that remains is that these women are not actually intending to meet people on these sites in my area, and are just bored and using it as something to do.

[Cinder_ella]

Seriously, I signed up for okcupid today and put up some decent pictures as well as a nice profile description to go along with it and the results were just wow.

 

I can not even get the ugliest troll on there even if my life depended on it. I messaged women WAYYYY below what I call average and still got nothing.

 

What in the world is going on here. I can with 100% confidence say that I can get women 30 times better in real life than I could online. The only reason I'm doing OLD is because I had this crazy idea in my head that I could somehow improve the odds of finding the right person there.

 

Seriously what is going on here...conspiracy theories perhaps? lol

 

Take it as a compliment. Your picture on here is pretty cute. Maybe they think you're a fake? IDK. I never did online dating. I know someone who did eharmony and she's now married to a guy she met there which is sweet.

[Keenly]

Take it as a compliment.

 

 

One HAS to laugh. Take the rejection as a compliment.

[Cinder_ella]

One HAS to laugh. Take the rejection as a compliment.

 

The guy is obviously good looking. One needs to ask themselves why is such a good looking guy doing Online Dating.

[normal person]

The sad thing is, it just makes it that much harder for the genuine guys out there.

 

I can not even get the ugliest troll on there even if my life depended on it. I messaged women WAYYYY below what I call average and still got nothing.

 

If you're implying that you're a "genuine guy" who goes around mass messaging "hi" to women you consider "the ugliest trolls" then I think you might need to reevaluate the situation.

 

I can only lower my standards so much before I'd rather be by myself instead. Sucks to see women consider us being so expendable and dime dozen.

 

No offense, but if you're message is just "hi" or "hey what's up?" then it's pretty likely that you are expendable in the context of OLD. That's just another one of the dozen exact same messages that she got that day that broadcasted how little thought you put into it, how unoriginal you are, and how you couldn't imagine that she might have any sort of discernment when it comes to this sort of thing. You pretty much made advertised yourself as expendable. You did absolutely everything you could to give yourself the label. If this was your method and plan of attack and you honestly thought it was the best way to go about things, maybe it's possible you aren't as great as you think you are? If you couldn't see how your actions might have negatively affected your chances then you probably are a dime a dozen. That's a huge factor in this whole paradigm. In my mind someone worth their salt would have gone about this completely differently. No real sympathy here, sorry. Just my two cents, not trying to be a jerk but I don't see many other people explaining it how I'd want it explained to me.

Edited August 11, 2014 by normal person

[Snakechammah]

I believe that with my personal situation here, there are 3 aspects to it.

 

The first an probably greatest one being that my personality, polite, friendly, funny, pushing the boundaries of comedy to get a laugh, and genuine gentlemen, do NOT come across online. These qualities, without the sly grin and body language of a real life conversation, do not translate well into a paragraph or a few sentences. I think that's my biggest problem.

 

The second problem is most of the women on OLD in my area are either extremely urban (read: ghetto) or the exact opposite (super country, which by the way is a lie, girls just like to say they are country because its some kind of fad in my area) and I am not interested in either.

 

The third problem is if you see my profile, and know who I really am, you see me as just "normal" which most women will interpret as boring or not dangerous enough (possibly?)

 

 

If those are not the problem, then the only problem that remains is that these women are not actually intending to meet people on these sites in my area, and are just bored and using it as something to do.

 

 

Not every girl is attracted to bad boys or men dangerously tattooed from head to toe... I am sure, in wherever you are, there ARE girls looking for stable 'boring' men for long term relationships.

 

I can see both sides of the coin, and why some men (and ladies) view OLD negatively. It really is mostly luck -the right person at the right time. I think the loonies (those men who are really, reaaaaaally mental) scare away most of the sane women out of OLD.

 

I do believe there are good women out there in OLD, despite the naysayers saying women who do OLD are ugly trolls. People do get success, be it in 1 day, 11 days or a year. My brother married the lady he met online, a few close friends of mine married their OLD SOs as well.

 

Maybe you should relocate????

[Teraskas]

Not every girl is attracted to bad boys or men dangerously tattooed from head to toe... I am sure, in wherever you are, there ARE girls looking for stable 'boring' men for long term relationships.

 

I can see both sides of the coin, and why some men (and ladies) view OLD negatively. It really is mostly luck -the right person at the right time. I think the loonies (those men who are really, reaaaaaally mental) scare away most of the sane women out of OLD.

 

I do believe there are good women out there in OLD, despite the naysayers saying women who do OLD are ugly trolls. People do get success, be it in 1 day, 11 days or a year. My brother married the lady he met online, a few close friends of mine married their OLD SOs as well.

