What does the future hold for me and my ex?

[bigapple98880]

My ex and I go to the same university and she is a year younger than me. We were on and off for the entire last school year while she was a freshman. The beginning of our relationship she was very closed off and didn't really want to be in a relationship. She resented the relationship and thought she needed to be single and have a true college experience. We have great chemistry together and she dumped me and then we got back together until the end of the school year. We were planning on breaking up before the summer. She needed to have her space and feel independent. She always felt a little guilty about being in the relationship. We were very back and forth and she did not know what she wanted. All the while in the this relationship i was very open (a little too open) and she was much more closed off. We ended the school year together and were both had very strong feelings for each other.

We did on and off no contact in the summer and tried to meet up twice during the summer(we live in different cities) both times we end up canceling due to not knowing what we wanted. Every time we began to talk again it felt natural and we both enjoyed it. Recently we ended up meeting up.

She was very excited to see me and we were supposed to hangout and get dinner for the night. We end up kissing and having sex. Before the sex she tells me that she already knows that she will be single in the fall semester and I'm ok with that and tell her that it will be good for both of us. We hadn't seen each other in a while and both realized we have both changed for the better. She is more open and i am more closed and confident. We also talk about that possibility of starting fresh and trying again. She tells me she isn't scared about that thought but is not committing to anything. I agree as something like that shouldn't be committed at this point. We then have sex and it feels right and we still have great chemistry. Right after i tell her i should probably leave. She starts crying and doesn't understand why. I tell her its because i still love her and she tells me that she still loves me swell. She was upset as it was a lot to process at once and wasn't expecting it. She asked me to say as she was crying and didn't want to let me go.

Later she tells me to take care of myself and that she will always have feelings and that we just need to ignore them right now.

I still love my ex and want to start fresh at some point. How do i keep it open for us to have a chance, but avoid giving myself hope and enjoy myself begin single and not feel jealous over what she's doing? Do we still have a chance of getting back together in the future? Should we hangout and do something(go on dates) once every couple of weeks to keep something between us? I don't want to loose her but also don't want to scare her away. Also she said we shouldn't have sex when were back at school to avoid any back and forth. Do i try to have sex or avoid it with her? Any advice is much appreciated. I know i will be single this fall but want to know the best way to enjoy being single but also keep us open to a possible future relationship

[ThorntonMelon]

This is kind of a hard one.

 

Honestly, she sounds like a terrible, terrible amount of high maintenance to me. I just don't see why it needs to be this hard. But at the same time, you might be happier single in college with her on the side.

 

It sounds to me like you're asking us questions you should be asking her. If you both want to hang out, hang out. If you want to sleep with her and she with you, do it.

 

One thing I'd say is this whole "scare her off" nonsense is just that, nonsense. If she wants to be with you, nothing will scare her off, and if she doesn't, everything will. What I suggest to you is pretty standard - make decisions on what makes you happy, be a straight shooter, don't play games, follow through on your promises, and it will all work out in the end.

[bigapple98880]

She isn't high maintenance at all, she's quite the opposite. We were at different places when we started dating and she was never completely into it until the end(showing how she felt). She is very attractive and outgoing and will have many guys over her.

 

I am worried that if i stay out of the picture i will completely lose her, but if i act too soon it will just make me hurt more. I want to keep us open for a second chance but while keeping my sanity.

 

Is the idea of going out on dates with her every couple of weeks reasonable and keeping low contact in addition? She will most likely stay single all of fall semester so doing this would allow us to reestablish a relationship slowly. I will tell her the only reason either of us should agree to go on one of these is that we want to start fresh but it isn't an agreement to getting back together. Any feelings that we don't want to treat this as a step forward to getting back together then we shouldn't agree to the date. She needs her space to be single in college and experience that. Do you believe this will allow her to do that while keeping possibilities open? I just don't want to be hurt anymore and i believe this is a good way to separate intense feelings but avoid losing her.

[ThorntonMelon]

I think her attractiveness is causing you to ignore her behavior. I've read what you've typed, she is not dating material right now, but you're in love with her.

 

You need to stop strategizing, period. Because you're analyzing this to death, and she's not. She is doing what feels right in the moment and ignoring the consequences because she's not as invested as you are. You can't manage this through game theory. All you can do is live your life how you want to.