"Chemistry is a must!"

[irc333]

So often I see this said by women on dating sites, but do you think it's a bit over rated? Plus the definition of "chemistry" is really left up to interpretation, yes? Or it's something that's the "be all, end all" of dating. Though some of these "Chemistry" induced relationships probably last weeks, to months and no more.

[twin_stars]

Chemistry is actually an extremely important part of a long-term relationship. I used to be of the opinion that it wasn't as important as other things, but over the years it has become obvious to me just how important it is. If you want to be happy, chemistry is not optional, IMO.

[sillyanswer]

So often I see this said by women on dating sites, but do you think it's a bit over rated?

 

Do I think chemistry (in a dating context) is over rated? Heck no!

 

I do think that it's a cliché to mention it as a requirement on a dating site, though, as well as somewhat redundant.

 

Plus the definition of "chemistry" is really left up to interpretation, yes? Or it's something that's the "be all, end all" of dating. Though some of these "Chemistry" induced relationships probably last weeks, to months and no more.

 

Chemistry, having a spark, feeling something meaningful... it's all empirical rather than absolute.

[WesternWizard]

The only people who don't want or need chemistry are the point-scorers---i.e., the few guys who live by the philosophy of the 4 F's.

[MissBee]

Chemistry for me simply means: I like you, we get along in a natural manner, you make me laugh, I'm not watching the time, I actually want to prolong the date, I want to get to know you more. Those things make a date enjoyable and make me want to see you again. When we have chemistry I'm excited to tell my gfs about the date, I'm thinking about the date, I can't wait to hear from you again and am excited about a possible future.

 

No chemistry is: things are awkward, I'm pulling teeth in conversation, I'm watching the time, I'm kind of blah to annoyed and/or can't wait to get home to go watch Netflix. Essentially I feel like I can take you or leave you and when my friends ask about the date it will be "Meh..." and if you never call me again I won't care.

 

That's why chemistry is important. It's a start. It doesn't mean we're gonna get married or be together forever....but it is a basic requirement for me to want to see you again.

 

With my current bf I wasn't feeling him that much when we spoke on the phone but the date changed things. I was laughing, I was attracted to him, I wasn't watching the time and I wanted the date to go on and on...and our date lasted from noon to about 5am. There was chemistry there when we went out although on the phone I wasn't sure. That natural kind of resonance and enjoying the other's company, being attracted to them and wanting to know more is chemistry...I think that's what most women mean. It doesn't mean you are a good match or that it will last forever, but what it does mean is that there is enough there where you want to know more and in knowing more you can decide later where things will go.

 

Chemistry is simply the first gateway....after you pass through that any number of other things can happen but if you can't even get pass that gateway then for sure nothing else will happen. How can it?

Edited August 11, 2014 by MissBee

[d0nnivain]

Chemistry is a must for me. If I don't find a guy sexually exciting . . .if he doesn't make my blood boil, there's no sense in dating him if I can't stand the idea of kissing him.

[iveria]

I believe chemistry is a must to make a relationship last. Otherwise it just gets old.

[Phoe]

I think chemistry is an overused term and has been beaten to death in the dating world, but alternately, yes, I do think it is crucial to the success of a relationship.

 

With that being said, I do NOT think chemistry needs to exist right off the bat. I believe it can grow with time (it has done so for me), and I am not a big fan of people meeting someone one time and saying "Nope, no chemistry. NEXT!"

[Teraskas]

I think chemistry is an overused term and has been beaten to death in the dating world, but alternately, yes, I do think it is crucial to the success of a relationship.

 

With that being said, I do NOT think chemistry needs to exist right off the bat. I believe it can grow with time (it has done so for me), and I am not a big fan of people meeting someone one time and saying "Nope, no chemistry. NEXT!"

 

Finally someone who agrees with me on chemistry, was starting to feel all alone here lol. ^^

But as mentioned above, I agree. For me, chemistry develops over time and doesn't happen instantly.

I guess there's too much of an instant gratification requirement to that regard in today's society and dating culture. :/

[Imajerk17]

irc333, you spend an awful amount of time trying to "make wrong" women's dating habits you don't agree with. It's ALL of your threads. I do wonder where it's coming from, whether you feel that the women in your dating pool aren't giving you a chance, and are instead going for "less worthy" guys.

 

Anyway, I actually do think that the focus on "first date chemistry" in OLD isn't all that conducive. There are a lot of amazing relationships where one person wasn't that enthusiastic about the other to start. These people met each other usually through social circle or work.

 

BUT, look at it this way: Forgoing chemistry in OLD is going to mean going on a lot of second dates that you just are not looking forward to. It's not like seeing someone again and again at work where you interact with them only incidentally, and you aren't expected to kiss them if you aren't feeling it.

