AnneT1985 Posted August 10, 2014 Share Posted August 10, 2014 Hi y'all! I have a conundrum I am hoping to be helped with please and thank you. Unfortunately, my husband and I have concluded that we made the wrong choice in picking our child's godfather. The godmother is not an issue and they are not married and don't really know one another...but the godfather is no longer really part of our lives. My child was baptized 2 years ago. We have ensured our child has reached out to him at holidays etc and it goes unreciprocated. How would y'all handle this situation? Is it possible to get a new godfather or would you just focus on the godmother who is a part of the child's life? Thanks so much y'all! xx Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Hi Anne! It’s highly unusual to switch godparents after the fact, even when parents are unhappy with the outcome. I have a few questions , if you don’t mind, and based on those, I’ll comment further. What are your expectations of godparents? Different people have very different expectations of the children’s godparents and a wide range of reasons for selecting particular people. What were yours and your husband's? Did you communicate those with the godparents you were selecting? How did they respond? I take it you saw this as a long-term (i.e. decades) commitment rather than just a prescribed role at the infant baptism? Were the godparents clear on that? What made them good candidates for that responsibility? What is (or was) your (or your husband's) relationship to the godparents? Are they siblings? Relatives? Close friends? Business associates? How and why did you pick them? Are they parents themselves? You mentioned that the godfather is no longer part of your lives? Why is that? What happened in your and your husband’s relationship with him? By the way, should something unfortunate happen to you and your husband, have you designated a legal guardian for your toddler in your will or other legal documents? Just trying to get a better handle on the situation so that I offer relevant advice… Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnneT1985 Posted August 12, 2014 Author Share Posted August 12, 2014 (edited) Hi Anne! It’s highly unusual to switch godparents after the fact, even when parents are unhappy with the outcome. I have a few questions , if you don’t mind, and based on those, I’ll comment further. What are your expectations of godparents? Different people have very different expectations of the children’s godparents and a wide range of reasons for selecting particular people. What were yours and your husband's? Did you communicate those with the godparents you were selecting? How did they respond? I take it you saw this as a long-term (i.e. decades) commitment rather than just a prescribed role at the infant baptism? Were the godparents clear on that? What made them good candidates for that responsibility? What is (or was) your (or your husband's) relationship to the godparents? Are they siblings? Relatives? Close friends? Business associates? How and why did you pick them? Are they parents themselves? You mentioned that the godfather is no longer part of your lives? Why is that? What happened in your and your husband’s relationship with him? By the way, should something unfortunate happen to you and your husband, have you designated a legal guardian for your toddler in your will or other legal documents? Just trying to get a better handle on the situation so that I offer relevant advice… Hi Angel eyes. Thanks so much for your comment and questions. Our expectations were simply to have a relationship with our child in some form, particularly around special occasions and religious rites and this was explained to them beforehand which originally was the case. We are Catholic so I asked this question because the godparents in our culture and family attend the first communion and associated Catholic rites...and I have heard of new godparents occasionally being selected for this occasion (first communion) if the original ones don't come or are no longer part of child's life. The godparents chosen were aware that they attend the Catholic religious rites associated with the godparent role beyond baptism. They are also family members in a family of life long involved godparents on both sides. I chose the godmother and my husband chose the godfather- a relative, which I was unsure about but let my husband choose. Godfather is a parent himself who has godparents for his own children in the cultural/familial capacity I mentioned above, as well as himself having involved godparents, even at his age. We are not sure why he has chosen to not reciprocate a relationship but we have tried to ensure our child acknowledges him at special occasions, etc aside from our relationship, or lack thereof at this point, with him. I'm assuming my husband thought he'd be a good candidate and I trusted his judgment. We certainly understand that they are not the guardians in the event we die and were not prescribed that role. So that part is ok. We have other plans. Thank you for asking these questions. Edited August 12, 2014 by AnneT1985 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 Thanks, that was very helpful. How does your husband feel about the situation? Has he ever said anything unprompted. One option is to let him handle this as he sees fit, since it was his selection. Otherwise it may seem as if you didn't approve his choice from the outset and are now pulling an "I told you so" even though that's clearly not your intent. If he truly thinks it's a problem, he'll fix it in due time without your prompting. You didn't explain why you and your husband no longer have a close relationship with the godfather. Could that play a part in his reticence to serve as godfather? Your child is still essentially a baby. His investment and level of interest in serving as godfather at this stage is going to depend largely on the health of his relationship with you and your husband. From your statements, it sounds as if that is shot. (He's out of your lives, and you don't speak to him.) If that's the case, I think it may be unrealistic to expect him to expend a lot of time and energy on your baby. Also, if your child is two (I'm guessing from the timeline), first communion is years away, isn't it? I would wait and see how things go. Otherwise you may face the same predicament again when she's four or six years old...before first communion, confirmation, etc. I hope everything works out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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