My dating potential online is ridiculously hilarious

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

You've completely misconstrued my point. It's not about being someone's leftovers or the last option. It's about maturity and experience and how women's individual perspectives change and what then becomes more appealing. i.e., in your 20s, perhaps 6 pack abs and great hair is considered sexy. In your 30s, a man with intellect, a secure job, and a warm personality may be considered more sexy or appealing.

[irc333]

After having taken about a 6 mos hiatus from POF, I joined back up just to see who is on there....at least locally..there are pretty much the same faces still active there.

[endlessabyss]

I can list off numerous other examples as well. I work in real estate. A lot of these guys, who are my bosses, have the dominant characteristics that are sought out first. Tall, dark, handsome, charming. Most are in their 40's, and guess what, same process.

 

They have been in and out of several marriages, but they still end up with very stunning women. The comical thing to me is that the new women know they are being cheated on when their husbands are out of town doing business, but still stick around. My co-workers divulge this information all the time.

 

I have a co-worker who is a female, who I discuss this stuff with all the time, who had a similar experience. She said the charmer is always going to be sough out first, and the "boring guy" is the option when settling down.

 

The poster who judged my character is just unaware of reality. I don't know if you know how it feels to be cheated on when you are very kind, and caring to your mate. In the beginning of my LTR I followed, what I thought to be, the blueprint for building a successful relationship. When I was nice it was torture. I was cheated on, spat on, and degraded. It built up a lot of resentment, and when I had my turn, I took my revenge. Maybe not the most mature, but at 23 years of age I felt pretty damn good.

 

Once I got out of my LTR, I finally had time to sit back and observe these relationship dynamics. When the veil was lifted I was stunned.

 

My beta characteristics are definitely what held me back. Whenever I got into the dating process with someone new, I noticed the girl would end up leaving for the "bad boy". It's fine to me, it's just the cards I was dealt. I hold no resentment for the way nature is structured.

 

In real life, I believe my personality to be fine. I'm kind, I care, I work hard, and am generally respectful. Now I just laugh at this dating thing, now that I understand it, and focus on other things I have control of.

 

The OP who posted about average men being at a disadvantage caught my eye, so I felt I had to comment, because her theory is pretty accurate.

Edited August 12, 2014 by endlessabyss

[Cinder_ella]

I think we have a disconnect here, princess. Are we going to really try to ignore the fact, that from 20-30, that women are going to seek out this "talk, dark, handsome, bad boy"? Due to the fact these guys are not going to settle, women will end up looking for it again and again.

 

Then when they figure out these guys are not going to be relationship material, they settle for the guy that was sitting on the sideline, whimpering about how he's a supreme gentleman, but no one wants him?

 

I have experienced this all too many times myself. I have beta qualities, such as being an introvert, timid, shy, and have been at a disadvantage with my peers who are the opposite. When a chick gets to know me, after about a week she dashes. Lucky for me, I had a pretty good social circle that made up for these flawed characteristics for a few years.

 

The only reason my LTR worked is because my ex saw me at times with a robust social life, and having other options. She then all of the sudden clinged to me. When I was the nice guy, my ex got bored, cheated, broke up with me a million times. The only time I had control is when I had other options, and she knew I was cheating. I didn't want it that way, but that is what her kind are attracted too. When I stopped partying, and spent more time with her, what happen? lol. She moved on the next player.

 

Have fun with your castle locks, or whatever you're taling about.

 

OK. I will admit when I was husband hunting I did have a list similar to the one you spoke of:

 

Dark Hair

6ft Tall

Handsome

 

BUT

 

I didn't want a real bad boy just not a wussy guy. I wanted a guy with a career who was looking for marriage. All my friends were looking for "husband material." In fact...some of the guys got the axe when they didn't open the doors for us. (However if they were really cute we'd educate them.)

 

My point is when women want to settle down they want someone stable. And there are PLENTY of cute stable guys out there.

[endlessabyss]

People are attracted to attractive people, or charismatic people. No surprise there. Most people, however, would not want or stay with a guy who cheated on them, or abused them, or was a criminal, or treated them badly. Unless that person has low self esteem and doesn't think they deserve better treatment.

 

Preaching to the quire, sweetheart.