 

Meanwhile irc333, getting back to your first paragraph, whose profiles are you considering? Would you be interested in a girl whose lifestyle and values match yours but whose looks don't appeal to you?

[MissBee]

I also think it depends on how you're dating.

 

I think chemistry can develop or a romantic attraction in an organic way with people who say are friends or in each other's friend circle where with overtime interactions you develop a liking for this person. That is one thing.

 

However, in the case of online dating, it generally needs to be instant. That is, if you go on a date with a stranger essentially, you usually have one shot to vibe and get along or there isn't a huge incentive to continue seeing this stranger you didn't connect with.

 

If you are in each other's social circle then there is a no pressure natural process whereby you can take weeks, months or even years to grow to like them....but with say online dating or just meeting someone and exchanging numbers and going out, it is less likely you'll have any vested interest in seeing them again if the first time was blah.

 

That's just how it goes. But more power to those who will feel blah and continue seeing someone in hopes you'll develop chemistry. It hasn't happened for me personally. With online dating, the phone conversation isn't always everything, so I will still give you a chance to meet in person and see how it goes if after speaking on the phone I'm not totally enthralled, but you seem otherwise nice and have what I'm looking for (which is what happened with my current bf and serious bf before him).But if in person it is no different, then I won't pursue it further as EVERY boyfriend I've had (as an adult) or even FWB was someone whom I immediately got on with in person. And I can tell you...I don't sit around thinking about some guy I went on a date with whom I was half bored to death with or annoyed by or just meh about...they have vanished from memory entirely as there was nothing there at all, save for the ones who were so outrageous to make for horror stories.

Edited August 11, 2014 by MissBee

[pteromom]

Chemistry for me simply means: I like you, we get along in a natural manner, you make me laugh, I'm not watching the time, I actually want to prolong the date, I want to get to know you more. Those things make a date enjoyable and make me want to see you again. When we have chemistry I'm excited to tell my gfs about the date, I'm thinking about the date, I can't wait to hear from you again and am excited about a possible future.

 

No chemistry is: things are awkward, I'm pulling teeth in conversation, I'm watching the time, I'm kind of blah to annoyed and/or can't wait to get home to go watch Netflix. Essentially I feel like I can take you or leave you and when my friends ask about the date it will be "Meh..." and if you never call me again I won't care.

 

Thanks for typing all that so I didn't have to. This is pretty much what I was going to say.

 

To me, chemistry doesn't mean instant butterflies and wanting to jump on each other. It means you are on the same wavelength. Pretty stupid to try to build a relationship with someone you don't understand and they don't understand you.

[the tank]

However, in the case of online dating, it generally needs to be instant. That is, if you go on a date with a stranger essentially, you usually have one shot to vibe and get along or there isn't a huge incentive to continue seeing this stranger you didn't connect with.

 

 

In online dating chemistry/spark is about how you find attractive the personn.

 

I had many girls who set second date with me, then because of multi dating find someone else than cancel the second date...

[irc333]

Thanks for typing all that so I didn't have to. This is pretty much what I was going to say.

 

To me, chemistry doesn't mean instant butterflies and wanting to jump on each other. It means you are on the same wavelength. Pretty stupid to try to build a relationship with someone you don't understand and they don't understand you.

 

Yeah, that's kind of my definition. Some tend to "Hollywood" it

[preraph]

There's different kinds of chemistry. Some of it starts with physical, some starts with attitude, some starts with having stuff in common right away.

 

A guy I crushed on my whole life, at first sight, though good looking, at first I was very leery of him. After observing him for some time, he was such a unique person that I just really admired him a lot.

 

Then there's the common interest chemistry, and you can talk for hours and hours and that's great, but it doesn't mean there will be sexual attraction. You can have it with men or women or anybody. But if that is combined with some considerable charm and creativity, it goes a long way with me.

Edited August 12, 2014 by preraph

[AD1980]

If chemistry is so important, and it's mostly about personality, you'd think ugly people wouldn't have such a hard time dating.

 

Being good looking helps "chemistry" A lot it makes your jokes funnier then they actually are to the opposite sex

[iiiii]

Chemistry isn't important - it's vital.

 

If I like you but there's no chemistry, you might become a friend, but you won't become a boyfriend.

 

Chemistry isn't just looks, although they play a part. It's someone's personality, how they handle themselves, how they look at you, even how they smell... anything that makes you go mmmm.

[TheGuard13]

This is mostly just online dating code for "Don't be boring".

[irc333]

There's different kinds of chemistry. Some of it starts with physical, some starts with attitude, some starts with having stuff in common right away.

.

