Relationship where the girl loves but does not respect the guy.

[No Limit]

If she doesn't respect you, she doesn't love you. Don't fool yourself.

[Eivuwan]

You actually sound quite right about this. Perhaps we are just in love and not know what truly means to love someone.

 

Okay everyone. I really don't want to drag this. I just met her for dinner. While eating, I very casually brought up queries on the compatibility of us two and whether there's sustenance in our relationship. As I didn't want to lay down the iron fist tonight, I just skirted the issue hoping to inject new conditions on where we stand. Quickly, I'll summarize my comments and her responses.

 

Remember, the tone is gentle and casual.

 

1. I said - Dear, while we have a lot in common (the achievements bla bla), I know I'll always lack that something which I feel deep down you desire. That man whom you can't step over. Because of this, I know we are about there but not there.

 

She said - No. I like you for who you are. You will get there. (I'm guessing here it's that alpha guy she's projecting) I know it.

 

But she's still expecting you to change to that alpha type. Does she realize that she needs to accept you and respect you for the way you are right now?

 

2. I said - Dear, you and me and quite different. You're the sharply chiseled diamond and I'm the pearl with rough edges. We're almost perfect but I know you want things perfect. For me, I can settle for almost perfect.

 

She said - No. I'm okay with almost perfect because I know no one is perfect.

 

Well, she's right here. No one is perfect, but the important thing is what "flaws" can you accept and what "flaws" can you not accept?

 

3. (She planned to meet me twice near my birthday) I said - Between the two days near my birthday, let's only celebrate one of them. Dear, I usually keep my birthday days small. So I'll probably chill on my birthday itself.

 

She said she still wants to be with me on both days. Can I still not conclude she loves me?

 

Uhhhh, I am not sure how you jump from that to love. Sure those actions are nice and I would appreciate it if my significant other wanted to be with me on both days, but I think true love comes from sticking with each other through the bad times as well.

 

If you were expecting some fight in her. There wasn't. Really, today seemed to be all about her just complying with my comments, which honestly, was quite peaceful and submissive. Now, I want to attribute this to her thinking long and her about compromising in this relationship rather than her just going along with my prompts only to erupt when s*** comes.

 

Though I must say, she was putting her mind in tonight's conversation and not straying away which would be a sign of her disinterest in making us work.

 

I'm glad you guys had a talk about this, but it seems to me that you guys are just skirting the surface of the problem. If that's all she said to your concerns without any kind of elaboration, then I wonder if she's just avoiding the issue hoping that it would get resolved on its own. I still don't really know how she feels about this whole thing because she was clearly not satisfied before.

 

 

Responses in bold.

[TXGuy]

Hmmm, iiiii. This is a part where she yet again confuses me. She made mentioned once that she'll truly know I'm confident to have her when she knows that she'll be just a part of my life and my life can equally take off without her. According to her, which after some thinking makes sense, the guy is showing he has the power to live with or without her. And it is this power that she admires.

 

I know this type. When you show her you do not need her and will not go out of your way to accommodate her, that is when she will respect/love you.

 

It sounds counterintuitive/crazy, but I've seen it happen several time. The problem is, you have to guinuinly stop caring what she thinks before she will really care about you.

[Eivuwan]

I know this type. When you show her you do not need her and will not go out of your way to accommodate her, that is when she will respect/love you.

 

It sounds counterintuitive/crazy, but I've seen it happen several time. The problem is, you have to guinuinly stop caring what she thinks before she will really care about you.

 

Yeah, but who wants to be in a relationship where you are punished for caring.

[readynow]

Could it be that she just wants you to be decisive and firm in everyday things? How does that mean she doesn't love you? I don't see her using the word 'respect' to mean value you.

 

I once dated a 'Yes' man and it got really tiring making general decisions myself. He could not even surprise me without needing to discuss it with me first.

 

This 'if she doesn't 'respect' you, then she doesn't love you' is **** in my opinion. Obviously, if you don't love her, what's the point?