 

What happens when someone is cheated on? They get their self esteem crushed. From there it is hard to leave the relationship. It takes a lot of strength to leave, and a lot of people don't , if that is an option.

[endlessabyss]

OK. I will admit when I was husband hunting I did have a list similar to the one you spoke of:

 

Dark Hair

6ft Tall

Handsome

 

BUT

 

I didn't want a real bad boy just not a wussy guy. I wanted a guy with a career who was looking for marriage. All my friends were looking for "husband material." In fact...some of the guys got the axe when they didn't open the doors for us. (However if they were really cute we'd educate them.)

 

My point is when women want to settle down they want someone stable. And there are PLENTY of cute stable guys out there.

 

Yea, good for you.

 

Hope you found what you were looking for.

[Cinder_ella]

Yea, good for you.

 

Hope you found what you were looking for.

 

I know you're being sarcastic but I did find what I was looking for. Finding a mate is a like a job. I know that doesn't sound so romantic but when you decide to merge all your assets together you damn well better be sure you're picking the right partner. You HAVE to think with both your head and your heart or you'll be burned.

 

You seem intelligent from your posts. You'll just need to choose more carefully next time. I dated tons and tons and TONS of guys till I got it right.

[ascendotum]

People are attracted to attractive people, or charismatic people. No surprise there. Most people, however, would not want or stay with a guy who cheated on them, or abused them, or was a criminal, or treated them badly. Unless that person has low self esteem and doesn't think they deserve better treatment.

...or thinks they wont get better than they got (looks/$/lifestyle/status/raunch). This is still tied in with low self esteem to an extent, but its not a case of they don't think they deserve better, just they wont get better in what they think is more desirable than faithfulness so will turn a blind eye to the cheating.

(slightly off topic)

[MGX]

One poster said he has a good profile, good photo, sent 50 well drafted messages...not one response. One would think that after 5 such messages he would have had the ingenuity to re evaluate but nope ...'This is not working so I'll do more of the same....if I try another 100 times, this square peg will fit into the round hole?' So out of touch about what most women actually are seeking in a male...listening to other losers just reinforces their lack of insight.

 

Wait...how is that poster out of touch with what women want if he's actually listening to the female complaint that women want more articulate messages that one word? If those women weren't responding to well drafted messages, then it's not the poster's fault.

 

The poster should keep searching for someone who will be interested to write back.

[MGX]

This is all just a matter of perspective. By the time a woman hits 30 or so, if she spent years of dating douchebag after douchebag, it changes her. A lot of those women carry so much emotional baggage that it's not even worth trying to date them. Sure, maybe after spending her 20's as a party chick hooking up with losers, she finds a nicer guy more appealing, but would that guy want to be with her? I wouldn't.

 

I would. I'm certainly NOT those losers. Hopefully, she will see that. If not, her loss.

 

Just like men might be all jaded and cynical after several bad relationships, women can get that way too. Dating a nice guy can change those warped perspectives, just as the fellows could meet some down-to-earth girl who actually bucks the trend and appreciates him.

 

Some of those older women start to realize that her "Prince Charming" might be 20 lbs. overweight, drives a pickup truck and collects model trains as a hobby, but he honors her -- her treats her like a queen, sees to her every need and would never hit or cheat on her.

[D.Mc.]

@MGX: unfortunately in OLD if the woman is only looking for a physically buff mate, she will never see the 20lbs overweight guy as a potential no matter how good they might be together, the physical will be #1 in her criteria. She wants what the overweight guy can offer but only from a model body...

 

Hi, Kolleam, sorry that OLD is not broadening your dating pool, but I can't agree w/you messaging "trolls"? What if one of these women does respond & you are intrigued somehow by the conversation you have, turns out you both like the same things/values etc. What if she's perfect "on paper": there's no point b/c you are not attracted to her physically & you are wasting her time too.

 

I know people say on LS all the time that their SO is someone they were not attracted to initially, but really it matters AND there had to be something attractive physically to start with or it would never have moved forward. Skip who you don't like as far as looks go cause it will just aggravate you more. OLD is all about numbers & ranking others. On OLD we never know if we are on someone's "D" list & that's the only reason they're messaging/replying to us. It's too depressing to think about...