 

I think I recall making a post about how I had so much in common in both interests, attitude, humor and values, yet she didn't seem interest...of course this is a bias since it was an online encounter...someone said here, "Just because you have a lot in common, doesn't mean anything or that she would be attracted"

 

Ironically, she was cute, but not much to look at weight-wise, but cute enough for me.

 

It just kinda boggled my mind why she wasn't willing to meet as she was local. But I think she was shy of meeting people online, becuase her profile didn't stay up long.

[irc333]

Chemistry isn't important - it's vital.

 

If I like you but there's no chemistry, you might become a friend, but you won't become a boyfriend.

 

Chemistry isn't just looks, although they play a part. It's someone's personality, how they handle themselves, how they look at you, even how they smell... anything that makes you go mmmm.

 

I had "Chemistry" with someone recently, but it only died out in 2 months...*shrug* go figure...there's "Chemistry" for ya.

 

I hear how women just LOVES a man who can make her laugh, but doesn't mean she'll be attracted or date you.

[irc333]

Then there's the common interest chemistry, and you can talk for hours and hours and that's great, but it doesn't mean there will be sexual attraction. You can have it with men or women or anybody. But if that is combined with some considerable charm and creativity, it goes a long way with me.

 

I think this is why I've been single for so long, I have pretty much banked on this as an option when dating. *Shrug*

[MissBee]

In online dating chemistry/spark is about how you find attractive the personn.

 

I had many girls who set second date with me, then because of multi dating find someone else than cancel the second date...

 

For me attractive isn't just if you look good...but also chemistry which I already explained as encompassing how I feel about you, can we laugh, talk, and the time seems like it is flying by, we get on in a natural fashion, I want to know more and see you again etc.

 

I have been on dates with men I thought were very physically attractive but on the date had no chemistry and didn't ever see them again.

 

Current bf, didn't think he was all that cute in pictures, met in person he's cuter but we also had chemistry hence our date lasted about 16 hours because we both just wanted to keep spending time together.

 

As for if someone sees you beyond a second date...well that's just how it goes. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. If they like you A LOT it won't matter. If they are meh about you then they will continue looking. After my bf and I went out, that was it for both of us. I had the option to see someone else but chose not to and the guy I went out with before him, he was cool, we still spoke but after going out with my guy I lost interest in seeing him. My bf actually had a date planned with another woman and canceled it too. That's how it goes...the point, for me anyway, was to find someone whom I felt was "special" and whom I wanted to see above all others. The guy I saw before my bf didn't make me feel that way. I could take him or leave him. After seeing him I still was online looking and obviously made a date with my now bf after that. But with my bf it changed...after our date I didn't go back on to the site and didn't have an interest in further looking. So that was my BINGO! We may not be together forever...you can't predict that in any relationship but a good sign of it even being possible is that you at least lose desire for other people and just want to see them only and that was how it was with my guy, so I took that leap with him.

Edited August 12, 2014 by MissBee

[MissBee]

If chemistry is so important, and it's mostly about personality, you'd think ugly people wouldn't have such a hard time dating.

 

And if what you are saying made any sense...only attractive people would date, marry and have kids and all "ugly" people would be on an island alone somewhere.

 

However, walking around the world, all kinds of people are dating and married and *gasp* some single people are also attractive, just like some beautiful people get cheated on and dumped and have the same problems like everyone else.

 

For people with any sense, relationships and attraction aren't just once someone looks good you like them or fall in love with them. That's so simplistic and absurd. What makes people fall in love with one person and not another isn't a mere matter of the other person looked better... Rather there are other intangible qualities, which people term chemistry, which dictates why you may be in love, smitten, infatuated with one person and not another. And also explains why beautiful people also get cheated on, dumped, divorced etc and sometimes the person after is not as beautiful....why? Because like, love and lust aren't just about looks but a host of other feelings and sentiments that aren't dictated by looks.

Edited August 12, 2014 by MissBee

[RedRobin]

most people want to be attracted to someone they are dating.

 

 

Stupid to put it in an online profile. Almost as stupid as when guys say "she is equally comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt, or an evening dress".

 

 

A telling mark of the uncreative.

 

 

On the other hand, I've come to see that statement as the signpost for those who like one night stands and having sex early... they are looking for instant attraction. They might be wanting to attract people for that, without exactly coming out and saying that directly.

[littleplanet]

I learned about chemistry very young.

She liked my looks. I liked hers.

That led to liking each other for who we were in the moment (not who we were going to be sometime in the future.)

I discovered that chemistry is all about chemicals.

It's physical.

And very, very sensory.

Like the sound from the throat.

Like the unique scent of breath.

Like the trail of a touch.

Like the dance of words, mingling.

 

Not all 'chemistries' are equal.

Good chemistry is two artists, painting a canvas together.

(without squabbling over brushwork or chosen pigments)