 

Maybe you should relocate????

 

Quite possibly, but then I wonder where the ones who don't favour bad boys or dangerous men are at.

 

You're right though. OLD can work, but it all depends on luck. (I have YET to see it work at all.)

It's entirely possible that the male mental cases scared women away.

However, I'm convinced it's something along those lines: more specifically, men who send bitter messages to women.

Better yet, when women used to send a rejection message, men reply in a bitter fashion, freaking out and spewing hateful words.

As a result of this, the women who attempted OLD have abandoned it ever since, and only left those behind looking to use it as an ego-boost tool.

 

Maybe there are 'good' women on OLD. I have yet to see a woman who freely admits that she's looking for a relationship, and something more than platonic friends. I've been using OLD for about 2,5 years now without luck. There's only SO much I can do to present myself. Similarly to Keenly, I cannot make the qualities that define me shine from an online perspective.

 

Relocation doesn't seem to be an option as this is not solely happening in America. :/

Edited August 11, 2014 by Teraskas

[PegNosePete]

OLD is all about your pictures, profile and message content.

 

Get them all right and you will find it quite simple to get messages, phone numbers and dates with attractive, interesting women.

 

Get them wrong and you'll turn into a bitter, jaded OLD-hater, as so many on this forum are.

 

What you think are good pics, profile and message content are probably NOT very good at all. Most guys get it very, very wrong before eventually learning what works. Learn from your mistakes and from the successful guys who are willing to share their tips and methods that worked - or give up. It's up to you

[Keenly]

True

 

There are a couple million guys who have met their partners on OLD...I doubt if the women they met threw darts at a wall of profiles and randomly hooked up.

 

It's amusing how unsuccessful males take advice from fellow unsuccessful males. The long time coping mechanism to explain away failure.

 

One poster said he has a good profile, good photo, sent 50 well drafted messages...not one response. One would think that after 5 such messages he would have had the ingenuity to re evaluate but nope ...'This is not working so

I'll do more of the same....if I try another 100 times, this square peg will fit into the round hole?' So out of touch about what most women actually are seeking in a male...listening to other losers just reinforces their lack of insight.

 

So I'll lie in my profile and pretend to me some one I'm not in order to gain attention? No that ks.

[PegNosePete]

And it doesn't just apply to men but women also.

 

For example browsing women's profiles you will very quickly see women who have ever-growing lists of "do not contact me if..." lists. Want a one-night stand, have topless pics, only interested in a pen pal, are a cheater, dishonest, can't string a sentence together, unemployed, etc... it's like every time they get taken for a ride by some jerk, they add on another. In the end they just have a bitter profile and such a bad attitude that no decent guy will want to write to her. The only ones making contact are the ONS-seeking carpet-bombers who don't even read the profile. So they get bitter and complain that all the guys on OLD are ONS-seeking carpet-bombers who don't read the profile. Well yeah, it's because you put all the others off.

 

It's a lot easier for women to get loads of messages (just upload some non-terrible pics), but getting decent quality interactions from like-minded guys is just as hard I think. Women also need good quality pics, a good profile and good message content if they want to find success.

[PegNosePete]

So I'll lie in my profile and pretend to me some one I'm not in order to gain attention? No that ks.

It's nothing to do with lying, it's about selling yourself well.

 

A car advert does not say it's got 4 wheels, a roof, an engine and you have to put petrol and oil in it that will cost you a fortune - does it? How many cars would they sell?

 

No they show it driving on an empty coastal road at sunset with the wind blowing in his hair and classical music playing.

 

They don't lie -- they just advertise it well.

 

Or you can carry on doing it your way. Up to you.

[Keenly]

It's nothing to do with lying, it's about selling yourself well.

 

A car advert does not say it's got 4 wheels, a roof, an engine and you have to put petrol and oil in it that will cost you a fortune - does it? How many cars would they sell?

 

No they show it driving on an empty coastal road at sunset with the wind blowing in his hair and classical music playing.

 

They don't lie -- they just advertise it well.

 

Or you can carry on doing it your way. Up to you.

 

I'm soooooo tired of this. Its intended to be helpful, but its pretty useless advice. " sell yourself better " what the hell does that even mean in a practical sense? Its various Cally like saying try harder. Its so vague and incomplete.

 

This all comes back to problem number one in my previous post. My personality doesn't convert into text very well.

[Snakechammah]

And it doesn't just apply to men but women also.

