justified Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 I started seeing him as friends and he would come over almost everyday at first and we would talk for hours, watch tv, a few times he put his hand on my lower back when we were at the computer. And I told him I was not looking for any of that. He said fine and respected my wishes. But still he was coming to visit. This went on for 4 or 5 weeks. Then I told him I was busy all the time after that. But after a week I missed him. While getting to know him I had asked him who he lived with and he told me alone. I believe I asked him several times because he would be telling stories and slip up but would switch it up to make it sound like it was nothing. After missing him I text him and asked if we could go do something and he said we can go to his house. When we pull up he says "I have to tell you something." I was like (oh god here we go) He said I have a roommate its a girl and her 4 kids. Red flags flew up but I feel like I really liked him. He said he was afraid to tell me cuz he thought I would tell him to walk. So I let it go. Soon his roommate moved out and I started coming over on the week end. But he would come stay with me a couple times a week. When I would leave his place I would clean it spotless. So I know basically how I left things. Soon every week end I would find something that I found was suspicious. He would always have a lame answer. And every time I came back it was becoming more obvious that there was another woman around. Which he denied and even got angry about. BTW he gave me a ring on christmas. Well July 25 his birthday he calls me and keeps making excuses of why hes running late and I am getting so mad. But keeping it cool per his bday etc. Well he calls again and tells me his friends daughter was going to be staying in the spare room at his place due to eviction for a week. I was like how old is she 23 then 27. Well he came and got me and took me over his place. And total bs. This was the women he had been having there. She told me everything. I was heartbroken because he was telling me I was out of my mind when I was telling him he had someone there etc. Everything for those few months was a lie. Well she is gone and now I am here with him. He said he would never do it again. But now everything that comes from his mouth is a lie to me. And I caught him chatting up another young girl once since I have been here. What should I do. I can't bring myself to walk away and dont know why:( Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 (edited) Do you think he was dating the gal that lived with him - or was she a gal who rented from him but didn't date him? How old are you two? Edited August 11, 2014 by beach Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 I can't bring myself to walk away and dont know why. Hmmm, after 10 yrs single, you picked a dooze to get back into dating with. If you want a serious relationship this guy is clearly not for you. If don't mind a fwb relationship then fine. This guy is clearly playing you, if he is pitching you two being an exclusive couple. Good on you for keeping your eyes open. Being cheated on is bad, but to be gaslighted on it too, just doubles the spit in the face imo. The later would make me resent the person more actually. All I can can think is you have been without affection and sex for so long that getting it again from this guy, has you hooked. You do what brings you the most happiness. At least now you know the full facts and are not going to be played for a chump anymore, if you decide to still see him. If you think he is going to change his ways forget it. You are going to have keep your emotional investment in check and just treat it as a fwb....this is based on you wanting to stay. I really think you should piss him off and find someone else new. Despite falling for a cheater hopefully you have renewed confidence & desire to get back into finding someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justified Posted August 11, 2014 Author Share Posted August 11, 2014 we are both 51. I think I have a bad picker. Coming into this after finding out about the roommate was dumber then dumb. They were not having relations for sure. He has been very smart and basically letting me know his every move. I am living with him now. Hoping it works but very doubtful. I think men are cursed. And they all cheat. Sorry guys:o Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 They were not having relations for sure How do you know. You seemed to hint that her being there as a tenant intitially, then again as a temporary guest was suspicious + there was the indication that a woman had been at his place during the week (same woman or someone else) + he was evasive about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justified Posted August 11, 2014 Author Share Posted August 11, 2014 He was probably hoping he was going to but I could tell that wasn't happening. Her kids were to grown to be doing that it was her elder sister he was with but they had split up. These are facts sooo Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Well, I am sorry. All I can tell you is to weigh whether you're having fun or not and when it gets to where you're not having fun and happy more than you are having fun and happy, then make the change. He probably is not trustworthy. I have to say at first he didn't go to many lengths to lie to you, but if that woman said they were together, then he was lying to both of you I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 He's playing you for a fool and because you were single so long you may tolerate more mistreatment than you should. Please don't be afraid to walk away from someone who is hurtful to you. You have a responsibility to protect yourself from this kind of drama. That is not unless you like a bit of drama in your life. Best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 we are both 51. I think I have a bad picker. Coming into this after finding out about the roommate was dumber then dumb. They were not having relations for sure. He has been very smart and basically letting me know his every move. I am living with him now. Hoping it works but very doubtful. I think men are cursed. And they all cheat. Sorry guys:o not all men cheat bit you know the guy who you are with will....have you had counselling Link to post Share on other sites
Author justified Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 he wont go. I am still staying with him but he still up to no good keeps his phone on vibrate and wont answer and every time says it is his friend Don but still wont answer:eek: Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 we are both 51. I think I have a bad picker. Coming into this after finding out about the roommate was dumber then dumb. They were not having relations for sure. He has been very smart and basically letting me know his every move. I am living with him now. Hoping it works but very doubtful. I think men are cursed. And they all cheat. Sorry guys:o Wait - you moved in with him after knowing all this? Your decisions define YOUR LIFE! What was your reason for moving in? Are you paying rent/expenses while you're there? Link to post Share on other sites
Author justified Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 because this man is my friend as well and when he moved that girl in he asked me to come here and help him. The reason he says he did what he did was because he was lonely during the week. So we are living together. And yes I do my part Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 because this man is my friend as well and when he moved that girl in he asked me to come here and help him. The reason he says he did what he did was because he was lonely during the week. So we are living together. And yes I do my part Ok - so you know that he's a liar and a sneaky man. Link to post Share on other sites
SummerLuvR Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 What's the problem? You know what kind of person he is but you not only continue to have a relationship him, but you moved in with him. What are you expecting to happen? Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 So what's your question? Link to post Share on other sites
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