 

For example browsing women's profiles you will very quickly see women who have ever-growing lists of "do not contact me if..." lists. Want a one-night stand, have topless pics, only interested in a pen pal, are a cheater, dishonest, can't string a sentence together, unemployed, etc... it's like every time they get taken for a ride by some jerk, they add on another. In the end they just have a bitter profile and such a bad attitude that no decent guy will want to write to her. The only ones making contact are the ONS-seeking carpet-bombers who don't even read the profile. So they get bitter and complain that all the guys on OLD are ONS-seeking carpet-bombers who don't read the profile. Well yeah, it's because you put all the others off.

 

It's a lot easier for women to get loads of messages (just upload some non-terrible pics), but getting decent quality interactions from like-minded guys is just as hard I think. Women also need good quality pics, a good profile and good message content if they want to find success.

 

Very, very true! It's not the quantity but the quality. There is no point getting a thousand half-assed 'hi's.

 

Pete, you should start a 'vamp up your OLD profile' workshop! Teach a man to fish, and you save him for a lifetime (as the saying goes)

[Snakechammah]

I'm soooooo tired of this. Its intended to be helpful, but its pretty useless advice. " sell yourself better " what the hell does that even mean in a practical sense? Its various Cally like saying try harder. Its so vague and incomplete.

 

This all comes back to problem number one in my previous post. My personality doesn't convert into text very well.

 

If you see a glass as half-empty, you'll never appreciate that it is half-full. Maybe I can break it down what Pete is trying to say (correct me Pete if I am wrong, lol)

 

1. How about rewriting your profile from another angle?

 

2. Do you have female friends? Ask them to pick your best pics to put up. Or if you're brave enough, you can ask LS for opinions.

 

3. Be open to criticism, that's the only way you'll learn. We are trying to help you, and putting time and effort into getting YOU dates in OLD. It doesnt benefit us in anyway, we're doing it out of goodwill (with our advice and suggestions)

 

4. In writing your content - show, don't tell. Illustrate your words. If you are scratching your head - refer to this thread, there are examples.

 

5. I'm not a love guru but it pains me to read all your woeful stories about OLD over and over again, so that's why I'm replying to this.

 

6. Pick girls that you are genuinely interested in. Study their profile and list 3 things why they attract you. Then write an articulate message that SHOWS you have read their profile. Remember to be respectable and leave the message with open-ended questions (not too intrusive).

 

7. Nothing in this world comes for free. If you don't put effort into finding the right person, how on earth can you expect the perfect partner to just drop from the sky and roll into your bed?

 

8. Never ever give up. Your reality is what you make of it.

 

9. ok I don't know what else to write in this pointer thing. If anyone else has anything positive to add, feel free. There is no point discouraging a beaten man.

 

10. Good luck!

[Keenly]

Very, very true! It's not the quantity but the quality. There is no point getting a thousand half-assed 'hi's.

 

Pete, you should start a 'vamp up your OLD profile' workshop! Teach a man to fish, and you save him for a lifetime (as the saying goes)

 

That's precisely why women need to hunt and initiate contact on OLD just as much as guys do. Is ng back and waiting for the right guy to message you is going to get you no where, but his problem is pretty easily countered.

 

 

I'm all ears for constrictive advice that contains actual tips other than just " do it better ".

 

If I'm trying to teach some one how to play guitar, and all I say is " just play better dude " that really is not going to help them out at all.

[Keenly]

If you see a glass as half-empty, you'll never appreciate that it is half-full. Maybe I can break it down what Pete is trying to say (correct me Pete if I am wrong, lol)

 

1. How about rewriting your profile from another angle?

 

I've rewritten like 5 times. I'm fairly pleased where its at now. I have two high school female friends on POF that love my profile because its so much different than what they are used to seeing. I took that as a good sign.

 

2. Do you have female friends? Ask them to pick your best pics to put up. Or if you're brave enough, you can ask LS for opinions.

 

I didn't do this with pictures, but I did do it with the profile.

 

3. Be open to criticism, that's the only way you'll learn. We are trying to help you, and putting time and effort into getting YOU dates in OLD. It doesnt benefit us in anyway, we're doing it out of goodwill (with our advice and suggestions)

 

Trust me, I'm open to anything that will increase my chances, because this isn't fun.

 

4. In writing your content - show, don't tell. Illustrate your words. If you are scratching your head - refer to this thread, there are examples.

 

I don't really understand what's meant by show don't tell when it comes to text on a profile.

 

5. I'm not a love guru but it pains me to read all your woeful stories about OLD over and over again, so that's why I'm replying to this.

 

6. Pick girls that you are genuinely interested in. Study their profile and list 3 things why they attract you. Then write an articulate message that SHOWS you have read their profile. Remember to be respectable and leave the message with open-ended questions (not too intrusive).

 

I only message girls I'm interested in based on profiles. Each message is unique based on common interests or common sense of humor. My messages take me a long time to write out because I spend a lot of time on making sure they are exactly what I want to send.

 

7. Nothing in this world comes for free. If you don't put effort into finding the right person, how on earth can you expect the perfect partner to just drop from the sky and roll into your bed?

 

I'm well over 1500 outgoing messages. I think that's a fair amount of effort.

 

8. Never ever give up. Your reality is what you make of it.

 

9. ok I don't know what else to write in this pointer thing. If anyone else has anything positive to add, feel free. There is no point discouraging a beaten man.

 

10. Good luck!

 

 

Responses under your points

[kolleamm]

The guy is obviously good looking. One needs to ask themselves why is such a good looking guy doing Online Dating.

Thank you Cinder_Ella that's very kind of you.

[Keenly]

I mentioned that I had been to Paris in my profile.

 

Range of messages

 

Hi...I like your profile,

 

Hi, my name is.., we have a lot in common

 

Hi, I also like....nice to get together

 

Hi, I was also in Paris, did you like it....

 

Paris! My favourite city. Did you have the courage to up the Eifel Tower and look over the edge? The view is twice as fantastic at night.

 

Hint...I responded to the last. Right away this guy made a connection. Along with other variables in his profile, I wanted to meet him. Still love him to pieces.

 

Anyways, if you write an imaginative message, there is a chance that a woman will write one back in kind....beyond the few cliche sentences. You can judge her enthusiasm or not by how she matches your tone. How much thought, effort.

 

 

This.might be one of those issues that's vastly affected by age differences . That last message sounds a lot like what I send out. What I get back is usually one three or for word sentence that feels like pulling teeth when trying to respond to it.

 

 

I can copy and post multiple examples if you guys are curious, but I'd imagine the response is get from my age demographic, based on experience, would be something like " yeah it was lots of fun. " end of message. And I'm sitting there like what am I supposed to say to that after I just wrote out two paragraphs... X_x

[Snakechammah]

I wanted to write an elaborate example on show, don't tell but I'll spare you the boredom lol.

 

You can read the thread I've linked in my previous post to see what I mean.

 

All the best, guys. I hope you'll join the happy bandwagon soon.

[somedude81]

This.might be one of those issues that's vastly affected by age differences . That last message sounds a lot like what I send out. What I get back is usually one three or for word sentence that feels like pulling teeth when trying to respond to it.

 

 

I can copy and post multiple examples if you guys are curious, but I'd imagine the response is get from my age demographic, based on experience, would be something like " yeah it was lots of fun. " end of message. And I'm sitting there like what am I supposed to say to that after I just wrote out two paragraphs... X_x

 

You actually got responses from those messages you sent out?

[Cinder_ella]

Thank you Cinder_Ella that's very kind of you.

 

YW;)

 

Like I said I never did OLD, I can see its appeal but it seems a bit scary. I am happy to give real life hints to both men and women on how to meet someone in real life.

 

~For Men~

 

Best places to meet women:

 

Bed Bath & Beyond

Michaels

DSW

Sephora

 

~For Women~

 

Best places to meet men:

 

LOWE'S

Home Depot (Especially the tool and lumber sections)

The Gym @ 5:00 am

Any store by the Camping Department (But make sure you like camping or this guy isn't for you.)

[Keenly]

You actually got responses from those messages you sent out?

 

Most of them no. About 5% will respond with 3 to 8 words in a manner that creates a dead end for conversation because it shows they are putting zero effort in having a conversation. So I don't continue trying to pull conversation out of her.

 

 

 

 

Cinderella, how old are you? The places you listed seem a lot like places to.meet 35+

[jay1983]

I won't discredit what you guys are saying. Pete and Snake, you're trying to help and you're giving some really good advice that won't hurt at all and will help. The thing is I have taken this advice and yes it got me more attention, but all that resulted in was more BBWs and girls just on there just playing around.

 

Keenly says they should try and initiate first. Well, most of those girls have been on there a while because they don't see anything they like. When they do see something they like, they do initiate first, or they'll respond immediately.

 

Keenly did you get a look at what I sent you?

[somedude81]

Most of them no. About 5% will respond with 3 to 8 words in a manner that creates a dead end for conversation because it shows they are putting zero effort in having a conversation. So I don't continue trying to pull conversation out of her.

OK that makes sense now if you only get a response rate of 5%.

 

Then I'm sure out of those that respond, only 5% are up for an actual conversation.